//------------------------------// // Interrogated // Story: Strangers in a strange land // by Snowy Flanks //------------------------------// Upon entering the library Baker’s nose was filled with the scent of a savory tomato soup. Twilight was in the study reading a book and didn’t even glance at Baker when he entered the room. Light ran over to nuzzle against Twilight but didn’t get much of a reaction and Baker sighed and went into the kitchen. Spike was standing at the oven stirring a large steaming pot. “What ya cooking Spike?” “Just a simple tomato soup with mushrooms, onions and peppers topped with mozzarella, Twilight wasn’t very hungry and this stuff can just keep and keep for as long as we need it to. Now sit down it is almost ready and watch out Twilight has been in a foul mood all day” Baker nodded and levitated Light up to his seat while taking a place beside him. Soon Spike had four bowls out and a large steaming pot in the center of the table. Twilight ambled into the kitchen and took a seat as far away from Baker as possible. Spike took the final spot and Twilight levitated the ladle to start eating. “I’m sorry Twilight” while staring down as much as he could. The ladle paused in midair ‘What?” asked Twilight looking at Baker in confusion. “It has come to my attention that my actions towards you over the last 3 days were very rude. I did not mean to act this way but I have no excuse for what I have said and done” “I don’t understand” “The things I’ve said to you about your library and how it should be organized, the smugness that came out of my mouth every time I did something, acting superior when that letter came today. All of it was horrible but it took someone pointing it out for me to realize that I had been doing it. If you want me and Light to move out I’ll understand, I’m sure we can find something” Twilight’s eye widened “You really didn’t know?” “Yes” “And you are really sorry?” “From the bottom of my heart up to the crown of my head” said Baker mournfully. “Then I will forgive you on one condition” answered Twilight. “Name it and I will see if I can do it” “Teach me” Baker looked up just a little ‘What do you mean?” “Teach me how you did it. Despite the way you went about it, your library system is for lack of a better world revolutionary. Celestia already has ponies seeing if it can be implemented on a wider scale, and when I wrote to her about your academic system, she was even more excited. I want you to teach me how you were able to do it” “It would be my pleasure Twilight, and if a get smug again feel free to smack me with a pillow” “I will take you up on that, Baker. I forgive you” “Thank you very much; you have taken a heavy weight of my back” After that moment of uncomfortableness dinner was able to proceed without any major problems. Baker gave Light a ladle full of soup and then filled his own bowl. Finally bring a spoon full of the broth to his mouth, Baker paused a moment to inhale the vapors, Spike had really out done himself this time the soup smelled delicious. When he swallow Baker’s mouth exploded with flavour, it was like drinking a pizza. He quickly took another spoon of soup then dropped the spoon and just chugged the whole bowl. Setting the bowl back down Baker saw Spike and Twilight staring at him their eye as big as softballs. Baker just smiled wiped his mouth with a napkin and gave Light another ladle of soup. “Sorry but this is really, really good” “Thanks dude” said Spike. “Didn’t your mom teach you not to drink soup like that?” “Yes she did, but she has never had this soup” “But eating like that isn’t polite no matter how good the food is” Baker’s ears drooped “I know, but sometimes I get overwhelmed and I forget, sorry” “Just don’t do it again. By the way Celestia told me that you can tell me your secret” “Do you mind if I see that letter? I need to see that seal before I can tell you my story” Twilight looked hurt “Don’t you trust me?” “It’s not trust so much as it is needless bureaucracy” shrugged Baker. Twilight sighed and levitated a scroll over to Baker who took and unrolled it. After a careful examination and checking to make sure the seal look authentic he rolled to scroll back up and levitated it back to Twilight. “OK it looks like everything is in order” “So you are going to tell me?” asked Twilight with a note of excitement. “If you don’t mind a suggestion how about this. After dinner we can go out and get the rest of the elements of harmony so I can get everypony done at once, we can never have a sleepover so I can go all night, you know for efficiency” “That sounds…..reasonable. But you will tell us?” “Now that Celestia has sort of ordered me too I have to. Plus I Pinkie Pie promised and no pony is dumb enough to break a Pinkie Pie promise” Twilight nodded and finished her dinner. Leaving Spike to cleanup the dishes, Twilight and Baker split up to gather the ponies. Baker went to Rarity’s boutique and knocked on the door. Rarity came to the door. “What can I do for you Mr. Baker?” she asked slightly sleepily. “Are you still interested in my life story?” Rarity’s eyes bulged out “OH YES YES!” “Great head over to the library, everything is going on down there” “Can I come too?’ asked a bubbly voice from behind. “I guess you can come too Pink, you know if you are interested in my giant bag of secrets” “You have a bag of secrets?” asked Pinkie. Baker thought a moment “I guess the answer to that would be yes I do” Pinkie squealed with glee and hopped down the street to the library. Baker patiently waited while Rarity packed and locked her house up before walk with her to the library. When they arrived Pinkie was in the kitchen and Rainbow Dash was reading the latest copy of Daring Doo. Baker levitated Light from the ground and brought him into his bedroom to sleep through the night. Giving him a kiss goodnight he tucked him in and gently closed the door. Five minutes later all of the mane 6 were in the library common waiting for Baker to talk. “Light is sleeping in the other room, so please don’t shout to much, I don’t want him to wake up” said Baker before anypony could start yelling. Twilight smiled and her horn glowed “Don’t worry I’ll cast a spell that will keep any noise from getting into the room, and don’t worry you will still be able to hear him” “Thanks Twilight that will make this a lot easier. I am pretty sure there going to be a bit a screaming before this is all over” And maybe a few swings taken at me Twilight and the others all laid down and looked at Baker expectedly. “I’ve got an idea. After I tell you my basic story lets play a game of truth or dare. Every time you ask me a question I get to ask one of you a question, that way I get to learn more about you as you learn more about me” The girls all quickly nodded excited to find out what Baker was going to say about his big secret. “And there is one more thing” “Oh come on!” shouted Rainbow Dash “I’m sorry but it is necessary. I need you to promise not to tell anyone” The girls sighed “Cross my heart…” “Umm, a Pinkie Pie promise is nice, but I am going to need to go one step higher” interrupted Baker. The girls looked confused. “I want you all to promise on your friendship that you will not reveal any secrets without permission” “On our friendship?” ask Twilight in shock and rest of the girls right behind her. “It’s the most valuable thing I know of, and this secret could be devastating if it ever got out” sighed Baker. The girls reluctantly agreed to the stipulation and leaned forward in anticipation. Baker took a deep cleansing breath “OK what I’m going to say will sound impossible but it is true and has been confirmed by both of the princesses, so I ask that you hold off your complaints until I finish my statement” The girls nodded. “Well to begin with I was not always a pony; in fact before I came here I did not even have hooves. I was actually a mostly hairless biped with refined development of the hands and feet, a shortened snout, and a large brain. I did tell you that I came from very far away, but I understated how far away it really was. I come from another universe; I place where my species, known as humans, were the only creatures that rose to sentience. Before I came here creatures like unicorns and pegasi were the stuff of fantasy and ponies were only used as work animals. How I came to Equestria is not something I know since humans didn’t even know alternative universes were real. The reason that I know all about Equestria is because humans can be a creative species. One of them created a television universe that is identical to Equestria, most likely it was an amazing coincidence but the similarities are irrefutable. Think of a television as a magic box that lets you see performances where ever you want. When I was a human I really enjoyed watching this television show. I love to see Twilight Sparkle and her friends learn about the magic of friendship even though the television show was made for little girls and I was an adult male. I would watch every performance of the show as many times as I could and spend my spare time thinking about the universe and what it would be like. I would discuss my admiration with other like minded people. Anyway one day I was babysitting by nephew when I suddenly appeared in the Everfree Forest, you know what happened after that” The mane 6 just stared at him with shock in there eyes. There mouths were hanging open and their muscles were all slack. In their eyes Baker could see confusion, disbelief, anger and acceptance float by, but none of the emotions stayed for very long. “I understand that it is hard to believe but I assure you everything I have said is completely true and also exactly what I told the princesses” “But that is impossible!’ shouted Twilight. “And yet I stand before you, in all my glory. Think about what you have heard of me, I knew about the existence of Pinkie hot cupcakes and yet I did not know that Equestria has free health care” tried Baker. “I believe him” said Applejack. ‘You do?” “Yep, I been lookin in his eyes, he aint lying” With Applejack assurances the rest of the mane 6 were willing to believe him. There looks of doubt turned into looks of excitement, Twilight seemed to be excited that she had a new test subject, Rarity was interested in a new species to outfit, Pinkie was excited that another dimension traveler was around and Fluttershy wanted to know more about the animals. So everyone got comfortable for the game of truth or dare “All right Baker if that is your real name, how fast can humans go?” Asked Rainbow Baker rubbed his chin “Well that gets into the problem or how you measure speed. I have personally traveled 910 km/h or 80% the speed of sound. The fastest a human has ever travel would be 39,897 or 35 km/h times the speed of sound” Rainbow was shocked “What? now I know you are joking” “Well it’s easy when you are in a frictionless environment” shrugged Baker Twilight scoffed “And how did that happen?” “Sorry Twilight my turn. Now let’s see, what was Spike’s first word Twilight?” “Umm, Mama” Twilight blushed. “Ok now to answer your question. Humans found a frictionless environment when they breached the confines of our planet and flew around the moon” “How did that happen?” asked Twilight “Twilight you had your turn now it is Applejack’s” replied Baker “OK then what do humans eat?” “Humans being omnivores are capable of eating pretty much anything they want. Admittedly eating other humans is frowned upon, but we are biologically capable of it” The ponies stared at him and Baker just smiled and waited. Pinkie smiled “OK then so you said you talk about the show with others what do you talk about?” “Good question Pinkie, We like to talk about a lot of different things. How much we love the show, how much we love the ponies and a whole lot of speculation about what could happen in the show if something changed. Such as relationships or alternative realities. I myself have read literally dozens of these speculative papers. I could go into greater detail but I’m not sure you really want to know” ‘Oh come on it can not be that bad’ sighed Rainbow Dash. “Oh really, so you don’t consider it bad that it has been speculated that you really work for a malevolent corporation that ground up little fillies in order to make rainbows? And that you yourself Rainbow Dash threw sweet little Scootaloo into the grinder and laughed as her body was rendered down into spectrum? I assumed you didn’t want to be viewed like that” said Baker. Rainbow growled and punched Baker right in the stomach “What kind of hay are you talking about!” “I said it was speculation, this one just happened to be a dark version of you, there is another one where you are secretly Princess Celestica’s daughter and you get alicorn magic powers. Quite a happy ending to that one” “Me the daughter of princess Celestia? That is ridiculous!” scoffed Rainbow. “No more ridiculous then Twilight being the daughter of Celestia and Spike, Pinkie having a giant mecha or Rarity being a sadomasochism who made a doll out of Opelesence and stabbed her sister, and yet I have seen all of those” This time Rarity gasped and slapped Baker across the face ‘How dare you say I would hurt my sister or do any of those thing!” “I never said you did, I simply said that someone did create a speculative theory about what would happen if you were into sadomasochism; that one was creepy” “Do me! Do me!” cheered Pinkie. “Well lets see, There was the story where you are directly responsible for your father and younger sister dying in a mine collapse as well as your mother starving to death causing your older sister to leave you to utter loneliness” Pinkie’s eyes began to water “But that’s not true, my family is still alive” “Good, I wouldn’t want that theory to be true, much too depressing” “I’m not sure I like these speculations” said Applejack. “Yah well you have got to take the bad with the good, and I haven’t even told you all about the speculative relationships that come up on occasion” “and what does that mean?” asked Rairty with a slight gleam in her eyes. “Well in the show, the concept of dating and marriage is not addressed, so fan make there own guesses about which pony will end up with which. I personally have read outcomes where everyone of you has been coupled with every other one of you. Some are really good like a pretty loving story about Pinkie and a temporally blind Fluttershy and a nice Rainbow Dash Applejack that brought me to tears” “WHAT?” shouted the ponies. “Why does everypony think I am a lesbian, I like stallions” “Again Rainbow this is all speculation, and if it makes you feel any better the majority of romance speculation is lesbian” “Why?” “Well the show is set in Ponyville and Spike and Big Mac can only do so much” “What do you mean by that?” said a pile a books. “Spike!” Shouted Twilight lifting the dragon from his hiding space “What did I say about spying on ponies?” “You taught him to be quiet and call it observation. Remember when you were trying to figure out the enigma that is Pinkie Sense?” said Baker with a smile. Twilight blushed “ never mind Spike” “To answer your question Spike, the fans like you and Big Mac, so they like to pair you up with other ponies. You tend to go for either Rarity or Twilight, although you have been linked to every one of your friends, and the cutie mark crusaders, and both princesses…oh and Big Macintosh” “WHAT!?!” shouted Spike and Applejack. “Yep lesbians aren’t the only same sex pairs in Equestria; the fans do gays as well” “How the hay can Spike be paired with all those ponies?” asked Twilight “Well Spike gives fans a lot a leyway since they are not quite sure about his age. You call him a baby so the CMC can be done, but he was hatched when Twilight was a filly so you could argue he is only a few years younger then her thus the six of your are valid and then since dragons live for a very long time, the princesses can be included as well. Got to love a variable age character” “That’s a little creepy kind of relationship” said Applejack Baker paused and levitated a hardcover book over his stomach “You think that is creepy AJ? How about speculation about you and your brother in a relationship that sometimes includes your sister? Because that exists as well” AJ leaned back and bucked the floating book, but instead of stopping the blow the book just sailed right into Baker knocking the wind out of him” “OK if you girls are going to keep doing that, I’m going to stop talking my body can’t take much more abuse and I am only answering the question you are asking me. If you don’t want to now don’t ask” The ponies that had hit him blushed and apologized. “So why do you like reading speculation so much anyway?” asked Rarity “Well first it is fun is see character act in a way different then what you expect, and a good romance story is always a plus. Make no mistake even though I have read speculation for every possible combination of the six of you, they were all very well written and had a lot of heart to them. You may not be lesbians but if you were I do know that it would be possible to have a good happy life with any being here, except for me since I am a visitor” Fluttershy looked up ’Excuse Mr. Baker but could you tell me what your favourite relationships are then? It sounds like you have heard a lot of them” Baker paused and thought for a moment “I’ll tell you on two conditions. One don’t hurt me and two understand that these are just fantasy and should not be taken as suggestions or insults, they are simply couples that think would offer an interesting dynamic” Getting a nod Baker continued “Well the first one I call Marshmellow because it pairs The fluffy white pony Rarity with the big fluffy white pony Celestia, then there is one I compare to a water molecule because it combines the shy Fluttershy and Big Macintosh with the peppy Cheerille making a nice stable connection, Twixie is of course having the two most power unicorns. Twilight and Trixie purse a relationship, Applejack gets to hardest worker ever when she marries sweet little Spike, and lastly and certainly the most disturbing one I had was letting Pinke get chocolate rain back as she manages to tame the god of chaos himself and turn Discord into a force for good” Seeing that he had shocked the ponies into shock, Baker got up for a moment to get himself a glass of water from the kitchen by the time he got back the mares were beginning to loosen up. “remember of course that this is also speculation and naturally the authors got to control how everything ended up” “No that it not possible, none of those could happen” ‘Ok I admit that the ones with Celestia and Discord are highly unlikely, and I am not sure about bigamy in Ponyville so we can dismiss Fluttershy, but the Spike and Applejack one could happen, they are close friends, have mutual interests and live in close proximity, It could happen, in theory of course.” Applejack and Spike blushed at little at that. “Ok I think we have talked about relationships enough for the moment, with all of those questions that you asked I believe it is my turn, so tell me Pinkie how does a pony farm rocks anyway?” Pinkie laughed “What do you mean?” “Well when the CMC asked you about your cutie mark you said you grew up on a rock farm. What is that?” “Oh that, I just called in a rock farm we actually lived next to a quarry. Everyday we would gather rocks that fell and sell them to construction companies” Baker nodded “Makes sense I guess and other questions?” “What kind of clothes do humans wear?” asked Rarity “Humans wear all kinds of clothing all the time. Humans don’t have much protection from the weather so they have to wearing nice thick clothes in the winter and less clothing in the summer. We have clothing that protects us from work, clothing that lets us fly, clothing that looks pretty, the only time we don’t wear clothing is during bathing and reproduction” “A whole species that wears clothing all the time? Even when you don’t need protection why?” “well with no fur there is nothing to cover human…stuff, the males don’t even have…well a sheath so you need to cover that thing up somehow” said his face began to redden After everypony had stopped blushing at the last statement Spike asked “what’s a sheath?” Baker tried to answer but found his jaw bound my two magical fields and covered by multiple hooves. Spike looked confused but Twilight levitated him out of the room and put him to bed then soundproofed him before Baker could get free. ‘So Baker anything else you fans like to speculate about?” “Well we do like to make back stories for ponies who we do not know the name for. Like Snowflake the overly muscle white pegasus with the dumbbell who say “YEAH!” a lot or just giving a back story for Trixie since every fan love her so much. You got to give it to the fans, we know who to write heart touching speculation, and every pony we see gets name, a history and a family” “Where can humans live?” asked Twilight. “Humans can live anywhere they please, being it a wild jungle or under the sea, if humans want to live there we will, we can travel around our world with easy and travel to the bottom of the ocean, we have been to the moon and back and left proof for all who come to see. We even have humans who live in space, in a giant metal cocoon of our own design” “sounds lie a peaceful place” said Twilight with awe in her eyes. “Quite the opposite in fact, humans did not become the top of the food chain with love and tolerance. We did it by destroying anything that got in our way, be it animals, mountains or other people. And we never stopped, please don’t look down at us we have no natural weapons or defensive instincts; all we could do is fight with brutality. On the flip side we as a speices were able to completely eradicate smallpox, one of our most debilitating diseases with the same unrelenting dedication. Let it be known that for all Humanities faults, if there exists something that wants us dead. They will find a way to eradicate it” The girls looked horrified and Rainbow dash leaned right into Baker’s face “You going to try that here?” “Try to cure smallpox? I wouldn’t even know where to start.” “No, fight and eradicate us” “To be honest, I am a scholar not a fighter. I doubt there is a creature in Ponyville that I could take in a fight, and I am including the cute little bunnies” The questioning want on into the night and Baker really enjoying finally being able to free talk about himself with his new friends. Equestria might be a change, but it will be a change he will enjoy.