I woke up in the early morning to see Fluttershy standing at the edge of my bed.
"Uhh. Fluttershy? I don't-why... What's going on?" I mumbled into my pillow. Fluttershy walked over to me and started her sweet-talk like only she could do.
"Good morning, Angel. Today's your annual vet checkup, so you need to get up." I lifted my head up and gave her an unamused face.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"It's seven o'clock." I sighed and face-pawed. Such and ungodly hour.
"I hope you realize, I'll only do it for you." I've noticed that I'm just putty in Fluttershy's hooves. Seriously. She could tell me to do anything, and with a little effort on her part, I would break down and do it. It's my only weakness, and she takes advantage of it on a daily basis. One of these days it will be my downfall...
XXX
The visit to the sick fuck-tard that dissects animals for fun and money passed without incident. Half because Fluttershy promised me a piece of carrot cake, and half because she said I'd be ungrounded if I behaved. Not that I wasn't tempted to turn the vet into diced pony, I was. But that damn carrot cake was too good to pass up. Such a delectable delicacy of deliciousness is impossible to reject.
And I was not disappointed. When we got home I hopped up to the table, Fluttershy went to the fridge, and she pulled out that...mother...effin'... CARROT CAKE!!! She opened the door, leaned in, turned around, and had the absolute best looking carrot cake I had ever seen in my life. And that's a lot, coming from a guy who didn't even like greens and veggies.
If I had to put it another way... It looked like solidified sex. Like, if there was a way for me to go and fuck that cake, I would do it. No joke. Seriously. I know it sounds weird, but if you saw it, you'd say the same thing.
Anywhore... Where was I? Oh yeah- the cake. So after Fluttershy pulled it out and I nearly had a premature carrot-gasm, I tore into that shit like it was my last meal on earth. And as I was tearing into my prize, somebo- somepony, knocked on the front door. Fluttershy, who had been watching me with a pleasant smirk, went to go answer it, and I was left alone with my carroty goodness of absolute smexxy.
I heard Fluttershy answer the door. Whoever was there was really fuckin' loud, because I could hear them all the way in the kitchen.
"Hey, mare! I'm throwin' a party in a few hours! It's gonna be totally buckin' rad! You should come over and chill.... Naw, mare- EVERYPONY'S gonna be there! I got Pinkie as my wingmate, so you KNOW it's gonna be rockin'! Just show up and hang out! Mine and Octie's place, four o'clock." Fluttershy walked in and sat next to me.
"Who was that?" I asked, still attacking the cake before me.
"Oh, somepony named Vinyl Scratch. She throws very loud parties, and they sometimes last all night long." She explained. I finished my mouthful before asking another question.
"So, are you going or what?"
"Oh, I don't want to go. It will probably be very loud, and there will probably be a lot of ponies there, and I'd just rather stay here." I chewed my bomb piece of godliness thoughtfully.
Vinyl Scratch was throwing a party. Pinkie would be there. Vinyl's parties are estimated to be off the goddamned chain. Pinkie's parties could get pretty crazy too.
Vinyl + Pinkie = "F*ck yeah!"? I think so. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get Fluttershy to let me go.
"Hey, Fluttershy, can I go?"
"All right, Angel. Just don't stay out too late." That was easier than I thought it would be. Oh well, who gives a f*ck! It's about to get epic in this bitch!
XXX
I had been at the party for ten minutes before I finally cracked. When I had heard that Vinyl and Pinkie were throwing a party together, I had gone on the fandom belief that both ponies parties were fuckin sick. I was so disappoint. No awesome dancing, no drugs anywhere, and most importantly... No Applejack Daniels anywhere. The most basic and key ingredient was missing! Well I'd be damned if I wasn't gonna do something about it. I hopped over to Pinkie and Vinyl to get the ball rolling.
"Oh. Hey Angel! Enjoying the party?" Pinkie's bubbly energy was there, as predicted.
"Ehh. It's okay, but I think it's time to bring it to the next level." Pinkie and Vinyl gave each other a look before turning their attention back to me.
"And what's the next level?" Vinyl asked me. I smirked and hopped up closer to them.
"Applejack Daniels, mother buckers!" At the subject of smashery, I got two different responses. Vinyl was all for it, eager to get to my revolutionary "next level", but Pinkie seemed uncomfortable with the idea.
"It's bad, and bad for you." She'd say. Apparently she'd never gotten smashed before... This was gonna be fun.
I listened to Vinyl and Pinkie banter back and forth for a while, but eventually tired of it.
"Hey, Pinkie. You ever got smashed before?" She shook her head, and that was all the confirmation I'd needed.
"Well, let me tell you right now, it's fucking great. Gimme a bottle and I'll show you." And, via Pinkie Space, I got my paws on some Applejack Daniels.
I managed to convince Pinkie to give me two more bottles before I felt a buzz. Given the fact that I'm a foot and a half tall and weigh like 20 pounds, that should've been impossible. And you're probably thinking the same thing, right?
Well, fuck you. I'm Angel Bunny, mother fucker. I do what I want.
Anywhore, I just started to feel a buzz when Pinkie got curious.
"What's it feel like, Angel?" It felt like someone was tingling my brain with a nine-volt battery of winning. And that's exactly what I said. Pinkie seemed a little confused, but she took just how I'd hoped she would, and cracked one open for herself. Vinyl was already finishing her second by the time I'd gotten Pinkie to crack one, and celebrated with another. I, of course, was not far behind.
"Hey, dude, where's Rainbow Dash? She should totally get in on this!" I said. Dash, having heard her name, walked up to me.
"What's up Angel?" She asked.
"I bet you five bits I can drain this bottle of AJD in ten seconds flat!"
"Yeah right!" Ten seconds later I was five bits richer, and Rainbow Dash was dumbfounded at my drinking skills.
"Buck me! Angel, you are amazing!" She said. I cracked a smile.
"All day. Every day. What can I say? That's how I play. It's Angel Bunny Style." My smile grew bigger and bigger. For some reason, all I could think of was Oppan Gangnam Style, edited so that it was Angel Bunny Style. The idea grew on me.
"Hey Vinyl, throw some sick shit on that turntable! We needs wubs!" Vinyl was on that bitch like cotton candy. She put on a track that was the exact same as Gangnam Style.
Hell yeah.
"Angel Bunny Style...
Bunny Style...
I don't mind just hangin' out with ponies.
Hangin in Ponyville, talkin' to the ladies.
Chillin' at home, with carrots when I got the muchies.
When I got the munchies.
I'm a guy - 'ey!
Who's hangin out with famous ponies every day.
And you best believe me when I tell you that
I know every pony in the Harmony - 'ey!
In the Harmony - 'ey!
Friendship is magic!
And it's fantastic!
And you know!
(Hey!)
You're just a ho!
(Hey!)
Friendship is magic!
And it's fantastic!
There ain't no way!
(Hey!)
They'd run away!
(Hey!)
They'll come and save your ass any and every fuckin' day!
Angel Bunny Style!
Bunny Style!
A-a-a-a-Angel Bunny Style!
Bunny Style!
A-a-a-a-Angel Bunny Style!
Bunny Style!
A-a-a-a-Angel Bunny Style!
'Eeeeeeey sexy buuunay!
A-a-a-a-Angel Bunny Style!
'Eeeeeeey sexy buuunay!
Eh eh eh eh eh eh!"
Aaaaaaand, that's it. I can't remember a damn thing after that. Not the rest of the song, not anything after the song, not nothin'. But I will say this: thank god that it wasn't my house. When I woke up the next day, I was in a tree overlooking a house that was partially burned down.