//------------------------------// // A New Leaf // Story: An Affliction of the Heart // by Anonymous Pegasus //------------------------------// Warden cast his gaze about furtively as he picked up the spray bottle and the bucket, slinging them over his wing and then very quietly stepping out the front door of his home. Kuno was sleeping in her room again, and it was late enough for him to be certain that she wouldn’t be roused. The pegasus quietly closed the door behind himself, and then sat down on his haunches, waiting. He waited a full twenty minutes, for his eyes to adjust fully to the moon and starlight. Once he could see adequately, he moved to his garden, picking a bouquet of flowers that he specially grew. Once he had collected all he needed, Warden walked quietly away from the house, and then took to the air, winging towards the Everfree. It was a quiet little spot. A little hill rested at the edge of the Everfree, with long tendrils of grass, black in the darkness, swaying this way and that, a living carpet. The hill was devoid of trees except for the old oak at the very top, and crested high enough that when you sat underneath the oak tree, you could see across the canopy of the Everfree for miles. It was a special spot for Warden. It was where Swarm had taken him on their first date, and they had shared a sweet little wagon-shaped honey sculpture. It was the spot where Swarm had proposed to him, fitting a hardened honey-sculpture ring over the first primary feather of his wing. And it was also where Swarm was buried. Quietly, Warden stepped over to the gravestone beneath the big oak tree, the grass whispering in the wind and swaying against his stomach and legs. Carefully, the pegasus set down his bucket, and pulled out the bouquet of flowers, placing them gently in front of the picture that was affixed to the stone, a picture of Swarm. “H-hi hun,” Warden whispered softly, as he drew back respectfully, and then dropped onto his stomach, resting his chin on his forehooves and staring up at the picture. “I know I promised to visit you more often... but I’ve been busy. I know you’ll forgive me.” Warden pulled out the spray bottle, and then carefully sprayed some of the mixture over the flowers, so they would last longer before they withered away. “I met someone. She’s really... well. She’s not nice. She’s... a bit like you, I guess. Really headstrong. Probably has a lot of the same stubborn streak too. But... she’s a changeling. And yeah, it’s pretty crazy, isn’t it?” The pegasus sighed faintly, shaking his head and brushing a hoof through his mane as he tried to collect his thoughts. “I... I really like her. Not as much as you. But... she’s nice. I think maybe I can even change her. Do a little good for once. You never could stand to see me feeling sorry for myself.” Warden hesitated then, ashamed to the point that he even felt self-conscious admitting it to the hunk of stone and the flat, emotionless paper with patterns on it representing his dead wife. “S-she’s... she’s offered to help me get Daggertail off my back. And then I could grow Aurora for the hospital... wouldn’t that be great?” The pegasus sighed sadly, looking down at his forehooves. “...I miss you. Having Kuno around... she reminds me of you... and it’s nice... but it hurts too. I-I wish you were still here, Swarm. I really, really do... I wanna hear your voice... I want you to hug me...” Warden trailed off, laying his nose on his hoof and closing his eyes, a teardrop spilling down one cheek as he whispered brokenly. “I-I want you to not be gone...” Time was immaterial to Warden, and he wasn’t sure how long it was before he heard a rustle of movement behind him. “W-Warden?” a familiar voice asked. Warden didn’t respond, just laying there. He should have known that Kuno would follow him. A weight settled at his side as Kuno laid down besides him, gently touching his shoulder. “Are you okay?” Warden nodded, turning his head away from the changeling and wiping his eyes furtively with a wing, trying not to let her see. “I-I’m fine,” he murmured, taking a deep, steadying breath. “Just... just delivering some flowers.” “This is Swarm, isn’t it?” Kuno asked unnecessarily, gently pressing herself to Warden’s side. Warden nodded mutely. “I heard you talking...” Kuno murmured, gently nuzzling against the pegasus’ cheek with her own. “I couldn’t make out much... you miss her, don’t you?” Again, the pegasus nodded without saying anything, his ears splaying back and his wings drooping. “I... can’t say I’ve ever lost anypony I really care about... so I don’t know how you feel. I’m not sure I can really help... is there anything I can do?” Kuno asked sympathetically, stroking a hoof down the pegasus’ back soothingly. Warden turned to face her, and then lifted a hoof to drape over her as he laid his chin on her shoulder. “Just... stay here with me for a little while...” “Was she a nice pony?” Kuno asked, wiggling closer to the stallion and gently rubbing a hoof against the top of one of his wings. Warden nodded silently, pressing his nose into Kuno’s neck with a soft sigh. “The nicest... but she wasn’t always nice... she was... I dunno how to explain it. If I needed support, she was there, but if I needed a swift kick up the tail to get me to do something, she was there just as quick to deliver it. She was... perfect. And she was all mine. And she wanted me. She didn’t care that I’m wimpy and not likely to ever win any fights. She didn’t care that I let ponies walk all over me... she was just happy with me.” “You say that like it’s a crazy thing,” Kuno said with a frown, gently nudging the pegasus. “No one should want me...” Warden said, wrinkling his nose with disgust. “I know exactly what I have to do to better myself. To make my situation right... But I never do it. I’m always too scared, too wimpy.” Kuno frowned further at that, squeezing the pegasus a little with her forehooves. “You’re not that bad, you know.” Warden gave a hollow laugh at that, shaking his head. “You only say that because I’m the only pony you’ve ever met outside of your disguise.” The changeling stared at the pegasus for a long moment, and then nodded gently. “Exactly.” The pegasus blinked once, confused. “What?” “You’re the only pony I ever knew outside of my disguise. You’re the only pony who’s ever shown me kindness. You looked at me and didn’t just see a changeling... you saw something else,” Kuno said, nudging her nose against him reassuringly. “I’ve been with hundreds of loving stallions... I’ve gazed into their hearts. But you’re a step above them.” “I-it’s nice of you to lie for me,” Warden said with a half-laugh, laying his chin on the changeling’s shoulder again. “You’d give it all up for one more day with her, wouldn’t you?” Kuno asked softly. Warden nodded slowly, staring down at his hooves. “In an instant... Just to feel her hug me again... to hear her voice, to touch her mane... to see her smile...” the pegasus trailed off, grimacing and shaking his head, biting the inside of his lip so hard he drew blood. Kuno wrapped her hooves around the pegasus, squeezing him tightly, rubbing her nose in against his neck gently. “You don’t have to be strong for me, Warden. Let it out.” The pegasus gripped the changeling tightly in his forehooves, holding her close and burying his nose against the hollow of her throat, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks. “I just... I didn’t even get to say goodbye. She was just gone. Gone because I’m weak.” Kuno made a soothing sound, gently stroking a hoof through Warden’s mane. “Some days... hell, most days, I wish it was me. It’s like some cruel joke that the useless one got left behind,” Warden said with a shake of his head. The changeling nodded gently at that, leaning down to soothingly rub her nose against his forehead. “Do I mean anything to you, Warden?” “Yes... no... I don’t know...” Warden said helplessly, his ears splaying back against his skull. “I-I like you... You remind me of Swarm so much... I don’t even care any more that you’re not a pony.” “If it was you instead of Swarm who died, then I would have died as well,” Kuno pointed out in a soft tone, nodding in affirmation. “So some good came of you.” “I...” Warden trailed off, shaking his head. “How does it feel, to lose somepony so important?” Kuno asked gently, genuinely curious. “It... It’s like... It’s like having your heart ripped from your chest, but you still go on living. It’s like losing your wings... or your eyes. There’s  this part of you that’s so... so deeply entwined with them that when they’re gone, it goes as well... and it never stops hurting. And every time you’re reminded of them, i-it’s like having salt rubbed into an open wound. It’s like losing them all over again...” Kuno paled at that, her own ears splaying back. “That doesn’t sound pleasant,” she murmured softly. “What...  what does it feel like to be in love?” Warden paused at that, untangling himself enough from the changeling to look up at her, face streaked with tears. “It’s... it’s indescribable. It completes you. It makes you feel like you can do anything. It makes you so happy it hurts... It puts a smile on your face even if you want to cry.” Kuno nodded gently, rubbing her nose against Warden’s cheek slowly. “Swarm loved you?” Warden nodded mutely, clenching his teeth and looking away. Kuno gently pulled him back around to face her, looking into his eyes. “Do you think Swarm would want you to be sad?” “Swarm would... Swarm would want me to be happy...” Warden whispered softly. “I’ve felt you falling in love with me Warden. I’m a changeling... I know these things,” she said gently, lifting her hooves to stroke over his ears gently. Warden lowered his head, but his silence was affirmation enough. “I know it must feel like... like your heart is betraying you. Like you’re turning your back on Swarm for a monster like me... but...” Kuno trailed off, biting her bottom lip, and then casting her gaze towards the grave stone. “Would Swarm be up there, telling you to be miserable? Honestly?” Warden shook his head gently. “She’d be shaking her hoof at me, trying her best to whack me over the head and telling me to get out there and enjoy myself...” Kuno nodded softly, and then wrapped the pegasus up in a hug. “You need to stop living in the past Warden. What do you see your future as? Do you want to be growing Aurora for Daggertail for the next decade?” Warden stare down at his hooves. “I... I haven’t really thought much about the future.” Kuno nodded once more, gently nudging his cheek with her nose. “You probably think that your life is already over, and this is just the fading embers of the fire you and Swarm shared... but it’s not. You still have a life to live. You have to let her go, Warden. She’s gone. Don’t you ever dare forget her... but don’t make yourself miserable on her account. It’s not what she would have wanted.” the pegasus stared at his hooves in silence for several long moments after that, and even though his tone was firm, his voice broke as he said, “I-I want to be alone.” The changeling could only nod again, gently hugging the stallion, before drawing away and quietly slipping down the hill. Warden cried silently, all alone at the top of the hill, under the big oak tree in front of his wife’s grave. “I-I’ve decided, hun... I-I’m turning over a new leaf. I’m not... not gonna get stepped on any more... I’m not going to be miserable,” the pegasus murmured, trying to steady his breathing. Carefully, he rose to his hooves, and stumbled over to the headstone, gripping it in both hooves. He leaned forwards and pressed a shaky kiss on the photo of his dead wife, and then averted his gaze, biting his bottom lip. Tears stained the flowers as he picked them up, and then wrapped his hoof around the buds, twisting. “I... I know you want me to be happy, Swarm... I’ll never forget you... I just hope that you’ll...” Warden had to stop then, as his throat constricted, and he turned away again. Gritting his teeth, he turned back to the gravestone with fresh resolve. “I... I just hope you forgive me...” The pegasus held up his hoof, letting the stem of the flowers fall. They had always been Swarm’s favorites. Opening his hoof,Warden let the red petals fall, littering the grave of his wife, before the wind picked them up and threw them into the air in a beautiful display, fading into the darkness of the night. “Goodbye, Swarm...” Warden whispered as he turned away and started down the hill towards his new life. Warden took his time getting home, quietly slipping back inside and closing the door after himself. He placed down his bucket and spray bottle, and then crawled into his bed, hugging his pillow tight against his chest and burying his face against it. His tears had long since dried, and he felt drained, emotionally and physically. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel like crying when he thought about Swarm. There was the sensation of movement, and then a gentle weight on his bed as Kuno tentatively stepped closer, laying herself out along the pegasus’ back. Warden rolled over, wrapping his hooves around the changeling and squeezing her tight against his chest and kissing her fiercely. Kuno gave a soft sound at his forcefulness, pressing herself to his form. The pegasus pulled back after a moment, and then gave a soft smile, peering at the changeling in the darkness. “Thank you, Kuno... just... thank you.” “No more tears?” Kuno asked softly, gently nudging her nose against his own. “No more tears.” Warden affirmed, holding the changeling close.