Spike sat on a tree branch outside the Library, staring up at the moon. His mind was racing. Thoughts bubbled to the surface. Why had he done it? What was wrong with him? Was it right? Was it wrong? He played the memory back in his mind…
He was so close. With his free hand, he clenched his fist, hearing the sound of his knuckles crack. He reared his head back slightly, freeing her lip before he drew it closer again and… He slithered away, just as his lips skimmed the tips of the hairs on her face. He hurried away from there in silence, slinking out the window to here…
He covered his face in shame. What was happening to him? It was just like before. Only now he was more confused about it than ever. Did he really try to kiss Twilight? Was that even what he wanted? He just didn’t know any more. His mind was a mess on the matter. He’d spent too long here. It’s only been four days. That was four days too many. With the shit he’d gotten himself into, ignorance would have been bliss. Had he not known Twilight’s suicidal tendencies, had he not returned and pushed those tendencies into direct and uncontrollable action…
He wanted to scream. He wanted to go back in time and prevent himself from ever leaving Ponyville in the first place. Or perhaps he would go back just far enough to shorten the number of gryphons he’d lost his brood to, so he would still have a home in the mountain. But he was thinking in hypotheticals, as if it was possible for him to change the past. Twilight’s little excursion backward a week proved it impossible. Now, Spike was truly lost. He missed the days he could just threaten any problem away with his dark magic. Now the problem was within himself and what little part of his old self remained was fighting for control, or at the very least, symbiosis.
“Spike?” a voice called out to him from below. He looked down from his moonlighting to see the unmistakably messy-maned Pinkie Pie. His second encounter with her since he’d arrived.
“Pinkie. Hi.” he said. The Pink pony vanished from his view, only to end up right next to him. He jumped, no longer used to her abnormal method of travel.
“So, watcha doing?” she asked, sitting beside him. Spike looked back up at the moon.
“Searching for a miracle.” he said. Pinkie followed his gaze and smiled. She then looked down at the open window that was Twilight’s Bedroom window.
“I know why you left, Spike. It’s so obvious, I’m surprised nopony else has figured it out.” she gave him a kind-hearted smile.
“What do you mean?” he asked. Pinkie scoffed at him.
“You of all people should know that I’m not as… silly as I seem, Spike. The reason you left is the very reason you won’t leave now, why you’ve devoted yourself to remaining here even though you want nothing more than to leave. All these things have one specific thing in common. This is a jigsaw and your confession is the final piece to the puzzle. But maybe that puzzle is only a piece of a much bigger puzzle.” she lost him.
“I don’t get what you’re saying Pinkie. Puzzle analogies were never my thing.” he said. The pink pony just sighed.
“I’m saying, this isn’t just about you, Spike. This is about all of us. You’re scared to reveal why you left because you’re afraid of what we’ll think. We’re your peers, Spike, we always have been. And Twilight is to you, as Celestia is to her… to a certain extent anyway. I know the truth about you Spike. But you don’t have to worry about me spoiling the ending. I made a promise a long time ago not to interfere with this sort of thing. It was a Double Pinkie Promise, Spike. I’m just here to perhaps enlighten the smarter readers, and confuse the buck out of the dumber ones in this story.” Spike looked around himself.
“Story? What are you talking about?”
“I’m just being me. I’m breaking the fourth-wall. Is it still called ‘breaking the fourth-wall’ even though it’s a book?” she asked. Spike gave her the most confused look ever.
“What?!”
“Nevermind. I’ve done my job. You won’t hear from me until the ending. But is it at the ending of this story? Or perhaps the next? Oops, Spoilers!” And with that, Pinkie was gone. Spike was left there, more confused about what she’d just said than he was about his own personal dilemma.
“Freaks me the buck out!”
Twilight awoke the next morning feeling refreshed and surprisingly more lively than she had been in what felt like an age. She went to stretch her body, but found herself wrapped up in a bundle of bed sheets. She felt a strange tingling sensation on the surface of her lips; a sensation she found oddly satisfying. She reached her hoof up through the cocoon of covers and touched her mouth. The tingling vanished and she instantly wished she hadn’t done anything. She licked her lips, sighing as she struggled to free herself from the expertly made tuck-in.
The bedroom door opened and Spike held in his hands, another tray of food for Twilight.
“Haha! Did it right this time. Breakfast in bed.” Twilight was unsure how to react. She could remember nothing after her second attempt to take her own life.
“What… how… Am I in Heaven?” she asked. Spike barked a laugh at that.
“Please, with the shit you’ve tried to pull in the past two days, you’d be in Hell if anything. Fortunately, you’ll have to settle for the devil incarnate that is me. It’s like that whole relationship between him and Sadam Hoofsein. You’re Hoofsein.” Twilight shook her head, trying to clear away the fogginess of last night.
“The book detailed them as gay lovers.” she replied.
“Oh yeah. Nevermind then. Last I checked, you don’t have a penis. Or did you change that in the last three years?” He placed the tray down across from her and helped her sit up.
“Spike… I haven’t forgotten what you said yesterday. Clearly you don’t want to be friends. So stop trying to make me happy.” she said. Spike groaned, audibly holding back the urge to say something, much to Twilight’s Chagrin.
“Technically, that was the night before yesterday. And you don’t remember last night, which may be the only reason I’m not strangling you right now.” he said. He smiled on one side of his face, hiding it from her.
“What did I do?” she demanded.
“You flicked a burning marshmallow on my face. and every time I referred to it the same way you did, for example: when I said ‘your flaming mallow is burning’, you told me not to talk dirty.” Twilight rubbed her head, trying to recall the night’s events prior.
“How did I get here?” she asked.
“You can scold Applejack for saving your hide this time. I spent the night over at Dash’s, getting… reacquainted with her. Nurse Redheart did as she does and nursed you back to health.” Twilight looked at her bandages and frowned.
“They’re too tight. Could you redo them? You’re better at it than the hospital is.” she asked. Spike didn’t hesitate to comply as she reached her hooves out. The speed of his response surprised her. As he unravelled her bandages, he flashed a quick glance at her.
“Last night, you mentioned a secret you had about me.” Twilight gasped, jolting her hooves back away from him. There was a moment’s hesitation before she held them back out for him to finish.
“What did I say?” she asked. Spike loosened the bandaging slightly and began to wrap her up again.
“You said you thought I hated you because you didn’t find me like last time, and that was why I wouldn’t come back.” he replied. He finished the first bandage and began with the second.
“And is it true?”
“No. I could never hate you for failing. I know you tried for two years to find me, and that would have more than made up for it. But it wouldn’t explain why I left in the first place.” Twilight flexed her hoof as the second bandage came off before Spike went to rewrap it.
“Why did you leave, Spike?” she asked.
“I can’t say.”
“Why not?”
“Because… it was a stupid reason; one that I regret to this day. It doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done.” Twilight felt her heart flutter as Spike held her hooves in his hands even after he’d finished bandaging them.
“So… will you stay now?” Spike gently squeezed her hooves, making sure not to hurt her.
“I… don’t know yet. I get this nagging feeling, in the back of my mind. With all the crap I’ve put you all through these past few days…that aside, I can’t help but feel that my business with the Gryphons isn’t over. They’re not the kind to just let live those who have killed members of their race. I just hope they think me dead among my friends back hom… in the mountain.” Twilight pulled him closer.
“I won’t let the gryphons get you, Spike. I’ll take the matter to Princess Celestia if need be.” Spike shook his head.
“No. That’s the last thing I want. If they come looking for me, then I’ll have to leave. If anything, to save you guys from having to deal with them. I’ll come back if I feel it’s safe to do so.” He knelt there beside her, holding her hooves for what seemed like forever.
“You never stopped caring about us, did you Spike?” The young dragon sighed and shook his head.
“No. But I’m still gonna be a total ass hat though. It’s kinda fun.” Twilight laughed, looking back to the tray.
“Join me for Breakfast?” she offered. Spike smiled and made his way around the bed, sitting on the other side from her. She cuddled up to him and he placed his arm around her. He took a grape from the vine and placed it in her mouth. She smiled at him and giggled.
“Shall I chew it for you too?” he offered sarcastically. Twilight just grinned at him and showed him the contents of her mouth.
“Ugh.” he said, looking away. “Grape breath.” he said. He grabbed another grape and added it to her mouth. She daintily took each grape from his hand and proceeded to tease him by showing him an empty mouth, indicating she was ready for more.
“Where’s a corn cob when you need one?” he said, placing the last grape in her mouth. The dragon sighed and moved on to the bananas.
“This is going to be weird.”
With a full stomach, Twilight was in heaven as she sat in bed with her long lost friend having returned to her.
“Welcome home, Spike.” she said as she reached up to give him a kiss on the cheek. He smiled and lowered his head so she could reach him.
“It’s good to be home. But we have to admit… It’s not going to be the same.” Twilight nodded and buried her face into his chest.
“But it could be better, if we play our cards right.” the two of them sat there for an hour, just enjoying each other’s company. Spike had lost all sense of confusion as he held Twilight in his arms. And the realisation hit him like it had many times before. His bond with her had grown even stronger than it once was. He let out a chuckle followed by a single word.
“Shit.”
“What?” Twilight asked. He just shook his head.
“Just something I’ve started doing every time I regain my friendship with someone. I kinda wanna go all the way with it whenever I fail to keep you guys at a distance.” Twilight wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but she shrugged and snuggled up to him all the same.
“Whatever, I still love you.” she said. Spike chuckled and grinned at her.
“Love you too, Twi.”