The sun was hot and the day had been long, even though it was not yet midday. The smell of apple trees and heated earth perfumed the land as I walked. A shimmer of sweat coated my body and the heavy saddlebags slung over my sides were a testament to my labors, as was the ache in my muscles, the ache that signified a strenuous but healthy workout. I had been up some hours before the sun, as was my usual habit, but today I had not risen early in order to study. Today I had risen early and left my comfortable home at the behest of a friend.
They say ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’, and my friend had indeed been in need, so I had answered her summons post haste, which is how I find myself in my current situation.
“Ugh, I mean no offense Applejack, but I have no idea how you do this every day.” I grumped, my head lowered as my joints creaked and groaned under the added weight of two huge sacks of apples and a singularly lazy little dragon, who was busy sorting through the bags on my back and tossing out the bad apples.
“It ain’t even lunch yet Dusk!” Applejack laughed. “Ya cain’t tell me yer tired already.”
“I can, and I will.” I grunted, glaring in the general vicinity of the sun, sure that Celestia was making it shine on me more than it should have. Applejack had insisted I not use my magic, which is patently ridiculous, I could have cleared half the bloody orchard by now if I had been using it; but I’ve learned over the past two months that sometimes you have to put up with ridiculousness from your friends. “I’m not a farmer Applejack, I’m a scholar, the most exercise I’ve ever gotten occurred in the gym classes at boarding school.”
“It’s good for ya.” She returned, still laughing.
“Tell that to my spine. I’m sure I can feel a few thoracic vertebrae slipping out of place and pinching some important nerves…though that might be due to my passenger more than anything else.” I gave my scaly barnacle a significant glance over my shoulder, which he ignored. Brat.
“Well anyway, thank you kindly for coming on short notice. Ah bet Big Macintosh Ah could get all these golden delicious in the barn by lunchtime. If Ah can, he’s gonna walk down stirrup street in one of Granny Smith’s girdles!” She said, bouncing and giggling like Pinkie Pie.
I recalled the mental map I had of the apple orchard, made a rough estimate of the number of trees producing golden delicious apples, calculated our rate of bucking, factored in my approximation of the current time…and came to the conclusion that Big Mac knows a safe bet when he sees one.
I don’t know him personally, but if he’s anything like my brother he bet Applejack on purpose, knowing that it would get her to work harder. Siblings know each other’s minds like that. Celestia only knows how much I can aggravate Shining Armor if and when I choose to. A smile came unbidden to my mouth as fond memories of his enraged shouts and frantic pleas to Celestia to make me leave him alone burbled to the forefront of my mind. Serves him right, he always was a bit sanctimonious and condescending.
I kind of miss the days when I could quadruple his blood pressure just by walking into his room at the castle…Ah, good times, good times.
“I think you may be a bit optimistic Applejack.” I ventured carefully, lest I make her angry.
“Nonesense!” She returned quickly. “Between the two of us we’ll have this licked by-”
*GROWL!*
Huh, either we walked into an Ursa Major’s territory without noticing or my stomach decided to inform everyone within a two mile radius that it is empty and not happy about it.
“Gettin’ hungry there Dusk?” I blushed a bit.
“Well, I didn’t eat anything this morning.” I said sheepishly.
“Yer tellin’ me you came out to do farm work on an empty stomach?” She asked with a quirked eyebrow0.23. “You sure yer as smart as you keep tellin’ us?”
“Well I could have eaten something, but if I did you would have seen it about a half an hour later.” I replied, a little heatedly.
“Dusk can’t eat anything before nine in the morning. If he does, he pukes his guts out!” Spike explained cheerfully. He finds the numerous quirks of my gastrointestinal system endlessly amusing, insufferable little scaly urchin that he is.
“Careful squirt, remember who you’ve been lounging on all day.” I growled. Applejack laughed and slapped me on the back in a rough country affection sort of way. Ow. I don’t understand how pain equates to an expression of affection, but I’ve never quite worked up the nerve to ask.
“Once we get this load ‘o apples to the barn y’all can go rustle up some grub and Ah’ll take care of the rest of the apples.” She said, still somehow ignorant of the plain truth that it just wasn’t possible…or maybe she was in denial.
“Thanks.” I replied gratefully. “What do you think we should do for lunch Spike?” He opened his mouth to answer, but then his eyes went wide and he slammed it shut, holding his paws over it and his cheeks bulged out. I know that face.
“Not on me, not on me! Aim your head up!” I shouted, ducking to get my head out of the way of the burst of green fire that soon erupted from his mouth at the same time as a loud belch. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost my eyebrows to that over the years…
“What in tarnation?!” Applejack blurted, trying to rear up but being held down by the weight of the apples attached to her sides. The green fire swirled upwards and with a burst of magic formed into a sealed scroll.
“That’s a letter from Celestia.” I explained as spike hopped down and grabbed the floating message before it could hit the ground.
“All that fancy magic and ya cain’t find a better way ta send yer mail?” Applejack asked.
“It’s the most secure form of exchanging letters in existence.” I said, though deep down I agreed with her. Spike cleared his throat after he broke the seal, telling us politely to shut up and listen, which we did.
“To my most faithful student Dusk Shine. I am writing to inform you of the upcoming Grand Galloping Gala. More specifically, that you will be attending this year. You have squirmed your way out of it the past four years running, but this time I am not giving you the option. You will attend the Gala this year, like it or not. Bringing a date is highly recommended. Enclosed are two tickets; and do not try to burn, sell, shred, or disintegrate them. It was funny the first few times, but I am done playing. Your ever patient teacher, Princess Celestia.” Two golden tickets were affixed to the bottom of the scroll.
“The Grand Galloping Gala!” Applejack said, in awe.
“The Grand Galloping Gala!” I groaned, aghast. Spike just laughed.
“Ah’d love to go!” Applejack said, her eyes dreamy. “Land sakes, if I could get an apple stand set up ponies would be chawin’ on our vittles ‘til the cows came home! Do you have any idea how much business I could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres? Why, with all that money, we could do a heap o’ fixin’ up around here! We could fix the barn, get a new plow, and even pay for Granny Smith’s second hip replacement! Ah’d give my left hind leg ta go to the Gala!”
“Uh, Applejack, the Gala isn’t-” There was a shout from above, then there was pain, and then there was dirt.
“Are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?” Came a voice that I recognized as belonging to Rainbow Dash.
“We really have to stop meeting this way Rainbow.” I growled after I extricated my face from the (thankfully) soft, loamy soil that made Sweet Apple Acres so successful. For such a skilled flyer Rainbow has a tendency to use other ponies as landing pads a whole lot…
“Rainbow Dash, you said you were too busy to help, what were you doin’? Spyin’?” Applejack accused, completely understandable anger in her voice.
“No, I was busy napping.” She said, indicating a pillow and blanket located in a nearby tree, causing Applejack’s face to mottle with anger and making me wonder how exactly anypony could fall asleep like that. “And I just happened to overhear that you have an extra ticket?” She fluttered upside down and got right in my face, it was a bit creepy.
“Yes, but-”
“YES! This is so awesome! The Wonderbolts perform at the Gala every year! I can see it now…” Her eyes fogged over as she was lost in some kind of personal fantasy sequence. “Everypony will be watching the sky, their eyes riveted on the Wonderbolts, but then, who would fly by? Rainbow Dash! I would draw their attention with my Super Speed Strut, mesmerize them with my Fantastic Filly Flash, and for the grand finale, the Buccaneer Blaze! Everypony would love me, the Wonderbolts would insist that my signature moves be incorporated into their set, and BAM! Welcome me as their newest member! Don’t you see Dusk? This could be my one chance to show ‘em my stuff! You gotta take me!”
“Your talents for alliteration and theatrics are duly noted Rainbow, but you don’t-” Rainbow was yanked out of my face by Applejack pulling on her tail.
“Now hold on just one pony pickin’ minute here!” She said, spitting out the rainbow colored tail in her mouth. Eww, there’s no knowing where that tail’s been. “Ah asked for that ticket first.”
“So? That doesn’t mean you own it!” Rainbow rejoined angrily.
“Oh yeah, well I challenge you to a hoofwrassle. The winner gets the ticket!” They actually set themselves up on a nearby stump and started hoofwrestling. This is ridiculous. I extended a weak telekinetic field between them and pushed them apart.
“Stop! First of all, they’re my tickets. Second, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. The Gala isn’t your average-”
“Do you know how much business I could drum up for the farm?” Applejack interrupted enthusiastically, taking a large step closer.
“A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts!” Rainbow Dash said just as energetically, taking a step forward to match Applejack.
“Money to fix granny’s hip!”
“Living the dream!”
New as I am to the whole friendship thing, I can recognize a no-win situation when I see one. No matter whom I pick somepony’s going to be hurt. At times like this the advice of an old, grizzled, royal guard colonel comes to mind. I asked him one day (while interviewing him for a thesis on military history) what to do if you find yourself in a situation you just can’t win. I’ll always remember what he said to me: ‘Colt, if you’re in that kind of fix, there’s no shame in running like hay. Best thing to do is get the buck out and regroup. Get some distance from the enemy and buy yourself some time to come up with a real plan.’ I trust the wisdom of my elders, and I was aided at that moment by the fortuitously timed growling of my stomach.
“Sorry guys, I haven’t eaten anything yet today and I can’t make decisions like this on an empty stomach.” I said, putting on my best sheepish face whilst taking a step back. “I’ll go eat and think about it. I’ll get back to you when I’ve decided.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
“So, who’re you going to give the ticket to Dusk?” Spike asked after I had made it to the entrance to Ponyville.
“I’m trying to think of a way to send them back to Celestia.” I growled, echoed by my stomach. “And if I can’t find a way to get out of it, my friends are the last ponies I’m going to give the tickets to, I actually like them, and I’d like them to keep liking me, which will promptly stop if they attend the Gala because I brought them.”
“It can’t be that bad.” Spike said. I gave him a stern look.
“Spike, what have I said about saying that?” My nose picked up the scent of hay fries and I automatically started heading towards Horte’s Cuisine.
I can’t eat out very much at all because I’m very sensitive to chemicals, and the preservatives and cheap synthesized almost-food that all fast food and even some of the better restaurants sell will have me vomiting and breaking out into hives. Horte’s, on the other hoof, is completely organic, so I can actually eat there without worrying about getting an inflamed colon. It’s on the pricey side, but it’s worth it.
“Never say anything that tempts fate.” Spike said, his voice taking on the sing-song cadence of somepony reciting something from memory.
“Like?” I prompted. He sighed.
“‘What could possibly go wrong?’”
“And?”
“‘That was too easy.’” He said with the sing-song cadence of somepony repeating a memorized fact.
“Good, you remember. And for your information, the Gala is, in fact, that bad.” I was going to elaborate, but then I was tackled by Pinkie Pie.
“Hiii Dusk!” I only had that for warning before I was knocked off my hooves and roughly deposited on the ground. Why is it that ponies around here think running into somepony at a full gallop is an appropriate greeting. Oh, yes, then Pinkie started screaming.
“Bats! Bats on my face! Help!” She was running around rapidly, trying to dislodge the imaginary bats. I love my friends, I really do, but there are times I find my limited patience strained. This happens much more often when Pinkie Pie is around.
“There are no bats Pinkie.” I deadpanned. “You are free of nocturnal echolocating flying mammals.”
“Oh, hey, you’re right!” She stopped in place, and then spied the tickets. “Wait! Are those-”
“Tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!” Spike offered, grinning. He thought that getting tackled was fun since he has scales and his sense of touch is muted compared to a pony’s and the flying through the air part appealed to him…at least I think so, it’s not like there’s any other reason that comes readily to mind. Pinkie gasped at the revalation.
“The Grand Galloping Gala?! That’s the most amazing, incredible, stupendous, super magnificently humongous party in all of Equestria! I’ve always always always wanted to go!” Her eyes closed and she started to bounce rhythmically in place. I recognized that bob and weave, she was about to- “Oh the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me, oh the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me! Hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray, it’s the best-mmp!”
“Pinkie, listen.” I said, stuffing a hoof in her mouth to interrupt her nascent musical number. She’s definitely had some musical training at some point, and her improv teacher should be given a medal, but like so many other times in her life her vision of events and reality are about as closely related as I am to a Diamond Dog. “The Gala isn’t what-”
I heard a cultured, ladylike gasp from behind me and promptly removed my hoof from Pinkie’s mouth in order to slap my forehead with it…and then promptly regretted doing so since it still had Pinkie spit on it, which means I probably just got some kind of contact diabetes or something.
“Are those what I think they are?” Rarity asked. Statistically speaking, this is impossible, the odds of my friends’ schedules and movements coinciding in such a way that they intersect like this are literally astronomical.
“Yes, yes, yes! Dusk is taking me to the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot!” What?! I never said that! Dammit Pinkie!
“The Gala! I design ensembles for the Gala every year, but I’ve never had the opportunity to attend. Oh, the society, the culture, the glamor, it’s where I truly belong.” Rarity said, swirling around dramatically and bouncing her mane on a hoof. How is it that everypony I know here seems to think the Grand Galloping Gala is some kind of ballroom dance party out of an old pony’s tale? “And where I’m destined to meet him!”
“Him?” I asked, feeling nauseous for more reasons than just my empty stomach now. I really hope Rarity isn’t talking about what I think she’s talking about. Sure enough, her eyes glazed over and she became the latest pony to elaborate her vision for the Gala.
“I will stroll through the Gala, and everypony will wonder, ‘just who is that mysterious mare?’ They would never guess that I was just a simple pony from little old Ponyville.” Stars and stones, I think I’m going to vomit what little gastric juices are in my stomach. “Why, I would be such a sensation that I would be invited to an audience with Princess Celestia herself!”
“You’ve already met Celestia.” I pointed out. “We all did, and-”
There is no interrupting Rarity’s fantasy sequences, no matter how…harlequin, they sound.
“Then the Princess would be so taken by my style and elegance, that she would introduce me to him!” In all honesty, Celestia would be more likely to slowly and surely bleed her ego down to size over the course of a few minutes of conversation. She’s quite good at it… I know this better than anypony. “Her nephew, the most handsome, eligible unicorn stallion in Canterlot!”
“You can’t mean Blue-”
“Our eyes would meet, our hearts would melt, our courtship would be magnificent!” Oh no, she has to be disillusioned and fast. I opened my mouth to say something, but Rarity had left the building. There’s no way I’m getting a word in edgewise while she was in full-on fairy tale mode, so I shut my mouth and waited impatiently.
“He would ask for my hoof in marriage, and of course I would say YES! We would have a royal wedding, befitting a Princess, which is what I would be if I married him, the stallion of my dreams!”
“Rarity, I know that romance is important to you but please listen to me, there’s no way-”
“Dusk! I can’t believe you would invite Pinkie so she could…party.” She said the last word with cultured distaste. “And prevent me from meeting my true love! How could you?”
She turned her back on me and sniffed regally. My metaphorical hackles shot up. Rarity can really rub me the wrong way when she starts getting dramatic, and especially when her theatrics and affectations of culture get overbearing. Adding a passive aggressive element to it was like dousing my already frazzled nerves in carbolic acid. I’m no stranger to manipulation like this, and make no mistake, that last little dramatic huff was manipulation. It always pisses me off, without fail.
“Hey!” Spike shouted. I turned to look at him, which was probably a good thing because it gave me enough time to realize what the uncouth response I was about to shoot back at Rarity would have done to the state of our friendship.
I saw a flash of gold in the mouth of a passing rabbit. For a moment my hopes rose, if the tickets were genuinely lost I could tell Celestia that, and (with a lot of convincing) maybe get a chance to stay away from the Gala. My hopes plummeted back down again when I saw the rabbit climb onto a familiar yellow-coated and pink-maned mare.
Celestia, I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, this isn’t funny, it’s petty cruelty.
“Oh Angel, these are just perfect!” Murmured Fluttershy to her kleptomaniac rabbit. I took the opportunity to try and defuse the situation.
“Look, I haven’t decided who I’m going to give the extra ticket to, and I’m not-”
“You haven’t?!” Rarity and Pinkie said in unison, Rarity’s voice was full of hope and Pinkie’s was full of dread.
“Um, excuse me, Dusk, I’d just like to ask, if it’s alright, if you haven’t given the ticket to somepony else…”
“You? You want to go to the Gala?” Rarity asked incredulously, and I have to agree with her. Parties of any sort don’t seem like something Fluttershy would be interested in at all. To the contrary, they seem like something she’d run away from as fast as her hooves could take her.
“No, oh no…” She said untruthfully, then her rabbit kicked her. “Um, well yes. Kind of, you see…”
“Not again.” I grumbled as Fluttershy went into her own little world and dragged the rest of us along with her.
“It’s not so much the Grand Galloping Galla as the wondrous private garden that surrounds the dance. The flowers are said to be the most beautiful and fragrant in all of Equestria, and for the night of the Gala, and that night alone, they will all be in bloom.” Well, she had me there, the gardens she was talking about are nice, Celestia liked to take me out there for lessons occasionally, and it also served as a very nice place to just relax and talk…and they’re a prime spot for all sorts of taboo liaisons between the castle staff. If Fluttershy knew how many foals had been conceived in those gardens at night I highly doubt she’d want to go.
“Fluttersh-”
“And that’s just the flora! Don’t get me started on the Fauna!” Why do I even try? “Loons and toucans and terns oh my! There are hummingbirds that can actually hum and buzzards that really buzz! Blue jays, red jays, and green jays, and pink jays, and pink flamingos! And that’s just the start!”
I can see where she’s going with this, sort of. Fluttershy is a veterinarian by trade and her house is the biggest (well, only) animal shelter in all of Ponyville. Animals are her passion, and getting a chance to meet and observe species that weren’t found anywhere near her home would be very enticing.
“Fluttershy, I hate to break this to you but-”
“Wait just a minute!” Am I ever going to get to finish a single. Bucking. Sentence?
“Rainbow Dash.” I scowled accusingly as she dropped down from the building where she had been perching. “Were you following me?” Hey, look, I actually got a complete sentence in!
“No, I mean yes, I mean maybe. Ugh, look, it doesn’t matter! I couldn’t risk a goody four shoes like you giving the tickets away to just anypony!”
“Excuse me?!” Well, there’s complete sentence number two, I’m on a roll!...now if only I wasn’t seeing red. The ticket isn’t hers in the first place, and I am not a goody four shoes.
“Wait just anuther minute!” Came Applejack’s voice from behind me. There are days I wish I stayed in the library, this is shaping up to be one of them.
“Applejack, please tell me you haven’t been following me too.” I asked despairingly. “I’d like to think that some of my friends aren’t that creepy.”
“No, Ah was following Rainbow! To make sure she wouldn’t try any funny business!”
“In this case that’s the same thing!” I pointed out.
“And she’s still tryin’ to take mah ticket!” She continued as if I hadn’t said anything.
“Your ticket?!” Rainbow asked angrily. The whole group was coming together now, and before long they were all in a five way fight. This is one of the reasons I hate the Gala, more ponies are injured over the attendance list each year than are injured in chariot accidents or. The argument escalated rapidly and after a few moments I stopped listening, it was impossible to follow all the accusations and counter-shouts anyway.
Spike gave me a concerned look as he ambled over, having retrieved the tickets from the Lapine thief and hopped on my back, recognizing it as the only safe place for him as long as he held the tickets.
“Dusk, they’re really arguing…” He said, pointing out the obvious.
“Yes, I’m aware.” I ground out, rubbing between my eyes with a hoof. I’m getting a hunger headache of massive proportions, and the noise isn’t helping.
“What are you going to do?”
“I’d tell you, but I’m so hungry my higher cognitive functions have been disabled to save energy.” I grumbled, my head was seriously starting to pound now, throbbing in time with my heartbeat, which was (along with my blood pressure) rising at an exponential rate as the argument continued.
“Shouldn’t we stop them?”
“Spike, once a fight like that has gained that much momentum, there’s nothing in Equestria that can stop it. Not even
Celestia. All we can do is wait it out and hope for the best…which won’t happen of course, but you can dream.”
Then the noise suddenly stopped. The abrupt change got my attention and I looked back at the group of mares and I saw that they were all staring at me with equal measures of expectation and indignation. Here’s a quick exercise for you: go get your favorite dictionary and look up ‘no-win situation’. I guarantee you there’s a picture of the six of us right next to it.
“Well?” Rarity demanded officiously.
“Well what?” I replied dully, already knowing the answer but wanting to delay a little longer in the futile hopes of getting lucky and conceiving a plan that would solve all this and let everypony be friends again. Needless to say, it didn’t work.
“Who are you gonna give the tickets to?” Rainbow Dash yelled, like it was the most obvious thing in the world; which, to be fair, it was.
“I haven’t decided.” I replied, and was nearly blown off my hooves by the indignant shouting. Once it died down some I finished. “Look, I just got these damn tickets this morning. I’m so hungry I’m literally starting to shake. I can’t think properly. I’m going to go get lunch, wait until my blood sugar isn’t in negative numbers, think about it long and hard, and then I will tell you. Not. A moment. Sooner.” I turned to go to Horte’s, pausing after half a step. “And don’t follow me, your chances of getting the ticket and how much you pester me while I eat are inversely proportional.”
I could practically hear the crickets chirping.
“If you bug him he won’t give you the ticket.” Spike translated.
“Thank you Spike.” I said, walking off for real this time, ignoring the angry muttering behind me.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
“Man Spike, I’d think Celestia set this up, but she wants me to keep my friends…” I grumbled as I waited for service (normally very speedy at Horte’s, but of course, today it had to be swamped).
“They all have their reasons to go the Gala.” Spike agreed, looking at the menu. At least the table (made to resemble a purple mushroom) was sparkling clean and the cushions were comfortable…ish.
“Reasons?” I snorted. “Delusions more like. Applejack wants to sell apples, Rainbow Dash wants to show off, Pinkie wants to party, Rarity wants to find true love, and Fluttershy wants to cavort with nature.”
“What’s wrong with all that?” Spike asked. I gave him a flat look.
“You have been to Canterlot right? You know, capital city of Equestria, home of Celetia, Luna, my brother…and completely infested with the lowest form of parasitic scum on the planet…” I trailed off.
“Well, yeah, the ponies there can get…haughty, but they could still have fun.” He said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.
“Spike, those…I’m reluctant to call politicians ponies because I’m hesitant to insult the whole of my own species, are the most dangerous predators on the planet. The others don’t have any experience with the kind of manipulation that goes on there, and since they’re all Bearers they might as well have a huge target painted on their flanks. They’ll be eaten alive.”
“Oh come on, they’re savvier than that.” Spike said dubiously.
“No Spike, to be completely frank, they’re not. I grew up in Canterlot, read the files Celestia keeps on all of the major players in Canterlot, got my own blackmail on a few and I’m not savvy enough to keep myself safe. That’s why I don’t want to go…well, that and I think that every attendee bar Celestia and maybe the Wonderbolts should be strung up by their own intestines and left for the crows to pick at.”
Horte arrived just in time to keep Spike from replying, but late enough not to hear my violent statement. Bless him.
“What will you have sir?” He asked, notepad at the ready.
“Daffodil and daisy sandwich and two servings of hay fries please, extra crispy.” I replied. I personally like my hay fries with less crunch, but Spike is probably just as hungry as I am, and he’s going to be eating the bulk of the order anyway.
“Anything to drink with that?”
“Water is fine thank you.”
“It will be right out.” He trotted away swiftly. I quickly resumed venting. Thank Celestia Spike is so patient with me.
“I can’t give my ticket to one of them, my name is indelibly marked on one, and I’m not about to waste energy trying to undo something Celestia magicked into place; besides, whoever does go is probably going to require watching over to make sure they don’t do something that they regret for the rest of their lives. Which will be hard enough given that I’m probably going to be tethered to Celestia’s side like a pessimistic purple fashion accessory since I’m her student and she has to ‘keep up appearances’ or something like that; Ugh, there’s no way this won’t end in tears. Mark my words Spike, tears.”
“Well, you could write Celestia about it. It’s not like there’s an expiration date on the tickets and they’ll go bad if you wait a while.” He pointed out.
“She’s dead set on me going, and now that the secret’s out I’m going to catch hay If I don’t give the ticket to somepony, and soon.” I countered.
“Have you thought about trying to explain it to them?”
“If I get them all together they’ll just start to fight again, if I do it individually they’ll accuse the others of getting to me beforehoof or just not believe me at all. They’re too emotional to think anything through right now, and I’m afraid if this goes on much longer somepony is going to say something that goes too far and there’ll be a real fight, one that breaks up the friendship for good.” Despite how I’d felt even just a few months ago I’ve found that I like having ponies I can talk to and enjoy being around, and the thought of losing them over something like the Grand Galloping Gala makes me sick. Just then Horte came by with my order and my eyes nearly filled with tears of joy. “Thank you Horte. Maybe I’ll be able to think straight after I’ve eaten.”
“Mmph, doubt it.” Spike said, his mouth full of hay fries.
“Oh really, how do you figure that?” I asked, inspecting the sandwich to make sure there wasn’t anything on there that would make me sick.
“It’s just that kind of day.” He said, displaying wisdom beyond his years.
“Heh. Yeah, it is isn’t it?…Why is everypony running?” All the ponies that had been eating on the patio of Horte’s were now making for the building at full gallop.
“Sir, are you going to eat your sandwich in the rain?” Horte himself asked from the door.
“What rain?” I asked stupidly, immediately kicking myself for asking that, especially since the moment I said it a downpour soaked everything…that wasn’t in a five foot radius of me. I buried my face in my hooves as a few data points connected into a line of logic in my hunger-enfeebled mind.
One: I hadn’t checked the weather forecast today. Two: Rainbow Dash is Ponyville’s weather officer. Three: She’s currently motivated to suck up to me.
“Hi there Dusk my pal!” Rainbow’s voice drifted down from the low-hanging ceiling of clouds. I looked up and saw her wearing her biggest and least convincing innocent smile. “I saw that you hadn’t noticed the weather and just thought you’d rather be dry!”
“Bribery will get you nowhere.” I replied flatly. “I’m not going to give you the tickets because you did something like this Rainbow, now close up the rain cloud.”
“But-”
“I don’t accept bribes. Period. Close the clouds.”
“Ugh, fine.” She said, frustrated, and mended the rain cloud above me.
I realized how stupid I had been just a second too late. My sandwich, my mane, and my coat were instantly soaked. I growled fiercely, Spike just giggled to himself. Oh well, at least some of the dirt from my run ins with Rainbow and Pinkie is getting washed off.
“Dusk Shine!” Came Rarity’s voice from behind me. She was sporting a fancy umbrella, which was almost non-gaudy enough for me to consider actually using…almost. “It’s raining!”
“No, really? I never would have guessed. Your powers of observation boggle the mind Rarity.” I ground out as politely as I possibly could…which was not very.
“Come with me before you catch a cold!”
“You don’t catch colds from actually being cold, you catch them because you come into contact with a pony carrying the rhinovirus, the common misconception about weather affecting cases of the common cold stems from-urk!” She grabbed me and started dragging me off to the Carousel Boutique despite my (admittedly feeble) protests. Spike was, as in all things related to Rarity, completely useless.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Once I was ensconced in the back room of the boutique I shook myself as energetically as I could manage, and managed to get myself from dripping wet to merely damp; soaking some fancy looking busts and ostentatious wallpaper in the process. Rarity didn’t look too happy about it, but she hid it quickly.
“Sorry about the water.” I said, wanting to see what she would do next and simultaneously planning my escape route. The main problem was that I’d have to get past her in order to get out since we were in a room with only one door.
“Oh, that’s no problem. We are the best of friends are we not?” She asked, her tone sickly sweet. “And you know what best friends do, correct?”
“Um…what?” I asked reluctantly, I don’t like that tone…
“Makeover!” She sing-songed, her horn lighting up with magic.
“Not a bloody ch-ack!” I should have shut her down the instant her horn lit up, but I didn’t and I paid the price. A movable privacy barrier quickly transposed itself between me and spike and within three seconds Rarity had affixed an outfit to me against my will. Her telekinesis is surprisingly strong for somepony who isn’t combat trained. Unfortunately, the scarlet and gold frock coat she had dressed me in looked like something out of a history book, only not as appealing.
“Nice outfit Dusk!” Spike chortled, tears welling up in his eyes. “Planning on going to the opera? You may not be able to hear it over your jacket.”
“Oh don’t worry Spike, I have one for you too!” In a flash the barrier moved and Spike squawked indignantly as he was promptly dressed in a blue suit not dissimilar to my own…except he got a poofy blonde wig and a hat.
“What were you saying? I couldn’t quite hear you over how loud my jacket is.” I said, smirking at him and keeping rarity in sight at all times. If I could get her to move about a meter and a half to her left I’d be completely in the clear.
“You cut quite the dashing figure do you not? I even have a matching ensemble, for myself!” She announced, pulling a sheet off a mannequin with a similarly outdated dress that (I have to admit) was quite fetching.
However, I stand by what I told Rainbow. So, while Rarity was going on about what a pair we would make at the Gala, I telekinetically removed the abomination that I’d been forced into, and I helped Spike as well. He would have had trouble undoing the tiny buttons with his claws.
“Rarity, I’ll tell you what I told Rainbow Dash: I don’t accept bribes. The suit is nice, but I’m not going to give you the ticket because of it.” Okay, so I lied a bit. I learned a long time ago that (as much as everypony says it) nopony really wants to be told the truth. When you go around telling the truth ponies get all mad because you ‘said something mean’ and ‘hurt their feelings’ and they start harping on you to ‘learn to be nice’ it’s a nightmare.
I was folding the shirts now: align the buttons, left sleeve back, right sleeve back, fold in half, make final adjustments to make sure all the edges were ruler straight, and done. I did it in that order for a reason. I, like every other right thinking pony that owns a suit, folds the left sleeve under the right sleeve. Rarity, on the other hoof, folds the right sleeve under the left on. So why fold it ‘wrong’? Well, Rarity can be just as neurotic as I am about minutiae, and her compulsion to re-fold the clothes would buy a few seconds for Spike and me, or at least I hope so...
“Why, whatever gave you the idea that-”
“Rarity. I grew up surrounded by aristocrats and politicians, I know a bribe when I see it.” I said, starting to lose what little patience I had. “I haven’t decided who I’m giving the ticket to yet. When I decide, I will let you all know, but not before then.” Spike hopped up on my back and I walked out, Rarity trailing behind me. Thankfully the weather had cleared up and all I had to worry about was a badly placed puddle or two instead of a downpour.
“Dusk Shine, wait!”
“No Rarity. I already told you.” I said, not looking back.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
I was fuming as a stumped back towards the library, intent on ingesting half the pantry. One of my favorite things about Ponyville is the fact that the inhabitants of the town aren’t actively vying for status every waking hour. In Canterlot everypony whose anypony is constantly trying to one-up one another, be it through money, status, material possessions, relationships, blackmail, the list goes on.
Around Ponyville you can walk out in town and you don’t get the immediate impression that everypony is alternately examining you like they’re going to try and stab you in the back at the first opportunity or use you to do the same to somepony else. It was a major culture shock for me, if a pleasant one.
Now, with my friends at each other’s throats over tickets to the Gala it’s just like being back there again. I could hear my teeth grinding as I went, parting the sparse crowd on the streets of Ponyville like a boat cutting through water. It’s a body language thing, if you see somepony that looks like they’re about to buck you in the face as soon as look at you, moving a step or so away is an instinctive reaction, and one I was very grateful for here.
“I really think you should write to Celestia about this.” Spike said from his perch on my back. He sounded worried, probably by the hungry look in Rarity’s eyes when we had left.
“I probably will, just as soon as I eat lunch.”
“Did somepony say ‘lunch’?” I stopped in my tracks when I heard the cliché, debating whether I wanted to acknowledge Applejack or not. If I’m completely honest with myself, I think she has the best reason out of all of them, but I’m sure as hay not going to tell her that. Reluctantly I turned around and my eyes unintentionally widened at the sight before me.
Food. Glorious, glorious food! She had a cart full of it, and my stomach instantly sent a message to my brain stating in no uncertain terms that it would start digesting grey matter if I didn’t take her offer of sustenance.
“Howdy there Dusk Shine, Ah remember ya said you were hungry, so Ah-”
“Got a whole bunch of assorted apple pastries that, indubitably, are the namesakes of your various aunts, uncles and cousins, and brought them here in order to get me to give you the ticket.” I finished for her. To her credit, her strained smile quickly broke and she looked away.
“I won’t accept any food Applejack,” My stomach attempted to ascend esophagus and envelop my brain, but I stopped it through force of will. “Now, like I told everypony else. I will tell you who I’m giving the ticket to when I’ve decided, and I won’t be rushed.”
“But Ah could-”
“No means no Applejack.” I said firmly, and then I turned away so fast I nearly dislodged Spike.
The short walk to the nearby library was interminable. I could feel Applejack’s eyes on me the whole way and I dreaded the possibility of her working up the gumption to try her sales pitch again. Just a hundred feet and I was home free. Ninety feet…eighty feet…sixty feet…thirty feet…dodge a small foal with a ball…ten feet…five feet…yes!
______________________________________________________________________________________________
I opened the door and started walking through the main area of the library itself, the public part of the building. I was pretty proud of it actually, after the previous librarian (a venerable old mare who had run the place for over sixty years and done as fine a job as the caretaker of the great library in Canterlot, something which made her positively glow when I told her) retired, I had gone through and changed things around a bit.
The changes I made were…well, they were streamlining. The former librarian, as I mentioned, did a spectacular job of it, her records were neatly organized, her master list was up to date and showed regular revisions, and the adult section was neatly cordoned off so adventurous foals couldn’t get their hooves on things their young minds weren’t yet ready for.
When I came in I changed the orientation of the shelves and I organized the shelves, by subject, in alphabetical order. The great library in Canterlot is arranged by the dewey decipony system, which is great…once you learn to use it, and honestly, unless you’re a dedicated student or scholar alphabetization is much easier to understand and use. It also makes my job easier, hence the switch.
I had also made a few aesthetic changes as well, the first had been to get rid of the tacky motivational posters that had lined the walls and replacing them with reproductions of famous paintings. The next change was the music that was piped in over the speakers, and yes, I was just as surprised as you to find that the library had a speaker system. Turns out that the town council had some extra funds and when they decided to repair and refit the library they’d decided to throw in some speakers. It doesn’t make any sense to me (or anypony else), but I decided to roll with it.
When I found the controls for the speakers I had changed the radio station they were on immediately. It had been tuned to a pop rock channel. It played nothing but colt bands and other commercialized drivel that is to real music what powdered grape flavored drink mix is to a fifty year old Los Andalusian pinot noir. I refuse to allow that tripe anywhere near me if I can help it, the radio was set to a classical music station now. I had debated tuning it to blues or jazz, but decided that classical was the safer bet.
I trudged through the public part of the building, noting sullenly that there was nopony here (a depressingly common occurrence if my predecessor is to be believed) and made for the living quarters at the back of the place.
Back by the public bathrooms (gross) and the public drinking fountain (also gross), was a door that led to my own, private, quarters. They were nothing extravagant: I have a kitchenette, a private bathroom, a bedroom and a tiny living room; that’s it. I don’t mind though, I like it actually. It feels snug, and I really don’t need any more than I already have so I can hardly complain. Besides, all of the walls are made of bookshelves, what more could you ask for? All I can think about right now, anyway, is food. There’s a large bowl of hay hot dish in my refrigerator that’s calling my…Why do I hear singing?
“Oh no…” I groaned as I mounted the stairs.
“Is that…Fluttershy’s voice?” Spike asked, understandably flabbergasted.
I opened the door to my quarters with great trepidation and was faced with a scene out of a foal’s movie. Animals were cleaning my apartment. Animals. Were cleaning. My apartment. There’s only one pony that could be responsible for this…
“Fluttershy.” I intoned, too hungry to summon much energy, so my voice came out very flat and rather hopeless sounding. “I think I know the answer to this, but why are you in my apartment?”
She paused in her cleaning (and her singing, she has a very nice voice, though I’m pretty sure she isn’t formally trained) to give me a much more convincing innocent smile than the others had, after pretending to notice me suddenly.
“Oh, Dusk, I hope you don’t mind. We’re just doing some spring cleaning for you.” I looked at her flatly.
“It’s summer.” I pointed out, gazing at her levelly.
“Oh, well, better late than never right?” She replied, sticking to her story. “It was Angel’s idea.”
She indicated a rabbit that I recognized as the ticket thief from earlier. I felt Spike shift uncomfortably on my back and clench the tickets closer to his chest, good boy.
“Angel’s idea.” I replied, just as flat as before. The rodent in question was wearing a chef’s hat and was currently tossing a salad that was attempting to occupy the whole of my attention.
“Angel’s idea.” She repeated as her rabbit winked at me.
“You’re not just doing this for the ticket are you?” I asked.
“Oh, no. I’m doing this because you’re my very best friend. Isn’t that right Angel?” Came her self-assured, and completely false response. The rabbit gave her an impressive glare when she looked at him for support. Then, seeing that, she turned to me and replied (completely without shame) “Oh, yes. We are just doing this for the ticket.” Then her rabbit hopped over to me and held the salad bowl right under my nose. My stomach roared its demand to eat, but I ignored it.
“Ugh, no no no!” I said, careful not to let myself yell. No matter how mad I get I make sure I never really yell at Fluttershy, she has enough issues without adding my temper to the mix. Sometimes I’m tempted though. “I’m not accepting any favors for the ticket. Fluttershy, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
Thankfully Fluttershy didn’t raise a fuss, she’s hardly the type after all, but the crestfallen look she got was just as effective. Ugh, she’s almost as good at guilt trips as Celstia. It didn’t have much effect on me at the moment, seeing as I was both ravenously hungry and monumentally frustrated, but under other circumstances I would have felt awful.
I escorted Fluttershy and her animal companions downstairs, leaving Spike in my room with instructions to scorch anypony who tried to get the tickets from him. Fluttershy had the grace to look sheepish as she walked down the stairs, and she made sure there were no animal messes on the freshly cleaned carpet in the public area, for which I was immensely thankful, as I would have had to clean them up since the janitor the city pays only shows up every other day.
I got the door ahead of her telekinetically and followed her out. When she was finally out of the place I sat down by the door with a loud sigh, lifting a hoof up and seeing it tremble slightly, I really need to get something in my stomach.
“Finally, I can e-”
“Surprise!” I was hit in the face by colorful streamers and party horns sounded close enough and loud enough to cause my already-formidable headache to nearly blow my brain out my ears. Of course, I hadn’t run the full gauntlet yet. How could I forget about Pinkie Pie?
I felt myself being grabbed and pulled outside suddenly, and before I knew what was happening I was being tossed in the air repeatedly while Pinkie sang something about me. I would have listened, but the fact that I was wildly spinning through the air made me nearly vomit. The only thing that stopped me was, well, there was nothing in my stomach to expel.
“Pinkie!” I shouted, and was blithely ignored as she continued hopping and singing. “Pinkie!” I vaguely heard Pinkie mention the ticket in her song. “Pinkie!”
The last one got results, if not desirable ones. The singing and the tossing stopped, but instead of catching me and lowering me to the ground safely I was allowed to drop and I soon experienced what pony pilots call an uncontrolled collision with a planet. I landed on my back and got the wind knocked out of me. Ow. My vision was soon filled with pink pony and large blue eyes, framed by colorful sparkles caused by my head hitting a hard patch of dirt and my visual cortex rattled uncomfortably against the interior of my skull. I repeat: ow.
“Yes, Dusk?” Pinkie asked, fluttering her eyelashes at me ingratiatingly.
“You know, the others at least made attempts to be subtle about the ticket. Laughably bad ones I’ll admit, but at least they tried.” I said reproachfully. It flew over Pinkie’s head of course.
“What ticket?” Asked one of the partygoers. Apparently Pinkie hadn’t told them why exactly she was throwing this little bash.
“Oh, you didn’t know? Dusk has an extra ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala!”
Celestia.
Dammit.
Pinkie.
There was a collective gasp from the crowd, and then the noise erupted.
“The Grand Galloping Gala!” This isn’t going to end well…
“Do you need any help with your gardening?”
“I have a cartful of extra carrots!”
“I’ll paint your tree!”
Oh this is bad, this is very very bad. This is rapidly devolving from a group to a mob. Mobs do not think, they react, and they can become violent at the drop of a hat. Mob mentality is extremely dangerous, especially if you’re the one the mob is fixated on. I looked around for a way out, but I was blocked on all sides by eager faces. Right, time for a plan.
‘Go inside? They’ll break down the doors. Run? They’ll follow, spreading the news as they go. Reduce them all to subatomic particles…’ I paused and weighed the potential satisfaction against that disappointed look Celestia gives me when I use combat magic forbidden by international treaties in public places. The satisfaction nearly won out, but I decided not to at the last second. ‘Okay, so…get the hay out of dodge and then warp back to the library.’
I charged my body with mana, reinforcing my muscles, giving them the strength that my day without nourishment had robbed them of, formed a weak telekinetic barrier in front of me in order to make sure I’d be able to get through the crowd, put my head down, and charged.
As eager as the crowd was, they weren’t prepared for that, and I actually bought a few seconds while they regrouped in shock. They chased me soon after though, and the game was afoot.
Then I led them through a grand, if short, chase sequence. Anypony can run from a crowd, running from a crowd that’s in better physical shape than you is difficult, but doable if you’re smart. Ditching a crowd that’s in better condition, not having hunger pains, and is bordering on fanaticism, now that takes skill.
Rule number one: always remember that they outnumber you. Rule number two: remember that that’s not always a bad thing. Rule number three: keeping rules one and two in mind, use the terrain to your advantage.
First chance I got I put on a burst of (admittedly rather subpar) speed and pulled a hard left to get into the cartway/loading docks area of a small shop, slid behind a dumpster, and charged my teleportation spell. It only took a second, which meant I barely escaped without the telltale flash of the spell giving me away, but I made a clean getaway.
Mission: Accomplished.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
When I rematerialized in the library I was woozy, running the physical enhancements on an empty stomach and teleporting isn’t exactly the best idea. Normally the physical improvements work by enhancing the body’s natural processes at the cost of burning extra fuel, but when you’re running on empty like I am you have to burn mana for energy, and the interference that the extra mana flooding through your body causes during the teleport (always a bit disorienting) is nasty.
Dizzy or not, I made sure to lock the doors behind me, closing the windows and shutting off the lights as well. Then I wearily trudged upstairs, thinking of nothing besides food and curling up in bed with a good-
No.
Oh no.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
I could hear arguing. Coming from my apartment. My weariness burned away as my patience was reduced to its last tiny thread. I stalked upstairs, growing angrier as I listened to the loud voices coming from behind my door. They had come into my home, without permission. That’s the last straw. Dusk Shine has had all he can stand, and he can’t stands no more.
I opened the door to find Spike huddling miserably in a corner as four ponies argued loudly. Fluttershy was doing her best, but couldn’t match the others for volume. The instant I walked through the door they turned to me and started clamoring at me. I couldn’t hear any of them over the blood pounding through my ears. My teeth ground together so hard I may have chipped one.
Spike noticed how angry I was, and tried to say something, but he was drowned out by the others. This is it. They have crossed a line. You don’t enter somepony’s house without permission. I. Have. had it.
I took a deep breath, charged a voice amplification spell, and shouted.
“ENOUGH!” The sheer power of my highly amplified, bass boosted voice actually broke one of my windows, glass shattering and falling backwards as my voice, backed by a spell normally used by heralds to give royal proclamations to a town square, nearly blew the other ponies off their hooves. My horn and eyes were glowing as my magical aura responded to my anger and flared wildly. The amplification spell died down somewhat as I stopped actively feeding magic to it, but my voice still carried a distinct rumbling echo that old manuscripts always describe Celestia and Luna’s voices as having. “You all have done nothing but bicker and whine like foals all day and I’m sick of it! Act your bucking age before I throw you out of here by force!”
They all cringed back, and Pinkie actually fell over backward as I ripped into them. Spike tried to stop me, but I’m so far beyond caring I ignored him.
“You’ve all been acting like foals on a playground arguing over somepony else’s fancy new toy! It is immature, aggravating, and I can’t take anymore, do you understand me?”
When none of them said anything I finally noticed how they were looking at me…they were afraid. Genuinely afraid. My aura died down. I was panting. The blood in my ears wasn’t pounding quite so hard anymore, I could think straight. Guilt started to creep in, but I wasn’t done. I’m not tolerating any of the fighting anymore.
“Dusk…” Spike murmured nervously, he’s the only one whose ever seen me in a real towering rage, so he knows how bad this could get, but I’m not stopping until I get my point across.
“All day, all bucking day all I’ve heard from you all is begging, whining, and pleading. I’m done. If you are willing to listen to me and talk like mature ponies I’m willing to explain my reasoning. If you can’t listen without fighting again, leave until such time as you can, then we’ll talk later. Can you do that?” I said, my voice finally back to normal volume. The others nodded, still stunned. I sighed and covered my face with a hoof, dammit, I shouldn’t have snapped like that. Thankfully I don’t have the energy to really get going, when I do get into a state things tend to spontaneously combust, whether I want them to or not.
“Dusk.” Spike said again, more insistent this time.
“Mmph. I know Spike, I know. Don’t jump down my throat, I’ve been simmering all day.” I rubbed my forehead near the base of my horn gingerly, attempting pointlessly to alleviate the excruciating headache that was currently making me wish for a hammer and chisel to take the afflicted part of my skull off.
Another glance at the others was sufficient to douse the last flames of anger, especially Fluttershy. Sad Fluttershy should be canned and weaponized by the military, we’d never lose another soldier.
“I’m sorry.” I said, genuinely. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Well…we weren’t really actin’ right and proper ourselves.” Applejack admitted, to the murmured agreement of the others, even Rainbow Dash.
“Regardless, I shouldn’t have yelled, especially not with a magical enhancement.” Celestia had pounded the fact that magic was not a tool for winning arguments into my skull from the very beginning. It didn’t completely take though, something which I’m not exactly proud of. “Look, I’m literally about to pass out if I don’t eat something. I’m gonna grab some food and then I’ll tell you why I’m so reluctant about the tickets, okay?”
“Go ahead and eat dear, we will wait.” Rarity said. They weren’t all eyeing me like a rabid manticore, so at least there’s that. They were still a bit wary, but not quite as bad as before.
“Get comfortable…well, as comfortable as you can anyway.” I said before turning to the kitchenette, my pad is decidedly ‘bachelor’ in its furnishings; fine for one pony plus Spike, but I don’t have much in the way of seating arrangements. They settled on the few cushions I have and when those were full Rainbow and Fluttershy had to settle for the tops of some bookcases, but since that appealed to their avian perching instincts they seemed to be fine with it.
Meanwhile I pulled out the hay hotdish left over from last night and divided the two pounds of food in half. One half went in the stove to heat up, the other half I would eat while I waited. Spike walked in beside me and I telekinetically opened the cupboard, pulling down the box of gems I keep on hoof for him.
“Thanks.” He said, I grunted in reply. The more I thought about what I just did, the worse I felt. I’ve tried really hard to keep my (considerable) temper in check since I came to Ponyville, and I just royally messed up. Spike noticed the glances I was giving my patiently waiting friends as I put the empty baking dish in the sink and filled it with hot water. He didn’t say anything about it, but he did give me a hug. I smiled wearily down at him and wrapped a foreleg around him in response.
“Thanks Spike.” I murmured, leaning down to nuzzle him. “I needed that.”
“No problem.” He murmured back.
I gathered up my plate of food (and lifted Spike’s box o’ rocks) and brought it into the living room with me, taking as many opportunities to fill my face as possible. By the time I settled into my own cushion in front of the waiting ponies half the plate was gone and I was starting to feel better. Spike sat beside me, happily crunching on some amethysts (he says they taste like cranberries, but I’m not buying it).
“Alright.” I began, having gathered my thoughts on the way over. “The first thing you have to understand is that the Grand Galloping Gala isn’t what you think it is.”
“It’s not a huge party?” Asked Rainbow, genuinely confused.
“It is the social event of the year.” Rarity stated authoritatively “All the important ponies go there: the Wonderbolts, Fancy Pants, all of the aristocracy, the list goes on.”
“Not quite.” I said, jumping in before she could get going. “Most of the aristocracy doesn’t attend because, well, to be frank, there just aren’t that many of them left. When Equestria was first founded there were three royal houses, the heads of which were the Pegasus General, the Unicorn High Wizard, and the Earth Pony King. Each royal family had a huge number of subordinate families attached to them, chosen when the leaders of each race of pony were chosen to take their respective positions. Over time though, the increasing influence of parliament relegated the aristocracy to an increasingly symbolic role and the houses started to die off one by one as they became less and less necessary. The inbreeding didn’t help either. Nowadays all that’s left is the Pegasus General, age one hundred and fifty three, who barely leaves Cloudsdale, the two hundred year old Earth Pony Queen who stays in Celestia’s castle and hasn’t had the energy to attend the gala in decades, and then there’s Prince Blueblood.” I finished contemptuously. I hate that bastard.
“That’s it?” Rainbow asked. “The pictures of the Gala always have, like, hundreds of ponies in them.”
“Well, there are some minor families still in existence, and a few scions of illicit relationships of course, but they’re so far removed from any kind of real authority that it doesn’t matter. The ponies you see in the pictures are mainly support staff. Caterers and the like.” I explained, taking another bite of hot dish and swallowing audibly before continuing. “The vast majority of the attendees are politicians, bankers, and rich businessponies who see attendance to the gala as a status symbol, and that’s the important thing.”
“What do you mean?” Fluttershy asked from her place in the back, her head cocked slightly to the side so she could actually see through her bangs.
“The fact of the matter is: the Grand Galloping Gala isn’t a dance. It’s an excuse for all the rich ponies in Equestria to get together in one place, drink high end booze, tell each other how important they are, and conduct all sorts of backroom deals and illegal business under the veneer of high society.” I said, looking them each in the eye. “The ponies there only care about wealth and power, nothing else. If the population as a whole knew the kind of cheating and illegal business that goes on in the private rooms at the Gala there would be riots.”
“It can’t be that bad.” Rarity said, disbelieving. Applejack wasn’t so sure though.
“Ah’m not so sure Rare.” She drawled. “Ah’ve got some…family friends, that go to the Gala ev’ry now and again. And now that Ah think about it, Ah’ve heard some mighty fishy stories when they came back.”
“She’s right Rarity.” I said plainly. “Bribes, blackmail, illegal mergers, you name it I can guarantee you it happens.”
“But Celestia is there, and so is the Royal Guard.” Rainbow said. “How could they get away with any of that?”
“Heh, you place a lot of faith in the guard and underestimate the power of some well-placed bribes.” I chuckled. “Canterlot’s squeaky clean reputation is the biggest joke in Equestria. Everypony likes to look at the Diamond Dogs and sniff because ‘we’re so superior to them’.” I snorted derisively “Our parliament is just as corrupt as their packs are, the only differences are that our politicians are a bit more subtle and Celestia can play the political game better than any other being on the planet.”
“And that’s why you don’t want us to go?” Fluttershy ventured.
“Yes. As Bearers of the Elements of Harmony we’re quite…ah, well, not really ‘famous’ per se, Celestia’s seen to that, but we’re a known factor, that’s as good a way to put it as any. The politicians and businessponies will recognize us on sight, and if you went you’d be singled out in a heartbeat. Everypony would want to either get you on their side or get some kind of advantage over you, likely both. Having one of us speak on their behalf would be a political coup, and if more than one of us went I can guarantee you there would be somepony who would try to pit us against each other.”
“Why?” Pinkie blurted, confused.
“Because we are, for all intents and purposes, a magical superweapon.” I replied. “Think about it, you all felt Nightmare Moon’s aura. You know how powerful she was. We destroyed an eldritch parasite powerful enough to subvert the will of a being on par with Celestia. We destroyed it and left its host intact. Add to that the fact that Celestia was very openly friendly with us and half the population of Canterlot now thinks that we’re Celestia’s hit squad.”
“That’s stupid!” Rainbow almost shouted, and they all looked similarly taken aback. “We’re not a…they can’t…that’s stupid!”
“Eloquent as ever Rainbow.” I said, grinning. “Yes, it is moronic to a truly staggering degree, but keep in mind that most ponies don’t know much about the Elements, if they did, they’d know that the Elements only work against a very specific set of creatures and energies…also, your average politician just isn’t very smart. Some of them are, and they’re the dangerous ones, but by and large they’re either charismatic idiots or rich idiots who bought their way into power in order to stuff their bank accounts with taxpayer bits and reap all the immoral benefits of being a lawmaker. In their minds, we really are a legitimate threat, so they’d try to do anything they could to undermine us.”
“That’s horrible!” Rarity exclaimed.
“That’s politics.” I countered.
“How do ‘ya know all this?” Asked Applejack.
“I grew up in Canterlot. Celestia started teaching me when I was six. I didn’t so much learn politics as absorb it through my pores.”
“Is that why you got the ticket? Because you’re Celestia’s student?” Rarity, for all her melodrama, can be pretty shrewd when she wants to be.
“Yes, I’ve managed to avoid going for the past four years, but my relationship with Celestia is…infamous.” I said, trying to find the right word for it and failing.
“What do you mean infamous?” Rainbow asked. “You two are close yeah, but how is that weird?”
“I’m the first pony Celestia has directly taught in over a century.” I said, unable to keep the pride out of my voice. The smile that had started to creep onto my face dissipated quickly as the train of thought progressed though. “But more importantly, I’m also close to her personally, very much so. You wouldn’t believe the rumors that fly around. Everything from me being her lovechild to me being her lover.” I said, cringing.
“You? Her lover?” Rainbow burst into laughter at the thought, the others looked uncomfortable at the thought (poor Fluttershy looked like she was about to faint). I glared at her.
“It’s not funny Rainbow, she raised me for pity’s sake.” This only made her laugh harder. I rolled my eyes and sighed in exasperation. “Anyway, ignoring her. I got the ticket because ponies start to talk when the Princess’ only student is conspicuously absent from a major political event like the Gala. Oh yeah, there’s also one last reason why you wouldn’t want to go with me.” I said, remembering a specific detail from Celestia’s letter and figuring that it would be better to cover all my bases.
“What’s that?” Pinkie asked.
“Because you would be going as my date.” I said flatly, Rainbow’s laughter came to an abrupt halt.
The looks on their faces said it all.
“Yeah. Thought so.” I deadpanned. “So there you go, that’s why I haven’t decided who I’m going to give the ticket to.”
“You could give it to Spike.” Rarity suggested.
“I can’t go.” Spike replied, grabbing a sapphire out of the box and popping it in his mouth, sucking on it like a piece of candy.
“The other guests would be outraged that a ‘dangerous bloodthirsty dragon’ was in the same building as them.” I said, adding air quotes where appropriate and rolling my eyes. “Spike has legal protection, the only dragon to ever have protected status in fact, but it isn’t wise to push the boundaries. Most of Canterlot would rather forget about him.”
“Eh, who needs ‘em?” He said, hiding the hurt in his voice admirably. He’s taken his fair share of verbal abuse over the years. He used to have nightmares about the royal guard coming into his room at night and mounting his head on a wall.
“They’re all jerks.”
“Yeah, they are.” I said, reaching a foreleg over him and drawing him against me. “Stupid jerks, and never you forget it.” I gave him a brief squeeze and then let him go.
“So what will you do with the ticket?” Fluttershy asked.
“That’s a good question.” I sighed. “I still haven’t figured that out. Besides you guys I don’t know anypony here well enough to ask them, and if I give the ticket to one of you not only would the rest of you feel left out but it would be a political mess. If only two of the Bearers showed up it would be like Celestia was showing…favoritism…” I stalled as an idea popped into my head. The idea quickly grew into a plan, I grinned triumphantly. “Spike! I need you to take a letter to Celestia!”
Spike, who had just been popping another gemstone into his mouth when I shouted, nearly choked. I pounded him on the back until he coughed up an emerald and he glared at me before taking out a quill and parchment. My friends watched intently as I dictated.
“Dear Celestia, I have learned today that one of the best and most rewarding parts of friendship is sharing your blessings, but this can be tricky sometimes and you have to work hard to make sure none of your friends feel left out, and it’s never good to play favorites. My friends all want to attend the Gala, but since I have only one spare ticket that would leave four upset ponies, which is not fair. Besides, if only one or two of the Bearers were to make an appearance at the Gala it would look like you were showing favoritism. I cannot in good conscience let down four of my friends and make you look bad, therefore I am returning the tickets. Your most faithful student, Dusk Shine.” I rolled to a grandiose finish, proud of myself. Spike sealed the letter and torched it, sending it off to the Princess. Then he looked at me skeptically.
“Really Dusk? ‘I cannot in good conscience let down four of my friends and make you look bad’? That’s pretty obvious even for you.”
“What? It’s true…sort of.” I replied grinning. “If ponies think Celestia’s playing favorites with the Bearers it’ll reflect badly on her.”
“That’s stretching it a bit, don’t you think?”
“Not at all. Besides, it gets me out of going to the Gala.”
“Yeah, but-” His eyes bugged out and his cheeks bulged. I ducked out of the way as he belched a plume of green flame. Rarity, who was closest to us, yelped and had to duck out of the way as well, which made her accidentally crack heads with Applejack, whose hat fell off as she squawked in pain. Fluttershy squeaked in surprise and Rainbow’s head hit the ceiling audibly.
“There has got ‘ta be a better way of sendin’ mail.” Applejack grumbled, grabbing her hat. This was met by grumbled agreements.
“That was quick.” I said as Spike sheepishly grabbed the scroll and unrolled it after breaking the seal. “What’s it say?”
“To my dearest student Dusk Shine: I am glad you have learned such an important lesson in friendship, and you have made an excellent point. Were only one or two of the Bearers show up it would look odd. Fortunately there is a simple fix. Enclosed are six tickets, one for each of you.” He said, and six golden tickets fell out of the scroll with perfect timing. I could feel my eyes widen with horror. “P.S. Nice try, but you’re coming. Wear your suit and do something with your mane, and yes, that’s an order.”
“Dammit!” I shouted, burying my face in my hooves.
“I told you.” Spike said smugly. Then I felt a hoof on my shoulder. I looked up to see Applejack smiling at me.
“It cain’t be that bad Dusk. Ah mean, we’ll all be there together right? What could go wrong?” My eyes widened in horror. She just tempted fate not once but twice, in the same sentence. I groaned pessimistically.
“Yeah! I mean, if one of us gets in trouble the rest can come and help right?” Rainbow said, excitement back in her voice.
“It’s not that simple.” I grumbled. “These ponies are more subtle than that, odds are good you’ll be up to your eyes in trouble before you even know it.”
I’m speaking from personal experience. Painful personal experience.
“Well…” Fluttersy said. “Think of it this way: Celestia’s ordered us to go right? We don’t have a choice in the matter, so, um, we might as well enjoy it right?”
“Well said dear!” Rarity interjected. “All we can do is stick together and hope for the best! Ooh, I could make us all matching outfits!”
With that little statement, any well founded fears they might have had of the gala disappeared under the overwhelming weight of maretalk and they were soon happily discussing what they would wear and do when they got to the damnable thing. Fluttershy had a point though, as much as I didn’t want to admit it. Attendance was an order, one we had to obey. It’s time to stop thinking in terms of avoidance and start thinking about damage control.
They still don’t understand how bad this could turn out, I’ll have to warn them periodically between now and then. Hopefully repeated warnings and a few horror stories that the general public isn’t supposed to know will get them into the properly paranoid frame of mind, and if not I suppose I can always have a quiet word with Shining Armor and have him artfully rearrange a few security measures to keep us separated from the general crowd. The others might not like it much, but if it comes down to a choice between one of them getting blackmailed by a politician and them being safe, but miffed at me, I'll take the latter in a heartbeat.
“It’s going to be an unmitigated disaster, just you watch.” I said to Spike, watching my friends united in energetic banter. There are so many things that could go wrong, so many ways this could end badly. I just hope we’ll come out of it with our friendship intact.
Dammit, I bucking hate the Grand Galloping Gala.
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And that, my reading several, is the end of chapter two of Oh no, Not Another Dusk Shine Story!.
Not much action in this one, but there isn’t much action in the episode and I’m okay with that. I did insert a bit of drama here and there, and I tried to expand on the canon a bit by making Fluttershy a veterinarian, which will come into play later.
I’m also thinking about what I’m going to do with the episodes that Dusk wouldn’t make an appearance in. Part of me wants to just skip them, but that’s the lazy part of me, and it feels wrong to listen to that part. The other idea I had was to have shorter chapters called Dusk Shine Gaiden. They would be (as I mentioned) shorter than the full chapters, and would cover what Dusk Shine does when he isn’t gallivanting with the Mane Six. Overseeing the library, continuing his studies for Celestia, that sort of thing.
If I did that, they would come in two flavors: slice of life/comedy, i.e. the cutie mark crusaders spend an afternoon trying to get their hooves on a book that will tell them where foals come from and Dusk Shine stopping them; and plot expansion. Plot expansion chapters would revolve around Dusk Shine studying magic, and would serve the purpose of me being able to elaborate on the way magic works in more detail than is provided in the show. I would also probably throw a selection of Celestia and Dusk Shine’s correspondence, which would flesh out their relationship as well as provide a handy vehicle for discussing political events in Canterlot and the rest of the world.
Thanks for reading and please give me a comment down below.