Chapter 11:
A Cleansing
Princesses Celestia and Luna faced each other. Luna’s face was stoic and impassive. Celestia’s was worn with grief and worry. They faced, yet they did not lock their eyes or even glance at one another. Both looked down at the bed between them.
“It shouldn’t have to come to this.”
Celestia’s voice was weak and kept breaking.
“It shouldn’t, but until we figure out how to prevent it it will. Again and again.”
“These are the ponies we cherish. These are the entire point of Harmony. It exists for them, yet now—”
“The alternative, sister so dear, is infinitely worse.”
“Something must be wrong for this to be allowed to happen.”
“Wrong? Allowed? Those words are meaningless outside of Harmony, Celestia. That is part of the problem: something alien to Harmony has arrived in its midst. To expect some kind of judgement or regret on behalf of the astral void that spawned this mountain is madness.”
When Celestia remained silent, Luna decided to keep speaking.
“I once thought much the same as you do now, sister. A thousand years ago I tried to transcend Harmony in order to better care for those in its fold. What I found instead was that I had lost my connection to these little ponies. From the outside I could not relate to them and their lives, and instead of realising that it was I who had distanced myself I accused them of neglecting me and my Night. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, beloved sister. You are risking more than just your own self while your thoughts wander upon those paths. I plead: cease thy brooding. Let our frail, mortal and beloved little ponies try to carry the burdens which would assuredly break us.”
A white hoof clad with a gilded slipper gently touched the bedcover and stroked it in small circles.
“But why? Why her?”
A blue hoof touched the white with equal grace, before retreating a bit and coming to rest on top of the other side of the bed. In between them, Twilight’s body shivered under the blanket.
“I don’t know how fate works, sister, any more than you do. If I were to guess, it is a message.”
“A message?”
“From death. We are immortal, by grace of Harmony, but that does not make us untouchable. We die ever so slightly together with those we have loved. Our blessing and our curse is to share in the joy of life, to cherish it with these little ponies, and to truly understand how magnificent a gift it is we must have it taken from us, even if by proxy. I think I spawned Nightmare Moon the moment I took their love and their lives for granted.”
Tears flowed from Celestia’s eyes once more, running down still-damp trails on her cheeks. Were she bedrock then a groove would have already taken an ever-so-slight shape. She nuzzled Twilight’s mane.
“I know. I will still not stop wishing them less suffering.”
“Their suffering scars me as well, sister. But ultimately we cannot live their lives for them. I know you know this too, sister, you only express it differently than I. I do not advise you to stop your caring or to isolate yourself, merely to be careful not to restrict the freedom of the little ponies you love. They are well guided by Harmony alone, just as we are.”
The only sound for a moment was Celestia’s sniffing and even that was weakening. Then she giggled.
“When did you become my elder in wisdom, little sister?”
There was a deep, sorrowful sigh.
“When I erred more, committed bigger crimes and had more to regret. When I strayed further and when my wounds went deeper still. When I decided to forget rather than die. When I had all the time in the world to think and no voice with which to speak. The Night means innocence only for those who are asleep or already dead, dear sister.”
A gentle clack sounded as the horns of the two regents touched. Then Princess Luna chuckled.
“Do not be afraid, Twilight Sparkle. You can stop pretending to be asleep.”
“Eep! Um...”
Twilight opened her eyes and peered cautiously up at the two regents. Princess Celestia’s expression was a mixture of surprise and delight, while Luna wore a mask of dry amusement. Twilight sighed and relaxed, closing her eyes.
“Princess Luna, I’m so sorry. I’ve let you down.”
“What do you mean, Twilight?”
“I – I can’t bring myself to... to be...”
“To have Libram possess you in order to study the Embargoed Texts. Yet that was what you were trying to force before he put you to sleep.”
Twilight sighed and nodded. She swallowed, and her lip started quivering.
“I’m losing my mind. I heard about Baltimare and – all those ponies – and I could stop it!”
Great big sobs harried her body. Then she felt a hoof gently caress her forehead, below her horn. She heard Celestia speak.
“My dearest Twilight. First of all, their fate is not your responsibility but mine and my sister’s. Second, Luna calls the texts Embargoed for a reason: they are dangerous and stand a very real chance of hurting you in ways much more insidious than mere wounds of the flesh. Overreacting and seizing these texts prematurely or needlessly could be more dangerous than not reading them at all. Your caution is welcome and proper. I and my sister cannot advise you on this, Twilight, because we have made sure not to read the Embargoed Texts ourselves since the Nightmare Moon incident, and we have also made sure to forget everything about them that isn’t absolutely necessary for us to know. The knowledge they contain is anathema to Harmony and to possess it is to be less harmonious.”
“But... I bear the Element of Magic. What will happen if I read the Embargoed Texts?”
Celestia sighed and shook her head.
“We cannot say. Hopefully your connection to the Elements means you are more resilient than most.”
Luna spoke up.
“Twilight Sparkle, you have to understand that reading the Embargoed Texts would only be stepping onto the beginning of a new and seldom trodden path. You will not find a spell that makes everything better at the mere wave of your horn. What would follow is rather something you already know intimately: research.”
“You still... trust me? Even though I am this... weak?”
Luna huffed at this.
“I did not anticipate that appointing you an Agent would end up with you being tempted by the Embargoed Texts. I was trying to reach out to my sister. That said, I do not appoint my Agents casually. I determined that you would do much that is good to Equestria if your personality was allowed to impinge a bit more freely on your surroundings, same as with all the Agents I’ve appointed. I generally stand back and let them be themselves. Only if you behave in a way that is untrue to yourself or if I have evaluated you poorly would I feel the need to step in. Twilight Sparkle, neither is true in your case. You have behaved precisely as I had hoped. This reason is also, in addition to what my sister mentioned, why I will not advise you even if I could. By all means hold counsel with your friends if you feel like it, but please do not ask me to tell you what to do. That would rob your appointment of its purpose. You have my blessing as long as you remain true to yourself. Strength or weakness is relative.”
No pony spoke for a while. Twilight stared into Luna’s eyes until she felt she had confirmation of the words Luna had spoken. Then she slowly shifted her gaze over to Celestia, who looked down to Twilight with warmth and sadness in her eyes.
“I’m sorry to you too, Celestia.”
“My faithful student, for what do you need to be sorry?”
“Forgetting to write for so long.”
Celestia nuzzled Twilight’s cheek.
“In that case I too am sorry.”
“Would – would it be all right if I stayed and tried to help? Would you trust me if I chose to read the Texts?”
Celestia pulled back and straightened, gazing up into the canopy of the bed.
“Do I trust you and wish you would stay? How do I answer that best? I think I know. May I see your Scroll, Twilight?”
Twilight nodded and started looking around the room for her saddlebags. She hadn’t until now cared enough to wonder, but she saw she was in her own quarters. The saddlebags lay on top of a dresser by the door. She opened them with her magic and brought out the Scroll, floating it over to Celestia. The princess of Day smiled at Twilight and took the Scroll in her own magic, briefly reading through it before letting her eyes blaze with light and burning her signature next to Luna’s.
“There. Even if you already had the authority to act in both of our names, you now have both of our approval to do so. A mere formality but I think you understand my point.”
Princess and student hugged. When they released each other Twilight asked Celestia if she was feeling better, causing Celestia to laugh merrily.
“I should be the one asking you that! But yes, I am feeling better. Professor Chalice has informed me of your progress using the Elements and I have been greatly encouraged by it, though I doubt we will be able to save the creature by using them. By her description it sounds like the alien matter changes too much. Now it’s your turn.”
Twilight managed to smile after a couple of false starts.
“I’ll survive.”
She held her mentor’s gaze for a moment before looking down. Then she raised her eyes again.
“Actually, I feel very well rested indeed. Just how long have I slept?”
“Not as long as you might think: about three hours. Libram used a spell on you that threw you into an invigorating slumber that is much more powerful than normal sleep. He isn’t normally allowed to use any spells, but your behaviour was violent enough to allow for self-defense.”
“It defends itself by putting ponies to sleep?”
“He, Twilight. Libram was a stallion in life and he is still a person: a thinking individual. He can, as a matter of fact, defend himself however he sees fit. We did not feel a need to somehow gradually escalate his response to any threat, instead relying upon his judgement.”
Tremors seized Twilight’s limbs.
“Could he have... killed me?”
Celestia nodded.
“Possessed me?”
Another nod.
“But... Why didn’t he? I thought—”
“That he is a mass-murderer and an undead monster who wouldn’t pass up the chance to cause mayhem and destruction? Well, he was that. Emphasis on ‘was’. Seven hundred years have passed since then. That is a long time for regrets to work their craft.”
Luna decided to add to the conversation.
“Twilight Sparkle, Libram neglected to mention that my sister did more than just talk to him. Think about it: He had bound his very essence to a book. Spirits behave much like liquids, in that they take the shape of the container you pour them into. It was an easy feat for Celestia to weave further enchantments into his phylactery... and then simply read him. And edit out what she didn’t like.”
Twilight ogled her mentor, who shifted uncomfortably from the intensity of the inspection. She had difficulties reconciling the image of Celestia helping a filly Twilight discover her talent of magic, and becoming almost like a second mother to her, with the image of Celestia, the ruler, dispassionately performing mental surgery on a pony’s very being and excising that which festered. Not to mention with the image in front of her, of a nervous and fidgeting Celestia.
“My sister makes it sound like I did so regularly. I swear it was not more than twice!”
A giggle, bright like the jingles of Hearths Warming in the winter night, escaped Luna’s lips, astonishing Twilight.
“Admit it, dear sister, you would make a wonderfully capable tyrant!”
A pillow smacked into Luna’s face, bowling her over so that all her legs flailed in the air and her wings thrashed against the ground, making downy, blue feathers whirl everywhere.
“Your tyrant sister commands you to eat eiderdown until you are sorry, hahaha!”
Behind Celestia, the doors to the linen closet swung open by a blue aura. She was smacked on both sides of her head by pillows even before Luna managed to right herself, which was made harder by how much she was laughing.
“Nay, foul dictator, ‘tis the forces of Night who shall prevail and incidentally tuck thine feathered brain into a pillowcase where it rightfully belongs!”
Twilight squealed with laughter as diplomatic talks broke down and the warring sisters exchanged downy artillery fire across her bed. The door to Twilight’s room chose that moment to be wrenched open, and her five friends spilled into the room with various expressions of alarm painted on their faces. They halted quickly and surveyed the terrible battlegrounds with concern giving way to utter confusion. Then Celestia managed to dodge a pillow causing it to barrel into Applejack. The farm pony grinned dangerously.
“Girls, I reckon it’s about time we have ourselves a little coup.”
The Battle of Pillows consisted of an eight-side free-for-all with shifting allegiances and much treachery, and lasted until all participants were exhausted. Ponies were coughing up feathers everywhere and the air was thick with them. Twilight’s bedclothes had been confiscated by various military forces and used as shielding or improvised nets. The combatants themselves lay strewn across the battlefield in various poses of defeat.
Pinkie Pie sat up and swayed slightly while surveying the destruction.
“Well done, girls! That was almost as good as when I plan one of my spontaneous parties, but I’m afraid we’ll need more than this.” Her tone had switched to a solemnity very seldom heard from her.
Twilight raised her head and struggled free from under Rainbow Dash.
“What do you mean, Pinkie? We’re beat.”
Behind her, Rainbow Dash sat up.
“Yeah, that took a lot even out of me! It was fun, but I couldn’t do it again.”
“It’s time for another party. I don’t do these often, but my Pinkie Sense says we need one right now.”
Rarity paused from trying to untangle a candlestick from her mane.
“Whatever do you mean, darling?”
She gasped with shock when Pinkie turned towards her with watering eyes.
“We need a ‘cry if I want to’ -party. We’ve seen so much during these last days that would make a pony forget smiling for years – unless they had a good cry.”
Rarity couldn’t withstand gazing into Pinkie’s somber face for more than a few heartbeats before her own mood resonated to the party pony’s. Twilight tried to protest.
“Pinkie, I’ve cried enough as it is. I should get busy.”
Pinkamena Diane Pie turned slowly and pinned Twilight with her mournful gaze. Then she tenderly hugged her.
“Have you really cried enough, Twilight? Really?”
For a moment Twilight was unable to think of an answer. Then she saw and felt a yellow pair of hooves embrace her. Fluttershy laid her head against Twilight’s shoulder and sobbed weakly. Twilight found that she had misjudged her mental state as silent tears began rolling down her cheeks. Next, Rarity huddled up to the group, followed by Applejack, who was covering her face with her hat but couldn’t hide the sniffles. Rainbow Dash abandoned her tough image and pressed against the group.
Finally, Princesses Celestia and Luna spread their wings and embraced all six ponies from opposite sides, enclosing them.
All sang of their sorrows, and became cleansed of them, while the feathers kept snowing.
~~~~~
Luna and Celestia had left, walking together and gently leaning against each other. Rainbow Dash had left after that, barely lingering to pay minimal attention to her mane and tail, followed by Applejack and Pinkie Pie.
“How do I look, Twilight?”
She inspected Rarity’s face and mane. There was no trace of shed tears except for a slight puffiness around the eyes.
“You look fine.”
Twilight was given a hug for her efforts. Rarity didn’t hurry to end the embrace, instead murmuring into Twilight’s ear.
“Thank you, Twilight. I think we all needed this. Good night.”
The she released her hold and walked out the door. Twilight looked after her for a moment before having an uncomfortable feeling she was being watched. She turned her head and saw Fluttershy, sitting on her haunches, next to her.
“What is it, Fluttershy?”
“I want to help you.”
“Help me with what?”
“You said before that you are too weak. Um, I am also weak, but I was thinking... maybe it would help you if we were weak together?”
“Are you – are you offering to try to take some of what’s been weighing me down these last days off my shoulders? Without knowing what it is?”
Fluttershy merely nodded without breaking eye contact. Twilight looked at her for a while, eyes wide and mouth forming a small ‘o’. Then she walked forward and laid her neck against Fluttershy’s, nuzzling one of the yellow pegasus’ folded wings.
“Thank you for the offer, Fluttershy. From the bottom of my heart. But I couldn’t do that to you. I don’t want anypony else have to – hm.”
She backed up with a far-away look in her eyes. Fluttershy waited for her to say something else, but as the silence stretched and it became obvious that nothing more was coming she lost her nerve and padded silently out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Twilight stood still for a while longer. Then she gathered some pillows by the window and lay down upon them. Outside the stars had come out, and Twilight regarded them while the thoughts in her head sought their paths.