“Breaking news! Luna, Princess of the Night, has disappeared! Princess Luna disappeared during-“
I shut the radio off with a flick of my magic. How dare they? I wouldn’t let such an atrocity continue!
I spun my chair around to look at the city outside. Canterlot was busy tonight, and from my penthouse I could see ponies far below moving about the streets. Such a large city held many secrets, and I was privy to them all.
I turned back to my desk and grabbed up the small glass of apple cider, draining it in one gulp. The glass clattered loudly as it dropped back onto the desk with a little more force than intended, nearly spilling the ice onto the leather bound book open before me.
My horn glowed and the pages began turning on my command. The disappearance of the princess had me uneasy and angry. I couldn’t help but grumble my frustrations.
Before my mutters could grow to shouts, my penthouse office door opened and Princess Celestia trotted in, accompanied by her royal guard.
I rose from my chair and bowed. “It is an honor, Princess. How is the search going?”
She showed me a small scroll, saying, “I received this scroll shortly after Luna disappeared. What information can you glean from it?”
I unrolled it and began reading,
HA HA, YOU SUCK.
WE GOT LUNA.
YOU’RE UGLY AND SMELL.
WE’RE AWESOME.
HAIL CTHULHU!
-FUTURE RULER OF EQUESTRIA
“Well, it looks like a foal with no respect for proper etiquette wrote this,” I replied.
“I had hoped you would point out something less obvious. This is your expertise after all.”
I dropped the scroll onto my desk as I picked up the book with my magic. The pages began flipping quickly until it stopped on a drawing of a large squid-headed monstrosity on one page and an odd spell circle design on the other. “I apologize. Time is of the essence, and wasting it is a horrible idea. I feared the timing of Princess Luna’s disappearance, and my fears have been confirmed.”
The book turned to show Princess Celestia what I meant. Her eyes widened in shock, “You don’t mean…they intend to summon Cthulhu using Princess Luna?”
The book slammed closed, and lowered back onto my desk. “Don’t worry princess, I know exactly where the cult is operating. The stars are right tonight, and I was prepared for such an act to occur. I will rescue her, and stop the cult’s evil machinations!”
----------
BAM!
The door to the Evil Cult’s Headquarters shattered under my mighty attack. A single magic missile was all it took to gain entrance.
I had three objectives: Save Luna, stop the cult, and maybe get a sweet reward.
Suddenly, a hundred cultists dressed in matching, magenta robes swarmed the room.
One of them laughed, “Ha! They sent one pathetic unicorn to fight us!”
I laughed as well as my horn glowed a pale green color. One blinding flash of light and a few cries of “Oh no it’s him,” and all the cultists were reduced to ash. I grinned triumphantly as I charged through the room at the next set of doors.
Three busted doors later, and I was standing in the main summoning chamber. In front of me, a huge spell circle full of arcane symbols, odd designs, and other creepy images dominated the entire room. Torches along the walls ensured the entire design was illuminated before me. It was the same one as my book.
There were only the ponies in the room: yours truly, another cultist on the other side of the circle, and the beautiful Princess Luna. Luna was suspended in a brightly lit cage over the center of the circle, looking as sweet as ever.
I shouted up to Luna, “Don’t worry Princess, I’m here to save you!”
I heard laughing coming from the opposite end of the circle. I knew that cocky self-assured laughter…
“It’s been a long time, Emerald!” He called out across the room.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Leo,” I replied, “I was wondering what happened after graduation. So you left the school after I stopped your evil scheme and went on to lead a cult.”
“Yes. I decided to work towards a new goal. With my cult, I plan to take my revenge against the world that shunned me! I also have very special plans for you!”
“Do those plans involve being less of a loser? If not, get in line, there’s about a hundred others who want to take me down.”
“Sorry Emerald, but this rescue attempt will end in failure. It’s time to die, Emerald Shine!” With that last shout Leo stamped his hoof on the edge of the circle. Immediately the circle began glowing a sickly green color. The center glowed brightest, blinding me.
I saw the claws appear. From the center rose a gnarled green-clawed hand of monstrous size. It was reaching up to grab Luna!
Not on my watch!
I focused my magic in my horn and blasted it away with one shot. The claw landed perfectly on Leo, grabbed him, and dragged him into the center. Perfect reward, if you ask me, for trying to play with dark forces. After Leo was dragged into the portal, I focused my magic again and wiped the whole circle away.
I carefully lowered Luna’s cage to the floor with my magic. As she trotted out, she said, “Thank you for saving me. May we ask your name?”
I smiled, “I am Emerald Shine, Monster Hunter!” Man I feel awesome. I bowed to her and said, “I was sent to rescue you. I am here to escort you safely back to Canterlot.” I was suave, charming, and an all around hero.
Of course she smiled and asked, “As your reward, would you like to go on a date with me?”
Being a gentlepony I—
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
I jumped, knocking my desk lamp to the floor with a crash. I shook my head groggily. My boss had woken me up with an air horn, and he did not seem happy to have one of his data analysts asleep on the job.
“Is there a reason I shouldn’t fire you?” He asked, drawing out the last three words for added punch.
I started to sweat as I answered, “Sorry sir…I just fell asleep for a moment or two—”
He shook his head and said, “No excuses! You should be working, not sleeping! You got the latest figures back on the Buttercup case?”
I shook my head one last time to wipe my dream from memory. My magic lifted the file from my desk and I said, “Here it is. Some odd deposits, but nothing too suspicious.” My boss bit down on the file and walked out without a second look.
A yawn escaped as I lifted my lamp back onto the desk. The glass shade had shattered, but nothing a skilled unicorn couldn’t fix. I sighed and swept it into the garbage bin; I’d have to buy a new one. I stretched one last time before casting a glance around my cubicle. Nothing big and fancy; I was just a data analyst, not one of the bigwig lawyers. Then again, I didn’t want to be. All I had was my desk, my chair, a filing cabinet, and a few photos. Nothing special, just a photo of a landscape, another of me and my friend at our graduation a few months ago, and an article from a newspaper.
A passing secretary dropped a small note on my desk. I kind of hoped it would say I was fired. At least then I could go home and try to find a job I didn’t loathe. That, or maybe it could have been an invitation to dinner. However, it was a message saying I had a visitor at the front desk. I smiled, hopped off my chair and headed for a bathroom down the hall. I quickly checked myself in the mirror.
I rubbed the sleepiness from my eyes and let out another yawn. I ran a hoof through my mane, but the black hair refused to stay tidy. I was able to straighten my vest, so I no longer looked like I was just caught sleeping at my desk.
As I exited, I hoped my visitor was a cute mare. Boy was I wrong.
Just as I entered the lobby, a bright flash of light heralded the appearance of my visitor. I jumped away and spun around, trying to keep from yelping. Standing a few hooves away was my best buddy: Hex.
His full name was Hex Pen Lovecraft, or HP Lovecraft as most ponies knew him. He once tried hitting on a mare by claiming the 'HP' in his name stood for 'High Performance' Lovecraft. We’d been friends since our first year of school, but acted a bit more like rivals. He enjoyed playing pranks on me, and we spent a lot of time in verbal debates.
I grinned at him and said, “Still haven’t gotten that spell down, eh?” His light brown mane had small swirls of smoke coming off the ends, and his grey coat seemed disheveled. Then again, he always looked disheveled. Guess it comes with being an author.
He grinned back and said, “Just be thankful I didn’t teleport in the middle of you!” He added with a touch of seriousness, “You would be DEAD.”
I laughed and said, “Oh really? Please. Only the good die young. I have a lot of years ahead of me.”