//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Friendship is Psionic // Story: Of Archon Toilets and Bioballs // by MiniPsyker //------------------------------// AKA Marine in the moon AKA Elements of Armory Previously, in Of Archon Toilets and Bioballs... Archon toilet sends Mike to Equestria. ... That's pretty much it. My little pony~ My little-- "NO!" "Is this supposed to be a psionic storm or something?" Mike asked as he pointed at the thunderbolts and the small whirlwind of dark smoke created by Nightmare Moon above him. "I've heard people saying Psionic Storms were weak but... This is just embarrassing." "Seize her! Only she knows where the princess is!" Mayor Mare exclaimed. Immediately, three royal guards flew towards Nightmare Moon, only to be shot off by thunder. Mike just bursted out laughing not because of the misfortune of the guards, but because the thunder did no damage at all appart from distracting them as she escaped. "Man, saying that this was an embarrassement was an understatement..." Mike could barely speak as he cleaned the laughing tear off his cheek. "You're all pretty cool, you know that?" He failed to understand the gravity of the situation. Twilight ran off the building as Mike laughed. Seeing as she was the only one he knew here he decided to follow her pace to wherever she went. Her house. "Elements, elements, elements... Ugh!! How can I stop Nightmare Moon without the Elelements of Harmony?!" "Nightmare Moon? So that's what that oversized black swan is called?" Mike asked, just lying on the floor resting. "And just what are the Elements of Harmony?!" Rainbow Dash violently asked as she flew towards Twilight. "How the HELL did you get in here--" Mike asked before being ignored and interrupted. "And how did you know about Nightmare Moon, huh?" Rainbow Dash continued. "Are you a spy?!" "Alright, I'm out. Enjoy your fancy hocus pocus while I try to figure out what the hell is going on around here." Mike ranted as he stood up and left the house, leaving his silhouette on the floor by sheer weight of his armor. "Okay so..." Mike said to himself as he scratched his visor outside Twilight's house. "Normally when I'm deployed wherever it is, I get a Command Center and 6 SCVs... And by sheer coincidence a mineral patch and two vespene geysers where I start. Even more coincidence there are more places like that scattered around too. Hmmmm..." He shrugged to himself and began circling Twilight's house, until he peeked from the side to the back of the house. There it layed eight mineral patches and two vespene geysers, as if the mysterious things followed him around to his benefit. "Is good." He began walking towards it until he was where a Command Center would be placed, standing as he stared around. "Ok, all I need is a Command Center right here... And a few SCVs. Now, how am I supposed to get them here if I don't have any SCVs and minerals to begin with? Uhhh... Oh right, I'm new to this place." He walked a few steps away and clapped his hands. Magically, a Command Center and six SCVs appeared as he blinked, as if they were there all along yet not a few seconds ago. "Woohoo!" He said as he threw his arms up in the air as several SCVs harvested the minerals, an SCV finishing a supply depot, and then immediately start building the first barracks. "Say, I don't have any Zerg, Terran or Protoss opponent here.. What am I supposed to do?" he loudly thought. "Wait, I think Nightmare whatever she's called is the opponent of these pastel-coloured talking equines. Meh, might as well make it my opponent too." "It is said, the last known location of the five elements was in the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters." Twilight spoke to her friends while outside the window a dark, shadowy fog silently stared inside. That fog turned away and floated to an unknown direction, though its action could also be confused as running away since Mike and no less than a hundred terran marines began shooting and chasing it. "You cannot run forever!!" Mike screamed insanely loud as he clinged to a marine's back. "Get over here!!" The shots and scream of every single marine echoed in the night, waking everyone up and making them look out of the window to see what the ruckus is about, only to immediately shut their windows as stray bullets destroyed windows, clothes set to dry outside, trees, plants, doors, and almost hitting Lyra in the face. Though she didn't even flinch, she was just heartcrushingly staring at the hundred creatures which had hands. Every single one of them, with hands. They kept on chasing for kilometres and kilometres, not realizing the entire force had entered the Everfree Forest. They all left great footsteps on the ground due to their incredible weight, somehow not running out of ammo even though they shot all their way here. Anyone would say they'd have already emptied the entire US arsenal by now. Following the fog, they ran and ran a great distance, until they reached a cliff. Normally anyone would stop but the force kept running until half of it fell to their deaths below. "Dammit." Mike ranted as he threw his rifle to the floor, reaching a dead end. As the heavy rifle impacted the ground, great cracks could be seen and heard on the ground. Everyone knew what was going to happen. "Nobody move a muscle!" Mike ordered as he threw his arms in the air. The situation became stressful, the cracks stopped growing but they were forced to be immobile, Mike already sweating his heart out. A drop of sweat travelled his forehead, and then cheek, falling off his head and striking the ground. Apparently it was enough weight to make the cliff outright break appart, sending everyone down below as they screamed. "God f..." Mike almost said, holding his head in pain. "The hell was that?" He yelled. Later, a group of ten marines appeared in the distance and walked up to him, they were fresh marine reinforcements from the barracks behind Twilight's house, who immediately dog piled on the poor commander. "Nonononowaitdontdotha-- AUGH-- GAH-- AEGH-- PAINPAINPAIN-- AAAGH--". After it cleared out, he stood up and dusted off his armor. "Damned rally points... Next time I won't set myself as a rally point... Anyone seen that fog?" A marine pointed forward. "Thanks chum. Move!" He ordered the force that were now the same size as before thanks to the reinforcements. They walked down a path until they reached something in the distance, though not close enough to be seen. Mike stepped forward and turned to his force. "Alright, we're about to meet something unkown. Everyone knows the protocols? Ok, what if it's a hostile?" A marine raised his hand. "Yes?" "We shoot it." "Perfect. What if it's neutral?" Another marine raised his hand. "We shoot it." "Splendid. And if it's a friendly?" Yet another marine raised his hand. "We shoot it." "That's the spirit. And if it's just a rock?" "We shoot it out of the way." Everyone said in unison. "You all make me so proud..." Mike said as he cleared a tear off his cheek. "Forward!" The force moved forward until the object could be seen clearly. A manticore. Obviously Mike had no idea what it was. Everyone prepared their guns towards it and Mike prepared to give the order, though his mind changed as the manticore woke up and charged towards the force. "Run for your lives!!" Mike screamed. The entire force scrambled. Shots and screams deafened and blinded anyone for hours, until somehow Mike and a small force managed to lose the beast. Hell knows what happened to the rest. Another batch of marine reinforcements arrived, apparently they were more like cannon fodder than true soldiers. "Well, we managed to get out of that one with our limbs intact..." A marine said as they all kept on walking. "I don't-- Wait... Oh man, did I step on sh--" He was cut short by the image of furious and horrifying trees surrounding them, who would send anyone insane. The force kept silent with their faces straight, they didn't even shoot their rifles, only stared. But not a second later the entire marine force screamed for their lives even louder than with the manticore, unloading their rifles with enough power to cut down an entire forest, this forest, if it wasn't for the fact that they just blindly shot their guns to the air, ground, and everything inbetween. Mike crawled out of the forest with several marines running like little girls shooting around. He was panting, petrified, seeing horrors that no man should have ever seen. His mind was scarred, horrified, crushed, traumatized... But then he got better. "Jesus, just what are these things..." He asked himself. "Sir, obstacle in sight. The fog went that way." A marine said as he pointed to a turbulent river. "A river... Seems easy enough." He said as he stood up and cleaned the mud off his armor. "Source of the turmoil?" "A fabulously flamboyant sea serpent with half a moustache, sir. Shall we deal with it?" "Nah, I got a better idea." He said. He then walked right up to the river and stared at it for a moment, before coming up with a plan. A masterplan. A plan with no flaw whatsoever, which not even Machiavelli or Sun Tzu would even dare to question. "Forward!!" The entire marine force blindly rushed towards the river, sinking and experiencing an already obvious fate. The force kept charging and charging, hundreds and hundreds of marines throwing their lives away as if this was something out of the Imperial Guard of Warhammer 40k. "Keep moving!" Mike yelled, just standing there as he saw the great marine migration. Soon enough the amount of corpses piled up and made a makeshift bridge for him to cross. "This is the smartest plan I've ever made." He boasted as he crossed the 'bridge'. The force kept walking, with marine reinforcements reaching them until it became the same size they started with. They walked and walked until they reached a cliff with a bridge, and on the other side, the Ancient castle of the royal pony sisters. "Finally!" Mike sighed in relief. "Forward, men!" The marines began crossing the bridge, but the heavy weight made it collapse and sending the ones who were crossing it to the depths below. "God f..." Mike ranted. Now only half a bridge remained, supported by a single rope. "Should we get transport?" A marine asked. "I've got a better idea..." A ridiculously high tower of marines who sat on top of each other's shoulder rose from the woods, desperately trying to keep balance, complaining as loud as their voice allowed, until it charged forward and threw itself on the division. Ridiculously enough, the plan was successful. A makeshift bridge was created. Mike and the force crossed it, but as soon as Mike reached the other side the bridge collapsed sending everyone to the depths below. Now only Mike remained, except for five flying barracks that flew towards him, landed next to him and began pumping marines once again. "Job well done." He said as he patted himself on the back. "Rainbow~" A voice echoed in the mist. "Who's there?" Mike heard Rainbow Dash asking. Trying to figure out where she was, he walked back to the bridge the mist covered. He was out of sight, but he could see Rainbow looking around confused. "I ain't scared of you, show yourself!" "We've been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the best flier in Equestria..." "Who?" "Why, you of course." "Really?! I-I mean, oh yeah, me!" Mike rubbed his nose bridge at still not understand half of the stuff that was going on, and instead focusing himself on actually figuring out what to do next. "No, Rainbow Dash, we want you to join us... The Shadowbolts." Mike's not-so-bright mind saw the dark blue colours that reminded him of the fog, and with the snap of his mechanized fingers, he gave an order. No less than 20 marines clad in steel power armor jumped out of the fog and ganged up on the three Shadowbolts, punching them into submission hard enough to make them turn into a certain dark blue fog. The marines kept punching whatever was left with such brutality that they ended up digging themselves to the ground, yet they didn't stop. Rainbow Dash was dumbfounded. "Well hello there." Mike greeted Rainbow Dash while his marines punched the earth hard enough to dig to China. Or whatever the Equestria equivalent of it would be. "W-wha...?" She tried returning to reality, until she snapped out of her trance by the remindal that she had to tie the rope. She tied it, and once she turned back to Mike and his force of a hundred marines, she returned to her trance once again. The mane six crossed the bridge cheering for her, only to enter the trance as well once they saw Mike and his force. "H-h-how the-- when-- Where did all those 'Terrans' come from?!" Twilight thought Mike was the only Terran she knew. He only shrugged. "Well... You put around 50 minerals in that building behind me and... That building flashes... And... A marine just appears. I dunno." "..." "..." "So... Nightmare Moon..." Mike tried changing the topic. "...Right..." The seven of them awkwardly walked inside the Ancient castle of the royal etc., seeing before them a giant structure with the five elements of harmony in each arm. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, one by one, carried down the great stones to the floor in front of Twilight Sparkle. "One, two, three, four... There's only five." Pinkie Pie stated. "Where's the sixth?" Rainbow Dash asked. Mike just hummed an old country song to himself without a care in the world as he ignored what the ponies were saying, figuring it was their business and he'd not understand anything anyways. After a while he saw that everyone but Twilight was leaving the building. "Uhhh... Ponies?" He tried asking as he turned to the door, not understanding why they were leaving, nor why Twilight remained. But in the shadows, out of everyone's sight but his, he saw a dark blue fog rising, and somehow hear a dramatic chord ringing in his head as if it was part of the scene. "ROIGHT DEN, UP AN' AT 'EM, BOYZ!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, aiming his gun at the fog and shooting, frightening Twilight. At this moment Terran Marines flooded in from the door, broke through the windows, rappelled down the roof, and tactically threw themselves to the ground through a hole in the ceiling. Hundreds upon hundreds of red-coloured terrans screaming gibberish as if they were drunk shooting at a strange cloud, drowning every single sound that might occur. The fog kept moving towards the Elements. Marines climbing up the walls to get a better line of fire, others ninja-ing the structure to strategically redeploy at the cloud's position, and others just blasting death metal out of their suits. This is exactly the kind of stuff that'd happen if you gave an army gratuitous amounts of alcohol and guns, and worse yet, it seemed as if they'd never run out of ammo. The fog became a whirlwind, marines throwing themselves at it and being caught in the tornado until it became a tornado made entirely out of marines and bullets, mostly bullets, until it shrunk and teleported somewhere else. The marines who remained broke through the walls chasing it. Needless to say the ponies who were outside already knew something bad was happening as part of the castle crumbled upon itself. In another part of the castle, several marines, Mike, Twilight and the dark blue fog appeared, the fighting continuing upon every inch of the room. Bullets and gibberish flew side by side. "INCOMING!" "WE NEED A DETECTOR!!" "THERE ARE NO CLOAKED UNITS YOU DUMB FUCK!" The gibberish became incomprehensible at this point as bullets and bodies flew left and right, until all of a sudden three flying barracks embeded themselves to the wall of the castle, breaking through and pumping marines as the building flashed like a rave moshpit. Nightmare Moon materialized right in a corner of the room, with the Elements of Harmony beside her. Every single marine in the room began stabbing her with bullets to no effect, she didn't even flinch. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!" A marine yelled. "AN OVERSIZED BLACK SWAN, RETARD!! WHAT ELSE!?" "THAT THING HAS 'INVINCIBLE' TRAIT! IT DOESNT EVEN HAVE HITPOINTS!!" "KEEP SHOOTING!! WE'LL DROWN THAT THING WITH BULLETS AND BODIES!!" The death metal and screams became louder and louder, with even more barracks kamikaze-ing themselves to the building. It was like the Battle of Stalingrad in WW2 seen through the eyes of a guy ODing in LSD and vodka. A stray bullet, or to be more specific, around several hundred thousand stray bullets struck the Elements of Harmony, destroying them. Everyone stopped shooting and just looked at the mess. "Whoops..." Everyone said in unison before blasting death metal and bullets again. Lead production sure skyrocketed that day. Or night. "Hahahaha!" Nightmare Moon laughed to herself as she flew around the room dodging the falling debris and parts of the ceiling, not realizing Mike was clinging on her back with his cheeks almost tearing appart due to the wind of such speed. He could not only say anything coherent, only gibberish mixed with pain of his mouth being distorted by the wind. Not after long, however, Twilight began speaking, though the sound drowned her voice so Mike couldn't hear her. Then, Nightmare Moon suddenly stopped moving, sending Mike into a wall due to the inertia. He flipped the finger at her as he laid upside down in a corner. What caught his attention, however, were the shards of the destroyed Elements of Harmony gathering around five of the six pastel-coloured talking small equines. Then, they lit up, blinding everyone in the room and reappearing as a necklace on each one, and a crown on Twilight. Immediately thereafter, a rainbow was shot out of the group, aimed towards Nightmare Moon herself, who could only yell before she was struck. Twilight's eyes lit completely white, before a blinding light once again struck everyone. "Augh... My head..." Rainbow Dash complained. "Everypony alright...?" Applejack asked just to be sure. "I'm not." Mike said with excruciating pain in his voice, just before a big bad ball of marines fell on top of him, knocking him out. The entire marine force in the room and outside was dead. By their own stray bullets. What a shame. "I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria. She must continue to study the magic of friendship. She must report to me her findings from her new home in Ponyville." Everyone began cheering, with the mane 6 grouping together to share the happiness. "Thank you Princess Celestia, I'll study harder than ever before!" Twilight said with extreme joy. "BEEP BEEP SUCKAS, GOLDEN EXPANSION IN SIGHT." Mike yelled as he rode a flying Command Center dangerously close to the surface, with a flying barracks and a flying factory following his lead. "...What's that thing?" Both Luna and Celestia asked in unison.