//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: My Little Pwny: Fragouts Are Magic // by ANTIcarrot //------------------------------// My Little Pawny: Fragouts Are Magic By ANTIcarrot Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s... Chapter Five “Tool knife. Glove. Belt. Um, shoe?” Lyra leaned down and sniffed. “Yes. Definitely shoe. Odd one though. Leggings. Harness. Hmm.” Lyra stopped and stared at the next object. Twilight stepped forward, and took another look at the strange arrangement of straps, that Lyra had so casually dismissed. “Harness? You mean like a saddle?” “Kinda, except it’s meant to support something more substantial than really fancy second hat. Soldiers wear them under their armour, to get all the pieces to fit together.” “I know that. My brother took his armour off and showed me his once. This doesn’t look anything like that.” “That's because humans don’t look anything like ponies. They also don’t have magic, so they have to make clothing out of different pieces stitched together. They can’t just take a sheet of cloth, and zap it into the right shape like Rarity can. How am I doing so far Muddy?” “I admit to being presently surprised by your knowledge of military technology. Most ponies think one royal guard is the same as another.” “It’s all technology,” Lyra said off hoof. “Oh, now this is interesting...” Her horn glowed as a dozen short tubes lifted out of a box, and then arranged themselves on the tabletop. Lyra stared for a moment before sorting them by size. She released all but one, which lifted off the table and spun slowly before her eyes. She stared down the hole before flipping it around, and leaning close to examine the closed end. “Hmm.” Another joined it. “Ah ha!” Then a third. “No?” Lyra went back and forth comparing the three as Fields and Twilight watched. “No, they are different,” Lyra muttered to herself, before rearanging all the tubes. This time turning them upside down, and matching the markings she found on the base. When she finished there were three new groups on the table. The other two ponies glanced at each other. Back at the dig site it had taken five days for one of the junior archaeologists to realise the same thing. “What do you think Lyra?” Twilight asked. “It’s not a chess set. The ratios of pieces don’t match up. It might be a measuring system of some kind.” Lyra leaned forwards before yanking her head back. “Yech! They do whiff of alchemy. Either way I’m guessing they’re like Quills. Some kind of standard item you can just buy a lot of at once.” She looked up. “Were there many more of them?” “Thousands,” Fields answered. “More than we could easily count.” “Have they been looked at by an alchemist? Pinkie might have a go, but it doesn’t smell like fireworks, and I’m not sure how far her knowledge goes beyond that.” “Fireworks?” Fields asked with a worried glance at Twilight. “They let that creature play with magic that dangerous?” “Oh don’t get so upset Muddy. Pinky takes her work very seriously.” “Yes,” Twilight added in agreement. “I was worried too when I first heard, but apart from that one time with the barn she’s never had any serious accidents.” “And the tree,” Lyra added. “Well if you’re counting that , then you might as well include that small landslide in the quarry.” “I guess,” Lyra said before going back to her artefacts. “So you see professor, apart from the barn, the tree, and that one small landslide, Pinky’s never had any serious accidents.” “Yes.” Fields said. “So you say. Absolutely nothing to worry about...” # # # Cpt_John stood stock still and stared at the gun. Neither of them moved. “You mind pointing that el...” [FCUK]BSG:WIN////: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING SPEAK ANY MORE! I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING SPEAK! And then BSG:WIN//// stepped closer, still holding the gun inches from Cpt_John’s head, and started yelling. Silently. At that point he didn’t know what was worse. The crazy man holding a gun to his head, or not being able to hear a single thing the crazy man said. He wanted to call for help, but didn’t know if chatting also fell under the ‘no talking’ rule, and he wanted not to be shot more. Someone notice this please! Seriously! Someone must be paying attention! We’re in the middle of an empty clearing! There’s nothing else to look at! So someone bloody notice! Blood_Sun: Hey, BSG? [FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Piss off! Blood_Sun: I’m just coming over to talk. Just as a police officer. Normally I’d say I was unarmed but, you know, that’s not how it seems to work here. Would you mind telling me what’s going on? The gun swung round to point at her. [FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Stop! Just... Just stop! Blood_Sun: That’s okay. I won’t come any closer. Cpt_ John eyes followed the gun, as he suddenly realised that it wasn’t pointing at him anymore! He could grab it... Except it was now almost certainly pointed at Blood_Sun. If he screwed up he wouldn’t be the one to get shot, but someone still mgiht be... And suddenly the gun was pointing back at him again. Um, yeah. He really needed better reflexes about stuff like that. [FCUK]BSG:WIN////: I just... I want out of here! I want to leave! Blood_Sun: That’s what we’re doing. We’re getting out of this clearing and getting back to the map. We know that area right? It’s familiar territory. We’ll be safer there. BSG:WIN//// swung the gun back towards Blood_Sun, but this time he seemed hesitant, less sure of himself. Cpt_John waited, patiently, for the gun to stop pointing at someone. And then… BSG’s arm began to move. So did John’s. The G18 went off on full auto as BSG’s forearm bounced off John’s hand and wrist. The blast was loud, but he was ready for that. The muzzle flash on the other hand, at night, pointing in his general direction, he did not see coming. Squeezing his eyes shut against the pain, he couldn’t see much of anything else at all either. So he pulled his other arm back, spread his thumb and index finger, and shoved forwards to push BSG over. There’s a trick to doing that. Most people aim for the centre of mass. But that’s a mistake. It’s like attacking the centre of an army formation. Sometimes it’s a good idea, but unless you’ve got special training, it’s better to attack a weaker aspect of your enemy. Which is why he spread his thumb and index finger as wide as possible, and aimed for a point just above BSG’s collarbone, and just below his Adam’s apple. Or at least where he remembered it being. Half blind and deaf, things got confused for Cpt_John after that. First Person Shooters were really bad practise for actual modern warfare, but they were pretty good for a down and dirty brawl. Press forwards, hit early, hit often, hit hard, and keep going until one of you wasn't moving any more. He remembered aiming his knee at BSG’s crotch, and missing, and then somehow getting on top, and on his feet, and kicking forwards. He got a reaction out of that, and his vision was coming back, so he aimed another kick at the little bastard. BSG had come closer to killing him than either that bloody dragon or bear had; twice! He was due for a little payback. And what do you know? Steel tipped army boots are really good for that. Then he got tackled. “Back off! Back off now! He’s down! It’s over!” Unlike Cpt_John, Blood_Sun did have special training, and reinforced every other word with a full body shove right through his centre of mass. He stumbled backwards until the words got through hisdisorientation, then held his hands up. The Russian soldier who was really a Gardia officer glared at him before speaking quietly. “Next time I use my rifle as a billy club!” “He pointed a gun at me!” The face of a grizzled russian veteran frowned. It was not a happy expression. “Yes. He did. But do more than disarm him again and I’ll still use my rifle as a billy club.” “And what happens if next time he pulls the trigger?” The frown deepened, and the other human was silent for a moment. “Then I’ll still use my rifle as a billy club. Only for a much longer period of time. But no.” He spoke before Cpt_John could. “I would not kill him." “You do that. But next time he tries to kill me I’ll use my rifle as a rifle. He’s on two strikes as it is!” “We need everyone!” “No! No we don’t! This isn’t some dumbarse TV show! We do not need some whiney little deadweight putting everyone else in danger to boost the ratings! We do NOT need someone like that!” The Russian avatar shook his head. “Yes we do.” “What the hell for!?” “Mine detector.” “What are you...” Oh. Cpt_John suddenly realised what the other player was talking about. That was... Something that sometimes happened in war. Real war. Not computer games. “Oh I’m sorry, are we getting squeamish all of a sudden? I thought someone wanted to kill the ‘whiney little deadweight’.” “Yeah, but...” “Shut up! We have all been dumped in the arse end of nowhere! That means that if we are going to survive, that there are going to be lots of shitty little jobs that needs to get done. Now do you want to do them, or would you rather it was someone else?” “Okay, fine. You’ve made...” “We also need to think before we act. All of us.” “I said point made.” “I hope so.” Blood_Sun leaned forwards. “I really do. Because before things went to hell back there, you sounded like you had a half a brain rattling around in that skull of yours. Am I right?” Cpt_John thought back over the past few minutes. “On a good day,” he admitted. “Good. Now come on. And tell me what you noticed about that idiot back there.” “He had an RPG-7.” “So?” “An RPG-7 started this fight.” The Gardia was silent for a moment. “No. No it didn’t. Big blue didn’t like us very much. A rocket didn’t do that. It didn’t dump us all here either.” The Englishman was silent for a moment. “So what did you notice about him then?” Blood_Sun grunted. “Better. Now watch, pay attention, and keep your damn mouth shut.” # # # “I’m still not convinced it’s ‘humans’,” Twilight said. “Well let’s see,” Lyra countered with a roll of her eyes. “Human knuckleduster. Human leggings. Human boot. Human knife...” “Actually that knife seems like something a pony could use too.” Lyra opened her mouth, before changing her mind, frowning, and pulling a face. “I, suppose, a unicorn could use it too.” “Or a dragon,” Fields added. “Or a griffon. Or a diamond dog. Or a minotaur. Or a shadow lord.” “A shadow lord wouldn’t need it,” Lyra said quickly. “True. But they could use it.” He had to think for a moment. “For sentimental reasons.” “And what could use that boot then? Hmm? Tell me that!” “It might not be used by anything,” Twilight said. “I’ve seen enough clothing like it at Rarity’s shop. Not everything that looks like clothing is meant to be worn by somepony.” Lyra closed her eyes and seemed to count to ten. “And the materials?” “Are quite unique and very impressive,” Fields promptly admitted. “Even the fabric is strangely woven, and this other material? I’ve never seen anything like it. Miss Sparkle?” “Um... I’ve seen things like it.” Her horn glowed as she leaned closer. “Internally it’s a little like rubber, but not. It’s just as flexible, but not as stretchy. I really don't know how you’d make it. And rubber doesn’t look like that on the outside either.” “But that’s not going to convince you, is it?” Lyra asked. “Not really.” Twilight looked up. “Should it?” Lyra looked like she really wanted to say ‘yes’, but then she sighed. “I don’t suppose so. So what would?” Twilight thought. They were all stumbling around in the dark here. What they needed was to try and get back on to firm scientific ground, and then start forwards in a more careful way. “Well, a test of some kind would be good. Some kind of double blind test by preference. But I can’t really think of anything that would categorically confirm this one way or another.” “That’s because there isn’t anything that could do so.” “Professor,” Twilight warned. “At least Twilight has an open mind!” “But thankfully she also has mental netting to stop just any fool idea dropping in there.” “Netting?” Twilight asked. “Is that what you really think? You’re the one who came to me Muddy! Why did you do that? To laugh at me?!” “Netting! That’s it! Hey guys!” “Laughing requires something to be funny! And there’s nothing funny or clever about a good mind going to waste chasing filly-tales!” “Guys! Guys?” “I repeat! If you think so little of my ‘filly tales’ why did you come here?” “Guys!!” “I didn’t know I was coming to see you! Twilight said she knew someone who studied speculative creatures, and might have some useful information for us. What a pity she was only half right!” Twilight sighed, once again ignored by both other ponies. “Okay, you both asked for this.” “I’ve provided plenty of information! You just haven’t been willing to listen! It’s just like the humans say; you...” “BE QUIET! BOTH OF YOU! I ORDER YOU TO BE QUIET!” Lyra and Fields both winced against the volume, as the sheer force of Twilight's voice shoved them both sideways. Ears yanked up and eyes snapped open, as both turned to glare at Twilight. Only for ears to immediately fold backwards again, when they saw Twilight glaring right back at them, with small yellow flames licking at her mane and tail. And they suddenly remembered why Twilight was widely regarded, as one of the most magically powerful unicorns in all of Equestria. Because she kept doing things worthy of the title. Such as being able to use the Royal Canterlot Voice to its full effect. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I break your concentration? And no! That was not an opportunity for you to speak! That question was entirely rhetorical! After such a foalish display you can both listen to me for once! And then you can go to your rooms! And I mean that literally! Because Fields actually suggested a decent test!” She turned to glare at just him. “This is where you say, ‘I did?’.” “Um... I did?” “Well done! Was that really so hard? And yes. Yes you did. Well done once again. You mentioned a net. Only you got it the wrong way round. A mental net doesn’t interact with small and stupid ideas. They just pass right through. For a mental net to grab something, it has to be complex and broad idea. An idea which has been expended upon, to such an extent that it no longer fits between the holes. An idea which has, at least to some degree, been broadly thought out. We are about to test such an idea.” She glared at Lyra. “Um, we are?” “Yes! We are! And even better, it’s a double blind test! You are both going to write down what you think humans look like, in all the detail you can think of, inside and out, and then afterwards I will compare the notes and see how closely they match.” “But how is that a test?” Lyra blurted out. “Muddy here... Ah, I mean Professor Fields here, hasn’t seen any human before in his...” Lyra trailed off as her eyes widened. She turned to Fields. “You found more than just artefacts did you? This wasn’t simply a dig site was it? You found bodies. You found bodies, and you didn’t tell me, and then you came into my house and called humans made up nonsense!” “I wouldn’t say…” He trailed off as something seemed to light up in Twilight’s eyes. “Actually yes. More or less.” “How could you do that?!” “Because it’s hard to judge exactly what they are.” “How can it be had to judge? You think a human body can be confused for a pony body? For a diamond dog? For a griffin? For a bucking shadow lord?! How can you possibly make that mistake?!” “Because they’ve been buried underground for three months,” Fields answered dispassionately. He glanced at Twilight before continuing. “Buried in shallow graves, without the aid of a coffin, in locations that were not conductive to good preservation of bodily tissue. And prior to that, many had received extensive injuries. At least one body seems to have been missing some rather large pieces when compared to the others. It was, and still is, hard to be sure what they are.” “I’d know!” Lyra said. “I might just, oh I don’t know, try counting the limbs or something.” “It’s not that simple Lyra,” Twilight snapped. “I’ve seen the bodies. Believe me I know. I wish I didn’t.” Lyra looked at both of them (but mostly at Twilight) before trying her luck. “Is it really that hard to tell the difference between a canine and primate head?” “It is when the head is missing,” Muddy said. Lyra hesitated, before finally hanging her head and sighing. “Fine. Test.” “Good!" Twilight spoke in a clipped tone. “Now while I’m sure you both have a lot to write, I’m going to write a list of subjects so there’s at least some overlap. That way...” There was an urgent knocking at the door. They turned to look, and Lyra almost took a step, before Twilight's expression made her think better of it. The Element Barer of Magic had calmed down, and was no longer quite frustrated enough to spontaneously burst into flames, but it was still close to the surface. “Now as I was saying...” The knocking came again, harder and even more urgent. One of Twilight's eyes twitched. “Maybe we should see who that is,” Fields quickly suggested. “I’m sure Miss... Miss Summers doesn’t wish to lose her front door.” Lyra for her part had been nervously glancing up at the ceiling, and trying to remember if it was fire-proof or not. But jerked to face the Professor when she realised what he said. He tilted his head, and her eyes widened. “Ah, yes! I think I’ll just go answer that. It is my front door after all. And then we can get right to that test thing! Back in a second!” She edged around a stoic Fields, keeping him as a shield between herself and Twilight, and then made a beeline for the door. Fields waited a moment before leaning forwards to speak quietly into Twilight’s ear. “Miss Sparkle, your flames are showing.” Twilight turned to him, and went from grouchy and flamey, to mortified and shrunken as his words sank in. “I was, flaming?!” “Only a little bit,” he assured her. “Pilot-light rather than blast furnace, but yes. Yes you were.” “Oh no! No no no no! But how could I... I haven’t lost control of my magic like that since...” “It happens to the best of us.” “But you...” Twilight’s gaze flickered to his head, and then back, before looking down at the floor. “Now Miss Sparkle, you know better than most that all ponies have magic. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen an earth pony get stuck in a tallent-related feedback loop, but it does happen, and when it does it’s usually not pretty. Especially when they start to really come apart, usually just before they crash.” Twilight rubbed her hoof in the carpet. “Once a year?” Fields touched her purple hoof with his own cream coloured one. “You do have a lot of magic inside of you Miss Sparkle; by all accounts at least. Maybe you just need to exercise it a bit more. Or it could be just stress. Going from regular student life, to fighting off Discord, and then suddenly getting thrown into this job can’t have been easy. Maybe you just need a break.” “Maybe.” Fields frowned, then smiled as he leaned down. “Or you could just blame Lyra. I find that usually works. You’d be amazed the sheer number of accidents and misfortunes that she ends up being responsible for. Why it was just terrible of her to show you those bodies this morning wasn’t it?” That got Twilight’s attention as she brought her head up to gape at him. “You…! Why…! How could…?” “Yeeeeeeeessssss?” Twilight huffed. “You are a terrible utterly-incorrigible old…” It was not Twilight’s day for speaking in complete sentences. “Look!” Came an aggravated and rather recognisable voice from the porch. “Is Twilight here or not?” Twilight turned in surprise. “Dash? What is she doing here?” “Fine! I’ll see for myself!” “Hey! You can’t just barge into another pony’s house like this!” Dash disagreed, and started calling out loudly and obnoxiously. “Oh yeah? Watch me! Twilight! Oh Twilight! Are you in here? Twilight…” She came level with the door and stopped suddenly. “Oh, hey! You really are in here! What? Wait! Whoa Lyra! Wait!” A green glow suddenly surrounded her, and lifted her off the floor. She quickly hooked her hooves around the door frame. “Wait! Twilight! Fluttershy’s in trouble!” Athletic muscles flexed as she struggled against the forces pulling her backwards. “Trouble?” Twilight stepped forwards, her own problems forgotten. “What’s wrong?” “She…!” Apparently it wasn’t Dash’s day for speaking in complete sentences either, as Lyra chose that precise moment to stop pulling and start pushing. Rainbow’s muscles stopping helping her and started helping Lyra. The blue pegasus shot towards the other side of the door, hitting it heavily. “Owww! What the hey?” The green glow started dragging her backwards again, this time taking care to keep her hooves far away from any possible sources of traction. “No! Wait! Lyra! Stop!” Dash’s voice faded as they both left the house. “This is important! Hey! Hey! Hey! Don’t do...! Owwww! Why would you do that?!” “Lyra! Dash!” Twilight called out as she followed them. “Stop it both of you!” Professor Fields watched her until she disappeared out of sight. “What was I saying about sources of stress?” He quietly mused as he continued to follow the conversation. “Lyra Heartstrings stop it! There is no excuse for turning a pegasus upside down and bouncing their head off the ground! Especially on the pavement! Even if she did deserve it!” # # # Discord was bored. No, worse. He was bored and almost completely powerless. The only reality warping he was going to be doing in the near future, was defying the laws of gravity, and bending light around his currently much reduced form. Still, at least he wasn’t stone. Well, technically he was stone. And technically he also wasn’t. All at the same time. He was glad he didn’t have a lesser mind or he might find the whole situation dreadfully confusing. Unfortunately that the part of him that was current stone, was by now restored to Canterlot gardens, surrounded by perpetual love and happiness spells, to prevent any possible repeat of his last breakout. And the part of him that wasn’t stone, was now stuck following these overgrown monkeys around. He was quite put out by it! Not quite as put out as he would be, if all of him was in the stone, but still. Oh he could leave if he wanted to, but it probably wasn’t a good idea. He had felt what that bloody rainbow had done to his seedling kingdom. Small as it had been, it was still chaotic, and thus a part of him, and when his chaos and the land, air, and water had been forced apart, it had been like a sticking plaster being ripped from the surface of his brain. All his efforts, all his creativity, all his works, all of it was gone! Well, almost all of it. Discord always thought that it was one of life’s little ironies that as a fundamental incarnation of chaos, he could only ever assert his own power by organising things. Though he was being of chaos, a product of entropy, formed from and a vital component of the soulless mindless dispassionate space time continuum itself - he was only ever noticed by the lower beings of the universe, if he displayed motive, perverted entropy, and actually talked to them. Not that he wanted to be noticed right now. That was the problem with being a force of Nature. You always had to be on the lookout for the forces of Magic. That no good low down corrupting little minx! If he wasn’t careful Magic could twist him round it’s little finger, like it could all the major forces of the universe, and Discord was quite sure he didn’t want that happening to him! Like it already had. Twice. Well not this time! This time he would get his power back! He would have his fun! Especially with the two so called ‘princesses’! And after undoing that particular mistake, he'd then start the long slow task of restoring this universe to its natural state! And tough if those damn bloody ponies didn’t like it! See if he cared! In fact, given the rules of nature, and the size of their heads, it would be equally likely that they wouldn’t care much about anything once he was finished… Unfortunately getting his power back either meant smashing open his statue again, or finding some other strong expression of his power, that the never sufficiently cursed magical rainbow had left intact. Which lead back to these silly, hapless, and helpless humans. Annoyingly, several had already gotten themselves killed, and his power had evaporated along with them. But several were still alive, and the spells woven into and around each one, and the spells that still bound them to each other, were as strong as the moment he had forged them. Between them they were by far the most concentrated sample of expressed chaotic power left in Equestria. Now all he had to do was figure out how to un-express it, so he could get it back.