//------------------------------// // Chapter 23 // Story: The Jerk // by Perception Filter //------------------------------// The Jerk Chapter 23 “How much longer you fucking mungo?” “Hey, calm the fuck down. I don’t know how long this will take.” “Well, I’m getting bored.” “What the fuck do you want me to do about it?” “I don’t know. Entertain me.” “Screw off, I’m not your fucking babysitter.”         Macready and I were sitting on the wall of our small cavern, with only the light of the glowing pods to keep the room seeable. The kid let out a weary sigh as he looked around. “Well, what are we going to do? Starve? That sounds preferable to sitting here doing nothing for one more second.” “Be my guest. I plan to keep on living. That Chrysalis bitch is going to pay.” I cracked my knuckles. “Who?” he asked, cocking his head. “Oh, sorry, I forgot you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her. She’s the queen of the bug-fucks, and I killed her.” “If you killed her, how is she still alive?” “Something to do with some bullshit bacteria keeping her alive. When I meet her again, I plan on ripping off each of her limbs and beating her with them until she bleeds to death. Then, I’ll shove a plasma grenade down her throat and detonate it.” Macready stared for a moment. “Is it really necessary to be that gruesome?” I shrugged in response. “I’m not letting that bitch live. She is massively egotistical and took over the ponies country. In my opinion, those kind of people have no right to exist.” “You didn’t answer my question.” “Yes, all that violence is necessary because I’m not giving her a chance in hell of living.”         Right as I said that, a maniacal chuckle resounded through the room. I groaned. “I’m really sad that you broke out of our conversion pods. You two were actually the most promising of our subjects,” said the voice.         Macready looked toward me for clarification. “It’s the egotistical bitch.” “Ah.” “But since you choose to keep resisting, there’s only one path for you.” “Oh really?” I asked in feign surprise. “And what would that be?” “Why death of course!” “What a shocker.” I replied sarcastically. “Listen. Just let us out of here right now, and your death will be relatively painless.” “Oh! I thought you planned to rip off my limbs and beat me with them!” “Yeah, but I said I’ll make it painless. Besides, how do you plan on killing us in here anyways?” “Well, I originally planned to flood the room with gas, but my Changelings begged me to have the honor of spilling your blood. What kind of monarch would I be if I didn’t listen to my subjects?” “The smart kind,” I muttered under my breath, smiling, and she didn’t hear me. “Let the floodgates OPEN!” she shouted and a wall disappeared. I shrugged it off, I had seen weirder. On the other side of the once-be-wall, was another mob of Changelings. And once again, they were the mixed kind. Undead and alive ones jumbled together. “When are you fuckers going to learn? Mobs don’t help for jack SHIT!” I yelled at the ceiling, but got no response. They charged forwards, eager to spill our blood. “Hope you’re ready kid,” I muttered to Macready. “Why? What’s going to happen?” “We’re going to charge through that mob over yonder.” The said mob was fairly close now. I could make out the individual Changelings. “Charge through them?!” he asked, incredulous. “You’re fucking insane Mungo!” “Thank goodness for that, because if I wasn’t this would probably never work!” I smiled insanely and grabbed Macready’s arm. “Don’t let go. If we get separated, I’m not coming back for you.” “I’m tearing up. What about the others?” I looked back and saw they were still on the ground unconscious. I shrugged again. “People die all the time.” I said nonchalantly. The mob was close now. Only a few more seconds. I yanked him forward a bit and got a running start. “YEAHHHHHHHH!” I shouted as we pierced into the mob of Changelings and chaos erupted. Bolts of emerald green magic flew everywhere, and we were viciously attacked by any of the bugs that came close enough to us, but I kept running. Macready was mostly being dragged along by his arm.         After what seemed like an eternity, we popped out the other end of the mob, and were pursued by a few Changelings, but most of them were too preoccupied with the mob, probably thinking we were still in there. I kept running on, but let go of Macready and he yanked his arm back greedily and kept pace with me from there. I was a little bit busy, but I had noted most of our surroundings. We were still underground, with the hall we were in was one giant passage that branched out to the left and right at irregular intervals.         Shaking my head and ignoring this, I took a sharp right once I saw a suitable corridor come up and Macready slid of the dusty stone floor before picking up speed again catching up to me. Fast approaching behind us were a few of the bugs, but nothing I couldn’t handle so I slid to a stop and did an about face.         Bringing my arms up, I slammed my fist into the first bug to reach me, who happened to be one that was flying too fast to stop. His face crunched inwards and he fell to the ground dead. Quickly assessing the situation, I saw that there were a grand total of four of the bugs to deal with. Letting my Pip-Boy tap into my nerve system, and my nerves in turn relayed what I was to do, my arms and I moved faster than my eyes could comprehend and before I knew it, there was only one left. The three that I had killed were messily spread about the floor. I smiled evilly and grabbed the last one by his throat as he tried to fly past me and brought him to my eye level and glared at him. “How the fuck do we get out of here?” I asked him menacingly. He spat him my face and laughed. “I’m not telling you anything. I would gladly die for the hive!” “Wrong answer.” I squeezed his neck a little tighter and he started to claw at my hands, trying to bring them away from his throat as he slowly died. I kept increasing the pressure, and his black carapace started to crack. Each small crack came with a small popping sound before it finally shattered altogether and his neck crumbled away, exposing raw green flesh. “Well... That’s new.” I said, looking at the raw green cords of muscle. The bug was dead by now, dead from asphyxiation... Or pain. I didn’t know. Anyways, I was standing there, holding the dead bug up by his neck, and slowly looking at his muscles when something odd dawned on me.         It was the kind of revelation a person gets only once in their lifetime. The kind that changes their life forever. I realized that that place was fucking weird. It was the weirdest place I have ever been too in my entire life, and I’ve been abducted by aliens, as you can plainly see. And then one more thing. I didn’t want to stay here another fucking second.         I turned around to see Macready giving me a knowing smile. “So mungo, you got us a way out?” “No, but I still have some unfinished business to take care of.” I pulled up my Pip-Boy and looked at what it had mapped so far. There were only two routes we could take now without going back to the Changeling mob. One of them was a small bit back, and let further down into wherever we were, and the other path, which was forward, presumably led up and out of this hellhole. “Listen kid, if you want to get out of here, you’re going to keep going that was until you see a small path that slants upward slightly. It won’t be very noticeable, but it’ll be there. Once you get outside, I don’t know what you’ll do, but try to find the ponies. They are in a mountainous area that has a lot of snow. If you don’t see anything like that, wait for me.” I explained, but he looked at me stupidly. “Really mungo? You think I’m just gonna leave you down here? Fuck that mungo, I’m sticking with you.”         I glared at him. “Don’t be stupid kid. Go before I make you.”         He glared back. We stood there, me looking down at him, and him looking up at me. After a few tense moments, he averted his gaze and backed down. “Fine.” he muttered under his breath. “Stupid fucking mungo.” I sighed and walked in the opposite direction of him and looked down the small tunnel which we had passed that led downwards. It was nearly pitch-black and was slanted downwards at a steep angle.         Taking a deep breath, I turned on my Pip-Boy’s light and plunged downward into the darkness. ~~~~~         John sat at the bar inside the pony mountain fortress and was talking to Doctor Whooves. “So doctor,” John began, looking at him with a smile, “How are things going with you?” “Oh just dandy. Ever since you rescued me, I can’t seem to get the smell of that Changeling goo out of my nose.” “Well, that’s a shame,” John said, shaking his head gently. “Wouldn’t you know it.”         There was the sound of clopping hooves behind John, so he turned around and saw the princesses and Discord standing behind him. “What’s up guys?” he asked with a completely relaxed attitude. “John, you need to come with us. There’s something important that we need to show you.” John’s eyes furrowed and he turned back to Doctor Whooves. “I’ll be right back doc’.” The doctor nodded knowingly, and started to wipe down the bar with a cloth. “Alright guys, let’s go.” John said to the three immortals and they set off, travelling further into the mountain.