October 14th 2015. Universally accepted as simultaneously the greatest, most incredibly strange day in the history of humankind. A seemingly normal Wednesday morning that turned into the greatest political, scientific and sociological event ever known. The day that Man first made contact with another sapient race. A day that will be remembered vividly by every person on earth who lived to see it. All of the most important and influential people on earth, united with a common purpose; to represent a unified earth, and all the best that humanity had to offer.
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"Your Majesty, the conference is about to convene. The Prime Minister is in attendance, as are most of the other world leaders." The Head of Security spoke calmly, his demeanour reflecting the years of mental and physical training that had steeled him against all distraction.
The elderly figure rose from her seat, her gloved hand trembling for only a moment in anticipation. Queen Elizabeth had reigned over her country for over sixty years, and was very infrequently taken by surprise. The knowledge though, that she was soon to treat with extraterrestrial life forms, Diarchs of their nation among them, WAS something new. A faint smile touched her lips. It would be good to exchange pleasantries with royalty outside of the family for once.
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President Obama did not acknowledge the media attention as he disembarked Air Force One that morning. The flight had not been particularly rough, but still something had turned in his stomach the whole journey, and he had not managed a wink of sleep. A winkle of doubt wormed its way into his mind as he was nearly blinded by the flash of cameras, but was immediately dispelled.
'At least Romney didn't win the election' he thought, trying hard to keep the amusement from showing on his face. 'I'm not entirely convinced his foreign policy would be quite up to this particular task'.
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"Your Majesties, your escort is ready and the portal is stabilised" Shining Armor saluted as he addressed his rulers. "Shall we proceed to the conference?"
Princess Celestia inclined her head, a cool diplomatic mask shrouding her true emotions. "We shall. Are you fully prepared Sister?"
"We are prepared." Slipping easily into old habits at the gravity of the imminent proceedings, Princess Luna twitched a little in annoyance. It had been months since her last slip.
"And what of the ambassadors?" Celestia enquired, ignoring her sister's momentary lapse.
"The griffin, dragon and zebra envoys are preparing to depart at any moment" replied Shining Armor.
"Very good. Let us engage in diplomacy."
---
"CLARKSON!" Richard Hammond was considered by many a loud man for his size. Still, this particular outcry was something special. James May watched on in amusement as the small man stomped out of the garage, monkey wrench in hand and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs.
"The producers wanted him for a moment, you can murder him when he gets out" James said calmly, sipping from a cup of tea as he unfolded the newspaper. "How about these aliens, eh?"
"You! Did you have anything to do with this?" Hammond's face screwed up in petulant rage, advancing on James, weapon outstretched.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Of course you don't." Richard might have continued, but at that moment, the arrival of a certain buffoon attracted the entirety of his attention.
"You." The amount of rage that went into that one syllable was palpable.
"Yeah, me, look guys, we might have a bit of an issue here" Clarkson said, clearly disregarding his impending death.
"You did this."
"Yeah, look, I know you're mad, but this is more important than..."
"YOU PAINTED MY LAND ROVER PINK!" By now, Hammond's face had gone a bright red, and spittle was flying in all directions.
"And I'll let you bash me with a wrench after I tell you both something important. The producers just gave me our next challenge."
"And?" James asked, now mildly interested in the proceedings.
"And we're all fucked." Jeremy replied, handing over a gold envelope.
James took a moment to read the paper. Then he took another, longer moment to reread it, just to make certain that he hadn't missed the great big JOKE that should have been written somewhere amongst the insanity that was their newest challenge.
"Cock."