//------------------------------// // Everything Is Good & Noone Dies // Story: A Study In Nonsense // by Professor Piggy //------------------------------// Life was good. Not that that was news to her – Applejack’d learned a long time ago that she really, really liked being alive. Like, a whole lot. As she stood on the hill overlooking Sweet Apple Acres, watching her little sister run and laugh and play with her little friends, Applejack grinned. Yep. There was nothing better than being alive – if she wasn’t alive, she wouldn’t have been able to bring all her various other living family members – including her ma and pa, who were visiting from Cloudsdale – up to watch the glorious, glorious sunrise. As her beautiful girlfriends Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle and a second Rarity snuggled closer to her Applejack smiled wider, thinking of the many makeouts that would surely follow. Especially with Rarity. Because there were two Rarity’s, not because she loved Rarity more – she loved all of her girlfriends exactly the same amount, and she loved them exactly as much as she loved life. And she really, really loved life. Suddenly a thought occurred to her, and she wondered why she hadn’t thought of it before. “Girls,” she said loudly and clearly, “Let’s get married. All seven of us, to each other. How does that sound?” “But…but some of us aren’t romantically compatible, Applejack,” A small voice squeaked, “Like um…me and Twilight. No offense Twilight.” “None taken!” Smiled the beautiful unicorn with a smile, “You’re quite right after all. Inarguably so, in fact.” Applejack had been expecting that, and she nodded wisely. “Ah, but you see girls – you may not be compatible by yourselves, but with all six of us and Rarity number two all of those problems are solved miraculously. Let me explain…” And so she explained, and her explanation was perfect and full of the same life that she herself was full of and would, she was certain, continue to be full of for a very long time to come. It was also full of the immeasurable quantity of love that she felt for all the ponies around her. And when she was done, all seven of those beautiful mares nodded. Especially Rarity, who nodded twice. And then there was cake, because Pinkie Pie had a wonderful tendency to magically produce cakes. It was one of the myriad things that Applejack loved about her, along with how pretty and funny and full of life she was. Really, Pinkie Pie was probably the best pony of them in pretty much every way. She loved all her friends just the same, but Pinkie Pie was undoubtedly a gift upon the world itself. “It’s settled then. We can get married, and I’ll retire as Captain of the Wonderbolts because I’ve realised all I really wanted was for ponies to love me.” “Good idea, Fluttershy!” Chimed in Rainbow Dash, snuggling closer to the other Pegasus with a wide smile, “You can come live with us again!” Applejack smiled, thinking of how wonderful the wedding would be and how wonderful her life in general was. And then she realised that she was probably running that line of thought into the ground a little bit, and rose slowly to her hooves. “Apple Bloom!” She called, and Apple Bloom raced up and hugged her. “I love you, big sis!” “I love you too, Apple Bloom!” She said with a wide, happy grin, “And I have a present for you, too!” “You do!? Is it sisterly love?” “There’s that too, o’ course! But nah, I thought you might want my hat. Do you want my hat, Apple Bloom?” Apple Bloom’s jaw dropped and she stared at her sister in awe. “But I thought you loved your hat!” “I do! But it’s tradition in our family that when you get married you pass it on to your little sibling. That’s why when Big Mac got married he passed it on to me!” “Oh! That makes sense! Sure, big sis! I’d love your hat! But not as much as I love you!” Applejack chuckled and watched her sister gallop happily away, to the friends she was destined to – when she was older – fall in love with. She knew the hat would be passed on, one day. Thought they would need babies for that. Fortunately, she was marrying and there would be many babies. Applejack smiled. Life was good. It strained belief, really, just how good her life was. But she wouldn’t have it any other way.