//------------------------------// // D'awwwwww! // Story: The God Squad // by defender2222 //------------------------------// Derpy carefully studied the board in front of her, tapping her chin with her hoof. She considered all her options before selecting a piece and moving it forward. "Bishop to Queen 4." Mary Sue, the red maned, black coated alicorn (and Derpy's new roommate), frowned. "Derpy, we are playing Tigasian Checkers." "Bishop... to Queen... 4..." Derpy said slowly, as if she were talking to a 3 year old. DING DONG "That's weird... I don't remember us having a doorbell," Mary Sue stated. "Maybe its the doorbell fairy!" Dinky exclaimed, looking up from her coloring book. "Muffin, you know that the doorbell fairy won't be coming for another 3 months," Derpy said patiently (Doorbell Fairy of course coming on Doorbell Day, which was very important as it celebrated the Battle of the Doorbells... which was not a battle and did not involve doorbells at all; instead, the Battle of the Doorbells had been a race between a monkey with a peg leg and a bowl of soup. Everypony had agreed that it was silly and decided to celebrate doorbells instead). DING DONG "Do you think we should answer it?" Derpy asked, before setting a card down. "Gin rummy." "Again, playing... you know what, never mind." The bell rang against and Mary stood up. "Let me," Mary Sue said, trotting over to the door. She took a deep breath, put on her best smile, and ripped the door open, jabbing her glowing horn at the invaders. "GIT OF ME LAND!" Logic Point threw up his hooves. "Sorry, sorry! Please don't hurt us!" Wall Breaker nodded, much calmer than his friend. "We are beloved secondary characters much as yourself and killing us would only ruin a good fic, by which I mean the functionality in Canterlot." Derpy trotted over, joining her friend in staring at the royal guard. She tilted her head, studying the two with a critical eye. "If you are Luna's Witnesses I can tell you right now we already have a savior, thank you very much." "Yeah! His name is… well, it is hard to say and if I do silence will fall but he has one!" Dinky exclaimed, jumping onto her mom's back. "And don't say that it is bad that I have two mommies." "Wait, what?" Mary Sue said in surprise. "Who is your other mommy?" Wall Breaker leaned forward. "I think she is implying you are a lesbian." "I am not a lesbian and I am not dating Derpy!" "We're not dating?" The gray pegasus said, generally confused. "Der...Derpy, of course we aren't!! You are married to Doctor Whooves." The Doctor chose that moment to walk in from the kitchen, nibbling on a bran muffin. "Ah, but we have an open relationship." Mary just stared at the family, who was looking at her like SHE was the crazy one (sure, she had an imaginary friend who told her to kidnap ponies and she liked staring at fires while chanting in latin but she wasn't crazy!). "Why would you think we were?" "You live in my house," Derpy said. "You stay home while first mommy works," Dinky said. "You sleep in my bed," The Doctor stated. "You have sex with each other all the time," Cranky Mule grumbled, walking down the lane (how he could still be grumpy living near two young lesbians is a question for the ages). "... that may be all true but I am not your girlfriend!" Mary Sue shouted. "Wonderful!" Logic Point said. He pulled out a pair of handcuffs. "We have been sent to arrest you and force you to marry Prince Blueblood." "...I am so hot for Derpy it isn't even funny." "Who isn't?" The Doctor said said, giving Derpy a wink. The God Squad Episode 16: D'awwwwww! "The trick to toasting a marshmallow is to rotate it slowly." Celesta's magic flared out and she carefully began to twist the puffy white treat in the air, just above the fire. "You want it to get a nice golden color." After the insanity of the last week and a half it had been decided by the deities that they wanted to try out the novel thing known as 'camping'. They'd bought all the things needed for such an adventure: tents, sleeping bags, bug spray, a sex swing (the last was Cadence's idea). Shining had even gotten Twilight to Spike-Mail them a copy of 'Camping for Dummies', so they could have a good, traditional camping trip. "My way is simpler," Luna said, shoving the marshmallow bag over her snout and gobbling up 10 of the treats. "This is what a s'more is?" Cadence asked in confusion, looking at the little graham cracker sandwich Shining Armor was making. "If I had known I would have eaten more of them!" "What did you think they were?" Celestia asked. Her niece leaned over and whispered in her ear for several seconds. "Wait... really? Really? With butterscotch?" "I think you misheard me," Cadence said. "Are you all sure you don't want a hot dog?" Tydal asked, slowly rotating the frank over the fire. "We would of had you gotten veggie ones!" Luna complained. Tydal scoffed. "I had these imported from Griffland, cost me some good bits, and you don’t even want any." His horns glowed and he brought over a bun and bottle of mustard, slathering his dog before attacking it like a Rottweiler going after a bag of popcorn. "I brought plenty!" "Again, we don't eat meat... I can't believe you are!" Shining snapped as Tydal began to cook the next one. "You're half goat! Now, I could understand you eating a tin can or something..." "Yes, I am half goat, but I am also half fish," Tydal reminded him. His tail swayed back and forth and his slitted eyes twinkled with dark amusement. "Technically, I am half bull shark." He flashed them a smile, pulling his lips back enough to reveal sharp canines. "I still think it is gross," Luna complained. "You didn't always. I remember you sneaking a bit of my food every once and a while." "I was 9 months old, I didn't know any better!" Luna complained. “So you claim, little princess, so you claim.” Cadence looked at Tydal, Luna and Celestia. "You know, I've been meaning to ask... how did you two end up being raised by Lord Tydal?" Celestia chuckled as she brought her golden marshmallow to her mouth, nibbling on it as it hovered in front of her lips. "That, my dear little niece, is a very interesting story..." ~1,800 years ago...~ "Mmm, that's it..." Tydal murmured, tongue hanging out of his mouth. The sheets were pulled tight to his body and his bed creaked every time he shifted. "Yeah... that's it Merida... that's it... yeah, you know how to work it, you sexy beast… spread that jam on that toast." Queen Merida rolled her eyes, rolling closer to her husband and wrapping her forelegs around him. "I am not bringing you breakfast in bed." "Shhh, I'm sleeping. You can't wake up a sleep-dreamer, or he might die." "That makes no sense," Merida complained, the deep brogue of her words rumbling down his spine as she nuzzled him. "You make no sense," Tydal murmured. His wife barely had time to let out a yelp before she found herself flipped onto her back, the sea god pinning her down and kissing her neck. "But I love you anyway." "Mmmmm...." Merida rumbled. Tydal was just about to lean down and give her a kiss to end all kisses when the door to his bedroom burst open and Princesses Misty and Coral rushed in. "Father, there is someone at the gate and- aw jeez!" Misty covered her eyes. "I am 115 years old and I am still not old enough to see that!" Coral began to bounce in place. “Oooooo! Are we having a bed wrestling party! Mommy, tag me in, tag me in!” Merida merely rolled her eyes; she was use to the eldest of her twins making such jokes and knew that it would only go that far. “Girls, you know what we do when guests interrupt during my happy time with your mama.” “Shove them in the drink and laugh!” the girls recited. “And yet I don’t hear splashing.” Tydal turned his back on his girls and began making plans on how to get his wife back in the mood. “Dad,” Misty said, taking a step forward. “We can’t push grandma into the water.” Merida’s eyes went wide and she threw the lord of the sea off of her (and into the stone wall so hard that he left a Tydal-shaped dent). “The Creator is here?” She turned, staring at her dazed husband. “YOUR MOTHER IS HERE?!?!” She leapt out of bed and began to pace. “No… no no no! She can’t be here now! We haven’t dried out the dungeon in ages! And look at all this rock dust on the floor!” “Well, that’s only because you slammed daddy into it,” Coral said, tugging her father free. “Daddy, how many hooves do you see?” ~MC~MC~MC~ “Hello Mother,” Tydal stated, trotting out of his Keep, water still dripping from the massive stone structure as it finished rising about the surface of the Mareatine. He hadn’t bother putting on his armor (he hated the stupid stuff and tended to only wear it because his subjects demanded it) and his hair was a mess. There were bags under his eyes and his back still hurt. Before him stood his Mother, aka The Creator, aka She Who Steps on Mountains aka Tau Sunflare aka the most powerful being in all of existence. The Creator had created all the divine beings and all the races and lands in the universe. She could craft entire civilizations with a thought or bring about the end of days with just a few words. This was her power and it was terrible and beautiful and demanded respect. “How are you, Tydal?” “My wife is having a panic attack, there is a dent in my wall and I got cock-blocked by my daughters. So, please forgive me if I am a bit moody and ask you to respectfully piss off. Oh, and I see you are a pony now… fantastic.” The Creator had a bad habit of changing her shape whenever she felt like it. Normally she was wise enough to appear as the species she was speaking too, but instead of taking the form of a white capricorn she had chosen to appear as a white pony with wings and a horn, her red mane billowing about her. “I’ve decided to call myself an alicorn because I think it sounds interesting.” “Cute,” Tydal grumbled as he moved towards his mother, only to blink when he noticed to two little ones standing just behind her. “Mother… there are two small things behind you.” “I know,” The Creator shifted, allowing Tydal to get a good look at the two. One was a small…alicorn…. filly who was white as snow and whose mane was made up of all the colors of a sunrise. Said mane was clamped in the mouth of a blue alicorn foal who was happily gumming it and babbling to herself. “This is Celestia and Luna… they are your sisters.” “Well… hello there,” Tydal said simply, before looking up at his mother. “You’re dumping them on me, aren’t you?” “Tydal, you were always the most responsible of your brothers and sisters and…blah blah blah…they’re your problem now. I’m going on vacation,” Mother said, summoning some sunglasses and a travel bag. She turned to her babies and gave them each a kiss. “Have fun with your brother. Mama’s gonna work on her tan!” Tydal blinked as his Mother darted away, leaving him staring at his little sisters. “Uh…hi,” Celestia said softly. Luna released her sister’s tail and promptly spit-up all over herself. “…bugger.” “Ok Tydal, I have the soldiers working on getting the dining room cleaned up, so we are good there!” Merida hurried out of the Keep, the twins fast on her hooves. “Uh… your mother is smaller than I remember.” Luna, suddenly realizing her Mother wasn’t around and not liking all the strange new creatures, began to whimper, sniffling softly before bursting into tears. Celestia’s horn glowed and she awkwardly tried to lift her up and rock her while also wiping the spit up from her coat. “This is Celestia and the sobbing one is Luna. They are my sisters and our new guests.” “Aw, they are so cute!” Coral squealed, bouncing towards the two alicorns. “I always wanted a pet!” “My sisters are not pets,” Tydal grunted. Misty studied to two little ones. “Well… maybe we could teach them to fetch and-“ “Not pets!” Tydal snapped, coming to a stop before the trembling Celestia. The filly cowered, shrinking away from the grim giant. “I will deal with you in a minute.” Tydal’s magic easily overpowered Celestia’s and he lifted the whimpering Luna up so he could look her in the eye. “Now then… I have one thing to say to you…” The sea god shut his eyes… before leaning forward and blowing a raspberry on Luna’s tummy. The foal squealed in glee, her tears forgotten as she wrapped her hooves around his head and began to crawl about him before finally settling herself between his horns and wrapped her forelegs around them like she was piloting the sea god. A startled Celestia yelped as Tydal flipped her onto his back and began to trot back to the Keep. “Come on, my little princesses… let us find you each a nice room and some toys to play with. And maybe we can convince the chef to make something sweet for you to eat; I believe it is my duty as your brother to spoil you.” ~MC~MC~MC~ “Awwwww!” Cadence said. “That was so sweet!” “And surprisingly non-violent,” Shining said. Tydal let out an annoyed growl. “I raised twin girls before these two came along… I know how to handle kids.” He smirked slightly. “I can give you some tips, Shining, for when you and Cadence finally begin squirting out little sticks-in-the-mud.” “I’m good.” “And if you wanted a violent baby story, I can give you that!” Tydal said, his mood turning joyful. “We’re good,” Shining said but Tydal had already geared up for his story… ~MC~MC~MC~ It had been roughly 8 months since the alicorn sisters had come to Tydal’s Keep. Some things had changed, some things had remained the same, but the now expanded family had easily fallen into habits: dinner time spend chatting about their day, Merida and the twins playing with the fillies, Tydal training the two in using their magic… BOOM Celestia and Luna being awoken from their sleep by the sounds of battle. “Send them out!” a voice called out, making Celestia whimper. “Give us the alicorns, now!” The little white filly began to hug her pillow tightly, trembling in fear. Across the hall she could hear Luna sobbing in fright as the Keep rattled. She knew she should go to her… but Celestia could not get herself to move. Fear gripped her heart and froze her body. And then, the crying stopped and Celestia realized that she wasn’t alone… two strong forelegs had lifted her up and were holding her and her sister close. “You don’t have to be scared,” Queen Merida whispered, rocking the little ones close, murmuring softly. “No matter what… you will never be alone. You will always have family… and right now that army is going to face your brother.” “But… but Tydal could get huwt!” Celestia squealed, panicked at the thought of her big brother being wounded or worse. Merida smiled, stroking Celestia’s mane. “Let them hurt him… it will be worth it to him. Your brother cares most about family… family is what matters and he will do all he can to protect us.” Merida’s eyes flashed darkly. “And those bloody fools will pay for coming here.” Outside the Keep, an entire squad of pegasi continued to launch attacks against the stone fortress. They would grab rocks and fly them high into the air before letting them drop, sending stone flying with each collision. “Careful!” Commander Hurricane called out. “Careful now! We want to draw them out, not kill them.” “A wise move,” Tydal said coolly. He had donned his battle armor, his silver helm and breastplate gleaming in the moonlight as he marched forward from his Keep. He approached them now as the god of the sea and king of the Mareatine, master of the oceans and victor of a thousand battles. Misty and Coral flanked him, their roles suddenly reversed: cold Misty now wore a feral grin that threatened to split her face while the bubbly Coral’s face was that of death itself. “Go home, little ponies. Go home before I decide you should not have one.” “We’ve come for the alicorns, goat. They are our princesses and we demand them in the name of Equestria.” “For Equestria… or for the pegasi army?” Tydal taunted. When Hurricane stared at him Tydal sneered. “Fool. I know why you are here; you can’t stand that you have to rule with the earth pony and the unicorn princess so you have come to claim the fillies. You plan to use them as a bargaining chip. With them raised believing themselves purely pegasus… why, you’d hold all the power, wouldn’t you?” Hurricane flew up so he was right in Tydal’s face. “Move or my men will destroy you and your kind.” Misty began to laugh the laugh of the mad. Coral’s response was to snarl, her magic flaring as she prepared to protect her father and king. It was only a subtle nod that kept the sisters, commanders of the royal guard, from attacking. “Many have tried, little one… we capricorns look for the wonderful death… one made for song. You wouldn’t even give me a note.” Hurricane zipped away just as several of his guards sent rocks hurtling towards Tydal. The old goat may have been slower than a pony but he was agile and he was able to dance about the stone rain before returning to his original spot. “Let me ask you one question… the question you should have asked before you dared to come to my home: are the alicorns protected?” The sea began to bubble behind him as he spoke. “You aren’t the first of your kind to try this. The Chancellor and the Princess have already marched here with their grand armies to take the little ones. They came as you did with threats and warnings. They threatened me as you did… they tried to kill me just as you did. And they doubted my power… just as you have done, you sad little horse. They have done all this already… so… what happened to them?” The Mareatine churned before splitting down the middle, the waters rising up and leaving the sea floor bare. Hurricane’s men let out cries as they stared at Tydal’s ‘garden’: hundreds of severed pony heads had been drive onto spikes and been left for the fish to feed on. A call went up and Hurricane turned to see Tydal’s army leaping out of the Keep, all wearing their armor and staring death at those that had come to their kingdom in the middle of the night and dared to insult their king. Not just the royal guard but the regular soldiers marshaled around Tydal and his daughters, till the beach was filled with the wagging tail-blades of the capricorn nation. “It seems you have forgotten who I am; allow me to introduce myself: I am Tydal. I am the king of the Mareatine. I am the lord of the capricorn race. I am the god of the sea and one of the eldest of the immortals. I call your creator Mother and hold council with those those power dwarfs all in your silly little Equestria.” Tydal leaned in close, his hot breath burning against Hurricane’s face. “But more importantly… I am a father, a husband and a brother. “Celestia and Luna are my sisters and under my protection. Three times Equestria has come to my door… the next time I see a flick of a pony’s tail my army will march upon your pathetic little country and I will raze it to the ground. Your stallions will be slaughtered, your mares used for our pleasure and your foals sold as slaves. I will burn your forests and salt the earth so nothing will grow again. I will burn the skies and cover the lands in darkness. I will personally come to your little Cloudsdale and I will rip it down from its high perch and crush it under my hooves. And only when this is all done will I finally come for you and your fellow rulers… and then your agony will begin. I will visit death upon you a thousand times and still not let my brother the Reaper claim your souls. That is only a taste of what I will do if you EVER THREATEN MY LITTLE SISTERS AGAIN!” The capricorns took a step towards their king, letting out bleating threats. Coral and Misty’s horns glowed as they began to channel their own magic. Behind him, the sea rose up, threatening to consume all before him. “So… in a word Commander… run.” Tydal glowered as the pegasi did just that, not even bothering to take to the air. He turned to his daughters, giving the command. “Pursue them… those that are smart and flee can live. Kill any that turn to fight. Put the spikes in front of the Everfree this time… let all see that Celestia and Luna have guardians and we will not let them be harmed. Let all know that the alicorns will not be threatened… not under my watch,” Tydal said coolly, marching back towards his Keep, the sounds of his warriors giving chase through the Everfree filling the night. He could still hear Celestia’s whimpers and he cursed Equestria for making her cry. ~MC~MC~MC~ The five of them fell silent, staring at the fire. Tydal’s good mood had vanished and Shining could see the old goat’s lip twitching as he remembered Celestia’s whimpers and Luna’s cries. The alicorn sisters shifted over and rested their heads on his shoulders, murmuring softly. “How does a pony get a tan?” Cadence finally asked. “Hell if I know,” Celestia muttered as Tydal began to laugh.