A/N: well, this chapter took a bit of thinking. just a forewarning, sexual content is not described, just referred to. the poison joke Arvak was exposed to had a very peculiar effect on him, well, two effects. read on and find out. any questions you may have at the end, i will be happy to try and answer.
Ch9: Poison What Now?
Twilight awoke to something nice and warm next to her, warm and fuzzy. She cuddled up next to it and dug her muzzle into the soft fur that she was sleeping next to. She yawned and snuggled closer to the warm body, and fell back to sleep.
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‘SMASH!’
“Twilight!” Spike yelled, jolting both Twilight, and the purple pony next to her…
They looked each other in the eyes, and then they both screamed. Their cries pierced each other’s ears, causing them both to fall backwards, Twilight on the back of the couch, and the other pony onto the floor.
Twilight took a good look at the pony she just woke up next to, and everything about him screamed purple: light purple fur, darker purple mane and tail, and purple eyes, and a cutie mark of a purple flame. His mane and tail flowed in a wavy pattern that reminded her of fire, and it never stayed in the same spot…
“Arvak?” Twilight asked.
“That’s mah name!” He chirped, his voice was a little deeper than when he was a skeleton. “What’s the matter, do I have something in my teeth?” He crossed his eyes and flicked his tongue over his teeth, searching for any intruders.
“Kind of…” Twilight said shakily, levitating a mirror in front of him…
“Cool picture Twilight, who is this… ooh magic picture!” he said joyfully, and Twilight in turn face-hoofed.
“Arvak, pay attention please.”
“Pay attention? Why would I do that? Who is this attention pony? And why is this picture doing everything… I… do…” he stared at the mirror in disbelief for a few seconds. He pressed a hoof to his chest and felt his heartbeat, combed is hoof through his mane, and then took a deep breath…. “SWEET MERCIFUL MARA! I'M ALIVE!” and then he started freaking out.
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The other five elements, Spike, and Trixie stared at the stallion in disbelief. Could this really be Arvak?
“I don’t see what’s wrong; shouldn’t we be happy he is alive?” Trixie asked.
“Yea, ah don’t see nothin wrong ‘bout bein alive, ah like it very much.” Applejack added.
Meanwhile, Arvak was hyperventilating into a bag, curled into a fetal position.
“Come on girls, loosen up, this must be very traumatic for him…” Dash started.
“Alright Dash, git your eyes away from his flank.” Applejack ordered as soon as Dash’s eyes strayed to other
areas.
“What! I can’t help it, he looks hot... did I just say that out loud?”
“Yes Dash, you did.” Trixie deadpanned.
“We should throw a party!” Pinkie yelled.
“Ah don’t think Arvak is up for a party sugarcube.” Applejack countered.
While AJ, Pinkie, and Trixie continued their conversation, Dash continued staring at Arvak with Rarity, making him uncomfortable, while Twilight and Fluttershy tried to calm him down. Spike was nowhere to be seen, probly went somewhere safe for him.
“Easy Arvak, do you know what could have happened that would have cause this?” Twilight asked.
“Um… I can’t seem to remember much, my head is throbbing and I can only remember going after the twins, and then waking up with you screaming in my face.” He answered.
“Hehe, sorry about that.” Twilight apologized sheepishly.
“Where did you go to find the twins? If you don’t mind me asking…” Fluttershy asked.
“I think I was heading to the outskirts of town, but I can’t remember which way I went…” he answered.
“Must either be slight amnesia, or maybe whatever did this, doesn’t want him remembering and turning back.” Twilight theorized.
“Who would want to do that though?” Fluttershy asked, taking a look at Arvak, “not that I'm complaining… did I just say that?” she asked, shocked at what just came out of her mouth.
“I think I might know somepony who would do this.” Twilight growled. “Spike!”
“Yes Twilight?” spike called from upstairs.
“Get down here; I need you to send a letter!”
“Why does my nose feel all- aah… aah… aahchoo!” Arvak sneezed and a jet of flame erupted from his nostrils, leaving a burn mark on the wall. “Well, that answers that question. “
“Try retracing his steps?” Fluttershy asked.
“Sounds like a plan, go and bring him to her while I send a letter to Celestia.” Twilight agreed.
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Arvak and the six mares stood before the Everfree forest, the most foreboding place near Ponyville.
“Hmm” Arvak mumbled as he worked his newly acquired brain. “This seems familiar.”
“How so?” Rainbow asked.
“I remember now! I went this way to look for the kids!” he trotted into the forest.
“Take a picture girls, it’ll last longer.” Applejack said, making Rarity and Rainbow blush.
“Sorry if I can’t help myself, that was unprofessional. I’ll control myself from now on…” Rarity said.
“When were ya gonna start?” Applejack asked.
“N-now.” Rarity said, slightly startled. As they started following Arvak.
They trotted for a few minutes before Arvak made a sharp left and they appeared before a burnt field. It seemed as if it was the only thing the fire touched, as it only stayed in that area.
“That’s weird,” Arvak said. “I could have sworn there were blue flowers here yesterday…”
The mares stared at him in shock. “Did you say blue flowers?” Rarity asked.
“Yes, they were actually pretty nice looking, but I had no time to sniff things, I had to get the Twins and go back.
“The Twins were near Poison Joke!” The four mares shouted in unison.
“What are you all scared of, nothing happened to them, right Arvak?” Pinkie asked.
“Well, they had a blue aura around them, so I think so.” He answered.
“See, told you.” Pinkie chirped.
“If it was poison joke that did this to you, we could go to the spa and get you the cure.” Rarity offered.
“Cool, this constant need to breath is starting to get annoying.” He agreed.
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“Hello! How can I help you today?” a pink pony behind the counter asked.
Twilight and Arvak stood in the main lobby of the spa, everypony else having gone about their normal business while Twilight handles this.
“Hey Aloe, my friend here stepped in poison joke and needs the treatment.” Twilight replied. “By the way, where is Lotus, you two are normally doing this together aren’t you?”
“Well, yes, but she had to take the day off and…” Aloe trailed off as her eyes met with Arvak’s.
“Um… can I help you?” he asked.
“Aloe… Aloe… snap out of it!” Twilight waved her hoof in front of the spa pony’s face, effectively snapping her out of her trance.
“S-sorry, just got distracted. I’ll get to running the bath for your friend, he is the one, isn’t he?” she asked, reverting her gaze from Arvak.
“Yep!” he chirped.
“Very well, let’s get going.”
They entered a room with a big tub, and Aloe went into a cupboard and pulled out one of six bottles with a blue flower on it.
She opened it and took a sniff, “smells sweet, I have to thank Zecora for such a mixture, she sure does know her stuff.”
“Can I smell?” Arvak asked.
“Sure.” she said, still not meeting his gaze.
He fumbled with the bottle in his hooves before he got it into a position where he could smell it. “Your right, it does smel- aah…aah…aahchoo!” he sneezed, shooting flame from his nose, incinerating the bottle and the cabinet. “woops.” He sniffed.
“Um, I’ll pay for that.” Twilight offered.
“Is that the effect the poison joke had on him?” Aloe asked.
“No, Aloe, this is Arvak.” Twilight said while motioning to him.
Aloe stared in shock. “I just had thoughts about bedding a skeleton.” She shuddered.
“Happens to the best of us!” Arvak chirped, putting a hoof around her shoulder.
“I think I'm going to join Lotus on her day off.” she conceded.
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“Well, that was… unexpected.” Twilight said, sitting at the round table in the library with Arvak.
“Well, I think we did good today!” Arvak chirped. “Um… Twilight?”
“Yes Arvak?” Twilight asked.
“What does it mean when I feel this weird pinching sensation between my legs?”
“It means you have to go pee.” She answered.
“Huh… how do I do that?”
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“You seriously don’t remember anything from when you were alive?” Twilight asked after a rather messy bathroom break.
“Nope! Been so long since I needed to actually do any biological functions, I actually forgot how to do most of them!” he chirped happily.
Twilight cringed at the thought of him relearning how to do everything. She sighed. “What a time for Zecora to not be home.” She mumbled.
“Za-who?” Arvak asked.
“A Zebra who specializes in herbal remedies. She lives in a hut in the Everfree forest.” Twilight explained. “Looks like I need to send a letter to the princesses anyway.” She sighed as she picked up a quill and parchment and began to write.
Arvak just sat and waited patiently for her to finish, something stirring in his head.
“Spike!” Twilight called.
“Yes Twilight?” Spike asked, walking out of the kitchen with a pink apron.
“Send this to Celestia.” Twilight said.
“Sure thing Twi. No luck eh Arvak?” Spike asked as he sent the letter with dragon fire.
“Nope.” He said.
“That stinks bro, well, good luck.” Spike said before going back into the kitchen.
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Spike was stirring a pot of vegetable soup when the reply was sent. His stomach growled and he burped up a letter. Some of the ashes fell into the pot, but he didn’t notice.
“Hey Twi, letter.” Spike said as he walked into the main lobby, but Twilight and Arvak weren’t there. “Hey Twi! You here?!?” he called.
Something crashed upstairs and the unicorn he was looking for walked down the stairs.
“Wow, Twi, you look like a mess.” Spike commented, her mane and tail were frazzled, yet she had a serene grin on her face.
“Did Celestia reply spike?” she asked in a soft tone.
“No, it was Luna this time… what happened?”
“A conscious choice, anyway, what does she want?” she asked, straightening her mane and tail with a brush, keeping a small smile.
“Well, it says that she is going to come over and help your friend with his problem.” He explained.
“Hmm, does it say when?”
“It says that by the time i-gah!” Spike yelled as the letter burst into blue flames and Luna rose from its ashes.
“Greetings Twilight Sparkle.” Luna said.
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Luna examined the purple stallion before her, examining every detail, yet seeing nothing out of place.
“Ok, I don’t get it, what is so terribly wrong with him?” she asked.
“Well, Arvak isn’t… well… he wasn’t technically alive to begin with.” Twilight explained.
“Please elaborate.”
“Ooh! I can do that!” Arvak chirped. Then began the lengthy explanation of how he got here, and what happened over the past few days.
“Well, that is the most peculiar thing I’ve ever heard. You say you stepped in poison joke?” She asked.
“That’s what the girls call it, but I think this is more of a gift than a joke. On the other hand, this constant need to breathe and go to the bathroom is starting to get annoying.” He said.
Luna stared at him for a second. “Well, I think I can find a joke in here somewhere, like how you seem to attract mares, have you noticed that?"
“Nope, but it felt different between me and twilight this time.” Arvak answered.
“How so?” Luna asked with a small smile.
“Well we-mmmph.” Arvak was stopped by a purple hoof being shoved into his mouth, one that wasn’t his.
“We shouldn’t really be talking about that.” Twilight laughed. “So Lunaaaaahh!” Twilight yelled when Arvak licked her hoof.
Luna just giggled at their antics. “Well, I don’t thing I need to hear about it anyway. So Arvak, what I can gather, you have a slight allergy to poison joke, only to the point where if you smell it or inhale it you will sneeze. And from what I’ve heard, your sneezes can be violent.”
“Anything else doc?” he asked.
“I happen to know the remedy for poison joke, but it seems you destroyed the field, and burned the supply of treatment at the spa.” Luna scolded.
“Hehe, sorry. Couldn’t stop a sneeze if I tried.” He said.
“Since you destroyed the patch of poison joke nearby, we are going to have to search for another, and that might take a while.”
Arvak started itching his side with a hoof, a small maneuver, but he started doing that before too.
“You alright Arvak?” Twilight asked.
“My side feels all tingly for some reason.” He answered.
Luna shone her horn over the spot, and they could see what was going on inside his body. Near the itchy spot, was a single blue petal?
“It seems we have enough for a bitter potion.” Luna mused.
“Cool.” Arvak said as he flexed his side muscles and watched them move with Luna’s X-ray spell.
Twilight started looking a little green. “Stop that please.”
“Okay!” Arvak chirped.
Luna stopped her spell and put a hoof to her chin in thought. “Well, we need to find a way to get the petal without harming him.”
“You could try to teleport it out, you are unicorns right?” he asked. They both stared at him with unamused expressions. “What? Can it be done?”
“Yes, but it would require a unicorn with very powerful magic.” Luna explained.
“And how long are we going to pretend that we don’t know anyone with that exact description?” Arvak asked.
They both stared at Twilight. “Do you think I can pull of a spell with that kind of precision?” she asked.
“Other than Sheogorath, I think you are the only one I know who can pull it off.” he explained.
“Flattery will get you nowhere.” Twilight said. “Luna, if you please?” Luna did her X-ray spell again, and the petal showed through Arvak’s side. Twilight’s horn lit up and the petal glowed a purple color.
“Hahaha, that tickles.” Arvak said while laughing.
“St-stop Arvak, this requires you to be very still.” Twilight commanded.
“I got this.” Luna said as she cast a freezing spell over Arvak. He sat stock still as Twilight did her work. Her horn over glowed once, and then the petal teleported itself in front of Twilight in a flash of purple light.
“There we go!” Twilight said triumphantly.
“Yea, no more having to pee at awkward moments in the day! Speaking of which…” Arvak said as he ran up to the bathroom.
“Quite the catch Twilight.” Luna said, Twilight blushed. “Though I don’t condone necrophilia, I think this might be
good for you.” Twilight just stared at her in shock.
“L-Luna, whatever are you talking about?” Twilight asked nervously.
“I'm back, can’t say I’m going to miss that.” He said.
“Okay, just give me a few minutes to get the potion done.” Luna then disappeared in a flash of light.
“Well, pretty soon things will go back to-“
“WAIT!” somepony yelled, interrupting Twilight. A Rainbow blur barged through the door with several other mares in tow, Rarity and Aloe being a few among the crowd.
“Rainbow, what are you doing!?!” Twilight yelled. She looked at the door. “What are you all doing here!”
“Getting our fair share!” Rainbow yelled, her normal magenta eyes sporting a ghostly purple haze, just like the mares in the crowd.
“Wh-what? Arvak!” Twilight called.
“Welp, that’s it for me. Looks like I'm in some deep stuff here, see you soon Twi!” Arvak yelled casually as he was being hauled off by Rainbow and Rarity.
“Sweet Celestia.” Twilight mumbled.
A bright flash signaled Luna’s arrival back. “I'm back and… did I miss anything.”