"Alright, glad to see some of you brought your buddies this week!"
The various evils filed in, some alone, others with companions of their own. Once he was sure there was nopony else coming in, Discord sealed the exit for the next Villains Anonymous meeting.
"...Where's Sombrero?"
The spirit's mad eyes roved over the seated group before him, some faces familiar, others fresh and new. Strange enough, he did not see the Crystal Empire's former king.
"Does anypony know where he might be?" He questioned, scratching his beard thoughtfully. Only shrugs and the occasional grunt replied."Whole bunch of help you lot are," He snorted in reply, snapping his fingers and disappearing with the familiar flash of light, leaving the others quite confused as to where he had gone.
He reappeared seconds later in a new location, the sound of a static-y voice crackling over an intercom, the smell of grease and bubbly sofa wafting heavily through the air.
"Welcome to McBurgerhooves, may I take your order sir?"
Discord turned to the counter, a teenaged pony, lanky in form and zits populating a good majority of his face, greeted him, his voice high-pitched from puberty and strained with the braces on his teeth.
"Actually, I was wondering...has a certain...unicorn been working here lately? Really big and scary looking, grumbles a lot, pretty much a living shadow?"
"You mean the newbie, Sombra?"
The draconequus nodded eagerly.
The employee sighed."He hasn't been to work in a week! We've tried calling him, but all we get is his voice message of him crying."
"..."
"Is there anything else, sir?"The cashier looked at him with an annoyed expression. Discord peeked over his shoulder to see a line had formed behind him, each pony reluctant to approach the chaotic being lest they be transformed into pottery or some other form the spirit found them to be amusing in.
"Actually," He turned around to face the employee."I'll have a kiddie meal and a small drink please."
"You want a toy with that?" The cashier ringed up the food on the register.
"Yeah, I'll take a 'My Little Human' toy please."
"...You do realize that's a filly's toy, right?"
He narrowed his mad eyes at the teen employee, sending a shiver running down his spine. "Hey," He began, pointing a claw right at him." It's an awesome show. Don't diss us humonies."
"..."
Discord popped back into the Villains Meeting room with a small, colorful box filled with an equally small cheeseburger and french fries within it in one hand, a toy figurine of a human in the other hand. He took a slurp of his soda, the others staring at him incredulously.
"...So?"Nightmare Moon questioned.
He popped the straw to his drink out of his mouth with a loud smack. "I got a My Little Human toy! It's Lauren Faust this time!" He giggled ecstatically.
"...What about Sombra?"
The mashed-up being barely payed attention to the question, too busy playing with the small toy. "Oh. Something about him...crying. I think."
The sound of facepalming echoed around the entire building.
"Everyone, say hello to our guest this week!"
"Hello Bowser." A chorus greeted.
"Hello everyone." The massive, draconic/turtle creature replied back with a great and rumbly voice befitting a monster of his stature.
"Bowser's here today to tell us a little about dealing with your hero!" Discord explained, still a tad distracted by his toy.
"That's right!" The koopa king stood up with a heavy lurch. "Now, I've dealt with my hero for many years, while I heard you all have to handle six of them for only three years! Well, I'll tell ya, it's hard! And it doesn't get any easier, since most of the time, the hero always seems to win!"
A murmur of agreement moved through the crowd.
"All you have to do is one thing: Persist! Persistence is key to winning! Oh sure, it may take you around twenty-five years or so to beat 'im, but you'll get there one day! Kidnap your princess every day, and you'll be sure to keep her one day!"
"What if we don't have a princess?!" Iron Will's hand shot right up.
"Good question, my minotaur man! What if you don't have a princess?" He began to pace, his mighty weight sending a tremor through the ground with every step.
"Well," He paused to contemplate the question. "Well...I don't really have an answer for that. All I really do is kidnap...and kidnap again, hoping I'll be able to keep her one day."
"...That's all you do, really?"Chrysalis said haughtily.
"No! Sometimes I loom over the land ominously in my giant flying doom castle!"
A small whisper of 'yes!' could be heard from Nightmare Moon's direction.
"And always, always, I trounce my hero at the beginning! Only...he seems to get stronger by the end of his journey...and he just stomps on me a few times, then I'm out."
"..."
"Oh...the stomping...the jumping...oh..."
"You okay there, Bowser?"
"I can feel his boots banging against my head now..."
The massive koopa slowly huddled up on the floor, his body in a fetal position, rocking back and forth on his spiked shell and mumbling of 'Mario', even a few slips of a power-up or a mushroom escaping his lips.
"...Did anybody else bring somebody who's mentally unstable?"
Slowly, the scuffle of chairs came up, and most of the guests left, much to Discord's annoyance. He rubbed his temples to release the tension of an oncoming headache, something not even the joy of his small toy could disperse.
"Why is it so hard to be evil and not have complicated issues that affect your life?!"