CHAPTER 9
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It felt like an arrow had pierced her heart. No, more painful even. It felt as though her heart had been torn from her chest, compressed into a tiny, insignificant ball, lit on fire, and then stampeded on by an out-of-control herd of cattle. And then pierced by an arrow. All she could do was utter out a barely audible,
“Huh?”
“Exactly. I just don’t know what to make of it!” Rarity said. Despite her tone, she looked as though she truly were in some kind of deep stupor. Her eyes seemed to stare at some faraway object, as though perhaps it had a solution to all of this. Twilight, however, had no time for pity, not for her friend, and not for herself either. She’d figure out her feelings later. First, she had to know what Spike had done, before that arrogant colt falsely accused him, and their lives were ruined.
“Rarity, you need to focus… Tell me exactly what happened.”
Twilight’s voice, now deeper and filled with genuine concern, seemed to bring Rarity back to consciousness, and she stammered for a while, looking at her hooves as though they might have been hiding the answers they were all looking for.
“The play was about to start, and Spike came by, saying… Saying something about having to speak with me urgently. I asked him if it could wait, and he insisted.”
Rarity stopped to draw in a shuddering breath, emotions getting the better of her body, and continued, still avoiding direct eye contact with Twilight.
“He started talking about his crush on me, and that’s when Topline…”
Rarity froze mid-sentence and began quietly sobbing again. Twilight had known her for years, and could easily tell the unicorn’s dramatic scenes from her honest shows of emotion. This one was as honest and pure as it could ever get, but she couldn’t spare time. She had to know what Topline had done. Time was running out, and Rarity’s testimony may very well be the only thing that could save Spike at this point.
“What? What did Topline do?”
“He… He laughed…”
Twilight gulped, tasting the bile in the back of her throat, disgust and shame now joining the bitter slew of emotions housed in her heart. Inter-species relations had always been controversial, but there were certain ponies, and she knew the kind well, who lived in a silly dream of Pony “purity”. Ponies loving any other being was simply wrong, sick, and disgusting, and now she realized, Topline thought so too. How could Rarity ever have fallen for such a shallow pony?
“Spike was furious, he tried to ignore him, but Topline kept saying things… awful things… And that’s when Spike said he loved me…”
There it was again, that pain stinging clear in her soul.
“Topline said… he said something about that being the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard… That’s when I tried to say that he was wrong, but… He said I’d…”
Another long pause, and this time, Twilight allowed it to pass, contemplating her own feelings all the while.
“He said I’d have to be as sick as Spike to even consider such a thing… That’s when Spike attacked him… He was only defending my honor, and now...”
Rarity spoke the last sentence in little more than a faint moan before once again succumbing to the sobs that longed to break free of her heart.
As Rarity’s sobs diminished, little by little, Twilight used the sound of her unsteady breathing, muffled by pillows and fabrics, to distract her mind. However, it was of no use, and Rarity’s words echoed in her head, mixing with everything else she already harbored in her mind, and threatening to set her off.
The combination of all this new information, all the feelings and emotions, the thoughts and ideas, the truth and the lies, it proved too much for her after all. Twilight tasted bile once again, shivering from the discomfort it was causing her, and barely able to hold back her tears.
Spike…
It was all true. He’d done as he’d planned. He’d gone up to Rarity and confessed. He’d exposed all of his feelings, left himself completely open and exposed, no doubt the most vulnerable he’d ever been. And they’d ripped his heart to shreds. At that very moment, Twilight could very well imagine what he could be feeling. Her heart hadn’t fared so well either, much less with this latest batch of news.
“He said he loved me…”
Twilight shook her head, leaving her mane draped haphazardly over her face. It didn’t matter though, as it wasn’t stray hairs what she was trying to accommodate in her head. She simply didn’t understand why she felt the way she did when she thought about those words. Spike loved Rarity. That was nothing new, everypony probably already knew that. So why was it affecting her so?
With her front hooves, she pressed against her eyes, and tried to hold back all the emotion that tried to escape from them, at the same time trying to focus her mind. She had to think. She couldn’t bear once again not having a logical answer to the situation. She couldn’t bear being so useless yet again. Her heart was writhing and screaming in her chest, and all she could do was watch as everything just happened.
And Spike. Poor Spike, after what’d happened back in the park, what pony other than perhaps Celestia would even be willing to listen to his side of the story. From all angles, it truly had seemed like an unprovoked attack on two innocent young ponies enjoying the play. Topline would surely press charges, and nopony in Ponyville would trust him again. Nopony would trust her again! Nothing would ever be the same again…
Nothing would ever be the same again…
She meant that, with her mind and heart. So many things had happened, and yet the entire ordeal seemed so insignificant when compared to its outcomes. A simple emotional outburst, common in any adolescent creature. So why did it feel like the end of the world?
“He said he loved me…”
It haunted her now, even with Rarity practically asleep, in a pitiful heap atop her mattress. Why did she feel the way she did when she thought of that? Her heart seemed to sink, her stomach churned, and she trembled all over. Twilight scrunched up her eyes, trying to think. They were symptoms of something, but of what? It could very well have been a simple cold, but she had no fever, no congestion, and the symptoms had started all of a sudden. She’d heard of other ponies feeling like that when they’d experienced something she herself had never really felt. Something ponies claimed to be an overwhelming sensation, something that drove even the hardest pony mad, and melted even the most frozen of hearts.
Love?
Could it have been…? No, she wasn’t in love. How could she? With Spike? He was her best friend, her oldest friend! He’d been such a big part of her life, ever since Shining Armor had joined the guard and left her so alone…
No, but it couldn’t be love that was causing her such grief. It wasn’t logical, it made no sense… But then again…
She’d felt jealous when Spike talked about loving Rarity, and she couldn’t help feel a twitch of envy as their friends all joked about liking Spike… And now, simply thinking about Spike, heartbroken, running around somewhere in Ponyville, she felt her heart plummet…
Twilight stood, looking to and fro, trying to find some sense in what had now become a crazy, topsy-turvy world, where there was no longer any room for logical thinking. Emotions ran wild, and ruled over the hearts and minds of innocent ponies, victims of love, like herself.
She ran towards the door, her intentions perfectly clear. She had to find Spike, talk to him, figure out just what exactly she was feeling, before it was too late, and she did something that she might later come to regret.
Just as she was about to reach the door, a broken whisper spoke across the room,
“Twilight…? Where are you going?”
Twilight froze, eyes wide with panic. Had Rarity figured it out? Would she now have to face the humiliation of admitting her emotional instability to one of her closest friends?
“I… I was just… I was going to…”
“I thought you were going to keep me company?” Rarity said in an honestly disappointed tone, looking down at her sheets, “I just don’t want to be alone tonight…”
Pity and compassion overtook her, and made her put her crazy thoughts aside, smiling sadly as she slowly walked over to her friend’s aid. Gently, she hopped up onto the bed, large enough for six ponies (literally), and laid down beside her broken friend. As she nuzzled the white unicorn, trying to comfort her, and at the same time comfort herself as well, she couldn’t help but think of the irony of the situation. Two victims of the same dragon, sharing their heartbroken existence with each other, alone through the night.
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The hurt clearly expressed in those big, blue eyes tore at Spike’s soul. It was so intense; he looked down towards his claws in a vain attempt of escaping her glare, dumbly staring at the ground in shame.
“What do you mean, leaving? Leaving where?” Pinkie asked. It seemed like such a naïve question, something a foal might have asked. And yet, Spike knew she was as serious as Celestia, and she truly was as pained as her voice seemed to be. Nevertheless, even he didn’t have an answer for that question. He’d made up his mind. He had to leave. He couldn’t face his friends ever again; he couldn’t face the Princess ever again. But most of all, there was no possible way he could ever face Rarity again. Not without wanting to die on the spot.
He looked at Pinkie, and was reminded of all the happy moments he’d shared with the fluffy pink pony that now sat before him, on the verge of tears. From the moment he’d first arrived in Ponyville side by side with Twilight, and Pinkie had thrown them his very first party. To all the crazy adventures she’d managed to get them involved in, be it her strange “Pinkie-Sense” or her cloning madness, even when she herself turned manic-depressive in face of “losing” all her friends. They’d been on some pretty wacky adventures over the year. After his growth spurt, he’d become even more useful in all the quests they’d embarked on. The last disaster had only happened a few weeks earlier, when they set off in search of some ancient relic buried deep in the San Palomino desert. Even so, it all seemed ages ago, and Spike felt an all-too familiar sense of nostalgia. Like when he thought back of when he was just a small baby dragon, and everypony loved him. And nopony feared him.
“I’m leaving Equestria Pinkie, I… I don’t really know where I’m going.” Spike admitted, “I suppose I’ll head Southeast, look for other dragons, spend some time there…”
“But why? Why can’t you stay here?” Pinkie asked, apparently still not understanding.
“Pinkie, I… I can’t stay here, not after what I did. I couldn’t possibly stand the shame.”
Pinkie’s eyes had never been bigger, and despite the mood of the moment, Spike almost D’aaaaaaaaaw’d at what could be considered one of the cutest ponies ever. Spike held back tears that weren’t flowing as Pinkie cried enough for both of them. She closed her eyes and held up a hoof, almost as if trying to hide her face. Spike stepped closer, something he would’ve thought impossible in such tight quarters, and hugged her. She returned the hug, trying in vain to wrap her legs around him, and cried into his chest. Spike stroked her mane, and did the best to calm her, and himself, staring into the darkness of the hollow and imagining his future.
“It’s not so bad… I’ll travel around, see the world. I’ve always wanted to see the ocean… And I’m sure I’ll meet lots of new friends…” He looked down at the pink pony to find she was listening closely, still with the saddest expression he’d ever seen, but listening nonetheless.
“Of course, none of them will ever replace you and the girls.”
“You promise?” Pinkie asked, obviously searching for some sort of comfort.
Spike smiled, a glint in his eyes, as he said, “I Pinkie Promise. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
Pinkie giggled, and once again rested her head on his chest.
Spike squeezed her tighter, and daydreamt of faraway lands and magnificent landscapes. Maybe leaving wouldn’t be all that bad after all. He honestly had always wanted to find out more about his kind, to travel and see new places, see what was outside of Equestria. He’d heard old pony’s tales, including Granny Smith’s stories, of lands across a stormy ocean, where nature ruled, and magic flowed freely through the air. Supposedly, that was where the first settler ponies had come from. He longed to once again rediscover the ancient lands, find reason for his life once again. He could never replace his friends, but something had to take their place, at least for a while.
“Spike…?” Pinkie’s voice broke through his stupor, and he quickly took notice of the soft daylight streaming through the entrance.
“What is it, Pinkie?”
“How long do you think you’ll be gone?”
Spike froze. He knew the answer to that question. He’d been sure from the very beginning of that one thing. He’d attacked a pony, or at least they’d claim he did, and even Celestia herself wouldn’t be able to save him from standing trial. And a dragon before a jury of 12 ponies didn’t seem very likely to result in a full pardon. More than that, he couldn’t show his face around Ponyville ever again, and he doubted there was room for a dragon his size anywhere else in Equestria.
“Spike?”
“… I… I don’t know… But I’ll come back, I promise…”
Pinkie looked at him with a worried expression, as she called him on his bluff.
“Pinkie Promise?”
Spike hesitated, and that was his downfall. He couldn’t lie to her. Not Pinkie Pie. And he couldn’t bear to break a Pinkie Promise. There was only one option left…
“I can’t…”
Spike felt his heart sink, and expected the worst from what would surely be a distraught Pinkie. However, no outburst came. Instead, she looked down sadly, not hiding her disappointment.
He couldn’t have left under worst circumstances. He’d broken the hearts of too many ponies already, and he’d soon break more with his departure. He figured it was about time to get things over with. The play would’ve been over, and everypony surely in their beds. It was probably almost six in the morning, and that gave him about an hour to sneak out of town.
Slipping from the hug that had lasted all through what seemed like an eternity, Spike began backing towards the entrance as Pinkie dropped back down to four hooves, starting to sniffle once again. With a sad sigh, and beginning to cry once again, Spike looked outside, at the first few rays of sunlight, and sighed.
“Well… I guess I should be off now…”
He heard her gulp back a sob, and scrunched his own eyes shut to try to keep his own emotions under check. He couldn’t afford to break down now. Taking a shivering gulp of air, he stepped outside into the cool morning dew. He emerged slowly, taking one last look around at what he’d once called home. The fringe of the Everfree Forest. It was a bit ironic really. He’d have to trek back through this very same spot after paying his visit to town. He remembered, he’d also have to go through the ruins where Twilight had had her very first adventure with their best friends, where they’d confronted Nightmare Moon, and where they’d concreted their friendship. It brought a faint smile to his lips, but it didn’t last long. Pinkie walked out of the tree slowly, her mane somehow still bright and cheery while the mare below it anything but. He turned to face her, and say his final goodbye.
“Pinkie… I just wanted to-…”
Spike never finished his sentence. Pinkie suddenly darted forward, giving no time for Spike to react, and locked her lips with his. Spike could only look at her with eyes as big as saucers as his best friend kissed him passionately. Despite the shock, and the brevity of the kiss, he managed to enjoy the last few seconds of it.
They finally broke away, Spike giving a faint gasp and Pinkie now crying even harder than before. He looked at her, simply shocked, and opened his mouth to speak, but was immediately cut off.
“Go!” Pinkie said through her sobs, in an almost demanding manner.
“But…”
“Just go! Go!” Pinkie insisted, punching him in the chest to punctuate her command.
He didn’t think about it. He was simply on autopilot after the emotional overload of the past minute. He just turned around and walked, never looking back.
Had he thought of looking back, he would’ve seen the saddest pony in the world wrap her tail around her, and cry herself to sleep beneath the shade of a lonely old oak tree near Everfree forest.