//------------------------------// // That was graceful. // Story: Somehow, I'm Twilight Sparkle. // by Full Tome //------------------------------// My phones alarm is next to impossible when trying to turn it off with hooves. Memory alarm? Lets push three squares all at once. Math alarm? Lets push all the wrong answers twice. And to make it worse? My phone’s touchscreen does its work through heat sensors, so any time I would try to hold my phone in my... ankle-like, joint thingy... my leg would end up on the screen some and I’d be unable to do anything. What took me seven minutes at most with fingers took me somewhere closer to fifteen with hooves. Luckily, I left my other alarm off yesterday, or else I would have had to rant and rave at it again, and my younger brother stopped my phone’s eight and nine o’clock alarms from going off. He never did like how I had set my alarms. My bedroom door having been left open all night so I could get out in the morning was a good thing; I hated the taste of metals in my mouth. Honestly, I even had a little bit of an issue with metal silverware, although those felt better sitting in my hands then the plastic Ikea silverware. I shake my head for a moment to get my train of thought back on path. I slowly walk over to the computer, and grab a nice stack of paper from atop the tower before heading back into my room as quietly as I possibly can. Setting them down on my bed, I look over to my window, and the envelope sitting on the window’s ledge. I was actually doing this, right? Throwing any help I could have out the window just because we lacked something? I walked over to the window and picked up my phone and the envelope, putting them into a side pocket of my bag with a heavy heart. After struggling with my camping bag for a few minutes, I’m finally able to stand up on my own four hooves with it on. I head over to the window again and grab a pencil I’d gotten from school one year. It said B.U.G. on it, which stood for Bringing Up Grades. Probably one of the stupidest things I’d ever seen. I would avoid getting things like that if at-all possible because they irritated me. At least the blasted thing would write fairly dark with only light contact with the paper, and it was short, so I would have more control. I would say I walked, but I more of sulked over to my bed to start writing a farewell note to my family, that way they’d have an idea on what was going on. I didn’t write very well, but compared to my handwriting... Well, it’s actually kinda hard to say which was better... you could at least see the spacing with my mouthwriting. “Dear Everyone, “I’m heading off to New York, as per request of Princess Celestia herself. I have no idea on how I’m getting there, but I’m taking my phone, the tent, a few blankets, my birthday money, and a bag of saltine crackers. “Don’t follow me, I know that you’ll be worried and that I’m not even really old enough to be out on my own yet, but to take anyone with me could end up messing up life in the house more than what it has bee-” A dull thud shook the house. Dropping the pencil, I glance around my room real quick, trying to think of what could have caused the shake. About a minute later another, louder thud shakes the building. This time it feels like a small earthquake. I quickly crawl under my bed from reflex to keep away from hazardous areas in an earthquake. Another long pause, then another earth rattling shake, this time knocking over several things in the house and setting off a nearby car alarm. I hear screaming from outside. This time I’m sure it’s not an earthquake. I quickly crawl out from under my bed and run over to my window, tossing the blinds over me, since the drawstring was well out of reach. At first, nothing seemed to be there, until a small cottage was suddenly directly in front of me. Being on the second floor of the house, this was a bit perplexing until I realized it was standing on stilts that looked oddly like chicken legs. Then I realized that there were chicken shaped impressions making a line up the street to the slightly swaying structure. For a split second, my mind went to jokes I could make about the nickname my grandma gave my mother for a while, “Chicken Legs.” Then I thought about Howl’s Moving Castle. Then I finally came to the sane thought of “Why is there a cottage on chicken legs?” A cackle loud enough to echo through the street came from the cottage before an ancient woman in long black robes was seemingly flung from the chimney, coming down to float in front of the doorless cottage. She wore a typical Witch’s hat and held a broom, but she did not use the broom to fly, she simply floated. “POOOOONY! WHERE ARE YOU PONY?” She hollered, laughing. “Come out come out!” The old lady had to be blind, or I had to blend in with my white blinds fairly well in the bluish light that came from the street lights. I actually started to laugh a little at the fact she couldn’t see me despite the fact that I was in plain sight, but decided it’d be a good idea to get away from my window. A moment later with a blast of magic, the front wall of my room was gone in a shower of splinters and glass. “POOOONY!” She called, before cackling again. I’m good with pressure. I wrecked a tote goat into barbwire, stood up, and ran to the house. I almost drown, and was laughing about it five minutes afterward. I became a pony, and was mostly over it by the end of the day. But here? Nope. Nothing in my life had me ready for a day where some witch would come along and blast through my bedroom wall for some reason. What did I do? I started screaming like a little girl as I turned around and started running, something I’d not done in almost eight years. “Come back pony!” The witch screeched, blowing apart a nearby bookshelf. What little balance I had normally was gone since I had my bag on my back, and running wasn’t something I was used to yet, so I tripped just before reaching the stairs. Lucky for me that gave me a moment to remember that walking down forwards was most likely a bad idea. Another fortunate thing was that my family was woken up by all the noise. Becker opened his door, looking like he was about to murder someone, while Aamira pulled her door open with this frightened look on her face. I heard Conner open his door and come running down the hall while at the same time, I heard doors slam open and closed from my parent’s room. I quickly scramble to my feet and try walking down the stairs backwards before stumbling and falling backwards down the steps. Landing on one’s horn isn’t a nice thing, it leaves one in a daze with a slight headache. The witch had managed to make her way through the wreckage of my room and into the loft, finally spotting me just as everyone got to where they could see the top of the stairs. For a short moment, absolutely nothing happened. “… wow, that was graceful.” I heard from my head. Blasted headaches, always making the lines in my head thin. The witch, oddly enough, bowed to my father from the top of the stairs. “Baba Yaga is pleased to be welcomed to your home with such a gathering. However, I must be taking this pony, and I must be leaving.” She said in a nasally voice before starting down the stairs towards me. “The hell you do.” My dad said, readying my mom’s little handgun, which was pretty much the only gun in the house that stayed loaded. I couldn’t see upstairs clearly, but I think Kate finally came walking up behind Becker. The old woman stopped, now in the center of the rough gathering of humans and pony. “Oh? You wish to challenge Baba Yaga for the pony?” She asked, with an unsettling grin. “The heck do you even want from me?” I shouted, feeling rather cornered. The backyard was fenced, the front door too close, and the garage went right under her. “You are to be my agent of destruction in this new world, pony. I have been promised your assistance in the destruction of the... inner net? Yes. We will be destroying it. Now come along or I will have to remove the spines from these ingrates that are sheltering you.” she said in a bored tone. “Destruction of the internet?” I ask. “Well, I’d be down with that, if not for the destruction of my room, the four A.M. stop, and then the fact that I kinda need the internet to get to New York.” I throw out before I could get an answer. “Wait, New York?” I hear my mom ask from behind me, electing a nervous laugh from me. “I will get you to the York if you help me destroy the innerweb. This I swear upon the darkest horrors of your nightmares. You will come with me now.” Baba yaga demanded. “Right, before I do anything rash, who exactly promised you I’d help you destroy the internet?” I ask. “I was about to tell you to ask that.” I hear from my head. “Oh come on dude, I’m not going to do anything stupid without thinking about it for three seconds.” I think back to myself. “Oh, nice man. Thing. He said he brought me here to do it, and I really have not much else to occupy myself with.” She said, shrugging animatedly. ‘Right, working with vague figures isn’t my big thing, so I’m just going to try to find a backdoor option with you, okay?” I respond nervously. Conner seems to pick up on the hint and starts slowly moving toward the back door. Everyone upstairs seems to see dad has a gun, and are staying out from behind the weird old lady. I’m not even able to tell how old she is, she looks that old. This is saying something, since my great grandmother died two years ago, and she was something like ninety-seven or something like that. “What? You still will not come with me? Why would you be so foolish, pony? I am Baba Yaga! I can offer you knowledge and power beyond your wildest dreams! Why would you make at talking when action is needed?” “I’ll be honest, I don’t trust people I’ve just met, and you came in by blasting through my bedroom wall. It’s not exactly a very warming way to introduce yourself to somepo- er, someone.” I say, keeping my eyes fixed on her nose. “Besides, I’m not exactly looking to have power, although knowledge would be nice.” I add on, to keep her rolling while my brother inches toward the door. “Very well, what would you like to know? Not about the nice man, but other things?” She prompted, seeming more and more curious in our conversation. ‘Well, first off, why do you want the internet gone?” I ask, hoping she’s actually stupid enough to fall for this. “She’s offering you knowledge beyond your dreams, she’s not just going to fall for some little scheme like that!” “Pony, I do not even know what the inner net is! I was told to make it go away, so I will. With your aid.” She said, waving a hand dismissively. “Well then, why get rid of it if you don’t even know of it? Why specifically me? Why create such a scene for something that probably doesn’t even matter to you?!” I ask, getting more hostile as I went along. “Wait, how is this actually working?” I hear from nowhere, but the voice is fading, as well as my headache.  “I will get rid of it because I was told to by the nice man. You are going to help me because you have Facts. Facts and knowledge are two different things, pony. I have Knowledge, you have Facts.” She smiled much wider. “I make such a mess, because it is fun.” she turned away from me and, with a shake of my head, I realized I was now inside of a gently swaying, windowless, doorless cottage. “Well, that plan didn’t work.” I thought to myself, only to hear a silence answer. “Great, the one time I’d love to hear my own thoughts, I can barely even hear my own... Stupid headaches.” I thought, trying to fill the void. How on earth did I even end up inside of this thing?