Taking Life by the Horns

by Judoon_Warrior

My Little Accident

So Tim's just run off to work and left me here by myself today. ‘Okay’ I thought to myself, lets see what Tim's left for me. Wow glasses of water that's very nice of him I thought, sarcastically. How the hell am I supposed to pick them up with hooves? He also left me chips and fruit bars, neither of which can be easily opened with hooves. He also left me the phone, the remote and a pen. 'How the hell am I suppose to use any of these things, and why a pen but no paper?'

Tick, Tick, Tick

"Ohhhhhh" I say after a moment of thought, hitting my face with my hoof. Now I get it, I use the pen to press the buttons on the remote and phone. God I'm thick sometimes. Ok, now that I've figured out how to use the remote, time to watch some TV. I try to grab the remote in order to aim it at the TV, but the remote falls down in between the couch cushions. Great! Of course it falls between the cushions! I try reaching for the remote from the couch, but my arms are now too short to reach the remote, 'Fine, I don't need to watch TV! I can keep myself entertained.'

'Ok I'm bored now.' I think, still staring at the powerless TV. I jump off the couch and immediately fall flat on my face. 'This is happening way too often today.' I try to stand back up but have little success, 'Standing up should not be this difficult' giving up on the idea of walking properly, I then crawl over to the couch and start digging under the cushions for the remote.
"Come on just a little bit further" there we go, I can feel the remote now to try and grab it. Dammit this is a lot harder without hands. “Hooray!” I cheer as I finally grab the remote. Now to put something on.

*Click
"...Coming up on America's Next Top Model..."
*Click
"...Space the final frontier..."
*Click
"...Adventure Time come on grab your friends..."
"Hell yeah! Adventure Time marathon, this should keep me entertained for most of the day Ohhhhhhhhhhh"

*Grugurgrpgurrghghghg My stomach complains loudly.
"Heh heh heh, food, right." I reach for one of the fruit bars Tim has left for me and fumble as I try to open them
"Argh! Why is it so hard to open these stupid things without hands? Well... Because I don’t have hands I suppose." I fumble with the bar for a little bit longer before tossing it away in a huff.
"Fine! I didn't want one anyway." I then grab the bag of chips which I fiddle with for a bit, I then bring my hooves together suddenly with the bag in the middle causing the bag and its contents to explode everywhere.
'Well that's one way to open a bag of chips.' I start to eat the chips that are now covering the couch. I then reach over to the glasses of water to grab one but, forgetting I don't have hands, I instead bump into one of the glasses and knock them all over. "Crap!” I shout as I try to use my hooves to wipe most of the water away, but I end up causing the glasses and the remote to fall onto the floor instead. When the remote hits the floor it causes the TV to turn off and the batteries to fall out.

I stare at the batteries for a while before deciding there is really no way for me to put them back in. Back to my most recent issue, chips a meal does not make. Before I go to the fridge to get food I probably should listen to Tim’s advice and learn to walk

“Yes, I have Finally mastered the art of walking as a Pony” I say to myself ,I don’t know whether I should be happy about this or sad that I’m so happy about finally being able to do this supposed simple task.
*Grugurgrpgurrghghghg “hehehe I forgot the reason I was learning to walk, to the kitchen”
I open the fridge at start looking for something to eat and spot some apples sitting on the top shelf, I try reaching for them with my hoof but I'm too short, so I jump up and grab an apple, unfortunately as I start to come down from the jump I hit some of the shelves and cause them and their contents to collapse, covering me in a mixture of sauces, drinks and other fridge related foods. I lick some of the food that has fallen on me, I immediately regret that decision
"Ewwwww, this yogurts gone off." I mumble. Now I need to have a shower, I kick the fridge shut in my frustration and hear the remaining shelves in the fridge collapse
"Tim is so going to kill me when he gets home."

I decide to take a bath instead of a shower as there is no way as I am can I reach the taps in the shower in this body. I walk over to the bath and put the plug in and turn the knobs with both my hooves to start the water. Then I lay back and relax as the warm water washes over me.
"ahhhh this should clean of this mess." I grab for the soap, but it slips out from between my hooves and hits the roof, then my head, and then lands on the other side of the bathroom. "Fine" I yell at the soap "I didn't want to use you anyway"
I then look back at the bath and see that is close to overflowing, so I try to turn the tap off but, my hooves now have soap on them and they are slipping on the knobs. The water then starts to flow over the side of the bath. "Shit shit shit shit" I now frantically try turning the knob off but, by putting more pressure on the knob I cause it to break off. "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" I frantically try to put the knob back on, while I'm doing this the water continues to flow over the side of the bath, I decide to try something else so I pull the plug out. This stops the water from flowing over but it doesn't solve the broken knob problem. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself down. After doing this I open them again and try to see if I can solve this problem. I take a careful look at the knob and the wall and realise that if I had just calmed down earlier I would have noticed that the knob just slides back in. I place the knob back on and turn the water off “Few” I say while wiping my brow. I look around the bathroom at the mess that I’ve made “Oh well” I shrug “Tim can clean this up later.” I look down at myself and see that I’m completely clean now “Wow” I say “I didn’t even start cleaning myself and I’m now spotless. Thank you cartoon physics” I hop out of the bath and start shaking off. My coat and mane then puff out and I kind of look like a giant puffball. I give myself one more big shake and my mane and coat go back to how they are normally.

I take a seat on the couch and think about what I should do know. I can’t watch TV as I’ve broken the remote, I can’t eat anything as I’ve broken all the food in the fridge, so what can I do.

*Ping
“Yes I can go play DOTA” I go off to my room and jump into my seat and try to turn on my laptop. I try to use my hoof to turn it on but I can’t press the on button “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” I scream, I then break down in tears over my loss of DOTA.

“Why God why, I want to be able to play Dota” I cry to myself

“What have I done to deserve this I just want to play Dota with my friends is that to much to ask” I continue crying into my hooves “NO! I’m better than this, I will no longer cry over this game” Ithen hear the garage door opening, Tim must be home, I walk out into the lounge room and see the massive mess everywhere ‘oh shit, Tim’s going to go ballistic when he see’s this’ I then do the only sensible thing you can do in this situation, I run and hide under my bed. ‘What I’m I” I think to myself ‘Am I a man or a mouse’ I look at myself ‘well technically I’m not a man anymore but that’s beside the point I should man up to what I’ve done Tim won’t be that angry, will he?’

“ALEX” I hear Tim yell. I gulp and walk into the Kitchen as casually as I can “I might have had a little accident” I say to Tim. Tim just sighs and walk over to the mess and starts cleaning.

‘Yeah’ we finally finished cleaning up the mess and by we I mean Tim, for some reason he didn’t exactly trust me when it came to cleaning up the mess.
"Wow, I didn't know something as small as you could make a mess that big!" Tim says sarcastically
"Hey!” I say “I'm the only sarcastic guy in this family, and its not completely my fault, its these!!" I say shaking my hooves in his face.
"Don't worry” he says with a grin on his face “I'll get back at you tomorrow for this mess. So who wants dinner?"
I raise my hoof in the air and say "Me!"
"Alright, I'll go make your dinner" Tim then goes off to the kitchen and makes dinner. He comes back shortly with a salad for me and sandwich for himself. I start eating my salad when I smell what Tim has put in his sandwich, he’s made a bacon and egg sandwich, God he’s an arsehole he know’s that’s one of my favourite meal. Tim then says "Ohhh this sandwich is so nice, and the bacon, it's so crispy!" Dam you Tim you have to rub it in as much as you can. Once he finishes his sandwich he then lick his fingers for good measure.
"I hate you so much right now" I say to him and then stick out my tongue. I hop out of my seat and start walking to my room to go to bed as I suddenly feel really tired.
"You going to bed already?” I hear Tim call out to me “It's not even ten yet?"
"I know” I say back to him “but I feel tired, so I'm going to go to bed, especially since I can't play DOTA any more!" I shed a manly tear at that thought and go to bed.

I'm now sitting at a desk in a classroom, I start looking around to see where I am, I then realise that I recognise the classroom I'm in. This is my classroom from when I was in primary school, what am I doing here? I try to stand up but I feel as if I've been glued to the seat. I look down to see what the problem is and see that I'm back in my human body. "Yes! I'm human again I've got hands..." I say while rubbing my hands together "I'm a man again and most importantly I've got my beard back" I start rubbing my beard affectionately with both my hands. “Ehem” I look over to where the sound came from. Standing in front of me is Cherilee "If you have finished fondling your beard Alex, we need to have a serious talk"