//------------------------------// // Superidentical Twins // Story: A Busman's Holiday // by Parchment_Scroll //------------------------------// A Busman's Holiday Superidentical Twins In which Deft Hoof builds on his already established reputation for recklessness Meanie looked at me with trepidation, waiting for me to tell her that, no, it was all a silly prank, and that there weren't a bunch of doppelgangers hanging around Ponyville. Much as I wanted to oblige her, the situation was too serious. "Meanie," I said, "I think there are changelings in Ponyville." The pink party pony winced at that declaration. "That's what I thought you were gonna say," she said. "What's the plan?" I goggled at her. "Plan?" I frowned. "I hadn't gotten as far as a plan, yet. Besides, I can't put anypony else at risk while I deal with this." Meanie bopped me on the head, hard. While I tried to clear my field of vision of stars and tweeting birds, she got right up in my muzzle. "No way, Merry," she snapped. "No fifth cousin of mine is going one-on-who-knows-how-many with a bunch of no good bug ponies if I have anything to say about it! Besides, my friends and I fought off an entire swarm of those things during the Royal Wedding last month!" I shook my head again. Some of those little orbiting stars were awfully persistent. "But Meanie," I said. Meanie brushed aside both my concerns and a constellation of stars from around my head with a wave of her hoof. "No buts!" "I--" "No!" "Bu--" "Buts!" I hung my head. I was defeated. There was no way I was going to out-stubborn Pinkamena Diane Pie and we both knew it. "All right," I said. "Well, there's a pair of them here in Sugarcube Corner, another pair outside the library, and another pair over by Big Macintosh's stall, at least." I frowned. "It can't be a coincidence that there are six of them, but it seems like they're following Apple family members instead of each of the Element Bearers." Meanie nodded. "Of course, those are just the ones we know about. Who knows how many more are in town?" At this, her right hoof shot into the air and started waving around. "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!" I rolled my eyes. "What, Meanie?" "We could just ask 'em!" I frowned. "You want to trot up to a pair of changelings right in the middle of Sugarcube Corner and just ask how many changelings are in town?" She nodded, and I felt a grin forming. "Sure," I said. "Why not? At the very least, it should buy you some time to go warn your friends!" And thus began the most reckless plan of a career already noted for its recklessness. * * * * * "Ah'll be just a minute, hon," Salad tells her friend with a smile. "Why'nt ya go on upstairs while Ah lock up?" Freeze Pop returns the smile and leans against a counter. "Take your time, Sally," the off-duty guardspony says. "I've got at least an hour before shift change." Sally nods, turning towards the front door to lock up, when an explosion of activity stops her in her tracks. The door flies open, and there, trembling and looking around the room in ill-concealed panic is the little foal who'd been "stealing" sandwiches from her display case for the past few months. Having been a waitress for her parents shop for most of her life, Sally has trained her memory well, but it still takes her a moment to remember the foal's name, if only because they had never been formally introduced. "Oh, ah... Short Shanks, was it? Can I help you?" she asks, her trained formal Canterlot tones taking over from her more relaxed drawl. "Th-this..." Short Shanks freezes. He knows what he needs to do; he needs to get to the Princess as fast as possible. But for just a moment, he can't remember what comes next. All he can remember is those horrible multifaceted eyes glaring at him from Bright Eyes' face. Something about getting arrested? Right, that's it, raise a fuss. "This is a robbery!" Freeze Pop arches an eyebrow at Sally, then trots over. "Kiddo, you might want to reconsider--" Sally gasps, realizing what's going on. "It's okay, Freeze," she says. "Short Shanks, do me a favor." "Wh-what?" "Go ahead and flip that sign behind you over from ‘Open’ to ‘Closed’, and we’ll get you sorted out, won't we, Freeze Pop?" Freeze Pop, with a brisk nod, has already begun closing the blinds around the shop, so that passing ponies in the street won't see what's coming. "Sally, why don't you make the colt a sandwich while I get ready?" she asks. Salad nods. "You go ahead and rest a moment, Short Shanks, and tell us what has you so upset." "Aren't you s'posed to call a beak, miss?" Short Shanks frowns. This isn't going at all the way he'd pictured. In response, Freeze Pop grins and lifts her helmet from the neat pile of armor in one corner of the shop, slipping it on her head. In outright defiance of the laws of physics, it somehow manages to fit neatly over her ridiculously poofy mane. "Consider it already taken care of," she says, putting on her best “on duty” look, her eyes set in a firm frontward stare. "Sally, how's that sandwich coming?" "In a second," the unicorn mare calls from the kitchen. "After all, you can’t rush perfection!" "Hang about," Short Shanks says, beginning to realize what he'd missed as his gaze falls upon the pegasus once more, "Yer that duster Deft Hoof nicked a feather from t'other night!" Freeze Pop chuckles, her expression softening back into an easy-going smile. "And you would be his newly-appointed apprentice." She glances over her shoulder towards the kitchen. "Why didn't you tell me you were tagged as a contact for the Eyes of the Moon, Sal? No, wait, let me guess..." "I was sworn to secrecy," Sally says as she sets a platter down in front of the slowly calming foal. "I assume you realized as much." She turns her attention back to the street foal. "All right, now, Short Shanks. You just take a moment to get yourself fed and tell us what's wrong." Short Shanks, not even noticing the food before him, stares at Sally for a moment before speaking. "Changelings," he says. The declaration receives a pair of startled gasps in response. The two mares exchange a worried glance. "Better make that sandwich to go, Sally," Freeze Pop says. "Short Shanks here has an audience with Princess Luna immediately." Sally just nods. * * * * * The plan was as follows: I would engage the two doppelgangers in conversation, while Meanie hustled Apple Bloom and her two friends out of the shop and escorted them to Rarity's boutique. If things did not proceed exactly according to plan, they at least went almost exactly according to my expectations. Which is to say that I was very much able to keep the ersatz ponies' attention on me while Meanie and the three fillies slipped out the back. Out in the square, the other pair of "ponies" had their attentions focused on me as well -- apparently, I was equa non grata (one doesn't spend the bulk of their life around the Princesses without getting at least a semblance of a classical education) and they were very put out by my presence in Ponyville. I tend to have that effect on ponies. "Good evening, ladies," I greeted the pair inside the store. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Orange Meringue Pie, and I come to you with a once-in-a-lifetime offer that absolutely must be heard to be believed!" The "unicorn" opened her mouth to rebut, but I was getting into character and the key to fast-talking somepony is, well, to talk fast. The idea is to keep them off-balance so that they don't have a chance to realize what's happening until after it's over. It's a lousy con, because once you shut up a moment (or leave, which also has the effect of giving them time to mull things over) your mark will generally put together what just happened and they will be very upset. "That's right, ladies, because tonight and tonight only I am offering you the unparalleled opportunity to turn State's Evidence, that's right, I said State's Evidence, with all the benefits, privileges, and rights pertaining thereunto, to wit: Immunity from prosecution, political asylum (if applicable), and the ability to move around unhindered by shackles, chains, or large, burly guardsponies. "Now," I said, cutting off the "earth pony", "you may be saying to yourself that such a bounteous opportunity must be too good to be true! Who, you may be asking yourself, is this strange pony who comes up to me making promises that require the full force of the Crowns behind them? Well, that's not important right now!" "I-it's not?" stammered the changeling disguised as a green unicorn. A little pony in my head did a victory dance: I had my mark. "Of course it's not!" I replied. "What you should be asking yourself is 'What can I do to take advantage of this spectacular offer?' Well, I tell you, it is the most, I say the most incredibly simple thing! All you have to do is answer one little bitty question: How many changelings are in Ponyville right now?" Now, if I was lucky, one of them would have answered without thinking, simply because she was too busy trying to sort out what was being said. Sadly, the one masquerading as an earth pony was quicker on the uptake than I'd given the two of them credit for, because she quickly kicked the other one under the table just as she was opening her mouth. The pair grinned up at me, trying to look innocent while at the same time quite clearly contemplating doing extremely impolite things to me. Repeatedly. With dull, rusty equipment if possible. "Going once," I said, acting as though I really expected them to change their minds while racking my brains (such as they are) for a plan of attack, which was definitely going to be next. "Going twice," I added, noting the additional pair of pseudo-ponies now blocking the exit. "Gone," said a voice behind me, giving me just enough warning to duck instead of being clobbered, as my would-be assailant intended. I lashed out with a rear hoof, feeling the dull crunch of chitin absorbing the impact, and quickly rolled to one side before my attacker could follow through. When I came up on my hooves again, the four "mares" had dropped their glamour, and, including the one who'd tried to jump me from behind, I found myself face-to-face with five changelings who looked extremely pleased at this turn of events. Well, I'd show them! Somehow. * * * * * Shining Armor paces back and forth, mulling over the information he's been given. "I don't know, Princess," he says after a moment. "It's not that I don't trust your newest Eye of the Moon, but..." Princess Luna arches an eyebrow at him quizically. "But?" "It's not enough information to act on." He frowns. "Not officially." "There is no denying the threat, Captain," Luna says forcefully. "There's definitely something," he acknowledges, "but I'd be a lot happier with more information before I acted." "We cannot wait," Luna insists. "No," Shining Armor agrees. "I hate to suggest it, but..." He sighs. "This is definitely a situation that calls for less official channels, if you take my meaning, Your Highness." Luna grimaces. "We cannot simply recall him," she says. "He needs this respite." "Nevertheless," a third voice puts in from the chamber entrance, "something must be done, and, personally, I agree with Shining Armor." Luna and Shining Armor turn to face Princess Celestia, who takes her place beside the nocturnal diarch. "First, the Royal Guard making a raid on a group of otherwise harmless young ponies whose only apparent crime is being orphaned and homeless would be an absolute public relations nightmare--" "But if they're changelings--" interjects the younger princess. "Would you care to make the announcement that changelings have made their way back into Canterlot so soon after the incident at Princess Cadance and Shining Armor's wedding?" Luna hangs her head. "No," she says, "but..." "Secondly," Princess Celestia continues, "these... 'Lost Foals', once they are rescued, may react with distrust and fear to a group of Royal Guards. It was, among other things, for the protection of ponies like them that the Eyes of the Moon were created." Luna hangs her head. "Thou usest mine own words against me, sister," she says, her dialect slipping into archaic patterns, betraying her emotions to those who know her. "Very well. As thou sayest, what choice have we? I shall pen the missive immediately." Shining Armor, relieved, smiles. "And I'll get ready." Princess Luna frowns, bemused. "For what?" "This may be Defty's party," Shining Armor says with an anticipatory grin, "but that doesn't mean I can't attend. I wouldn't miss it for the world." Princess Celestia frowns and stands in front of her Captain of the Guard. "Shining Armor, are you sure you aren't simply looking for revenge after what happened? We don't know that Queen Chrysalis is involved." Shining Armor frowns. "I... won't deny that's part of it," he confesses. "But more than that, this is why the Royal Guard exists. Not just to protect the Crowns, but to protect the citizens of Canterlot. Even those who'd rather we kept our muzzles out of their business. Even those who fear us. Guards protect ponies, or what are guards for?" Celestia smiles. "Very well, Shining Armor. I won't keep you from your preparations." * * * * * The changelings closest to me fell back slightly, while the two at the door joined them, making a short arc of pony-shaped bugs blocking my path to the door. As I glanced around the lobby of Sugar Cube Corner, they began their slow advance on me, trusting in numbers and intimidation to keep me from acting. On most ponies, it would probably work. It certainly wouldn't work on a brave pony like Shining Armor, or on the heroines of Ponyville. On a pony like myself? I won't deny I was a little intimidated. They were each a little larger than me. There were five of them. Their teeth did not exactly scream "you can trust me, I'm an herbivore just like you!" The way they kept licking those sharp teeth did not help in the slightest. But fear or no, the Eye of the Moon can't simply fly into a panic like a normal pony. No, when the Eye of the Moon flies into a panic, you'd better believe it's at least a productive one. In any case, I hadn't nearly reached that point. Instead, I was just scared enough to take their threat seriously. As they advanced, I looked for weaknesses in their formation. They moved as a unit, which made rushing them a questionable proposition at best. Naturally, that made it my go-to solution, and, with a snort, I charged right up the middle. The five of them reared back on their hind legs, ready to pummel me with their forehooves, and I immediately tucked and rolled to the right, my hooves getting entangled with two of them. With a manic whoop, I swung my hooves to the left, causing the two changelings I'd tripped up to fall into their compatriots. With a final buck to disengage from the tangle of hissing monsterponies, I scrambled to my feet and made my way to the door and out into the streets of Ponyville. The sun had finally set while I'd been trying to fast-talk the changelings earlier, and I marveled at just how empty Ponyville can get. During the day, while it isn't as crowded as Canterlot, it is very much a bustling little community. At night, Ponyville just rolls up its streets, which, as far as I was concerned, was a good thing: fewer ponies means fewer witnesses means less panic in the streets. One of the changelings had managed to get free of the tangle I'd created, and was hot on my hooves in a matter of seconds. Grimacing at the bad luck, I lowered my head and sprinted as hard as I could for a nearby house. The changeling hissed and matched, and then exceeded, my pace easily. With a malicious grin, I took advantage of our size difference, and instead of leaping the fence that had caught my eye, dove between the horizontal slats. The changeling was so focused on catching me that it tried to follow suit, but my smaller size made it much more feasible for me than it. While I tucked and rolled to a stop on the other side of the fence, it had gotten itself well and truly stuck, making it an easy target for a solid buck to the face. One down, four to go, I thought to myself. And here they come! I scrambled over the fence and began my headlong flight through Ponyville, still working on a plan for dealing with the bug monsters while they worked on their own plan for dealing with me. I had a distinct feeling theirs would involve sharp teeth and insect-pony digestive systems. What I needed was something like an obstacle course, where my size and agility could counter their advantages in both strength and numbers. What I needed, I decided, was Sweet Apple Acres. It was going to be a hell of a run. But ponies are built for running. Among the sapient races in and around the kingdom of Equestria, few, if any, can match ponies for stamina. In fact, I was rather counting on that difference to help stagger out my pursuit, making them easier to deal with, and, to my absolute delight, by the time I reached the edge of town, it was working like a charm. Somewhere along the way, however, we'd picked up an additional changeling, and this one was... Well, I knew for a fact now that Big Macintosh was among those intended to be replaced. Boy, was this ever a large changeling that had managed to join the race. Not Queen Chrysalis large, but definitely larger than the others. I made a mental note to save it for last, because the thought of going up against it while it had backup was just staggeringly idiotic, even for me. The first pair caught up to me just as I reached the barn where we'd had my "Welcome to Ponyville" party... had that been just the other day? Couldn't be. Too much had happened since then. In any event, I scrambled up towards the hay loft with the changelings in hot pursuit. "Oh please," I muttered as I began tossing aside clumps of hay, "please please please still be here." Fortunately, I found what I was looking for just as the first changeling reached me, and there is simply no describing the look of shock on its buggy little face when it got a face full of Meanie's "partillery" at point blank range. The second changeling hesitated slightly, and I leapfrogged over it, giving it a solid thump in the back of the noggin, as I made my way to where I remembered the other party cannon to be concealed. The blast of confetti and streamers missed, sadly, but it put the changeling off-balance long enough for me to give it a good solid hoof to the face and knock it from the hay loft to the hard-packed dirt floor of the barn. I had just enough time to grin at my victory before the next pair of creatures burst into the barn. The big one had to be close behind. With a war-whoop I'd learned from a buffalo who I'm still not convinced wasn't teaching me how to say unseemly things about my parents without realizing it, I leapt from the hay loft. One of the changelings was kind enough to break my fall. I thanked it with a kick to the side of the head, and tucked and rolled under the other just in time to avoid a searing green blast of magic flame. Three down, I thought as I scrambled to avoid blast after blast from the changeling's jagged horn, two to go. I spared a split-second to glance around the barn looking for something I could use to my advantage, and nearly got my cutie mark burned off by the changeling for my troubles, but a glint of metal in the corner gave me a wonderfully terrible idea. I bolted for that corner as fast as my little hooves would carry me, juking from side to side to try to throw off any more magical assaults. In moments, I was atop Big Macintosh's anvil and making faces at my increasingly irate opponent. It snarled at me, its horn enveloped in a sickly green glow that intensified by the moment. As it lowered its horn at me, I dropped to the floor in front of the anvil, the changeling's blast blowing a hole in the barn wall where I had been moments earlier. I winked at the changeling, then leapt through the hole. The changeling, infuriated, followed, the sound of its hooves clattering right up to the hole after me. I popped up in the hole in front of it, causing it to draw up short with its front hooves atop the anvil. I gleefully kicked them out from under it, and its head struck metal hard enough to daze it, setting it up for a buck to the face that took it out of the fight. "Okay," I muttered. "Now, where's the big--" At that moment, the big changeling chose to make itself known by hitting me with a right cross that sent me flying and filled my field of vision with stars. I staggered to my hooves to face my smirking opponent, stretching my jaw to make sure it hadn't been popped out of joint. It advanced on me, its predatory grin widening. "Oh," I said. "You want to play rough, do you?" I reared back, pounding my hooves on the ground as hard as I could. "DO YOU?!" It just continued advancing at that slow, steady pace. It had me outmuscled, and it knew it. It wasn't using its wings or its magic, just its sheer size. I narrowed my eyes at it. "All right, you big, ugly bug," I yelled, "let's do this!" With that, I did the least sane thing I could think of. I charged straight at it. It stopped in its tracks, blinking in surprise, then grinned and lowered its horn to point right at me and charged. Time seemed to slow down. The world around me became muted until I could barely hear the pounding of my own hooves in the dirt. All I could see was that horn, bearing down on me. This was it. If I misjudged this by even the tiniest fraction of a second, I was skewered. As the distance between us closed, I thought about the things I had done in my life. For a pony who lives like he has no regrets, I was shocked to find I had quite a few. Not the least of which was how I had simply run off on my family as a foal to try my luck on the streets of Canterlot. Nothing I could ever do would make up for the way I had hurt my parents and my sister that day, I knew that. But that didn't mean I couldn't try. I jumped too late, by just a fraction of a fraction of a second. The big changeling's horn scored the inside of my off hind thigh, and I let out a neigh of pain and frustration. I let my momentum carry me, injury and all, away from the changeling, trying my hardest to run despite the pain. Time resumed its normal flow, and I heard the changeling's hiss of frustration as it changed course and bore down on me. I couldn't outrun it this time, not with that gash in my leg. I had to use what distance I had to best advantage, or I would be as dead as those trees... up... ahead... A light bulb flashed on in my head. That was it, of course. Pony magic could insulate against electromagical shock, or I'd have been in much worse shape after my run-in with those very same trees. My grin returned and I found the strength to push through my pain and put on another burst of speed. Though I didn't dare look behind, I could hear the pounding of the big changeling's hooves behind me, closing in. It wouldn't be long now before he caught up enough to bring me down, and if that monster brought me down, it was over. I cleared the edge of the Zap Apple orchard, and made for the nearest tree, weaving past it so close I could feel its bark brushing against my fur. Come on, I thought. Come on, you big dumb lug, come on! Nothing. I dared a glance back, and saw the changeling following much closer behind than I'd suspected. I'd have to try something trickier, it seemed. I continued running through the orchard, brushing so close to the trees that each little brush sent a slight tingle of electricity through my hide. Still, the changeling managed to keep up. Up ahead, I saw the largest, oldest tree in the orchard. Its gnarled branches pierced the sky, and its trunk was big enough that three ponies couldn't get their forelegs around it. It was even more of a monster than the thing chasing me. And, gloriously, in front of it was a lone cloud. I couldn't reach the cloud without kicking off of the tree, I realized. Hopefully I could do so without electrocuting myself. Not being grounded might help. With a yell, I leapt, twisted in midair, planted my hooves against the trunk and pushed off. I felt the tree shudder under the impact. Peripherally, I saw the vibration from my kick-off make its way through the trunk out to the tips of the branches, and then back towards where I'd kicked off. Was that what had happened the first time? Was I far enough away? Was the cloud? I landed on the cloud, which began shouting at me in pain and exasperation. Clouds didn't normally do that, did they? No time to wonder, I decided. I turned my attention to the changeling that had been following behind me. It gaped up at where I was standing, its hooves carrying it forward at full tilt towards the tree. It collided just as the vibrations of my impact finished their return trip to their point of origin, discharging directly into the massive changeling. As it reeled from that blow, a second set of vibrations, from its own impact with the tree, followed suit. The changeling stood there, blinking stupidly, a relaxed smile on its bizarre insect-pony-hybrid face, then fell to the ground in stages: forelegs, hindquarters, head. Its eyes closed, and I breathed a sigh of relief. That is, until Rainbow Dash tore into me for tackling her and interrupting her nap. * * * * * "Well," said Twilight Sparkle, rolling the scroll up. "I'm not sure if this explains everything or just raises more questions." "What's it say, Twi?" Applejack asked. Twilight frowned, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof. "I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you," she replied after a moment. "I shouldn't have read it myself, as soon as I saw it was addressed to somepony else." Applejack's frown mirrored her bookish friend's. "Ah don't get it," she said. "Why would Princess Celestia send a letter ta somepony else through Spike?" "That's just it," Twilight replied. "It's not from Princess Celestia. It's from Princess Luna. And it was addressed to your cousin, Orange Meringue." Rainbow Dash cocked her head at me, then jabbed a hoof at the door. The message was clear: What are you waiting for, a better cue? Get in there! I nodded and pushed the door open. "Twilight," I said, still out of breath from my chase across town. "I need to send a letter to Princess Luna. There are changelings in Ponyville." Then, I stopped, blinking in shock, as I realized that she had said nearly the same thing at exactly the same time: "You just got a letter from Princess Luna. There are changelings in Canterlot." Everypony in the room stood stock still for a few heartbeats while the import of those two statements sunk in.