Conversion Bureau: St George

by kryxel


episode 7 part 2birth, death, and a whole lot of gak

(WARNING: there is no gak in the following.)


Canterlot, the throne room...


The Doctor had spent the last ten minutes crying his heart out, and was starting to calm down. Still, the loss of the TARDIS weighed heavy on him as he sat just inside the doorway of the dead blue box, thinking of all the times the two of them had shared.

Surprising how much loss can hurt, even after more than a millennium of it.

Suddenly, the silence was broken by somepony knocking on the door. “Your majesty? We have found and arrested the intruder!”

Despite his mood, the Doctor couldn’t help but take note of this. ‘There was another intruder? In the center of Equestria no less?! What!?’ Carefully, he made his way to the door of the TARDIS’ corpse, silently thankful that the doors were facing away from the entrance of the throne room.

Straining his ears, he picked up some parts of the conversation as Princess Celestia answered the guard.

“-found her in one of the caverns. She was hiding in one of the dead ends, but knocked some supplies over.”

“Anything else I need to know?”

“Just that, whoever converted her, didn’t even try to keep her sane.”

“What makes you say so?”

“Well, ever since she was found, she has been-”

“Excuse me.” That voice was new. Must have been the intruder.

”Yes?”

“Do you know where he is? My Thief?”

The Doctor froze. “My Thief.” ’No! She is dead! The body died, and she returned! It can’t be!’

Princess Celestia recovered much faster from the shock of the unusual question. ”I don’t know. But, who are you? What is your name?”

“I am the... the... I cannot quite recall it. But my Thief knows! Oh! Now I remember! He calls me, ‘Sexy!’”

”WHAT!?!”

Everypony turned to the source of the shout, the guard only now noticing the blue box. Reaching for his spear, the Pegasus got ready for combat, only to realize two things:

One, nopony was even looking at the prisoner anymore.

Two, said prisoner was now making a beeline to the box the shout had come from.

“Thief! Thief! THIIEEFFF!!!” the strange mare shouted, as she made her way to the box.

Just as she got around the corner, the Doctor peeked out. The resulting crash bought the guard just enough time to catch up. “You again! You are hereby under arrest for resisting arrest, infiltration of-”

“That is enough. Stand down.”

The unfortunate guard faced his ruler, confusion clear on his face. “Princess Celestia, this man was involved in the earlier incident! He had brought that exact box,” he said as he pointed at the ex-TARDIS, ”and dropped it into the Tank, mere moments before the explosion! He is clearly the perpetrator of this-”

“I said, that is enough. I trust this man, and order you to stand down,” Princess Celestia said with only the slightest emphasis on the order. “I personally guarantee that this man is a great ally of Equestria, and that the incident was only that: an incident.”

For a moment, the guard looked as if he was about to argue before he slipped back into his usual rigid stance. “As you wish, my Princess.”

Nodding at the guard’s acknowledgement of the order, Princess Celestia continued. “I want you to return to your post and continue your shift as if nothing happened. Also, you are to speak with nopony about whom and what you have seen. Do you understand?”

“Yes, my Princess!” The guard said as he saluted with one of his wings, before leaving.

In the meantime, the Doctor had recovered from the sudden collision with- “Colgate?! What are you doing here?”

The blue Unicorn raised an eyebrow. “Colgate? Who was that? No, will be that? Aargh, IS that?”

The Doctor blinked in confusion. “...You are. At least, that is how you introduced yourself last time.”

“Last time? No, that time I called myself Sexy. Or Idris. Some called me Idris back then!”

With every word the blue mare spoke, the Doctor’s confusion only grew. Here, in front of him, was a mare who quite obviously knew a lot about his misadventures, who could even quote the time the heart of his TARDIS got stuck inside some human patchwork, yet who looked exactly like the assistant of his pony self but couldn’t seem to remember anything about their time together so far. Trying to find an answer, he gave her a quick scan with his screwdriver.

Tearing his eyes of the enigmatic mare, the Doctor looked at the results of the scan. “What?!” He scanned again. “What!?” And once more. “...Impossible!”

The Colgate look-alike tilted her head to the side. “Is something wrong with me, Thief?”

“No. And because of that, yes. Also, call me the Doctor, please,” he said. “The scans all say that you are the TARDIS. Or, more specifically, the primary and secondary systems, including the Heart. But they also say that there is no damage to you! Last time, your body had a lifespan of less than two hours! Why is there no damage yet?!”

The Unicorn perked up. “Magic.”

“Magic,” the Doctor deadpanned.

“Indeed. Magic is, by definition, a force that interacts with concepts and ideas beyond most understanding. A ten-dimensional construct is relatively simple to represent three-dimensionally through such a force, as described by Starswirl the Bearded in his work-”

“Hold on! How do you know all that? Even if you are the TARDIS, knowledge of magic is only scarce outside of Equestria. You shouldn’t be able to know all that,” the Doctor said with a raised eyebrow, before he caught himself. “No, hold on. How can I even start to think of you as the TARDIS?! The TARDIS is dead!”

“TARDIS... Yes! That’s me! That is my name!... Hold on, I am not dead. You are talking to me, so I cannot be dead.”

“Don’t change the subject!”

“Subject...? Ah, the knowledge. Again, simple. I will know. No, I have known. No, the first one is right. I will know. Why are tenses so difficult? To answer your second question. You can, because I am.”

The Doctor shook his head. “No, you can’t be! I scanned the TARDIS, and there wasn’t even the smallest blip of life in there! The TARDIS died in the... THE TANK!!!” he shouted as he slapped his forehead. Turning away from the Unicorn, he started pacing in front of the TARDIS. “yes... enough potion to flood the control room, and Luna did mention something about the batch being experimental... YES!” turning back to the mare, the Doctor excitedly continued his train of thought. “There is no damage, because that body is yours, start to finish! Made with the sole intention to house your muonic matrix, of COURSE it would be able to-”

“A-hem!”

A bit surprised at the sudden interruption, the Doctor turned towards the Princess. “Yes?”

A faint smile on her lips, Princess Celestia continued. “I do appreciate your joy at having your companion back, but we are on a tight schedule. Can, or can you not restore your TARDIS?”

The Doctor nodded. “Sure. Last time, all it really took was to bring her to the main control room and... oh.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow at the sudden realization of the Doctor. “’Oh?’”

“Last time,” the Doctor said, ”the body the TARDIS was stuck in was not exactly built to maintain anything like her. She returned to her usual container when the body... died.”

‘Colgate’ shook her head at this. “Last time, the body was insufficiently equipped.” As the words left her lips, her expression turned to a confused one. “Last time? What last time? I keep feeling as if I should know things, while remembering things I’m sure have not happened yet... Anyhow. This time, the body I inhabit can interact with the necessary systems. Allow me.” She got up from the floor, and trotted into the TARDIS.

For a moment she stood in front of the central console, eyes closed in concentration.

At first, nothing seemed to happen, until suddenly a single spark trailed down the horn of the mare, landing in a small receptacle on the console.

*whrreeemmm*
*whrreeemmm*
*whrreeemmm*

The first thing to come back to life was the time rotor, the familiar sound filling the control room as the rest of the TARDIS’ systems woke to the call. Once more, the lights in the walls flooded the room in light, as the new interior was revealed. Strangely enough, the TARDIS only looked a little different on the inside, the biggest change being that the control panel now mostly consisted of big buttons mounted to a vertical panel.

“I...impossible. That is impossible,” the Doctor said as he entered the newly reactivated TARDIS. “How did you...?”

“This,” the blue mare said as she gestured at the control room, “is me. I understand how I work. That is all.”

“No, that can’t be everything! How do you even work the time rotor without a functioning-”

“Doctor!”

A little confused at the sudden interruption, the Doctor turned back to Princess Celestia. “Sorry, you were saying?”

The Princess’ face was grim, not a trace of her usual warm smile to be seen. “I understand that you would like some time to learn how this happened, and you will have time to do so in the future. However, as it stands, several of my loyal subjects are at risk of death. I must ask of you to aid them,” she concluded with a nearly unnoticeable tone of sadness to her voice.

At that moment, somepony knocked at the massive doors to the throne room. “Celestia, you called for me?” the mystery pony shouted through the door.

Celestia nodded solemnly. “Come in, we have much to discuss.” She then turned her attention to the Doctor. “As for you, I beg of you. Help us, Doctor.”


A little earlier, St. George...


The first thing Twilight Sparkle noticed about being dead was the distinct lack of pain. Admittedly, she still felt a little beaten up from her rough treatment earlier, but nowhere near what she expected from being shot in the head.

The next thing she noted was that her eyelids felt as if she had been clenching them shut, probably in reflex to having a shotgun go off, mere centimeters away from her head. Actually, that would also explain why somepony had installed a colony of extra loud bees in her ears.

As she slowly opened her eyes, Twilight was greeted by the sight of a round from a shotgun, suspended in midair by a dark-blue aura. A very familiar dark-blue aura.

”-have no RIGHT! Your attack was entirely unprovoked!”

Slowly, the buzzing started to subside, giving Twilight a little more insight as to what happened. Still, even if she would have been permanently struck deaf by the shot, she would have recognized that aura anywhere. Opening her eyes fully, she looked past the bullets to the dark shape standing in front of her, wings spread wide in open defiance against anyone or anything that would harm those she cared for.

”Now! Tell me your excuses, or GET OUT!!!!” Nyx shouted as she faced those that would have killed her mother, her dragon-like eyes burning with an indescribable coldness.

Peeking around her wings, Twilight noted that most of the Humans in the room had backed off and were in fact now cowering in the face of the Alicorn defending her. One notable exception to this was the Pastor, who looked a little startled but was quickly regaining his wits.

“Unprovoked?! You destroy our God-given world, force good men and women to become cattle as you are, and you dare to call this attack unprovoked?!? ” The Pastor shouted as he reached for the rifle held by the HLF-man closest to him.

However, before his hand could reach the weapon, Nyx pulled it out of the man’s hand with her magic. “You call us out on the destruction of your world. That, I can understand. However, we never forced anyone! Look around you! This world is a ruin of all it could have been! Humanity would have gone extinct in a hundred years, if not sooner! All we did, was to give you a choice!”

“Lies and Deceit!” the Pastor screamed as he (again, unsuccessfully due to Nyx,) reached for another nearby weapon. “The Devil only knows Lies, and Lies is all you have brought us! You claim to mean well, but all I see is a Demon who seeks only to sow Chaos and Discord! For all your talk about virtue and caring, you have only a cruel choice to show! Death, or life as one of your slaves. I have made my choice long ago, Demon. I! WILL! NOT! BOW!” Dodging to the side, the Pastor tried to reach Twilight with killing intent, only to find his way blocked by a fuchsia barrier.

“Nor will you hurt my sister.”

Turning towards the new voice, Twilight saw just about the only pony that could make this situation any better: the captain of Canterlot’s Royal Guard, Shining Armor.

Recovering from the sudden physical interruption to his plans, the Pastor turned to face Shining. “So, the Demons show their true face. Ganging up on good, God-fearing men. Don’t think you can-”

At this point, Shining raised his voice. “Pastor Richards! You are hereby arrested for your crimes against citizens of the Equestrian Nation! You are charged with armed assault, intent of murder and general disrespect of Equestrian law! Stand down, and you and your men will not be harmed!”

“Hey, horse! Take your stupid laws home! This is earth, we decide the law here!” one of the goons shouted.

“Actually, the bureaus count as embassies for Equestria, so-” Twilight started, even the recent brush with death proving insufficient to suppress her tendency to lecture.

“Mother, I don’t think they’ll listen,” Nyx interrupted her, still facing the men before her. “But it doesn’t matter. They’ll leave soon enough.”

“An’ wot makes ya say so!?” one of the men shouted.

“Because this is the point where you figure out how bad this entire situation is for the lot of you,” said yet another member of the crowd who had snuck around the black Alicorn, and was now pointing something that looked like a screwdriver with a light instead of a head at the ring around Twilight’s horn.

The ring fell apart, and for the first time since the beginning of this catastrophe, Twilight felt a little hope, along with the surge of power accompanying the return of her magic.

“It broke!” “What!?! Impossible!” “Traitor! Who are you even?!” The crowd was starting to get a little scared, due to the appearance of two rather obviously combat-ready ponies, swiftly followed by the betrayal of one they considered an ally.

“Me? I am the Doctor. Just the Doctor,” he said as he casually walked past Nyx. “And the lot of you are trying to hurt the ones I care about. So, I have only one thing to say to you.”

Stopping a few feet in front of Nyx, the Doctor put his hands in his pockets and gave a glare that would have made a manticore flinch. “Run.”

That was all it took. As one, the assembled HLF-members fled the room in panic. “STOP! I COMMAND YOU TO STOP! YOU FAITHLESS, PATHETIC-” the Pastor screamed as he chased after them.

In the meantime, the assorted new arrivals set to work freeing the captured ponies. After a few moments of ropes being cut, plus a bit of Victorious being a little freaked out over how Shining Armor could have been his twin brother, the prisoners were loose and gathered around the three new arrivals.

“Everypony!” Shining Armor shouted over the cacophony of thanks and pleas, ”I understand that the situation may look hopeless, however! Princess Celestia has sent help! The Wonderbolts will soon arrive, and evacuate all of you within the hour!”

At this point, Rainbow Springs interrupted him. “But my son is hurt! They hit him hard enough to knock him across the room! Can’t you help him?” she said as she held the still unconscious form of Silver Aura.

Shining took a closer look at the unconscious foal. “I’m no expert, but my wife should be able to help. She’s just outside the building, offering help to who need it. Still, we’ll need to get past the HLF...” Shining trailed off, as he slowly looked at the Doctor.

The Doctor however, shook his head. “Apparently, the new Heart of the TARDIS has limits to what it can do. It’ll be a while before she can fly again. We’ll have to run, and hope for the best.”

“Actually, I think I can be of some aid in that department,” Octavia spoke up. “At least, if you can help me get to my instrument that is.”


Everypony and everyone in the room turned to her, expressions varying from regular confusion to looks outright questioning her sobriety. Victorious Shield was the first to break the awkward silence. “With all due respect... I don’t think a musician will be of much use. Unless you have some kind of weapon stashed in there, you’d just make yourself a target.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow at this. “I don’t think you understand what I mean. A musician would in fact probably be the best asset you can hope for at this point.”

Before Victorious could say anything, the Doctor slapped his forehead. “Beethooven’s Musical Mayhem! Why didn’t I think of that before!?” He grabbed the gray mare by the shoulders, as he continued. “Brilliant! A way out, that doesn’t involve any killing with any luck!”

Victorious interrupted the excitedly chattering man. “Doctor, we are on a time limit here! It won’t be long before they get back here, so we must get out now! We have no time for gathering instruments!”

The Doctor turned to the white Unicorn, his tone turning somewhat grim. “But that’s exactly it! We don’t have time, but she can buy us some! Now, we can stay here and argue, or we can grab that Base and actually have a chance of making it out alive. What do you say?”

For a moment it looked as if Victorious would argue against the Doctor, but then the white Unicorn relented. “Fine. But let me come along. I promised I’d see the bureau through this mess, and that promise still stands.”

This time, it was Grace who interrupted him. “Victorious Shield! Don’t you dare!” she shouted as she got up in his face. “You don’t know my father! He won’t stop at anything! He will have you killed if you go against him!”


Victorious huffed. “I know that! Not the first time I face an enemy like that! Last time, it cost me my bucking arm!” For a moment after his outburst, Shield’s deep breaths were the only thing breaking the silence. Eventually, he calmed down just enough to continue his speech. “Look, I know enough to survive, and I promise: I will live. I won’t leave you, I won’t die, but I must do this. I’m the only one who knows the bureau, and has at least some combat experience. If I don’t do this, we all die. Please, trust me!”

Grace said nothing at first, as tears fell from her eyes onto the ground below. After a few moments, she managed to choke out a few words between barely suppressed sobs. “I trust you. And- and I promise, tha- that if you have the nerve to die,” she said as the sobs stopped and her expression turned uncharacteristically dark, “I will bring your sorry soul back, JUST TO BEAT SOME SENSE INTO IT!

Victorious flinched at both his wife’s sudden ferocity, before he quietly nodded in agreement.

Anger taking over from fear of losing her husband, Grace continued through the tears in her eyes. “You are the single best thing to happen to me since I learned to speak, so don’t you dare to make this the worst decision I ever made! Don’t you ever force me to be the widow who tells her foals how great a hero their father was! I. Will. Not! Lose you to this stupid, STUPID...” she shouted before breaking down in sobbing tears once more. “I... I just don’t- want to lose you...”

Victorious did the only thing that seemed appropriate at the time: he wrapped his neck around hers, in a Pony hug. “Listen to me. I will come back. I will live. I won’t put myself in any danger if I can help it. You. Won’t. Lose me. I promise.”

Grace seemed to calm down a little at this, though those that knew her better would have noticed the signs that told how she was only pushing her despair aside until no-one was looking. “By Celestia’s mane, I’ll keep you to that! Now go, before I change my mind,” she said as she broke the embrace.

Victorious Shield nodded before giving Grace one last kiss, straight on her lips.

When they broke their kiss, the Doctor cleared his throat while looking distinctly uncomfortable. “Ok, anyone or anypony got any idea how to get miss Octavia’s instrument?”


Around the same time as the HLF’s “tactical retreat...”


Hal had been exceptionally lucky so far. After finding a very sturdy pair of wire cutters and managing to cut through the chain connecting his handcuffs (that was his story, and he was sticking to it!) he had somehow managed to sneak back into the bureau unnoticed. At the moment, he was navigating the maze of hallways while avoiding the various HLF-patrols.

-will burn in Hell!Cowards! Godless traitors!Stop and listen to me!!!

Noticing the shouting moving his way, Hal dove for cover in an empty room as the HLF-members rushed out of the building, followed closely by the irate Pastor. Waiting for a few moments, Hal carefully peeked around the corner of the room. No-one. Good.

Continuing his trek through the now-abandoned hallways, he eventually found what he was looking for: the Nuke, armed and counting down near the conversion room.

“Thought there would be someone here, but I must say I never expected it to be you.”

Startled, Hal looked up to the source of the voice, seeing- “Elane? What are you doing here?! You have to get out, this is a-”

“A bomb. Quite aware,” the big city girl said as she casually strolled up to the man, a blade held almost carelessly in her hand. “After all, HLF high command ordered me to ensure their... investments aren’t wasted. So, just run along. I have everything under control here,” she said as she closed in on both the bomb and the ex-HLF-prisoner. Hal however, made no movement to avoid the swordswoman, causing her to raise an eyebrow. “Hello? Didn’t you hear me? Run. Along. I can deal with things here, you’d only be a liability.”

Hal responded with a grim chuckle. “So, you are the mole, huh? You are good! Anyhow. Elane Kensing, you are under arrest. Resist, and you will be executed!”

Elane raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Really now? Humor me, what is your authority?” she said, amusement apparent in her voice.

“Blackmesh.”

//////////////
Ray10k here,

First off, this chapter and the last were one chapter initially. After some discussion, Kryxel and I decided to just split it up. I think the timing works a little better this way anyhow. Click here for the original.

Second, be glad you didn’t see my initial take on Nyx/Twilight’s reunion. Trust me, it was cheesy enough to serve as an appetizer at a particularly bland party. I called her, “the Nightmare, reborn in Kindness.” It only went downhill from there out. Heck, it was going down “clichéd hyperbole hill” at breakneck speeds by that time already.

Third, did anyone catch the ridiculously obscure Touhou reference in the last chapter? Free internets for all who can point it out, mild looks of utterly misplaced disappointment for those that can’t (or don’t even know Touhou.)

Finally, my apologies for the delay. Writing action, while setting up the world for future action, is hard. Especially when you don’t exactly know what will happen next. (Looking at you, Kryxel...)

(kryxel here. sorry ray.. i know how frustrating it may be... mainly because even i dont know what is going to happen next.
when i write i see it like one would see on Tv. some parts that may be important at one time may fade away to background obscurity the next.. heck even a couple dozen chapters back i was absolutely sure that Hal was indeed the bad guy and the mole at the bureau.
basically i set the personalitys, set scene.. and then just drop them in it.
i know it is bad. and i know this "ending" is very very very bad before your amazing editing...
thank you for putting up with my crap so far.)
(PS: was half tempted to leave the "discord opens a bar" comment in... but decided not to.)