//------------------------------// // It Begins to Continue // Story: =BIG= =DUMB= =OBJECT= // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// "Have you ever wondered," Pinkie Pie said, "That maybe we are all the size of cats, but we just don't know it?" "Get yer sweet golden delicious app—!" Applejack froze in the middle of throwing her voice across the Ponyville marketplace. She turned around and squinted fixedly at Pinkie Pie. After a few limping seconds, her eyebrow raised and she slurred, "Well, I reckon that would make us all easier to cuddle, now wouldn't it?" "It might also explain why I keep coughing up pink hairballs in the morning!" Pinkie bounced, grinning with her eyes shut. "Eee-hee-hee!" "Yeah, uh..." Applejack sweated. "You work on that. Ahem." She spun once more to the wandering shoppers and pedestrians. "Get yer sweet golden delicious apples! Home-grown, home-plucked, and home-washed!" "Yes!" Pinkie Pie shouted from the other side of the stand, balancing a crate of apples precariously on her fluffy tail. "Home-washed with home-love! You can smell the home-juices just dripping off their supple curves!" "Uhm..." Applejack glanced over her shoulder. "Pinkie?" "Why, it's like we tossed these apples at the bottom of a home-pile and made a home-bath out of our home-faucets! Twist the knob, and what do you get? A sweet broth of home-bobbing fruity delights! This is Sweet Apple Acres juiciness we're talking about, and Applejack's family legacy is only outweighed by her honesty and spunk! Which of you shifty-eyed ponies would be the first to doubt Applejack's spunk? Come on over and taste some—!" "Pinkie!" Applejack grunted. After clearing her throat and trotting over, she whispered hoarsely into Pinkie's twitching ears. "What say you and I do things a lil' different-like?" "'Different?' Heeeey, why not?" Pinkie grinned wide. "My Mommy always said I was born 'different.' I think that's why she had me sleep outside the house so much." "How abouts I do the hollerin' and sales pitchin' while you just hoof the apples out to the potential buyers?" "You mean I don't get to talk?" Pinkie pouted, her coat taking on a salmon color. "What fun is life if I don't get to approach it tongue-first?" "Think of it as you bein' my one and only special mascot!" Applejack whispered with a nervous, freckled smile. "I toss all the words around, and you just quietly stand here... uhhh... I dunno. Lookin' pretty." "Oooh! You mean like a model?!" "Uhhh... Yep. Sure..." "Do I get to wear the hat?!" Pinkie Pie beamed. "Shucks, why not?" Applejack took her brown article off and plopped it eagerly atop Pinkie's fluffy crown. "I bet it looks better on yer pink head anyways, what with this bein' a bright and sunny day and all." "Mmmm—It feels so nice and snug over my mane!" Pinkie tilted the brim down and flared her nostrils. "Heehee! And it smells almost as good as Dashie says it does!" "Yup. Reckon it—" Applejack's green eyes went crooked. She squinted Pinkie's way. "I beg yer pardon?" "Mmmm-mmm!" Pinkie hummed through bloated cheeks. She made a "zipping" motion across her lips with a hoof. "Mmmmm...." "Oh. Uh... Yes. That's the spirit. Ahem. Just wrap that spirit snugly around you like a blanket and make my fruit look good.." Applejack turned waved at the marketplace shoppers. "Get yer delicious Sweet Apple Acres fruit, right here! Fresh and crisp! As natural as it gets!" Pinkie Pie proceeded to strike several dramatic and quasi-sensual poses beside the stand, changing positions each time Applejack uttered a new sentence. This was accomplished while balancing several sets of apples across her nose, chin, ears, eyelids, and other random organs. Several minutes passed, and Pinkie was spinning half a dozen apples around the rim of Applejack's hat, when a snow white figure trotted up and tugged on her tail. "Hi there, Pinkie Pie!" Sweetie Belle sang. "Mmmm!" Pinkie fell backwards, lifted all four limbs like a dead skunk, and caught the apples before they hit the ground. "Hey! Smoothe moves!" Sweetie Belle giggled, then cleared her throat. "So, the other crusaders and I decided to become colts." Pinkie looked up with crooked blue eyes. "Mmm-mmming-Mmms?" "Yuh huh. And Apple Bloom remembered that you're all bouncy and stuff, so we thought you may be the kind of pony who knows the best about dealing with blunt objects. So I was wondering if I could ask you something." She raised a hammer in her hoof, monogrammed with Mr. Cake's initials. "Where's the best place in your muzzle to hit yourself so that your face becomes flatter?" "Mmm-Mmmmslf?!" Pinkie hummed, jumping up and juggling the apples with a look of morbid terror on her face. "Mmmm-mmmm-mmmmings—Mmm?!" "Really? Cuz I thought that if I aimed straight between the eyes"—Sweetie Belle planted the hammer's head atop the bridge of her nose until her green irises crossed—"I'd drag the rest of the face along with it. But I wonder just how hard me and the gals have to hit ourselves there. I mean, we wanna become colts, but I'm not sure we wanna stay that way. You see, there's a tackle hoofball competition happening in town soon, but they're not letting fillies join either team, and we really wanna earn our cutie marks in something that involves less explosions than what we've been trying as of late." "Mmmm-mmmm-mmmss Mmmtnngh!" Pinkie Pie hissed, her nostrils flaring as her bulging cheeks turned purple. She lost herself between waving her forelimbs wildly and keeping the apples balanced atop Applejack's hat. "Mmmm-mmm! Mmmm-mmm!" "Well, we tried joining the curling team last year, but... well... Scootaloo has this phobia of ice. She doesn't talk about it much; I think it has something to do with her parents..." Sweetie Belle gulped and bore a solemn expression. "Because, well, you know: their religion and all. They won't let Scootaloo around either snow or blood transfusions. That's why we avoid using the sled each year until Rarity pulls the pillow-suit out of the attic for Scoots to wear during the winter slalom festival." "Mmmm-Mmmm-Mmmmsnth Mmm-mmf-mm-mmtch!" Sweetie Belle blinked, then turned the hammer around. "Oh! I thought this thingy was just for pulling nails loose! You mean it can also stretch my skin tight?!" The little foal hopped in place, her curly mane flouncing. "That's so cool! Why didn't I think of that?! All we have to do is lose some skin off our crowns and we'll become little stallions! Thank you, Pinkie! As soon as we form ourselves a new hoofball team, we're making you our official mascot!" Sweetie leaned over and nuzzled Pinkie's forelimbs. Pinkie screamed and hissed through her clenched mouth, but it was too late. In a bouncing canter, Sweetie carried the hammer towards the edge of the street, hopped into the crusaders' wagon, and was pulled away at the speed of giggles. On the other side of the vendor: "Y'all come back now!" Applejack said in a melodic tone as she waved off a customer with a bag full of freshly bought apples. "Yeeeha! First sale of the day, and what a doozy!" She rattled the golden bits in her hoof before sticking them securely into a metal box beneath the vendor stand. "Whew! Thank goodness that herd from Salt Lick City moved into town! Nothin' fits a coffee-shaped hole in a pony's heart than nature's candy!" "Mmm-mlmck!" Pinkie Pie clasped the farm mare and stared wide-eyed in her face. "Mmm-mmm Mmmlmff!" "Uhm... You can talk normal-like, Pinkie. Not everpony is fluent in 'bedpilloweese.'" "Mmmmm..." Applejack sighed, rolled her eyes, then smiled calmly. "Alright. Consider yerself punched out from the apple modelin' clock for a five minute break." "Mmmm—!" Pinkie Pie "unzipped" her lips, gasped widely, and spat forth, "SweetieBelleisgonnahitherselfinthefacewithahammeruntilsheturnsmaleandit'sallmyfault!" "Wait... Huh?" Applejack rubbed her ear and tilted it in Pinkie's direction. "Could you start over and be a little less chipmunk about it this time?" "Sweetie Belle wants to become a stallion!" Pinkie squealed, sweating in horror. Applejack raised an eyebrow, nodding slowly. "Ya don't say." She cleared her throat. "Well, if Chaz Bonoats could do it, then I reckon sky's the limit." "No! You don't understaaaand!" Pinkie wailed, shaking Applejack's head until the farm mare saw stars. "There's gonna be blood and hoofballs involved! It'll be the Chicacolt Democanter National Convention all over again, and they're gonna blame me! We have to do something or else—" Just then, there was a series of shrieks from across the marketplace. Pinkie Pie turned to look, along with a dizzy Applejack. They saw several ponies galloping away from half a dozen wooden vendors. The market stands were collapsing, imploding, and sailing off towards the edge of town as if being drawn into an infinitesimal vortex. Then, with a dull echoing rattle, a dark shape rolled off towards the furthest block, obscured by wooden buildings. Pinkie Pie and Applejack stood in silence. Several birds flapped overhead, scattering towards the horizon in chirping fright. After a few seconds, Pinkie murmured, "Wowsers..." She pivoted her head squeakily towards Applejack. "Do you know what this means?" "Sure do!" Applejack gently pried Pinkie's hooves off of her and stood up straight. "We've got less competition! Now's our chance!" "You mean I get to do more modeling?" "Tartarus, I don't see why not." Applejack smiled and set her hat straight atop Pinkie's head. "Now, sugarcube, just what were you goin' on about? What's all this horse hockey over Sweetie Belle?" "Sweetie who?" A drop of sweat clung to Applejack's temple. "Uhhhhhhhh..." "Hey! Do you smell apples?" Pinkie bounced in circles about the vendor. "I love apples! I should model for them sometime!" "Yeah. Let's work on that..." While Applejack paced around her wares, a gray shape darted overhead. Catching a heavy tail-wind, Cloud Kicker glided briskly over the rooftops and chimneys of Ponyville. Her goggled eyes squinted as she angled her wings and pulled herself up towards a fluffy bed of clouds. Nearly a dozen other pegasi were perched there before her. She touched down beside the bunch and coiled her wings at her side. "Sorry I'm late, everypony!" Cloud Kicker exhaled as she lifted her goggles up. "There were a bunch of chemtrails blocking my flight path here. I don't care what the Canterlot Government says; I'm pretty sure cosmic alicorn ghosts are responsible for how hot Equestria's become these last few equinoxes—" She paused, for there was a crashing sound from below, followed by high pitched screams. An entire warehouse collapsed, absorbing itself within the deathly grip of an onyx spheroid. The object rolled along, disappearing mistily into a gnarled set of dead trees. "Hey..." Cloud Kicker's eyes went thin as she murmured. "Did you hear?" "Hear what?" Wind Whistler asked. Cloud Kicker leaned forward. "There's a terrible, horrible, hungry monster ravaging its way through the center of town." Grinning, she extended her wings and hissed, "And his name is Hurricane Thunderlane!" "Hahahahaha!" Wind Whistler and Raindrops hugged each other, giggling gleefully. Candy Mane rolled her eyes and straightened her goggles. "Pfft! More like a waterspout, if you ask me." "He's spouting lots of stuff, alright!" Cloud Kicker winked. "But it ain't water!" "Poor Blossomforth," Wind Whistler said. "Maybe one of us should be a good friend and tell her to ditch him." "I dunno," Candy Mane murmured while examining her wings. She smirked and said. "That scrawny bundle of limbs could use the protein." "Hahahahaha!" Raindrops laughed, sighed hard, and smiled numbly into the noonday sun. "Ahhhhh..." She blinked. "I don't get it..." At precisely that moment, Rainbow Dash touched down, making the entire cloud bend and undulate like a waterbed. Every pegasus stood straight at attention. "Okay, team! I'm done surveying the skies! This has been a dry day, so we've got quite the quota to fill!" She turned and glared at the various winged ponies in attendance. "Raindrops! I want you living up to your name and spreading heavy precipitation over the western farmlands! Get Stu Leaves to help you! He needs the training!" "Yes, Miss Dash!" "Candy Mane! There're tons of leaves clinging to the eastern park's jogging trails like loose lizard skin! I need you, Wind Whistler, and Cloud Kicker to create a downdraft and sweep that place clean! You think you're up for the challenge?!" "Absolutely!" Candy Mane saluted. "We'll blow hard for you anyday, Miss Dash!" "Fantastic!" Rainbow Dash turned and glanced aside. "Caramel, I want you to—" She did a double-take. "Caramel?!" The stallion saluted. "Yes, Miss Dash!" "What are you doing here?" "Anything you ask me to, sir!" "I know that, but you're an earth pony!" "I am?" He blinked. His eyes widened. "Oh crap." He fell through the cloud bed with a loud yelp. All of the pegasi stared down through the fresh hole. The fluffy whiteness closed up behind him, muffling the distant sound of crashing tree branches. Rainbow Dash blinked. "Right!" She slapped her hooves together and glared at the gathered group. "Let's be quick about this, everypony! The spirit of Commander Hurricane resides in all of us! We are more than just weather ponies! We are warriors! Valkyries of the Equestrian sky!" "Sir, yes sir!" Candy Mane saluted. She turned towards her team members. "Okay, ponies! Let's go and—" "Never underestimate the heart of a champion!" Rainbow Dash shouted, pumping her forelimb. "We shall fight until the last cloud disappears from the atmosphere! And even then, our souls will live on! Now let's hear it!" She took a deep, wheezing breath, then warbled forth, "Raaaaaaaaugh!" There was no echo to the cry, for the silence that descended upon it was thicker than blood. Rainbow Dash blinked, her upper body heaving from the abuse to her lungs. She gawked at the group. They stared back, blinking, until one by one them snickered and broke into snorting laughter. Rainbow's brow furrowed. She folded her forelimbs and growled, "What's so darn funny?" "Heeheehee—Ahem..." Candy Mane flapped her wings, smiling. "I'm s-sorry, Miss Dash, but... uhm... what was that just now?" "That was my war cry! Y'know!" Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Like Commander Hurricane would do to get her troops motivated!" "Your war cry..." "I'm pretty sure I just frickin' said that." "I know, Miss Dash... but..." "But what?" As Candy Mane nervously scratched her head, Cloud Kicker trotted forward over the wisps and said, "Maybe you should... h-hold off on the war cry." "Yeah!" Raindrops nodded. "Let Thunderlane do it next time he's here." "Oh, he's pretty good at grunting loudly," Wind Whistler said in a pensive breath. "Mmmm..." Raindrops fanned herself with one wing. "Hey!" Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. "I'm your team captain and I'm supposed to be able to motivate you—" "And you do, Miss Dash! You do!" Candy Mane exclaimed. She fought to keep a straight face. "Just, when you try to shout like an ancient sky warrior—" "Snkkkkt—Heeheehee!" Cloud Kicker broke out. "It's like my little sister getting her ears pierced!" Wind Whistler blurted. Cloud Kicker laughed even harder, joined by a teary-eyed Raindrops. Rainbow Dash's jaw fell. Her eyes glistened slightly as her ears drooped. She tried to snarl, but instead her voice cracked, "H-hey! Who says I can't scream in a fierce and intimidating way? I'm not just the fastest flier in all of Equestria! I'm the awesomestest... est!" "Awwwww..." Candy Mane grinned, reaching over and ruffling Rainbow's prismatic mane. "But of course you are, and so much more!" "Grrrr!" Rainbow batted her limb away and flew above the group, pointing with a snarl. "I'll have you all demoted to entry level cloud huffers! See that I don't—" The last word fell out of her mouth as her voice cracked again. She clamped a pair of hooves over her throat, her face deep red. "Nnnngh... Darn it!" "Heehee! It's a pleasure to work with you, as always, Commander Dash!" Candy Mane motioned towards the crowd. "Okay, 'warriors,' we have jobs to do!" "Onward!" Cloud Kicker said in a burly fashion, charging skyward with a ridiculous show of wingpower. "'Raaaaaugh!'" Her yell was punctuated by a series of high-pitched giggles, joined in cadence by her wing mates as they sped off towards their respective destinations. "Grrrrr..." Rainbow Dash fell down to the cloud and slapped her neck several times. "Stupid... stupid... stupid voice! Stay stra-a-aight—" She hit herself too hard with the last swat. Her face winced and her left eye teared. Sniffling, she shook her head and wheezed, "Bleachk... I have to do something awesome before the day's over, even if it kills me. My reputation depends on it!" That said, she reached down, scooped up the entire bed of white wisps, and bunched it up until it turned into a dense, gray thundercloud. "Now what can I make explode by sunset...?" Looking around with a wicked glint to her eyes, she carried the rumbling ball of precipitation towards the far end of the rooftops. Along the east end of the village, past a rolling sphere of ethereal black energy, a faithful group of wingponies were setting up a brisk shower. Rain pattered over the colorful edges of the Carousel Boutique. Inside the cylindrical building, Fluttershy was stepping up onto a modeling platform. Her soft yellow ears twitched to the sound of raindrops tapping against the long, stretched windows. "Mmmm... So soft and relieving," Fluttershy cooed with a warm smile. "It's like nature is making water all around us." Rarity dumped a box full of fabrics and threads before them. "I beg your pardon?" she managed between labored breaths. "Erm..." Fluttershy bit her lip. "N-nothing. What are we doing again?" "History, Fluttershy." Rarity levitated a pair of bifocals over the bridge of her nose and squinted at a floating diagram she had drawn the day previous. "We are doing history and preparing to cook it breakfast in the morning." Her lips murmured as she scanned the plans she had scribbled down. "Oh! This will come out so fabulously!" She smiled so hard her white dimples threatened to burst. "Hoity Toity will be so proud! This is going to be our little fashion baby, and you are the midwife!" "I've always wanted to give birth to something," Fluttershy said. She pensively dug at the stage with her hoof. "I never thought it would be to a jacket." "'Hoodie,' my dear," Rarity said as she began whipping measuring tapes around Fluttershy's body like an elaborate noose. "If we are to carry on with the spirit of things, then it is prudent for us to speak in the urban hyperboles that so thoroughly saturate the market today. There are no 'shoes;' there are only 'booties.' There are no blankets, there are only 'snuggies.'" "Uhm..." Fluttershy gulped. "Are there no kittens?" "Goodness!" Rarity gasped, running a hoof nervously through her purple mane. "I do hope I have enough turquoise fabric!" "Huh?" Fluttershy began trembling. "What do you mean? I-I was assured there would be a plentiful amount of t-turquoise!" "Fear not, Fluttershy," Rarity said with an airy little laugh. She trotted delicately around the room, hoisting several more tools off the nearby shelves and forming a little work pile. "We shan't go anywhere near the color that will not be mentioned unless some unholy emergency forces us to resort to dire extremes." "I-I do hope not," Fluttershy remarked, gulping and staring out the rain-drenched window. "Bad things happen in the wake of that hue. I can still smell the bile, leaking from their tummies like a bubbling cauldron under lidless night." "Shhhh!" Rarity hissed, her eye sockets widening under pinprick blue irises. "Do you hear that...?" "Huh?" Fluttershy turned from the window just as a big black mass rolled steamily through the rainfall outside. "Hear what?" The entire Boutique echoed with the rattling of gravel. The air grew thin; coat hairs stood on the end of the two mares' necks. Rarity's eyes darted left, then right. She looked towards Fluttershy. She beamed, her teeth glinting. "Why, it's inspiration, darling!" She snaked the first length of turquoise fabric from her box and began slicing it into quarters with a floating pair of scissors. "Now just stand still and relax, and by nightfall, I will have molded you into the Princess of Hoodies! Mmm—You'll be such a doll!" "Hmmmm..." Fluttershy exhaled with a dumb smile on her face. "'Princess of Hoodies...'" With a snap, her wings extended. The only thing more subtle than her blushing cheeks was the tiny sound she made when she coiled the feathers back: "Meep!"