//------------------------------// // Insane in the Memtrain // Story: Background Villain // by Good Christian Ethesto //------------------------------// "This is going to be sooo awesome! We'll be heroes for sure!" Shouted Lyra despite the fact that the whole group was pressed into a small car and therefore shouting wasn't necessary. "I bet the princesses will make statues of our heroic deeds and put them in the canterlot gardens!" "I don't care what they do so long as we get paid..." Grumbled Bon-bon who wasn't enjoying the train ride so far. She could be doing far more important things than sitting here. Like... Not... Sitting here. Lyra put an arm around her friend while shaking her head. "Tsk tsk, Bon-bon. Can't you see the greatest currency is the memories we'll make with our good friends? We don't need money." She looked to the rest of the car for support. Derpy was far too deep in thought while looking out the window to answer, Berry Punch was still passed out and drooling on the floor, and Applejack was talking at Vinyl Scratch about apples and apple accessories. Vinyl didn't really seem to be listening. "Money is all that matters." Argued Bon-bon. "Without it society wouldn't function. Then the only memories you would have are of fighting for survival your whole life before eventually being eviscerated by a pack of hungry wolfs." Lyra was about to give one of the best retorts in pony history, when there was a knocking on the door. "Food!" Shouted a strange voice from the hall. Applejack immediately jumped up and opened the door to see an overly-muscular green stallion with a spiky orange mane pushing a cart full of food and beverages. "Why hello there, sir." Said Applejack, but she was promptly ignored as the pony was far too busy doing his job to engage in rudimentary greetings. "AROuuugh! Would anybody like some a-pound cake?!" He questioned. "I'd like some pound cake!" Responded Vinyl as she pushed Applejack out of the way. She purchased a big chunk of orange-ish cake and the green pony continued on his way. Vinyl pushed the door closed and once again took her seat, just now with a great big delicious food clenched firmly in her hooves. Having their conversations interrupted, the rest of the group was now staring at her as she smelled her treat. She payed them no mind, though. She poked her nose against the orange cake, noting how squishy and moist it is, yet still solid enough to avoid crumbling into pieces. She took a deep whiff of its succulent hide filling her nostrils with the scent of freshly cooked pastries that brought back fond memories of her childhood. She poked it with her tongue, instantly receiving an orgasmic sensation from her taste buds as they salivated in complete bliss. This was truly a cake to behold. By now, the rest of the group had caught a smell of the pastry and were thoroughly jealous that they didn't buy any. All except Lyra who was determined to get a piece. "Hey Vinyl. Can I have some of tha-." She stopped speaking as her mouth fell open in horror. She could only watch as Vinyl suddenly devoured the entire thing in one bite. There weren't even crumbs left... "What were you saying?" Asked Vinyl a few seconds later, but Lyra was still in too much shock to answer. The group remained quiet for a few moments, before Applejack turned and looked at Derpy who seemed to be deep in thought and had yet to join in any of their conversations. "Hey Derpy, what are ya' thinkin' about?" "I'm just thinking about how weird it is that we eat birds." She stated happily. "Huh?" Applejack questioned. She had never eaten a bird in her life, nor did she know any pony that ate birds. For a pegasus that's practically cannibalism since they are birds. They have wings, after all. After a moment, she decided she didn't want to know about that. "That's nice." She stated, cutting off the conversation as she turned away. Bon-bon was now busying herself with seeing how hard she could poke Berry Punch without waking her while Lyra cheered her on. In the mean time, the purplish mare on the floor was snoring loudly in her alcohol-induced nap. "Come on! You call that a poke?" Taunted Lyra. "I've seen better pokes on facebook..." Bon-bon wasn't finished though. Her pokes may have been ineffective as of yet, but she had barely scratched the surface of her true power. She quickly charged her earth pony magic to 110%(that's even more than 100%!) as she pulled her right forearm back, ready to deliver the most powerful poke any pony has ever seen. Her hoof began radiating some ungodly light as she pulled it all the way back, nearly touching the wall behind her. "Super... Bon-bon... POOOOOOKE!" She yelled out as she shot her hoof forward at several hundred frames per second. The pony eye can only see 30 frames per second, so that's really fast. It instantly collided with the drunk mare's snout, lightly bopping her on the nose. The light cleared after a moment and everypony was amazed to see that not only was Berry Punch still asleep, but she was even more asleep than before. "Impossibru!" Shouted Bon-bon, who was more than a little disappointed that her earth pony magic had failed her yet again. Vinyl snickered to herself from across the car, catching all the ponies attention. "Amateurs." "What, you think you can do better?" Question Bon-bon. "I know I can." She responded before lowering her shades and looking at the assembled ponies with her blood-red eyes. "And I'm gonna prove it." Without wasting any more time, she got up and placed her hoofs firmly on Berry Punch's shoulders and started shaking her. "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" She added a slap or two in for good measure. After a moment Berry's eyes shot open, before shutting tightly from the intense light in the room, and she started flailing. "AHhhhhhhhhh!" She screamed out in confusion. Satisfied with the results, Vinyl stepped away from the now panicking pony and once again took a seat. After a few seconds the pony calmed down a bit and groaned. "What's going on?" She questioned without even opening her eyes. "We're going on an adventure!" Responded Lyra excitedly. After hearing the noise she turned her head and opened her eyes a peek to see who it was. "Lyra?" "Howdy there. I was wonderin' how long it'd take you to wake up." Stated Applejack. Surprised by even more voices, Berry rolled over and noticed the group of ponies staring at her. Thankfully, her body was able to quickly eliminate the headache she had since her special talent is getting shit-faced. She stood up and took a look around, thoroughly confused about what was happening. "What's going on?" She asked even though she had already asked that question. Lyra saw fit to answer the question the same way as before. "We're going on an adventure!" "Ummm... What?" She asked, looking for more of an explanation. "An adventure?" "Sure are!" Confirmed Applejack. "We're helpin' the princesses!" "Ok, wait. Anyone want to give me a more thorough explanation? I'm really confused right now." Seeing that most of the other ponies in the immediate area are pretty dumb, Bon-bon decided to take charge. "Applejack got a letter from the princesses asking us to go defeat some guy or something. Applejack roped us all into helping her. Now we're on a train heading north to do some stuff." Berry was having a hard time believing this. It's not every day you wake up on a train with a weird group of ponies on a mission from the government. Then again, Berry Punch had woken up in much stranger situations (like this one time she woke up in bed next to some horrible wasp monster). She shuttered just imagining some of them. After a moment she turned to Applejack and gave her a stern look. "I didn't agree to this!" Before Applejack could respond, Lyra butted in. "You didn't not agree to it either." "I would have if I wasn't drunk!" She yelled back. "Well maybe you shouldn't have been drunk in the first place. Did you ever think about that?" Lyra's logic was rock solid, so it was to everypony's great surprise when Berry Punch smacked her in the jaw. "I do what I want!" She called out. "Hold it there pardner!" Called out Applejack, hoping to stop the fight before it escalated. "No need to get ruff, we're all friends here." "Friends? We're not friends! You kidnapped me! I'm out of here, and once I get back I'm reporting you all to the guards!" She took a step towards the door and Applejack panicked. They couldn't possibly complete this adventure with only five ponies! They need six. No more. No less. Six is the magic number. Seeing no other alternative, she pulled a long piece of rope from under her hat. Before Berry Punch could even make it two steps she was already hogtied and once again laying on the floor in the middle of the car. It took her a second to realize what happened, but when she did she was pretty angry. "Let me go!" Applejack considered that for about half a second before deciding that that wasn't a good idea. "If I let ya' go you'll leave, then we'll never be able to finish this adventure." "Yeah." Agreed Lyra. "The fate of Equestria hangs in the balance. This is beyond any one of us now." "You can't keep me here against my will! I'll just yell until I get somepony's attention, then you'll go to jail!" She threatened. Applejack shook her head in disappointment. If she had learned anything from her friends, it's that tying somepony up solves all your problems. So imagine her surprise when Berry Punch was tied up and yet all her problems weren't solved. Perhaps she just needs to take it a step further, if they give Berry some time, surely she'll see that they need her help and she won't deny them. All they need to do is keep her from yelling. Seeing that this was the only way, Applejack pulled an apple from some orifice on her body and shoved it in Berry's mouth, promptly shutting her up. "Problem solved." She stated happily. Bon-bon was about to spout out something about how unethical that is, but she decided to let it go. The sooner they got this dumb quest over with the sooner they could go home and Applejack seemed dead set on having a six pony group. Not to mention she was kinda scared of being tied up and having an apple from god knows where forcefully inserted into her mouth. She opted to just sit quietly, hoping that the train ride would end soon so they could finish this dumb quest.