//------------------------------// // Chapter 12 // Story: Light Wanderings // by ed2481 //------------------------------// Edited by TacoTown Chapter twelve Big Mac sat in one of the comfy padded chairs inside of the hospital waiting room; the clock on the wall read twelve thirty. To the average pony, Big Mac would’ve appeared to be calm and stoic as always. But if you happened to be his sister Applejack, or his grandmother Granny Smith than you would’ve seen the desperation and nervousness that he wore about himself like a cloak. Nurse Redheart emerged from a set of double doors, along with a tall unicorn stallion with a brown coat and a matching mane. “How is she?” Mac asked slowly while he attempted to control his voice. “She’s suffered severe lacerations from the whips and she’s lost a lot of blood.” The stallion replied in a rich voice. “Luckily, she’s going to be fine.” Nurse Redheart cut in before the stallion’s words could take effect. The stallion rolled his eyes. “You can never let me have that, can you?” He asked her. “Of course not.” She replied with a matching roll of her eyes before she turned back to Big Mac. “She’ll need to stay here for a few days to make sure that she stays stable, and then she’ll need to stay in bed for a week minimum to make sure that her scars don’t open back up.” She told Big Mac. “Thank ya Redheart.” Big Mac said with a nod. Then he turned to the Doctor. “Can ah see her now Doctor Cottage?” “No, I’m going to keep a brother away from his injured sister out of sheer spite.” Cottage replied with a shake of his head. “Of course you can you inbred idiot, room four.” The Doctor said before turning away from the stallion and walking away with the slightest limp. Now if anypony else had ever spoken to Big Mac like that then they’d have been on the receiving end of a very stern glare, at the very least. But everyone in Ponyville knew that Doctor Cottage was a special case. He was brilliant at what he did, but he was an absolute ass about everything else that didn’t pertain to medicine. Besides, he was a softy deep down, a fact that he would vehemently deny, but always became apparent eventually if you spent enough time around the stallion. Big Mac made his way to his sister’s room and pushed the door open. Apple Bloom was lying in the bed, resting on her stomach; her eyes were closed tightly and every few seconds she’d twitch restlessly. Her back was covered by an entire layer of bandages, some of which were faintly red. “We have to change those bandages every two hours.” Redheart told Big Mac as she stood next him; the stallion didn’t even hear her. Instead, he simply walked over to the chair next to Apple Bloom’s head and sat down. He’d spend all night beside her, serving a silent vigil for his hurt sister. *** Celestia and Twilight were just about to begin a very intimate study session when suddenly in a scroll appeared out of thin air, wrapped in her sister’s distinctive dark blue magic. Celestia sighed as did Twilight; it would seem that they would have to hold off on their applied physics lesson for the moment. Celestia picked up the scroll in her golden magic and quickly read it. As she read, her eyes got wider and wider until she finished it and let an extremely angry cry. “NO!” She shouted, utilizing the Royal Canterlot Voice. Twilight’s eyes widened in surprise as her ordinarily calm princess, mentor, and lover became livid with anger. The sound of running feet and of her basement door being kicked open heralded Ethan’s imminent arrival. The man burst into the room, glowing blue knife in one hand and golden glowing pistol in the other, fully prepared to kill absolutely anything. Instead, all he found was a fuming Celestia and an extremely confused Twilight. The man quickly sheathed the knife and easily slipped the pistol back into his hip holster before walking up to Twilight. “I take it something’s wrong?” Ethan asked. Despite the seemingly lighthearted manner of asking, Ethan’s voice wasn’t happy. Twilight could tell that even though Celestia’s pep talk had improved his mood, there was still a lot of work left to do before Ethan could return to his ordinarily happy exterior. “Yes, and she hasn’t told me what’s wrong.” Twilight replied, putting an extra amount of emphasis on the last part of the sentence. “Someone has kidnapped Shining Star.” Celestia said flatly as she regained control of her anger. “What?! When? Where? How?” Twilight shouted, her eyes going wide. “Shining Star was kidnapped, a half hour ago, in Canterlot, via a cat assassin.” Celestia said angrily while answering each of Twilight’s questions. “Did they happen to capture this assassin?” Ethan asked in a tone of voice that sent shivers up both Twilight and Celestia’s spines as he slowly drew his knife and began to tap it with the tip of his thumb. “Yes. Unfortunately, he’s innocent of any crime; in this case at least, other than being an idiot who forgot that beautiful women don’t buy you drinks unless they’re trying to take advantage of you in some way.” Celestia replied. “Mind control?” Ethan asked, startling both Twilight and Celestia. An odd look had come over the man’s face. “Yes, how did you know?” Celestia asked, but Ethan only shrugged and said. “Experience, you don’t want to know.” Ethan said while an extremely disturbed look crossed his face. He quickly put away the knife and shivered once more before turning back to the conversation. “Okay… So Tia, are we all going back to Canterlot?” Twilight asked, her voice was slightly uncertain. It was filled with a mixture of fear and extreme anger at the abduction of the young prince. “I have to go back tonight; but I’ll send a sky carriage for you tomorrow.” Celestia told her. “You’re not bringing us?” Ethan asked with a raised eyebrow, his voice was suddenly cold again. “It’s nothing against you Ethan, it’s simply a matter of practicality. The magical cost of teleportation increases when you multiply mass and distance. I can move myself and Twilight, but you’re just too big.” Celestia explained carefully. “Aren’t you a god?” Ethan asked as his eyes narrowed. “Yes, but I still have to respect the laws that bind the universe.” Celestia replied. “Magic…” Ethan said with a tired shake of his head. He shut his eyes for a few seconds and let out a long breath. “The carriage will arrive here at noon, so you have until then to take in the sights around Ponyville; I think you’ll like them.” Celestia told Ethan with a benevolent smile. “Celestia, with all due respect your prince was just kidnapped by a mind controlled minion. The last thing that either of us should be doing is taking time to ‘see the sights’.” Ethan replied flatly. Celestia let out a long sigh. “Ethan, you spent all of yesterday killing. You need to rest.” Celestia told him. “I’ve spent almost every day of the last seven or so years killing, Celestia, I hardly doubt that one more will kill me.” Ethan snapped. “And I’m saying that you’re staying here for half the day.” Celestia said. The finality in her voice brokered no argument. Ethan glowered at her for a few seconds before looking away. “Fine, I’m too tired for this.” Ethan said with a shake of his head. “If the prince dies because no one was there to save him, it’s on your head.” He added. “It is either way.” Celestia replied levelly, her face solemn. “You’re right, I suppose it is.” Ethan said before he turned on his heel and left the basement. Twilight’s head swiveled between the place where he’d been standing and Celestia in confusion. “What just happened Tia?” Twilight asked. “Don’t worry about it Twilight.” Celestia said before she gave the unicorn a kiss on the cheek. “Like I said, I have to go now. I’ll send you a carriage tomorrow.” She added. “I love you Tia.” Twilight said. “I know you do Twilight.” Celestia replied before she vanished in a flash of gold. *** Celestia flashed into existence in her bedroom, where Luna was waiting patiently on her bed. “You really shouldn’t do that; ponies will get the wrong idea.” Celestia told her sister, who chuckled. “Tia, I could have both you and Twilight Sparkle at the same time if I wanted, I just don’t.” She said with a grin. “Do we have any leads?” Celestia asked, getting right to the point. Luna’s smile died and she shook her head. “We have a prisoner who CAN’T stop talking.” Luna replied flatly while she closed her eyes in frustration. “Can’t, or won’t?” Celestia asked. “A little of both.” Luna replied. “I see, show him to me.” Celestia commanded. She didn’t command her sister much, but after the conversation with Ethan she was rather frustrated. She’d been so close to bringing him out of his funk, yet he was still suffering and it showed. Celestia sighed internally. It would take more than one conversation to rid the man of his demons, but Celestia knew that it would happen eventually. “So what do we know about him?” Celestia asked her sister. “His name is Kane and he’s from one of the younger street families who roam the docks around Hoofington. From what I got out of him he’s been an assassin, and apparently a very good lover for most of his life. He’s the one behind the assassinations of at least four dozen nobles, most of whom were extremely corrupt.” Luna said shaking her head. “He also killed several griffin generals known for their brutality and several hippogriff leaders who we know nothing about.” “So he’s dangerous then.” Celestia said. “He escaped my special hoofcuffs in less than fifty seconds.” Luna said flatly. “The ones with the spell matrix?” Celestia asked. “Yes, but I’ve got him strung up like a turkey prepped for a griffin at the moment.” Luna replied confidently with a smile. “Well that’s good to hear.” Celestia told her with a grin. *** Kane was annoyed again. He’d spent the first few minutes after the Princess had left him surveying the room. It was honestly a pretty nice place to hold a prisoner; well, minus the bars on the window, but Kane knew from experience that those wouldn’t be too hard to either remove or break. The nice carpeted floor looked rather comfy, as did the bed, chair, and couch that were spread around the room. His grey cowl had been thrown back to reveal his pointy ears, which were busy searching for even the slightest sound of approaching ponies. His light brownish gray fur was still far too messy for his tastes, but there was nothing that he could really do about that at the moment seeing that he was hanging from one of the wooden beams that crossed the ceiling via his claws. And now he was bored out of his mind. The chains that had bound him lay discarded on the floor in a small pile. Getting out of them had taken him around five minutes, and a few burnt hairs, but in the end the spells weren’t that difficult to disarm. After all, every spell had a way to be disarmed manually, on the off chance that the caster was killed or otherwise incapacitated, it was just a matter of figuring out where that way was and how to crack it. It also helped that he’d been involved with this one queen who had really enjoyed using chains, something about wanting to build trust. Or maybe she just liked to watch Kane figure a way out of them, the cat had never been all that sure. Whatever the case he’d enjoyed it and it had given him lots of practice, so it was a win-win really. He was on the ceiling because… well it was more interesting up there then on the boring carpet. Besides, he’d like to see the princess’s face when she walked in to question him, only to find him out of his chains and apparently missing. His tail swished back and forth in anticipation as he heard the distinct sound of Luna’s voice; it really was a nice voice. It was the kind of voice that you sometimes confuse for the sound of wind rustling through the trees at midnight. Then again, it could be the kind of voice that reminds you of the sound of ships dipping in and out of the water under a full moon while you sit on top of a nearby tower with your brother and talk about the queens that you’d conquered during the day. Oh, memories of home. Sometimes Kane wished that he’d never left. Then he would remember the bad food, near constant sense of fear of being caught, and worst of all the atrocious lack of any attractive queens who were free. Hoofington… what a shithole. It was the kind of place that just inspired hatred from all but the richest of people, and even they wished that they could live somewhere else. Honestly though, if there was one thing about that Bast damned city that he missed it was his brothers, all five of them had decided to stay there and make an honest living off of pickpocketing. Only his sister had been smart enough to get out of the city like Kane had. The last letter from her he’d gotten said that she’d gotten into the Royal Canterlot Music Academy; he’d gotten that letter four years ago… He was snapped out of his mental wanderings by the impatient clearing of a throat. Kane looked down from the ceiling, and to his surprise found that there were two alicorns waiting below him, both of whom were raising an eyebrows at him. Princess Celestia’s radiant rainbow mane flowed around her neck, distracting Kane who tried to follow each individual color. “Why are you on the ceiling?” Luna asked, breaking Kane out of his trancelike state. “And furthermore, how did you get out of my chains?” She added. “Well I was bored. So I got out of the chains with a combination of trial and error, along with some well used knowledge from this time a queen I was fucking had a thing for bondage. She was great in bed. Honestly, she was one of my favorite queens, if only she hadn’t left me for some rich tom. He was a stuck up prick too, I’m so glad that I killed him when someone offered me the contract.” Kane replied from his place on the ceiling. Luna couldn’t decide whether or not to sigh or shake her head. Instead, she just raised her eyebrow again. “I am Princess Celestia.” Celestia said regally. Kane didn’t see why she was bothering to say that. Everyone on the continent knew who she was. How many other snow white alicorns with horns long enough to be used as spears lived in Equestria? “Really? I was thinking that you were some other white alicorn with a distracting mane and a sun on her ass; then again I did meet a white unicorn with a sun for her cutie mark a while ago. Great at her job to, I’ve never seen someone as good at picking locks while dodging arrows. I think her name was Peppermint…” Kane replied. He was still on the ceiling. It was one thirty in the morning, and after an evening like Celestia had been having since she’d received her sister’s message it was understandable that she would have a short temper. Without warning she yanked the assassin off of the beam, causing him to let out a startled hiss as his claws pointlessly scratched at the air, instinctually trying to regain their hold on the wood. Celestia brought the cat to float in front of her before setting him down on the ground. Kane rose to his hind legs and found that his head was at Celestia’s chest level now that he was no longer on the ceiling. He busily patted down his now stiff fur with the air of someone extremely offended. Celestia didn’t particularly care at the moment. “I am Princess Celestia, Ruler of Equestria! You are an assassin who has claimed the lives of dozens of nobles throughout both Equestria and several other foreign nations! Give me one reason why I shouldn’t turn you over to the griffins and hippogriffs, or better yet your exes.” She said while her eyes smoldered with anger. Kane blanched. There were dozens of members of either species that he’d wronged in some form or other, many of whom wanted to repay the death of a family member… more concerning however were the queens who he’d slept with and then mysteriously disappeared on before the sun had even begun to rise. After all, Tartarus hath no fury like a queen scorned. Kane thought fast and then smiled as his brain struck upon a fact that would help him get out of this without being turned into dinner, or being castrated that was probably the worst option all things considered… “I’ve thought of two reasons why you shouldn’t kill me. First off I only killed bastards, and by bastards I don’t mean the sexual kind. Although I do recall killing a few of those, but they were the other kind of bastard too now that I think about it… Anyways the other and more important reason is the fact that I didn’t kill Princess Cadence when I was presented with the opportunity, so you kind of owe me for that.” He finished with a smile. Celestia’s face darkened, an incredible feat for a goddess of the sun, and she turned to look at Luna. “Is what he says true?” Celestia asked. She sounded troubled. The idea that her niece had been so close to death while she had been otherwise occupied seemed to shake her. Kane watched with inquisitive eyes, this didn’t fit his mental picture of the sun goddess. But then again, he was a dockcat turned assassin, what would he know about gods? “Possibly. Cadence did confront him while he was in the process of absconding with the Prince. According to what she says he did pause before bolting towards the window.” Luna replied thoughtfully. Celestia’s brow creased as she thought about it. “I see…Well then in light of this I pardon you for your rudeness. However, there is still the large matter of the citizens that you’ve killed.” Celestia told the cat who nodded stiffly. He hadn’t really expected to get off that easily, hell after what he’d said almost anyone would want to kill him. That was one of the main downsides to his little condition, he couldn’t watch his mouth like he always used to. He’d always been snarky, but now he lacked the ability to stop talking once he’d said something extremely agitating. The other was his inability to pay attention while… “Sister, I believe that I have a solution.” Luna said, apparently they’d been talking while Kane was distracted and the darker alicorn appeared to have had some kind of idea. With an extreme effort of will Kane began to pay attention to the conversation again. “What is it Luna?” Celestia asked. “The Lunar Guard is looser about who we recruit for duty than the Sun Guard. Why doesn’t he work for me as a special consultant for the Lunar Guard, at the very least until we can rescue the Prince?” Luna suggested. “You’re suggesting that we make up for the murder of several nobles through community service?” Celestia asked flatly. Luna nodded with a small smile. “Serve as a guard? Well I’ve never considered it before. At the very least it’ll be interesting, although I imagine that many of them won’t be very happy to see me. On the other paw if it keeps me out of the hangman’s gambit I don’t really give a damn.” Kane said as he scratched his chin with a claw. “That’s settled then, right Tia?” Luna asked. “Fine, he’s your problem now Luna.” Celestia said before she shook her head tiredly. “I’m going to bed.” Celestia added before she walked out of the room. “So what now? I mean, I’m not opposed to joining your guard, for a short time anyways, but what do I do now? It’s not like I can just stroll into the guard barracks and say that I’m a new recruit right?” That would be way too easy.” Kane asked as he pulled one of his concealed daggers off of his belt and began to tap its point with one of his claws. “You’re right, I still have to question you on a few more things, and figure out a way to introduce you to the rest of the guard, along with finding a way to break you out of that contract. Oh and where the hell did you get that dagger?” Luna asked. “Oh this? It’s a little gift from my father, I told him that I was going into assassination and he sat me down bought me a beer, and then told me the way the world worked. Then he took me to a weapon’s shop and bought me this little beauty, at first I wanted this wicked pair of wrist blades, but he told me that those things never work and break all the time. So instead he got me this. It’s not very pretty, but it’s solid and dependable.” Kane replied with a smile as he tossed the blade into the air and then deftly caught it by the hilt on the palm of his paw. “That’s not what I meant…” *** Ethan woke up and looked around the room that Twilight had provided him groggily. Images of MacCready’s splattered head stared back at him, but Ethan closed his eyes and shook his head. What had happened to the Lamplighters was over and nothing that he did was going to stop it or even correct it. It was time to move on. Of course, it’s easy to think something like that and a completely different matter entirely too actually do it. Ethan pulled on his armor and as he made his way to the door he noticed that a note was taped to it. Ethan reached out and grabbed the note before bringing it up to his face to read. ‘Ethan, I’ve gone to the market to pick up some supplies and restock the kitchen. If you need anything, ask Spike.’ ‘Twilight’ Well, that meant that Ethan was making his own breakfast, not that he minded. If there was one noncombat skill that he’d perfected over the years, it was his cooking ability. Ethan walked down the stairs and entered the main room of the library, a smile played across his face as he saw it in the daytime. The room just screamed Twilight Sparkle; from the extremely organized bookshelves to the cheery overhead light, everything in it reminded him of what the purple unicorn had been like when she’d first arrived in the Wasteland. Minus the extreme terror and near mental breakdown of course… Ethan’s head suddenly cocked to the side as he heard voices coming from around the back of the library, they didn’t sound very friendly. Ethan pushed through the front door, ignoring the ponies who stopped what they were doing to stare at him. Apparently they weren’t as used to strange creatures running around town as they were in Canterlot. The voices were a lot more muffled out in front of the library then they were on the inside, which explained why none of the ponies had noticed them. Ethan walked all the way around the library and came saw something that filled him with anger. Three scaly forms about half his height stood with their backs to him; Spike lay sprawled on the ground in front of them, barely visible from between the other dragons’ legs. “So Spiky Wikey, what’re you gonna do now that you’re little unicorn friend isn’t here to defend you? Are you going to fight us yourself? Go on, I’ll even give you the first hit.” The red dragon and the apparent leader of the group told Spike, who lay on the ground bruised and bleeding slightly from a scratch above his right eye. “I’m not a unicorn, and I’m not all that little, but I’ll take that offer if you don’t mind.” Ethan suggested menacingly. He’d stealthily snuck up behind the dragons, who now jumped in surprise at the unexpected and deadly sounding voice. All three turned slowly to look at the man behind them, who was holding a very long, blue bladed knife in his right hand. To the lead dragon’s credit he didn’t void his bowels at the mere sight of the man. “Ha, what are you? Some kinda monkey?” Garble, the red dragon, asked. “I’m the Lone Wanderer, and you’re hurting my friend.” Ethan explained calmly, although his eyes had cooled over and now looked more like frozen orbs of anger rather than their normally warm exterior. “Do you think I care?” The dragon asked with a shrug. Before he could react Ethan’s right arm slashed out and the blue bladed bowie knife sliced into the dragon’s chest, slipping out easily and leaving a thin trail of blood behind. It wasn’t a deep cut, but it still made the dragon cry out in pain and stumble backwards. “No, I think you’re going to listen to me. I never see you or your friends here again. If I do I will skin you and sew your scales into my duster. Are we understood?” Ethan asked the dragon. “Fuck you, I’m telling my dad about this. Then you’ll be sorry!” The dragon shouted. Ethan then did something so completely natural to him that the dragon didn’t even notice it until it was too late. Ethan’s leg snapped out like a whip, catching the dragon full in the chest and sending him flying several feet backwards, where he landed with a thunk as his head hit the wall of a nearby building. “Tell your dad if you want, and tell him that I’ll be waiting for him too.” Ethan replied with a grim smile. The dragon quickly scampered to his feet and began to run off, while his two friends followed. In one gesture, Ethan’s pistol appeared in his hand. He took a second to line up the shot, and then fired once into rearmost dragon’s leg. The bullet smashed through the scales and snapped the bone beneath, sending the dragon crashing to the ground easily in sight of the ponies shopping at the market. Blood began to seep out of the wound as the other two dragons grabbed their injured companion and began to run towards the eaves of the forest. Ethan frowned for a second before firing one last shot that tore through the last dragon’s left arm, causing it to let out a pained cry. “That’s something to remember me by.” Ethan called out before he knelt down and helped Spike unsteadily to his feet. “You okay?” He asked the young dragon. “Oww, that hurt.” Spike groaned as he rubbed at his face, smearing his blood over his purple scales. “Stop that.” Ethan said as he batted the dragon’s clawed hand away from the cut. “Here, hold still.” Ethan told the dragon as he pulled out a medical sealing agent and quickly closed Spike’s cut with it. “What was that?” Spike asked in wonder as the pain from the cut disappeared. “It’s a little thing I whipped together after a run in with some aliens. It was originally just a healing extract but thanks to Arcade, friend of my wife, we managed to make it a lot more potent.” Ethan replied. “Cool!” Spike said enthusiastically with a grin. “Very.” Ethan agreed with a grin, it was good to see the kid so enthusiastic. He turned around to see Twilight Sparkle running towards them, a bag of groceries stacked comically upon her back. “I leave for five minutes and you’re already shooting dragons.” Twilight said. Her voice resigned, while a slightly annoyed undertone could be heard if you listened hard enough. “What can I say Sparky, I’m a very violent person.” Ethan said with a chuckle as he patted her on the head. “You’re feeling better.” Twilight said, taking note of Ethan’s joviality. “A little. I’ve got to say, your fuckbuddy sure knows how to make someone think about things.” Ethan replied with a grin. “Ethan, please stop addressing Tia as my fuckbuddy. And I don’t give a damn if it’s the proper term.” Twilight told him. Ethan was about to fire off a witty retort when their conversation was interrupted as a crowd of ponies came towards them, led by the mayor. “Would you like to tell me what just happened?” She asked severally. “I defended Twilight’s adopted brother here from a bunch of scaly assholes.” Ethan replied without missing a beat. “I can see that. Perhaps I should have been clearer, I meant what gave you the rights to shoot them with your device there?” The mayor asked. “Them hurting my friend.” Ethan replied easily. The mayor let out a frustrated noise before she turned to Twilight. “Please keep him from killing anypony.” The mayor said before shaking her head and walking away, a large portion of the crowd followed except for two ponies. One was a mint green unicorn, and the other was an earth pony who looked vaguely annoyed to be there. “Yes…?” Ethan asked the green one, whose face was stretched into a wide, wide grin. “Oh my gosh, are you a human? Please PLEASE tell me that you’re a human!” The unicorn said gleefully. “She’d like to know if you’re a mythical creature.” The earth pony deadpanned. “Well I was a human last time a checked. Of course, that could’ve changed by now.” Ethan replied, giving the green unicorn a snarky smile. “YES! Sweet vindication at last!” The unicorn said as she excitedly pumped her hoof skyward. “Who’s best pony? Lyra’s best pony! Who’s not a crazy wacko? I’m not a crazy wacko! Suck it Canterlot Museum of Archeology!” She shouted happily. “She’s happy.” The earth pony informed them with a slight shake of her head. Lyra suddenly blushed a deep crimson. “You think I’m a crazy wacko now, don’t you?” She asked Ethan, who only chuckled and shook his head. “Nope. I’ve met, and killed, a lot of crazy wackos in my time. You’re not one of them.” Ethan told her with an earnest smile. The earth pony’s face suddenly paled. “Well it was nice meeting, let’s go Lyra.” The other pony said as she put a hoof on the unicorn’s shoulder and tried valiantly to drag Lyra away. “But Bon-Bon, he’s a human! I have to talk to him!” Lyra said, resisting her friend’s attempt to get her away from Ethan. “Lyra, he just talked about killing people the same way you talk about exploring dangerous ruins in the middle of Everfree!” Bon-Bon whispered anxiously. Ethan, for his part, was interested to see who would win this contest of wills to interrupt, and Twilight was too busy fussing over Spike to notice. “But Bons it’s my dream! Besides, he doesn’t look so bad!” Lyra replied, not even bothering to whisper. “Not so bad? He’s wearing chainmail!” Bon-Bon retorted, also dropping the whisper. “Yeah, but he was defending Spike! That’s gotta be worth something!” Lyra argued back. Bon-Bon groaned. “Fine. You can talk to him, but if he starts looking dangerous I’m kicking him in the balls.” Bon-Bon said. “You hear that?” She asked, turning to Ethan. “I think my testicles just retreated inside my body out of pure fear.” Ethan told her with a chuckle. Lyra chuckled too before leaning over to give the Bon-Bon a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks Bons.” She said with a smile before turning back to Ethan with a notepad and pen that suddenly appeared floating next to her. “So what are humans like, how big are your cities, where are you from, what’s your name, oh, and would you mind me taking a picture of you?” She asked rapidly. “It depends on the human, we’re a very varied bunch. The largest in California is close to a few hundred thousand I think; don’t quote me on that though because I’ve never been there. The Capital Wasteland, located in what’s left of what used to be Washington D.C. Ethan Smith, aka the Lone Wanderer, aka That Crazy Son of a Bitch. And of course you can take a picture with me.” Ethan replied with a grin. Lyra’s pen moved a mile a minute in order to keep up with Ethan’s words, and she let out an elated squee at his last answer. “Bons, do you want to be in the picture?” Lyra asked the other pony eagerly. “No Lyra, I don’t want to be in the picture with you and the giant killing machine.” Bon-Bon said flatly. “But Bons!” Lyra whined. Bon-Bon closed her eyes and let out a long breath before responding. “Fine, but you have to help me bake later.” She said flatly. “I’ll always help you with the oven; you don’t even need to ask.” Lyra replied with a smirk. Bon-Bon rolled her eyes, but came to stand next to Ethan with Lyra. A camera appeared, floating in a glowing nebula of magic. “Say humans!” Lyra said excitedly. Everyone smiled and the camera flashed once. Lyra took at least four more pictures of them together, and even asked Ethan to remove his coat and pants so that she could take some more technical shots. Ethan complied with a slight smirk on his face. Bon-Bon, for her part, varied between looking annoyed and shooting Ethan pitying looks as Lyra thought of even more technical positions to make him pose in. The man was eventually rescued by Twilight. “Lyra, I think you’ve gotten enough pictures to prove the museum wrong, and if you need further proof I’ll support you. So would you mind letting Ethan eat something?” Twilight asked. “Oh, yeah, umm… of course. I’m so sorry, it’s just that seeing a human and umm… yeah…” She finished embarrassedly with a slight blush. “Don’t mention it, no harm done.” Ethan replied with a shrug. “Alright Sparky, let’s have breakfast. I’m hungry enough to eat a horse-” Ethan began before his brain caught up with his stomach. “-shoe.” He finished with a smile. “Alright, well thanks for this. You’ve just made my life’s work a lot easier!” Lyra told him with a happy smile as Ethan put his clothing back on. “Like I said, anytime. you really cheered me up.” Ethan replied as he headed back towards the library with Twilight. As he closed the door behind him he heard Lyra say. “I’m so happy…” Twilight was already beginning to make breakfast with Spike’s help. “So Ethan, Spike tells me that you rescued him from those dragons.” Twilight said as she deftly began to crack eggs with her magic. “Yeah, stupid idiot said something about his sicing his father on me. I stabbed him in the chest and shot his buddies, so I think I proved my point.” Ethan replied with a grin as he entered the kitchen and began to help with the preparations. “Ethan, I swear to Faust if a dragon shows up to challenge you to battle to the death I’m going to ki-” Twilight began, but was interrupted by a monstrous voice from outside. “Lone Wanderer I am here to challenge you to a battle to the death! If you do not show up alone at my cave atop the mountain to the west by sundown, then I shall burn this village to the ground eat every pony in it!” the voice roared. Ethan went to one of the nearby windows and looked outside. Hovering in the air was a dragon so large that it dwarfed half of the town. It was red, scaly, and extremely pissed off. “I bet this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t said that Sparky.” Ethan said before he opened the window. “Bring it on you scaly motherfucker, your father was a sea serpent and your mother was a wyvern!” “I shall decorate my cave with your bones!” The dragon roared back as it unleashed a blast of flames upwards. “And I’ll make a purse out of your scaly ass and use your head as a toilet!” Ethan retorted before Twilight grabbed him with her magic. “Ethan, stop antagonizing the giant fucking dragon!” “But Sparky!” Ethan began. “You can mouth off to it as much as you want once it leaves the town full of innocent ponies!” Twilight told him harshly; l Ethan blanched and nodded slowly. “He’ll be there, now please go away!” Twilight shouted out the window. “Fine, I will rend the flesh from his bones!” The dragon roared back before flying away. Twilight turned to confront Ethan. “Please tell me that you brought your power armor.” She begged. “Do I look like I have power armor capable of folding up into a briefcase?” Ethan asked her. “Do you have any heavy weapons?” Twilight asked. “Well, I have my gauss rifle if that counts.” Ethan replied with a smile as he went over to his bag and began to unpack the bulky rifle. “We’re doomed.”