The Cake Is A Lyra: Test Subject: Equine
~ArtisticDoe 2012
Lyra’s eyes slowly shifted from wide and golden to small and frightened. She stared with trembling pupils into the AI’s single saffron sphere. Her gaze slowly darted from GLaDOS to the floor, to the room, to the Portal Gun, and back in a endless cycle. This staredown, lasting only minutes, lasted for what seemed like centuries. Thoughts raced through her mind like a cheetah in the midst of a hunt against a leaping gazelle. The mare was no longer a pony, but a lamb in the face of a lion.
“H-how could this happen...?” Lyra thought to herself in terror, “How could I be in one room, then be transported to some sort of . . . of . . . chamber?! Its as if - Celestia forbid - some sort of dark magic was used. On the other hoof, what is this . . . this thing?! Is this some new kind of technological human? Sure sounds like a human, or so I thought from my studies. What about this gun? Is it some sort of, military weapon?! Am I being tested to kill? Is this all just some sort of trap to train mares into the military?! What is going on? Am I still alive? Is this all just..a dream?”
The monstrous beast slowly began to come to life once more, moving slowly toward the center of her home chamber. Her many strands of cords let out small little sparks which appeared like stars in a dark night sky.
“Now, Miss Heartstrings - my that is a mouthful; how about I just call you test subject:equine from now on. There, that's much better isn't it?” GLaDOS calmly declared before her newest test dummy. She kindly nodded her robotic head to the tune of her sweet mechanical voice as she dubbed the musical mare of her new title.
“Now, if you would proceed towards the exit door, it shall lead you to your first test of intelligence.”
The AI proceeded to open a large, circular doorway which lead to a small elevator.
Lyra slowly trotted towards the mysterious elevator. Every hoof step sent an echo of sorrow and despair. Defeat overwhelmed her large heart. Her mind, once full of imagination and hope, slammed shut and locked like a steel door. She learned to obey. Listen and obey. No ifs, ands, buts or ors, just to obey.
But, a cream mare appeared inside her head. A pony with a soft, neatly curled mane that looked as sweet as candy. Eyes that shined of the deepest blue. A mare who told her to never give up, but told her that some dreams of hers were things that an uneducated colt would think of. The mare who told her just to stay back and agree to orders, not to defy. Not to speak out.
Lyra came to a heaving halt, inches before entering a realm to the unknown. The minty pony’s mind turned from a depressed blue to a fiery ember. Wrath overtook her. Defiance. Rebellion. Feelings that were all too new to the pony. Things she had hardly any experience with.
“...That’s not my name” Lyra silently said under her warm, trembling breath.
“Oh, I’m sorry, what was that you said? I could not hear your stuttering” The robot said in a simple yet threatening way.
The minty mare slowly began to back away. Her hooves created now a powerful roar as she proceeded towards the devious machine. Her ears fell back and her long tail fell slightly between her hind legs.
“I said, that is not my name, and I refuse to test for you, no matter what documents I signed. With Celestia as my witness, I will do no such things for a monster like you.”
Lyra stood proud and tall after confronting her frightful foe. Her eyes flushed with anger and pride while her golden aurora dropped her floating Portal device.
“Oh, my,” The AI retorted sarcastically while extending a hidden claw, grasping the pony into a thick clench, “you remind me of an old test subject of mine who had given me quite a lot of trouble. But, for your sake, you will test for science - oh, and I am not the monster,” GLaDOS slowly moved Lyra towards a closed doorway that quickly flashed open,
“You are.”
Lyra kicked her legs and widened her eyes as the gargantuan robot dropped the mare into the endless hole. She screamed with terror, not knowing where she would end up, or what fate had in store for her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The musical mare fell aimlessly down a pit with no end. The dark vortex sucked her in as if it were a black hole. She did not know when or where she would end up, or whether or not she would come out alive. Lyra sealed her eyes and awaited her fate. Her mind swirled with thoughts of what could possibly happen to her. A plummet into almost certain dismay was all that stuck in her dense mind like an ember in a murky cavern.
Lyra’s horrendous visions suddenly became interrupted by a sudden shatter, resulting from making brutal contact with a steel-tiled floor. She lay there motionless, her head spinning from the impact at such high speeds. Her bones ached with the feeling of agony, struggling to keep her body held together and to not break apart. Hooves, tingling with shock, sent signals to her mind to not move or else. Simply or else.
“Gravity is never in my favor, is it Celestia?” The musical mare groaned in agony. “Where am I anyway? I need to get up, but if I move, my body is sure to fall apart.”
She undertook the opportunity to scan her surroundings rather than risking injuring any of her vital bones in movement. Lyra noticed series of various illuminated signs which depicted various different things. One sign glowed with a large number 1, accompanied by a series of smaller numbers below it; another was of black silhouettes of a human man interacting with some sort of threat. The mare tilted her head and squinted her eyes in utter confusion.
“What in the name of Celestia?”
Before Lyra could stutter out another word, the ear piercing screech of the overhead system shot through her delicate ears like a bullet.
“Not many test subjects could survive such a fall. My sincerest congratulations, test subject: equine. You have made it to your first test of intelligence without a fatality,” the AI boomed over the speaker.
Lyra sneered into a small tracking camera placed diagonally from her in the top corner of the room.
“You will find your Aperture Science Portable Quantum Tunneling Device placed upon a podium inside the first test chamber. Now, if you would stand, we shall proceed to your first test.”
The minty mare’s small frown grew into a sinister grin. Her glowing eyes flushed with the trickery of a fox.
“Oh, my!Owww!” Lyra shouted, trying to sound like a sick pony. “My poor bones! Ow, I think the impact broke every last one of them! Ow, ow! Yeah, I think its best that I’m sent back home to Equestria so that I can get some proper medical treatment. Ohh, ow! Yep, my bones are surely shattered!”
“Oh, you poor thing, let me help you to feel better.” GLaDOS replied with a sweetly sarcastic tone. The AI advanced to move a nearby wall panel, using just enough force to push the pony into an upright position. She then progressed into raising a floor panel to bounce the mare to stand on her wobbling hind legs. Lastly, the robot began to move a ceiling panel to set Lyra back onto all 4 limbs.
The minty mare stood there, shaking briefly in her hooves with the fatigue of her encounter moments ago. Her ears, still recovering from the sound system, flicked rapidly in hope to recover from a small ringing sensation.
“How am I standing? I was almost certain all of my bones were broken from the impact of the fall.” Lyra called out to the AI in confusion.
“The Aperture Laboratories scientist designed the elevator shafts to be just long enough so if for some strange reason the controller of the elevators were to, say, ‘malfunction’, the test subject could jump out without breaking every last bone in their puny, fragile body. If the tunnel were just inches longer, you would, under laws of physics and gravitational pull, break into two.” GLaDOS replied in her usual tone.
The mare, her mouth agape, awed at the explanation as to why she only had sprains and bruises - not total breakage. The little engineering details, revolving around the laws of gravity and the forces, fascinated her mind. How could a human’s mind can conjure up such studies? She craved to learn more of their knowledge. Of what they knew that her kind did not, and what she could teach them. An ‘equivalent exchange’ it could be called. Information on the mechanics of a human mind for the information of a unicorn's magic. Little things that could provide such fascinating information.
“Now, proceed towards the entrance of the testing chamber. We have much to do.” The AI pronounced, interrupting the once again swirling mind of the pony.
Lyra snapped out of dream-world and back into reality. She trotted towards the glowing signs, trying to decipher what sort of hieroglyphics they were. Rolling her eyes, she continued to her set destination, knowing that she would soon discover whatever the AI had spoken of. Her eyes gradually grew wide as she gazed upon a large room with several platforms, cubes, buttons and all sorts of different things. She matched up the glowing picture to different aspects of the room. One picture showing that she must use the cubes, another saying ‘do not drink water’.
The mare lit her horn with a golden aurora and picked up the Portal Gun. She then advanced into the room, analyzing her surroundings.
Suddenly, a large, orange circular decal appeared on a wall panel above a levitated panel. Lyra stared at it intently as the oval swirled with a fiery bloom; it looked as if it were the sun itself. Overwhelming thoughts of the mechanics of this mysterious somber hole trickled down Lyra's body. She was tempted to touch the un-active portal, but her action was paused by yet another speaker screech.
“Now, since you and I both understand that you have not the slightest clue as to how to operate the Aperture Science Portable Quantum Tunneling Device, I have taken the opportunity to have you progress slowly into learning how to use it. Your mind obviously has more than enough space to hold this information, so we will give your ever-maturing mind its time,” The AI said in a beaming tone through the speaker. Lyra sneered inwardly as a result of her words on her knowledge. “I have given you the Aperture Science Single Portable Quantum Tunneling Device. This allows you to shoot only one portal while I provide the second. I’m 62% positive that you can discover how to fire the portal. It is truly something an animal with the mindset of yours should figure out eventually Hold on, lets change that to 62.5% to give you a tiny bit more confidence, hm?”
Lyra squinted and stared deeply into the back end of the Portal gun with intense thoughts. She searched all throughout for some sort of lever or button to trigger the so called ‘portal’. Her search came to an end when the mare found a small black trigger inside the end of the gun. She then aimed the gun at her designated area where she wanted the portal to be, then advanced to pull the trigger. Her eyes, tightly shut, anticipated the results of her action. The mare flashed open her eyes to see no new oval apon where she aimed. Her ears fell flat back and once golden eyes turned to a disappointing indigo.
"I-wait-what?!" Lyra stammered out, "I did exactly what you instructed me to do and there's no new 'Quantum Tunnel' whosamecallic! Maybe your a little rusty on your testing, how about that!"
"It is not only my fault but yours. GLaDOS replied in a snarky way, "Although I did not mention that a Portal will only activate upon a surface made from grounded moonstone, I was giving you a side quiz to see if you as intelligent as you make yourself out to be. You had only failed to see my little quiz, and now you know the answer. I will be recording this down in your resume."
Lyra's face shifted into the looks of regret. Guilt flooded into her heart.
"I'm such an a-" The musical mare mumbled to herself as she re-aimed her Portal Gun towards a clean, white wall.
Before firing her machine once more, Lyra once again closed her eyes. Thoughts of messing up again intruded her brain. Following her pulling the trigger once more, she timidly opened one eye, and then the other, and witnessed a new ovular aperture on the wall opposite her end of the chamber. It was illuminated with a blue that reminded Lyra of her princess of the night. Her flattened ears sprang up with the joy of doing something correct.
Pride radiated from her face as she happily trotted towards the portal. Suddenly, her trot relaxed to a stop and her ears flattened back down like a lost puppy. The mare tilted her head and timidly stuck a front hoof into the hole. She looked back towards the other portal to see a tiny sea-foam green hoof poking out of it. Lyra quickly moved her hoof in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out of the portal, witnessing the wonder of teleportation.
“T-that's incredible,” The minty mare sputtered through small lips. “I’ve seen a good friend of mine back in Ponyville perform teleportation, but I thought that was exclusive to high advanced unicorn magic. I had no idea that humans had such intelligence to create artificial unicorn magic!”
“Unicórnis magic?” The AI replied questionably, “Magic is nothing more than a form of alchemy. The Aperture Science Portable Quantum Tunneling Device uses a high form of scientific elements to perform such tasks. It is rather intriguing that I have a unicórnis as a test subject, however . . . it will be interesting to see how magic works within your realm.”
Lyra smiled in satisfaction from some little praise from her instructor. Praise always made the mare feel warm inside. All her life she’d dealt with denial and had gone through the experience of being let down; she’d had no one to ever make her feel proud.
She finally stepped completely through the glowing azure oval and reappeared out of the amber one. The musical mare looked back from the way she came once again, only to fully take in the idea that she is the first pony to ever teleport without magic. The first pony to interact with human artifacts. The only mare to ever do something like this in the history of Equestria. Lyra wrapped the cube upon the platform with a cloak of her honeyed color magic. She examined every corner of the large cube. On each side of the cube a blue circle with a white aperture symbol on the middle of it. Each corner was protected by a helmet-like round structure. After appraising the cube, the unicorn then progressed back through the portals and placed the cube upon a large red button. Pressing it down, the result was the opening of a different chamber door.
“See, I am intelligent - I solved that ‘test’ all within 5 minutes. How do you like them apples, Miss!” Lyra snorted out, radiant with pride.
“That was the easiest test I have ever created! You will deal with much, much, worse and more fatal tests. Do not become overly confident with the deadly sin of pride, because your pride may cause you to become nothing more than a soulless animal.” GLaDOS stated with a voice as cold as a midnight blizzard.
Chills ran up the mare’s long spine. Her heart sank to the bottom of her hooves and her stomach was overwhelmed with fiery butterflies. She paced intently out of the testing chamber and onto a tall, thin elevator. Centimeters from her delicate nose, a transparent door slammed together, locking tightly to ensure safety. The elevator descended down the long shaft, moving at high speeds. Lyra’s tender stomach bounced all about her insides, nauseating the poor mare. She wobbled aimlessly about the tight shaft, searching for a place of balance when the elevator came to an abrupt halt on a new floor. The tight doors opened swiftly and the pony waddled out of the lift, her face a sickly shade of dark green with small droplets of water springing from her eyes.
After blinking away the tears, Lyra examined her new surroundings. Upon opening a wooden door, the room she was now in looked as if it were an apartment room. Within her room contained a wide bed beside a tiny nightstand, a small desk, a semi-working TV, a mini refrigerator, and a mirror closet. The room, lit with only two table lamps and an overhead light, provided the apartment with a decent amount of visible light. Her room was the color of sweet cream with paintings of various scenery. The somewhat soft bed had a floral patterned comforter draped across it with clean, white sheets, and two fluffed, medium sized pillows. Upon her bed lay a change of testing clothes. After setting her Portal Gun on her bed, she searched throughout her fridge to find bottles of water, various cans of food and other sorts of snacks. Various desk drawers held books ranging from many different genres. Within one one of them lay a variety of pencils, pens, erasers, all sorts of writing utensils. Lyra’s face lit up the slightest bit when she found a small journal filled with blank sheets of paper. Her mind, forever seeking to learn, did not want to forget a single moment of her journey.
Lyra pricked her ears up and discovered a speaker on the wall above her bed just as it began to create the feedback screech as it normally did.
“This shall be your current residential room while you stay here at my facility. Do make yourself at home. Do not fret, there are no cameras installed into your apartment due to privacy violations within the US government,” GLaDOS sincerely said to the musical mare, “You will find everything that you could possibly ever need within your resting chamber. There is a bathing room on the other side of the door nearest your closet if you need to wash your oddly colored fur or complete a certain action. Test subjects may stay awake for as long as their little hearts desire, but the wake-up call is 6:00 am, so do keep that in mind. You will be presented with a proper meal containing nutrients from the 5 food groups to ensure a proper diet to keep you built with a healthy, test-ready body.”
After the robot’s extended lecture, the pony rolled her auburn eyes and began to undress herself and place the dirty clothing into a pile to be washed and hung up her new, neat clothes in her closet. Lyra levitated her sweaty garments and walked into her small bathroom. She washed her clothes with a solution of body soap and baking soda from the cabinet underneath her sink. With her drapes hanging to dry over the shower curtain line, she hopped into the already running warm shower and scrubbed her mane and fur. The heated water created a soothing steam, making her feel fresh and renewed. The musical mare hummed a classical tune that she often played on her golden lyre back in Ponyville. The song consisted of many lovely tones and long cords; a classical staple within the music world. The combination of her alluring tune and the trickle of water streams created a majestic mixture of both grace and simplicity.
After her long shower, Lyra dried her mane and fur with a rough white towel labeled with the bold letters ‘Aperture Laboratories’ across it. As she walked from her bathroom to her bedroom, a light knock echoed from her door. Upon opening the door, she discovered her dinner for the night lying before her hooves: an apple, a small salad, a roll of bread with butter, a pile of assorted nuts, a tall glass of milk and a chocolate chip cookie. Lyra smiled, brought in her dinner, and sat properly at her desk before advancing to eat her dinner. She ate her meal little by little, saving her cookie for last. After finishing her dessert, the mare pulled out the small notebook and pencil, proceeding to write in her neat cursive the various things she’d learned about humans and their science today. On another page, she titled the date and wrote in an entry:
‘Week 1, Day 1-
-Today was quite the day to be honest. It was filled with surprises and shocks. It started with me filling out my applications, getting my work clothes, and receiving an interesting gun. I met my testing instructor and discovered that she was actually a giant robot! You can imagine how surprised I was! We did have a tiny argument, but it was soon resolved after I completed my first test. Humans create such incredible things. Their minds are full of things that us ponies have yet to understand. I live in a nice apartment in a amazing facility. I’m sure this will be an awesome adventure and that it will be all worth it in the end. Wish me luck!’
Lyra closed her notebook and placed her writing utensils and journal back into her desk. She cleaned up her mess and climbed into bed. The time on her small digital clock that rested on the nightstand read “11:27 pm”. Her horn lit up its magic aurora and turned off the last few lights. She covered her body within the thick, warm blanket and slowly drifted into a deep sleep. The last thing her mind held before transforming into dream mode was the variety of things she will learn upon her journey.