Dealing with Writer's Block
Now that you have a successful story under your belt, there comes a time when you need to start thinking of new ideas and whatnot to add to your story that may or may not make sense in the long run. Writer’s block is a serious illness that affects a writer’s mind in ways unimaginably horrible ways that involve the rotting of the outer inner earlobe and other nasty things like the changing of one’s gender. This illness once it hits stage three is incurable and will probably result in an addiction to television and salty snacks.
My job, however is not to teach you of the many deadly illness that can be caught from sitting in a basement alone looking up questionable things while slacking off in story-writing. I’m here to help make sure you loyal reader never catch any illness and keep writing grade A- material for your loyal fans who are all just robots designed to make you feel happy in life. Dealing with writer’s block is a tough thing, almost as hard as trying to have Applejack buck down some zap apples three months before they’re due and then forcing her to go make solid gold out of them that will transform into grape jelly whenever someone makes a Molestia joke.
One way to help deal with writers block is to go to your local Pony-market and buy essence of intelligence at the cost of a limb or three. If you are unwilling to give up one of your limbs or do not have the required amount and are forced to write your fiction by smashing your face on the keyboard until words start to form, then there is an alternate solution or two that may work for you. These solutions may cost part or all of your fanbase, so make sure to think twice about the limb-loss solution before you decide to try these for the fate of all the figurative and non-existent characters you force to do pointless and possibly dangerous tasks along the insanity of forty three and a half Pinkie Pie clones.
The first of these questionably dangerous and insane solutions is to take a break for about a week or fifty. The longer you stray away from the literary world and stop thinking about Twilight gazing into your soul demanding that you write more about her Saturday so she isn’t left hanging off a cliff as Spike runs an endless distance, never quite reaching her before she falls, the less you worry about updating your stories. Unfortunately this solution leads to extreme cases of laziness and can subsequently cause heart attacks when you remember that you used to be a someone in the Literary realm when you told of Lyra and her problems of trying to flip the Earth upside down by standing on her head.
This course of action is deadly due to the substantial heart attacks and brain clots that form from the laziness threat ensues with a free life and nothing to do with it but vegetate in front of a TV wondering why Blues never talked in the show, but the safest way to proceed with writers block compared to the other solutions. The percent chance of death is lower than 10% in this course of actions. However this is a risky move to try as your hyper, candy-induced, spasmoid fanbase with an attention span of about three minutes will forget that they ever tried to read any of your pathetic stories and liked them. Your name will be back off the charts and you’ll be back at square one with the only proof of writing you have is a copy and pasted story about Pinkie pondering what it would be like to be a cupcake for three minutes near a hungry and rabid Winona.
Another solution to the problem of writer’s block that is a trite more painful than simply dropping off the face of the Earth for a few months involves a bat and the Writers head. A simple jog of the noggin can always produce ideas better than trying to drink until Ponies inhabit your vision so that they make you paranoid that they’re going to steal all of your pencils and sell them for various baked goods at the nearest crack dealer. Give yourself a little whack on the head, gripping the bat with both hands and swinging as fast as your muscles allow. If you don’t see ponies yet, then keep trying until a creepy version of Twilight comes and tries to convince you that everypony will die because of your negligence to the winery and keeping Berry Punch’s demonic mind under the wraps of hard liquor. If you are seeing blood, stop and call the police immediately, as you’ve taken an overdose of the bat treatment, and this may result in death by hyperventilating and pony overdose. Only when you lie bleeding on the floor may this occur.
This solution may get you hospitalized, and this is the perfect way to force you to write about how you are exactly like Rainbow Dash when she decided to take up reading. However this solution may affect your ability to think at certain times and may leave you not remembering where you are at certain times. Panic is sure to ensue, but when it does, calm yourself by imagining that Fluttershy is giving you a foot massage. Imagine that her hooves are running up your toes getting all of the stress out from your body, and she slowly and sensually rubs your legs to calm you down and make you feel happy and complete once more. Imagine that her hooves run up your leg and start to unbutton your pants as she reaches forward to... I’ve said too much.
The final solution that is an alternate to imagining Fluttershy naked on a bed, which is the only logical solution to choose in the first place regardless of what your original problem was, is to actually fight through it. This is the most dangerous solution of them all, as it requires an original thought to be produced and written down on paper as well as force you to solve mundane problems that can’t be fixed by typing it into google. This solution can cause productive thought and originality and must be avoided at all costs. Although it is effective, you will be regarded as an original who is constantly trying to come up with unheard of ideas like Luna hooking up Chrysalis who is actually disguised as Big Macintosh and they manage to go all the way and Luna becomes impregnated with Chrysalis’s baby changeling.
This solution is dangerous as you have to try and put humor and sadness into various creations and think up different scenarios for various things in your stories. You may even revert to adding to a previous story and trying to be creative while the public doesn’t even recognize your name. Sometimes you may even try to write a guide and fail horrifically to get a point across and know what it is you’re even talking about. This is the lowest stage a writer can sink and it is best to avoid this if it is possible, as it’s the equivalent of handing Luna’s power to raise the moon to say Pinkie who just decides to make it go at light speed and have the nights last for twelve seconds so that ponies can sleep for entire days without realizing it.
All in all the best solution to dealing with writers block is to make up some random shit that people will eventually read and maybe laugh at due to your ability to ramble and make up millions of different pointless scenarios in your mind. Good luck readers at dealing with this challenging illness that plagues humanity and which will probably kill us off before someone discovers a viable way to travel to Equestria and have us blow our minds by staring at the endless amount of female ponies available on the market that are too creeped out by our sloth-like and screwy ways to actually consider dating or talking to.
Remember that writer's block doesn't mean the end! it just means that you are a terrible person!