Now this is a story all about how
my life got flipped, turned upside down
Now stay right there, cause I’ve fucking had it
Now I’ll tell you all how I got on this planet
West Russia is where I trained
Through sun, through snow, even if it rained
Shoot outs, fragging, reloading all cool
And learning to swim inside the pool
When a couple of guys, who were incredibly smart
Started making engines, state of the art
My mom got old, and she died happily
The general said “We’re sending you off planet cuz you got no more family”
There was a soldier looking at us, then he sat down
Said his name was Bourbon, an obvious clown
If anything I’d say that guy had downs
But then everything went black, being frozen astounds
Woke from cryo, everything was covered in ice
And yelled to Bourbon “I hate it when you’re right”
Landed on the planet, this place seemed nice
Then something crunched under my boot, “MORE FUCKING ICE”