//------------------------------// // Hard Bucker // Story: Skygun // by MythrilMoth //------------------------------// "Pleeeeeeeeeathe buy me a gun, Mama?" In a small family diner, a filly with glasses and a curly red mane tugged at her mother's apron with her teeth, eyes wide and pleading. A little blue plastic revolver sat in a vinyl holster tied around her neck. "What do you call that you have there?" her mother asked tiredly. "That'th a toy! I want a real gun!" the filly whined. "You're not old enough," her mother explained patiently. "I'll thcrub the floorth and windowth and I'll clean out the outhouthe!" the filly pleaded. "I'm telling you, Twist, you're too--" The doors were kicked violently open. Four large, dangerous-looking stallions stormed in. All four were heavily armed. The patrons and staff looked up wildly, rearing and whinnying in alarm. Hammers were cocked. Bolts were drawn back. In the center of the storm of chaos, a blue pegasus in a red coat sat calmly, eating breakfast, oblivious to the carnage about to ensue. The ponies' guns blazed... =HARD BUCKER= The mares, fillies, and old stallions who made up the staff and clientele of the little diner stared in wide-eyed horror at the scene before them. The restaurant had been almost completely destroyed. None of the staff or patrons were injured...except for one. The blue pegasus mare lay dead on the floor, a spreading pool of red surrounding her body and matting her rainbow-hued mane. The gunponies at the entrance broke out in cheers. "We did it!" their leader whooped. "The sixty billion is ours!" "Dash the Stampede, brought down in Thiessen City," one of his cohorts said. "What a headline!" "Hey, relax," the leader called out to the cowering townsponies. "We're billionaires now! We can fix this place up--heck, we'll make it better than ever!" "R-really?" one of the waitresses asked. "Sure, soon as we..." The leader broke off as he noticed one of his cohorts cautiously approaching the corpse, gun at the ready. "Hey, what's the matter? Why you actin' so scared?" "I can't help it, boss," the stallion replied. "I mean, it's...it's HER lyin' there. It's Dash the Stampede." "Yeah, and she's DEAD," the leader pointed out. "So relax." "I know, it's just..." A hoof pressed against the muzzle of the gun's barrel. The gunpony's eyes widened. "H-hey boss..." "Oh, what is it noWHOA!" The pegasus stood, one forehoof wrapped around the neck of the terrified gunpony, whose gun lay forgotten on the floor. "I was right in the middle of breakfast, y'know," the blue mare said crossly. The gunponies backed away nervously, forehooves raised. "H-how..." The leader approached, nose twitching. "You smell like...hot sauce?" "Yeah, it spilled all over me when you idiots shot up the place," the pegasus replied. "You're gonna pay for my dry cleaning, pal!" "You...!" The leader drew his gun and pressed it against her forehead. "You're gonna die!" Nopony saw the pegasus move. And yet suddenly, the toy pistol Twist had been wearing was in her mouth, and six sucker-darts were pinned to the faces of the bounty hunters. "Wh-what the..." The blue mare tossed the plastic gun back to the curly-maned filly, then stared at the gunponies, smirking. "Well? Whatcha gonna do about it?" she taunted. "Y-YOU...!!" the leader bellowed, raising his machine gun and drawing back the bolt. The pegasus just stood there, smiling. The leader pulled the trigger...and nothing happened. "What...?" "Oh, I'm sorry," the pegasus taunted. "Looks like you're outta ammo." "What? How did you know...?!" "I counted," she replied calmly. "Now..." Her eyes narrowed, and she grinned wickedly. "My turn." Two minutes later, the four stallions charged out into the streets, stripped bare to their flanks. In the diner, a pile of coats, hats, guns, and saddlebags sat in the middle of the floor. "Well now," the pegasus said happily, "how 'bout some more pancakes?" - - - - - - - Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie stood on a bluff overlooking a city that was in terrible shape. "There it is," Twilight said, peering through binoculars. "Thiessen City." "Wow, half the town is covered in sand," Pinkie said. Indeed, a sizeable portion of Thiessen City was buried under the perpetually-shifting sands of the surrounding desert. Where the city wasn't covered, the rest of the town was in obvious disrepair, with damaged buildings, sand-blasted signs, and debris everywhere. "Their plant must have malfunctioned," Twilight mused, looking up at the large structures towering over the city. Every town on the planet had a plant; they consisted primarily of generator towers connected to glass enclosures resembling upside-down light bulbs, perched upon the desert at odd angles and supported by large, spindly metallic armatures. Three such towers overlooked Thiessen; only one of them was glowing. One was dark and clouded, and the third was shattered. "Can't they fix them?" Pinkie asked. "It costs a whole lot of money to fix a plant," Twilight replied with a shake of her head. "Probably more than the entire town has..." She lowered her binoculars. "Anyway, Dash the Stampede was spotted heading this way. We'd better hurry..." - - - - - - - "Yeah, that sure was somethin'," the toothless old stallion said, bushy mustache twitching as he watched the pegasus chomp her way through a stack of pancakes. "It sure was somethin', th' way you got rid'a them fellers without killin' 'em." "Eh, killin' ponies just ain't my style," the mare replied through a thick mouthful of pancake and syrup. She swallowed, then added, "Besides, why waste money on bullets when I can spend it on a good breakfast?" She laughed loudly. The old stallion laughed as well. The barrel of a gun pressed itself into the back of the blue mare's neck. "Please..." the waitress said, tears gathering in her dark eyes. "Please, don't move..." The matronly old unicorn behind the counter produced a gun as well, pointed right between the blue pegasus' eyes. The old stallion pulled a gun out of his vest, the mirth gone from his eyes as he held the weapon between leathery old gums. The rainbow-maned mare looked around at the three of them, and sighed. "So that's how it is..." "I'm very sorry," the old stallion mumbled, "but...you ARE Dash the Stampede, right?" Outside, an entire crowd of townsponies had gathered...all bearing weapons. The pegasus sighed tiredly. "Here we go again..." - - - - - - - Twilight and Pinkie stood atop one of the high-tension towers overlooking the city. "Something isn't right..." the unicorn muttered. A massive explosion erupted, a cloud of dust billowing into the air. Dozens of angry shouts drifted up from the streets below. "Wow, that doesn't sound like a very fun party," Pinkie said. "It sure doesn't," Twilight replied. "We'd better check it out." She disappeared in a burst of magic; a moment later, Pinkie hopped off the metal tower, a pink parachute popping open as she descended. "One thing's for sure," Twilight said as her partner landed beside her, a predatory grin on the unicorn's face, "today, Dash the Stampede is finally going down..." - - - - - - - "AAAAAAH!" the pegasus screamed as she plummeted into an alley, snagging on a clothesline. "WHY THE HAY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!" "She went this way!" "After her!" "Don't let her get away!" Disentangling herself from the clothesline, the pegasus dropped to the ground, hooves kicking up dust as she landed. "Seriously, why can't I ever catch a break? I just wanted some stupid pancakes, for neighin' out loud--" "I FOUND HER!" A burst of gunfire erupted; bullets bit into the sandblasted stone near the rainbow-maned mare's head. With an alarmed whinny, she reared and took wing, zipping down the alley so fast she overturned trashcans, kicked up clouds of dust, and caused a white rabbit to fall out of a window and land on its head. "Why...won't...they...stop...bucking...SHOOTING AT ME?!" the mare cried out in frustration, making a ninety-degree turn straight up and rising into the sky above the city. A rocket-propelled grenade missed her flank by inches. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" - - - - - - - "YOU DUMB ASS!" a stallion roared angrily. "Don't use grenades! We can't get the bounty if they can't identify the body!" "Sorr-ry," a sleepy-eyed gray donkey replied, dropping the bazooka mounted on his back. Twilight and Pinkie stared in disbelief at the chaos around them. "What...in the world..." Twilight wondered. "She went this way!" somepony cried. "Don't let her get away!" "Ahh! My laundry! DIE!" "HEY! WATCH WHO YOU'RE AIMING AT!" "OW! Hey, who threw a shoe?" "Ahh, my hoof! It huuuuuurts!" Twilight stared at the pony who had just collapsed at her hooves, and scowled. "Alright, this has gone far enough." She levitated a megaphone out of her saddlebag. "ATTENTION, PONIES OF THIESSEN! The outlaw you're pursuing is Dash the Stampede, the most dangerous pony in the entire world! If you value your lives, you'll stop chasing after her--" //ALL PATROLS, TEMPORARILY HALT PURSUIT OF DASH THE STAMPEDE,// a voice called from the loudspeaker tower in the center of town. "TEMPORARILY?!" Twilight cried in disbelief. //REPORT TO BASE CAMP. REPEAT, ALL PATROLS REPORT TO BASE CAMP.// Twilight grumbled. "Come on, Pinkie, let's go to this base camp and find out just what the hay is going on here." - - - - - - - The white rabbit who had been rudely roused from a nap moments earlier had found a new, quieter place to sleep--inside a rainbarrel. The ground suddenly shook, and the barrel tipped over. Angrily, the rabbit scurried out, chittering... ...then took one look at the enormous red hoof filling the middle of the street, and withdrew into the alley once again, ears flat and limp. - - - - - - - "Okay, our last contact with Dash was in sector C..." the chairpony muttered, looking over an array of diagrams, maps, and hastily-scribbled reports on a large table in the center of a pavillion in the town square. "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" Twilight bellowed at him through her megaphone. The chairpony jumped, then turned to face her. "I'm sorry, miss, who are you?" "I'm Twilight Sparkle, from the Barnyardelli Insurance Society, and I demand to know what's going on here!" "What's it look like?" the chairpony muttered crossly. "We're trying to catch Dash the Stampede!" "The whole town? All of you at once?" Pinkie asked. "That's right," the chairpony replied. "It's for the plant, isn't it?" Twilight asked as realization struck. "You need the bounty to repair the plant and save the city." "That's right," the chairpony replied. A dark-maned chestnut stallion cantered up to him, a sheaf of papers clutched in his mouth. He dropped them on the table. "Here are the damage estimates from the first assault." "Your insurance isn't going to cover that, you know," Twilight said archly. The ground suddenly shook. "Insurance and damage estimates may be a moot point," the chairpony said with a grimace, covering his head with his forehooves. His ears lay flat. "I think our trump card just showed up." "Trump card?" Twilight asked. The chairpony pointed skyward with a trembling hoof. "That." Something massive blotted out the suns just then: an enormous red stallion, body augmented with prodigious amounts of steam-powered bionic implants. A tiny yellow filly with a red mane topped with a cute pink bow sat perched on the improbably huge pony's back. Twilight's jaw dropped. "That's...the Apple Family..." The chairpony nodded miserably. "The Apple Family, guilty of over a hundred class-A criminal offenses." "But they're supposed to be in the stockade!" Twilight exclaimed. "What the hay are they doing HERE?!" "Ah..heheh...funny story there..." the chairpony said nervously, ears twitching. "Oooh, I love funny stories!" Pinkie exclaimed happily. The ground shook again. "...this isn't gonna be the 'haha' kind of funny story, is it?" Pinkie asked, ears drooping. Twilight facehoofed. A filly suddenly ran up to them, curly mane bouncing. "We caught her! We caught Dath the Thtampede!" - - - - - - - The pegasus looked around at the waitresses, cooks, fillies, and colts surrounding her. The mares all had guns or other weapons readied. She sighed. "Why?" she whispered hoarsely. "I'm...I'm sorry," the waitress said, her gun trembling. "But...for the good of this town...it's so our children can survive...for them, you have to...you have to..." "For the good of your children?" the blue mare asked quietly. "So you're going to murder somepony in cold blood right in front of them? And that's good for them?" The waitress' eyes widened. She looked nervously around at the wide-eyed fillies and colts watching the tableau. Her gun nearly fell to the floor. "But...but...no...we have to..." "The pony you want to kill is a legendary outlaw with a sixty billion bit bounty, right?" the pegasus asked. "Y-yes..." The waitress' eyes met the solemn rose-colored eyes of the blue mare, who nodded grimly. "Then I won't stop searching until I find such a pony, and I promise...I promise that with these four hooves, I will bring that pony to justice, and the bounty will be yours!" She posed impressively on her rear hooves, wings flared to their fullest extent, right front hoof raised in a salute. Then, she smiled softly, sadly, and said in a quiet, pleading voice, "So please...for the love of Celestia...Drop. Your. Gun." She waited. The waitress stared at her, lip quivering. The children watched, anxious. A hammer clicked... The front wall of the building collapsed. - - - - - - - "NO!" The curly-maned filly cried. "My mom wath in there! And my auntie! And--" The chairpony leapt onto the table, scattering documents everywhere, and snatched Twilight's megaphone. "APPLE FAMILY! YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR! I DEMAND YOU RETURN TO THE STOCKADE IMMEDIATELY!" "That ain't gonna happen!" the little yellow filly yelled back. "Dash th' Stampede is right here in this here town, an' me an' mah big brother aim t' claim that there bounty!" "WAIT A MINUTE!" the chairpony cried. "That wasn't the agreement--!" "AGREEMENT?!" Twilight snapped, rounding sharply on the stallion, who flinched away from her. "Saaaaay," Pinkie said, head tilted curiously. "You didn't happen to do something silly like let those two outta the stockade, did you?" "Of--of course not! Don't be ridiculous!" the chairpony replied, laughing nervously. He coughed, and muttered, "We just...er...sort of told all the guards to take the day off, and, well..." Twilight facehoofed. "Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh, two of the most dangerous criminals in this area...you were planning to turn them loose on Dash the Stampede, weren't you?" "Uh...well..." "GIVE ME THAT!" Twilight roared. She retrieved her megaphone. "APPLE FAMILY! You're supposed to be serving six consecutive life sentences in the stockade for numerous criminal offenses! You MUST surrender yourselves and return--" "SHUT YER YAP!" Apple Bloom retorted. "We ain't goin' back t' no stockade, an' that's that!" Turning her back on Twilight, she shouted at the pile of debris that was formerly a family diner. "GIT YER RUMP OUTTA THERE, DASH TH' STAMPEDE!" The wind whistled, scattering sand and dust. Everypony watched, waiting. Slowly, a blue pegasus mare with a rainbow-hued mane emerged from the wreckage, carrying another mare on her back. Both were covered in dust and grime. The eyes of the pegasus were grim; her mouth was set in a grave frown. She gently bore the mare to the other side of the town square, where she laid her gently on the ground. She turned and trotted back into the wreckage, emerging a moment later with a colt with at least one broken leg. The townsponies, the Apples, Pinkie, and Twilight watched as the pegasus removed several unconscious ponies from the ruined diner. *Her...? What...what's she doing here?* Twilight wondered. "GONNA IGNORE ME, ARE YA?" Apple Bloom shouted, hopping up and down on the giant red stallion's back. "WELL THEN, HOW ABOUT THIS? GIT 'ER, BIG MAC!" "EEYUP," the stallion bellowed. He turned his back on the wrecked diner, into which the pegasus had just gone. His head swivelled around on his neck until it was facing the same direction as his rump. He raised one massive hindleg. The gleaming, steel-shod hoof began to spin. Suddenly, it launched out at blinding speed, attached to a thick steel cable. Twilight gasped as the massive metal hoof slammed into the wreckage, further violating the structure. The roof completely collapsed; with a resounding crash, the diner caved in on itself, raising a tremendous cloud of dust. A bright streak of rainbow erupted from the collapsing diner. Big Macintosh withdrew his hoof. Across the surface of the hoof, written in hot sauce, were the words: A glass bottle rolled out of the dust, rattling across the sandy street as it clattered to a stop at the hooves of the massive stallion. "So, y'finally decided t' stop horsin' around...Dash th' Stampede?" the obnoxious yellow filly asked. Twilight watched the dust cloud with wide, alert eyes. Her mind whirled. *That's her...the Devil's Right Hoof, the pony with a bounty of sixty billion bits, dead or alive...the monster who destroys entire cities if you make her mad...* The dust began to clear, and the silhouette of a pegasus, wings beating slowly in the air, was just barely visible. *Right there, in front of me...finally...the legendary gunpony, the Equine Typhoon...* The tail of a red longcoat peeked through the settling dust. *The pony who reduced a city of over a million ponies to rubble in a single instant...Dash the Stampede...is just over there...!* The silhouette emerged from the dustcloud. Long red coat, flapping in the light breeze. Cyan wings flared to their full extent. Rainbow-colored mane caked with dirt. Magenta eyes narrowed. One forehoof bare, the other shod in leather and metal. *Wait a minute...* "See, Twilight? I told you it was her!" *This...this isn't right...* The pegasus gently lifted one of the ponies lying unconscious in the rubble, and carried her over to lay beside the other victims she had already retrieved. *This...no. Dash the Stampede is a violent criminal, a ruthless...* "Well, ain't you th' sweetheart?" Apple Bloom jeered. The pegasus ignored her, continuing to remove the unconscious townsponies from the rubble of the Apples' attack and move them carefully out of harm's way. "It...it can't be..." Twilight whispered, eyes wide. As the blue mare lifted one final victim out of the rubble, Apple Bloom gestured to her brother. The massive, iron-shod red hoof raised and launched out again, the steel cable connected to the massive system of pullies and belts snapping taut as the prosthetic limb streaked through the air, impacting the rubble pile... A rainbow streak peeled away from the rubble a split second before the impact. When the dust settled again, the rainbow-maned pegasus stood atop the rubble pile, wings flared, positioned defensively in front of an unconscious filly. Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "It...really is her..." Twilight breathed in wonder. The pegasus reached into a pocket of her coat, extracted a pair of orange-tinted glasses, and flipped them onto her face with a look of determination. And then... Dash the Stampede drew her revolver. "So, you're finally ready ta fight?" Apple Bloom jeered. "Well, Ah'm tellin' ya right now, Dash, you ain't gonna stop mah big bro from buckin' ya clear to th' fifth moon with that dinky little gun!" She paused to pull a large carrot from her brother's saddlebag, then stuck one end of it in her mouth; she produced a blowtorch and began roasting the other end. "Big Mac, give 'er a taste of our special Apple Family cider!" "EEYUP!" The stallion's hoof began to whine and spin again...and he shifted to point it at the survivors from the diner. "NO!" Dash cried, wings bristling. Pinkie gasped. "Those ponies...!" "MASH 'EM GOOD!" Apple Bloom cackled. The immense steel hoof launched forward. The few of the injured ponies who had regained consciousness whinnied in alarm and tried to scramble to their hooves. The others lay there, unaware of the terrible fate awaiting them... Gunshots cracked the air in rapid succession, echoing like summer thunder. The hoof spun out of control, crashing harmlessly into the already-wrecked diner. "WH-WHAT?!" Apple Bloom shrieked. Twilight gasped. "Amazing! She...she actually did it!" Dash glared at the yellow filly, eyes narrowed behind her orange glasses. "Knock it off," she snarled. "These people ain't done nothin' to you! If it's me you want, then let's fight fair and square!" Apple Bloom stared at the long steel cable which lay limp on the ground, and the huge hoof which was still embedded in the rubble. "You...you couldn'ta...not with just six little bullets...! Nopony coulda shot mah big brother's hoof outta th' air with just six little bullets!" "Gee, where'd you learn to count?" Dash retorted with a smirk. "I only fired five shots." She flipped the cylinder out of her revolver, ejecting five spent cartridges. "I've still got one left." She spun the cylinder, then snapped it back into the gun. "Might be my special one." She aimed, and fired her last bullet. It tore deep into the inner mechanism of Big Macintosh's prosthetic hoof. The red stallion bellowed in pain and fell over on his side. Apple Bloom leapt clear in alarm as her brother landed on the street with a crash that shook the entire square. "Big Mac! Git up, ya lazy, stupid, clumsy oaf!" "NNNNOPE!" Big Mac bellowed, sobbing. In a rainbow streak, Dash the Stampede was nose-to-nose with the yellow filly. "So, we done here?" Apple Bloom pulled a slender pistol out of her own saddlebag and tried to aim it at Dash. It trembled violently. "Guess not," Dash sighed. Suddenly, a blue plastic pistol was in her mouth, and six sucker darts were plastered to Apple Bloom's face. The filly's gun fell to the ground. Grinning, Dash tossed the toy gun back to Twist. "Hey, thanks. That's two I owe you for now." Twilight stared, mane in disarray, left eye and right ear twitching, as Dash and Twist began romping playfully in the dust around the cowering escaped convict and her moaning, sobbing brother. "It...it really is her...she really is...Dash the Stampede..." Pinkie trotted over to the unicorn, a roll of parchment and a quill in her mouth. "Umm...Twilight? You need to write the company report..." Mechanically, Twilight took the parchment and quill with her magic and began to write, talking aloud as she did so. "Barnyardelli Insurance Society company report, Twilight Sparkle reporting. Four months, seven days after receiving our assignment, we have established contact with the target, the outlaw known as... "Established contact with the target, the outlaw known as... "The outlaw known as...Dash the Stampede..." Twilight threw back her head and screamed. "WHY THE HAY DOES IT HAVE TO BE HER?!" The past...it can be cruel. The past...it doesn't remain buried. The past...it carries forward into the future, dictating the course of our lives, dictating our actions. The past...no matter what we do, it can never be changed. The next chapter of Skygun, "Forsaken Faust", is gonna be 20% darker...