Archives of the Friendquisition

by Inquisipony Stallius


Chapter 3

Chapter 3

If Hippopolis could be said to have a slum, though nopony in the Governor-Mayor’s office would ever admit to such a thing, the Stabledregs were it.

The buildings weren’t as tall as elsewhere in the city, but their decaying, ramshackle edifices still managed to give its streets a feeling of claustrophobia. Said streets were usually teeming with the lower classes that lived there during the day, but roaming them after dark was considered by most to be a categorically bad idea. The poorly lit alleys that crisscrossed the neighborhood were notorious for accumulating filth of both the normal and criminal varieties.

Because it lay downwind of the city’s ground-based industry, the Stabledregs were also perpetually shrouded in thick smog. Urban legends claimed that the Weather Service pegasi had once tried to clear the skies above the crowded tenements, but even they had choked on the gloomy haze and had given up. Nowadays, nopony even bothered. It was just something they had to live with, and a hacking, smoky cough known as “Dragon’s Snore” was an all too common malady among residents.

Caballus and his team picked their way through the crowds. According to the Friendquisition’s informants, their Rogue Trader had been spotted several times in this area in recent weeks, meeting suspicious individuals and conducting business of doubtful legality. Even so, it was beginning to seem like an impossible task. One pony was a needle, and the ‘dregs were a formidable haystack.

“We’ve been out here all afternoon,” complained Roughshod, “and not a single pony has seen anypony that looks like our guy.”

Caballus sighed. “I was afraid of this. In places like these, folks won’t answer questions from strangers. They all assume we’re after somepony in trouble with the law, a Guild, or a rival gang. Even if they have seen him, they don’t want to get involved.”

With another sigh, the Inquisipony turned and headed back down the street. “Come on,” he said, “let’s find somewhere to stay tonight so we can regroup and try again tomorrow.”

Roughshod followed, but after a few steps, Caballus paused and looked back to find Mystic standing still, staring up into the air.

“Our Rogue Trader supposedly trades in exotic animals, right?” she asked, without looking away from whatever it was she saw.

Caballus followed her gaze skyward “Yes, that’s right…”

“Then maybe that can lead us to him.” She pointed to a tiny orange-red splotch above them.

Caballus reached into his saddlebag, and pulled out his magnoculars. They stained to pierce the smog and give a clear picture. The shape was roughly the size of a pegasus, but its wingspan appeared far larger. “What is that?”

“I think it’s a phoenix,” was Mystic’s matter-of-fact reply.

At this, Roughshod started to chuckle, but his laughs soon turned into a coughing fit. After a few moments, he cleared his throat. “How do you know it’s a phoenix, Sweet Pea? You’ve never seen one. There are probably only a handful of ponies outside of the Princess’s Palace who’ve ever seen one. And if our guy could afford one, he wouldn’t be skulking around a dump like this.”

“You underestimate how much money there is to be made on the black animal market, my friend. And a neighborhood like this is the best place for illegal deals; they’re easy to hide and unlikely to be reported.” Caballus put his magnoculars away and took off after the distant shape. “It’s the best lead we’ve got. Let’s try not to lose it.”

For nearly an hour, the team managed to stay on the bird’s winding trail. All the while, Caballus was sure they had managed to do so undetected, until the phoenix suddenly dove like a comet behind the skyline.

“Do you think it saw us?” Roughshod asked. His voice was almost a cautious whisper, as though he was afraid the phoenix was somehow listening in.

Caballus shrugged. “I don’t know, but it landed somewhere in this block. We should take a look around.” The team proceeded around the corner, inspecting the buildings until they came across one shop that stood out. Unlike the nearly every other structure in the Stabledregs, this storefront didn’t appear to be in any significant state of disrepair, nor was it caked in soot. The paint was new, the windows were clean, and the sign out front read “Ver Kaufer’s Fine Pet Emporium.”

As the trio entered the store, a yellow pony behind the register jumped to alertness. He was clothed in a dark blue dress uniform, trimmed with yellow epaulettes and gold buttons. His flowing, sky-blue mane was topped by a broad musketeer hat, sporting an orange-red plume. The thickly mustachioed smile of a consummate salespony greeted them. “Velcome, my friends, to my establishment. I am Tier Ver Kaufer, at your service.”

He appeared to be from the nearby Lipizzan sector, Caballus guessed, by his name, style and accent. Yellow pony, flamboyant attitude, swashbuckling outfit; he fit the profile both Seedy and the Zoonos agents had given.

“That has to be him,” Caballus whispered to the others “I want both of you to search for evidence and keep an eye out for any other exits. I’ll keep him busy.” The pair broke off and Caballus approached Tier.

“Is zere something I can help you und your friends with?” asked the yellow pony hopefully.

Caballus returned the smile. “Oh, they’ll just be browsing. That one is my niece, you see, and for her birthday I’ve promised to buy her a pet.”

“Vell, you’ve come to ze right place! I have personally collected ze widest selection of animals from across Equestria. All of zem healthy, well trained und well cared for.”

“I can certainly see that.” Looking around, Caballus noted the variety of animal life the shopkeeper had on display. Birds of all kinds sat in cages of all sizes. Cats and dogs watched the ponies intently from their kennels, as did countless ferrets, rabbits, mice and other cute, furry rodents. On the back wall, he even noticed separate containers for lizards, snakes, frogs and the like.

Tier led Caballus on a leisurely tour through the aisles of pets, food and accessories, elaborating on each in turn as they passed it. Despite the salespony’s obvious passion for the pet trade, Caballus found his attention wandering. That is, until Mystic interrupted.

“Uncle,” she said, playing along with the Inquisipony’s cover story she overheard earlier, “I can’t find anything I like. You said I could have something extraordinary, that nopony else has! All these pets are boring!” Mystic whined like a spoiled aristocrat, a brat long accustomed to getting her own way.

The yellow salespony seemed absolutely mortified at the allegation. Mystic’s acting had certainly improved, Caballus remarked to himself.

He leaned in close to Tier. “You see, my friend; I was referred specifically to this shop by an associate of mine. He told me I would be able to treat my niece to something especially unique if I came here. Are you not the Rogue Trader he described?”

“Of course I am!” the pride-wounded pony retorted. “Ze one und only Tier Ver Kaufer, third heir to ze Ver Kaufer Trade House, ze most respected guild in ze entire Lipizzan Sector!”

“Then may I see your Warrant of Trade?” Caballus asked politely.

Tier deflated. “My… my what? My varrant? Oh… um… of course… Just a moment.” He fumbled around a bit with the pockets on his coat, finally fishing a small piece of paper out of one. “Zere you are,” he said, handing it promptly over to Caballus.

The Inquisipony scrutinized the document. Tier was indeed a Rogue Trader of the Ver Kaufer House, but it wasn’t a Warrant that Caballus held. It was a Letter of Marque, a much less empowering license issued by the Admanestratum, this particular one granted only for trade within his home sector. Tier was doing business outside of the lands he was permitted to, another likely reason for such an otherwise affluent pony to be hiding in the Stabledregs.

“Alright,” Caballus said, handing the paper back after a moment. It would have been obvious to anypony who often dealt with Rogue Traders that Tier was trying to pass off his inferior papers as the ones he needed, hoping Caballus didn’t know the difference. If he was third heir as he said, the current head of the Ver Kaufer Trade House, and not Tier, would hold the true Warrant.

But the Inquisipony was impersonating a blue-blooded pony from the city’s social elite; wealthy and privileged, but sheltered, and typically ignorant of matters concerning faraway places. So he acted the part and pretended to be fooled. “You’re in luck, young lady. I’m sure a pony of such skill and pedigree will be able to provide any pet your heart desires. And of course…”

Roughshod produced a sack of coins from his saddlebag. It jingled and drooped heavily in his teeth before he put it back.

“Money won’t be an object,” Caballus finished.

Tier, believing the three had bought his lie and were now well-paying customers, smiled broadly. “Certainly. Ze lady has a fine eye for animals, I see. Und such exquisite tastes would not be satisfied without an equally exquisite specimen, true? Zen allow me to show you to ze more ‘exclusive’ merchandise.”

At an excited trot, Tier ushered the trio through the door behind the register. The room was dark but for an open skylight. “Vogel!” Tier called out, “we have guests!”

In an instant, there was a blinding light. A fireball with wings spiraled down from the rafters, lighting lanterns all around the room as it went. Finally its flames died down enough to land on Tier’s back.

“May I introduce to you my own pet und assistant, Feuervogel.”

The red, orange and yellow-plumed bird bowed gracefully, and then flew back up to its perch, now visible near the skylight.

“He is quite impressive, is he not?” beamed Tier. The team continued to stare for a moment longer, unable to conceal their amazement at the mythical bird. “Unfortunately, he is not for sale. He was… a gift, und I am quite fond of him.”

A gift? Even with the nigh-unlimited resources of the Friendquisition, Caballus could scarcely imagine the effort it would take for him to acquire a phoenix, and then give it away.

“Not a problem. It was a pleasure just to have met him. Now… if you would excuse me,” the Inquisipony said, turning back toward the door, “there is other business I need to attend to for a moment. I expect you will have found something you like by the time I get back.” The message to Roughshod and Mystic was clear: keep Tier busy.

“Of course, sir. You have my guarantee zat ze lady will leave happy,” Tier assured him once again, and directed the other two through the twisting maze of crates and cages in the small warehouse tucked behind his storefront.

“Zis way, you will see ze adolescent manticore,” their host said, as though they could miss the carriage-sized monster pacing its cage up ahead. “Note ze clean teeth und shiny coat. She is sometimes… a bit moody, but she is sure to give any rivals you might invite over to dinner quite a scare!”

Ignoring it, Mystic stopped at an open-topped crate where the heads of six puppies yipped with enthusiasm over the box’s edge. When she looked in, to her visible surprise there were only two bodies between them, three of the heads on each.

Tier chuckled at her reaction. “No reason to be alarmed, my dear. Zey are perfectly healthy. Ze breed displays natural aptitude as guard dogs, if you were to require one…”

“They are quite adorable…” the younger pony conceded, “but I already have a capable guard,” she said, indicating Roughshod.

Tier thought for a moment. “Aha! If it is something cute you desire, zen allow me to show you ze modest herd of Jackalope I have managed to breed in captivity,” he said, leading them deeper into the storeroom.