Ponyville Paintball

by Wisher


Something Terrible is Ahoof

Ponyville Paintball

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Chapter III

Twilight Sparkle galloped fast through the woods. She knew she ought to trot calmly, and that her galloping made a lot of noise and drew attention to herself. Yet she crashed through the trees, looking in every direction for her partner.

Ugh, that mare... Where in Equestria could she be right now?

* * *

The game hadn’t started very well for her.

All the ponies of Ponyville had been summoned to Canterlot on an exceptionally important call from the princess. They were given a special invitation to go on this day to the town’s center plaza, where their invitation said that “the event of the century” would take place. The city was in full celebration on that beautiful day as ponies filled every open space there was, moving as one towards the plaza by also stopping by the various businesses that had been set outdoors for all the tourists.

Twilight remembered almost battling her way through the horde of ponies in the streets of the royal city, which she had never seen in such a crowded state. She was as curious as the next pony to know what was going on, what was so important that the princess had to call every single pony to town. She had arrived at the center plaza, where she found her friends and Spike already gathered together. They were all enjoying the festivities around them, especially Pinkie. The pink pony was finding it very hard to stop herself from exploding in a cloud of rainbows from all the sheer fun there was to be had.

Suddenly there was a general wave of thunderous applause and cheering as the two royal princesses of Equestria appeared on the royal balcony. All of their subjects were pleased to see them. However, Celestia bore a grim and stern expression. When they noticed it everypony suddenly went quiet and anxious, expecting to hear some terrible news. Their leader did not look pleased.

Twilight bit her lower lip hard. Uh oh...

Finally Celestia extended a hoof and spoke.

“Ponies, you are at war,” she declared.

Nopony dared to breathe as the words fell heavily upon them. Suddenly, Celestia's expression changed completely to a beaming face of utter glee.

“With yourselves!” she said.

After sharing a giggle with her sister, she returned to face the crowd of confused ponies.

“Dear subjects of the realm, I am hereby declaring the opening of the Equestrian Paintball Games!”

Before anypony could actually take in what Celestia had just said, her horn shone bright. Instantly, everypony received a paintball gun out of thin air. Every gun was crafted specific to its owner; it was the color of that pony’s coat, and bore that pony’s cutie mark.

There were mixed reactions in the audience. While some ponies were excited -- and relieved that there was no serious problem after all -- most of them were confused, including Twilight.

A paintball game? Since when do the princesses play Paintball? With everypony? Whatever for?

So many questions ran through Twilight’s head as she looked up to the the balcony of the royal palace hoping that answers would rain down from it, as did many other ponies. Her attention was momentarily drawn by princess Luna. The princess of the night had been handed a gun as well, which she was looking at quizzically. “What? I, as well?” Twilight heard her say. Celestia gave her sister a wink and resumed her speech.

“The idea of this game is to engage in general merriment, to relieve us all of the stress caused by the many traumatic events that have befallen us in the last few years. I’m sure you could all use a little time off right now.”

Suddenly, it all made more sense to the crowd, which erupted into cheer and hoof stomping in applause.

Celestia raised a hoof for silence and explained the rules of the game to her subjects. They were quite simplistic: everypony has a gun, and there are pockets of ammo hidden all over the forest. No wings above the treeline for pegasi, and no teleportation for unicorns. Those were the only limits, leaving the rules widely open-ended. The part that caught everypony’s attention however, was when the princess said that the last pony standing would get the prize which was, in her own words, “the one thing your heart desires.” The enigmatic promise of a reward instigated an excited wave of chattering among the ponies, who were getting more eager to play the game by the minute.

“And another thing,” said Celestia. “I have already set specific starting teams in place. Most of you will find yourselves paired up from the start with another pony, or perhaps more than just one. Some of you, however, will find yourselves on your own right from the outset. Whatever the case, these ponies are still other players, and in regards to you, your opponents. What you choose to do with your team ponies is your choice entirely. You may fire them from the game as soon as it starts; however, I think that you will find that alliances can be quite useful and even, for some of you, instructive.”

This crowd stirred following Celestia’s comment. Everypony looked at each other with a mixture of curiosity and wariness, wondering who they would be teamed up with, if at all. Twilight and her friends looked at each other anxiously. What would this mean for them? Would this be a test of their friendship?

“So, without further ado,” declared Celestia to an apprehensive crowd, “Let the games begin!”

And with a glow of her horn, Twilight felt herself sucked away and transported somewhere by magic. When she opened her eyes, she was in the Everfree Forest.

While she took in what had just happened, she heard the first shots being fired in all directions. Some were far, others very close, but she could not see a single pony nearby. Then again, she knew that the Everfree Forest was a very large and wondrous place, that could easily serve as a maze for all the playing ponies.

She frowned as she heard the first shots. Apparently, a lot of ponies had chosen the prize over their teammates.

Suddenly, it struck her. Had she been given a partner? Afraid that her potential teammate might have been quicker on their hooves and already aimed their gun at her, she spun around to take a look at who it was.

I just hope they don’t try to shoot me right away! I don’t know anything about paintball!

When she had turned around, she saw it. She indeed did have a partner. And she realized that this pony would not shoot her directly as soon as she saw that Celestia had paired her up with none other than Pinkie Pie.

The pink party pony was not sharing her friend’s worries. She looked around like an excited dog at all the places where the sound of shooting was coming from, giggling the way she always did.

“Weee! This is going to be fun! I love paintball!”

Twilight looked at Pinkie and simply moped. It was widely know that Celestia had a thing for teasing ponies from time to time with harmless jokes.

But... Pinkie? Seriously? What can I learn from-- Wait a minute, what did she just say?

Suddenly realizing that Pinkie could be very useful to her, she grabbed her friend by the cheeks to force the earth pony to look at her.

“Pinkie!” she said, “Did you say you love paintball?”

“Sure!” chimed Pinkie, unperturbed. “I love playing Paintball! I often host super-duper paintball parties with the foals from Ponyville school!”

Twilight’s eyes suddenly sparkled with delight. She’d been paired with a confirmed paintball player, even though she had never played the game in her life. She could just follow Pinkie around and watch her shoot all the other players. And even though she didn’t like to think of it that way, she would only have Pinkie to shoot down herself to be the last pony standing. Yes!

“Great!” said Twilight. “Okay Pinkie, let’s stick together! I suggest we start--”

She was cut abruptly in mid-speech by Pinkie sneezing loudly and suddenly, so hard that confetti came out of her snout. They both stood in surprise at what had just happened for a second. Then, Pinkie looked down at the ground and, upon seeing the confetti, gave a huge gasp before darting at full speed deep into the forest. Twilight watched her run away, her race halted now and then by more loud sneezes.

It took Twilight a while to comprehend exactly what had just happened. Then she realized that she’d just lost Pinkie. She was now alone in the game. Panicked, she started galloping in the forest, following the trail of confetti that Pinkie had left behind.

* * *

Holy mother of Celestia, how long does this thing go?

About an hour into the game, Twilight was still following the trail of confetti, and could see it go on endlessly in the woods. The shots had died down, the game becoming a stealthy hide-and-seek war, but she was still panicked. She could not afford to lose Pinkie on this one. Twilight Sparkle was a mare who needed knowledge to feel in control. Without any knowledge or experience whatsoever in paintball, she felt vulnerable and useless. She knew she ought to find Pinkie soon before she snapped and lost it again like she usually did when she couldn’t understand something.

She was just about to consider throwing it all to hell and calling Pinkie’s name out loud when the pink pony zipped past her with a sneeze. This time Twilight didn’t lose a second before grabbing the party pony with her magic, cutting her chase short.

As Twilight levitated Pinkie towards herself, the latter writhed inside her magic prison, sneezing as she did. Twilight gave her a stern expression.

“Now you stay with me!” she said. Pinkie gave her a pleading expression.

“Please, Twilight! You gotta -- achoo! -- you gotta let me go!”

“But we’re teammates! You can’t just run off into the wild this time! How am I supposed to get the p-- I mean, how am I supposed to learn about friendship through paintball if you’re not with me?”

“But -- achoo! -- This is super important! Don’t you see I’m -- achoo! -- sneezing confetti?”

“Yeah, so what?” asked Twilight. It occurred to her that a confetti-sneezing pony was by no means something you said ‘so what’ to. Then again, it wasn’t just any confetti-sneezing pony she was dealing with. “I’ve actually seen you sneeze confetti before, you didn’t seem to mind back then,” she said.

“Yeah but -- achoo! -- This is different! I’m sneezing hard and -- achoo! -- a lot! That’s my Pinkie sense in action!”

The words struck Twilight. She had learned in the past that Pinkie’s special sense was not just one of her many traits of randomness. She dropped the earth pony to the ground.

“What? Sneezing confetti is one of your Pinkie senses?” she asked before her friend could run away again.

“Yes! Achoo! Now I gotta run away or else--”

“Wait, wait! What does this one mean?”

Pinkie suddenly grabbed Twilight’s shoulders and stared straight into the unicorn’s eyes with an expression of utter seriousness.

“It meaaaaans,” she said, drawing out the word as if exasperated by Twilight’s repeated questions, “that there’s a big old meanie in the woods!”

Twilight stood on the spot, confused by what she had just heard. The fact that Pinkie’s eyes were literally touching hers was not helping.

“A... meanie?” she asked. “What do you mean?”

“I mean a meanie! A meanie is what I mean!”

Twilight didn’t know what was going on anymore. “Um... what?” she asked.

“Somewhere in this forest is somepony who’s up to no good! Somepony who wants to ruin the game for everyone! Achoo! Somepony who doesn’t want anypony else to have fun! And I can’t just let that slide!” She then gave Twilight a furious look that genuinely scared the unicorn. “I. just. can’t.

Twilight was pretty sure that she could see Pinkie’s eyes turn red, just like the time she learned that it was not a good idea to break a Pinkie promise.

The two stared at each other for an awkward few seconds before Pinkie was finally pulled out of her building rage by another sneeze of hers. She then looked at Twilight with a smile and jumped, her hooves flailing while she stayed in mid-air for longer than normally possible. “Gotta go!” she quipped.

Twilight cried out for Pinkie to wait, but it was too late, as she saw the party pony zip back into the woods once more.

She was back to square one. Twilight had found Pinkie, only to lose her again. Frustrated and tired of chasing after her, she was about to scream when she saw something interesting.

Above the endlessly green treeline, there was a large rock bluff, an outcropping of one of the mountains surrounding the forest. Twilight realized that from there she would be able to have a panoramic overhead view of the woods. If she could just reach that place, she would be able to spot the bright pink pony among the emerald trees in no time.

Feeling suddenly relieved, she was just about to teleport herself there when she realized that the Princess had forbidden that kind of magic. She lost no time, however, and started galloping towards the rocky bluff.

It was an hour before Twilight made it there, having had to go around the small mountain until she found a tunnel that went through the rock and up to the large bluff. In the end she was exhausted, but happy that she had finally arrived.

She didn’t expect somepony else to be there, however.

Twilight found herself staring at the back of a pony that was at the very end of the bluff. This pony, whom Twilight could tell was a mare because of her small frame, was kneeling on the ground, perfectly still. She seemed to be looking for somepony herself. Twilight’s eyes widened when she saw the large sniper next to the mare, pointed towards the forest. She realized that she had stumbled across another player.

Slowly, she tried to back into the tunnel, but gave her presence away by kicking a rock by mistake. The other player heard the sound, and spun around instantly. Twilight gasped, and held her breath as she expected to be shot on the spot. But suddenly she recognized who this other mare was. It was those eyes; they were unmistakable.

“... Derpy?”