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// One Phone Call and Three Psychotic Ponies Later 
// Story: Rarity: Behind Bars 
// by White-pawPony 
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	There really should be a basic training course for what to do if one is arrested, so one can be prepared.  At least, this was the thinking of Rarity as she once again reflected on the day's events.  What have I done to deserve this?  I've had a decent life - I worked hard, made a name for myself.  I've done nothing worthy of divine judgement such as this!  She stood next to the phone, deciding whom she might call, and made a mental list.
Fluttershy?  She's quite the caring pony, but the dear just isn't assertive enough to do any good.
Applejack?  No, I don't believe she even owns a telephone...
Rainbow Dash is away at that convention in Canterlot, so she's out of the question.
Pinkie Pie would just muddle things up even more.
One by one, she picked out her friends, until only a single pony remained.
I must call Twilight.  She's quick-witted, strong of composure, and most definitely has connections, yes?
"Hey, wouldja hurry up, Lady?" pressed an employee of the prison.
Rarity's eyes narrowed as she mumbled, "I swear, if one more pony makes a... snarky remark to me, they shall regret it."  With her horn, she painstakingly pressed each number, and waited as the phone rang.
...And rang.
...And rang again.
"No, no, no!  Pick up, Darling, pick up!" the mare cried.  Frustrated, she hung up and started to dial again.  Unfortunately, her guard wasn't pleased with this.
"Wait a second, you only get one call!"
"Well, excuse me if my pony of choice isn't picking up at this moment.  It is my right, so we are just going to have to wait!"
...And wait.  Apparently for almost twenty minutes.  Rarity simply would not give up.  
A guard behind them, however, had other ideas.  "Listen, your call can't take this long.  I've got another guy who's gotta make his one call, too, so you'd better hurry up."
"Oh, no!  You listen here; it is my right to be able to make my call, and until I do so, you... you..." Rarity stopped dead and gulped at the sight of the convict who needed to make his call.  Big didn't even begin to describe this scarred criminal.  He was around twice the height of Rarity, and at least four times her weight.  His appearance reminded her of the buffaloes she had seen back in Appleoosa.  
Rarity formed a weak smile.  "Well, I suppose that I could make my call later, since you seem so very... nice."


***


"I am not going in there.  You cannot make me go into that room!"
The stallion escort who was currently watching over Rarity was exasperated.  He wanted nothing more than to end his shift and leave this whiny mare behind.
"There's nothing to be worried about; we have guards posted all around the area for your safety," he assured her.  
Rarity would not let up, "Sir, I do not believe you see these ponies - they are obviously all hardened criminals.  Even the mares are muscular!  This is simply not safe!"
"Will you please stop your whining?"
Stamping her foot, Rarity grunted, "I am not whining.  Do you want to hear whining?!  This is -!"
But Rarity did not have time to finish her explanation, for she was shoved into the cafeteria and right into another pony.  The victim of this unintentional crash also seemed unwilling to listen to Rarity's accounting of the situation, and turned to growl at her in a rather un-pony-like manner.
Squeaking in fear, the white unicorn quickly backed away... Right into another pony.  "Watch where you're goin'!" he shouted.
Nodding furiously, Rarity scooted into an unoccupied corner so she could whimper to herself.  "Wonderful, Rarity - just wonderful.  This certainly is not your day.  So far you have managed to lose a paying client, get yourself arrested, miss your opportunity to make your one phone call out of this place, and anger two or three nasty criminals. 
"Well, you're just going to have to make the best of this situation - no use making it worse for yourself by having a bad attitude.  You must keep your wits about you, and use your resources to get yourself out of here.  All you have to do is..."
"Make a habit of talking to yourself?"
The voice startled Rarity, and she whipped her head to her left, to see that the voice came from a heavy-built blood-orange mare.  The orange prison jumpsuit conflicted with the color of her coat, Rarity noted.  
The mare laughed at Rarity's silence, "That's okay - we all do that sorta thing around here.  Name's Spider Sage."
Not about to forget her breeding, the unicorn replied, "Oh.  Hello.  I am Rarity.  It... is a pleasure."
Spider Sage smiled, "Nice to meet you Rarity.  Me and my friends over there couldn't help but notice you seemed a little out of place."
"Out of place doesn't even begin to describe the day I've had," Rarity confessed.
Another laugh from Spider Sage loosened Rarity's taut lips a bit.  "We don't see many fancy mares like you around a place like this.  Would you join us at our table?"
Rarity hesitated a moment.  Was it really wise to be making friends with convicts?  After all, she needed to save herself from as much trouble as possible.  But then again, these ponies didn't seem like the rest of the crowd.  This Spider Sage character seemed quite good-humored.  The diamond-flanked mare nodded, and followed her new friend over to the table.
Spider Sage's friends were two mares, just as muscled as she; the azure one had a spiky pixie-cut, and so many piercings and tattoos a pony could hardly tell she was under there; the other dark-grey unicorn's mane was shaved completely off, and her left eye was covered with a black eye-patch.  
A lady tries to overlook such vulgarites in others, Rarity silently reminded herself.  A lady tries to look for the best in everypony.  After all - Applejack and I are still friends.
"Afternoon, everypony," she greeted them.
The reply was two cold stares.  Spider Sage put her front leg around Rarity's shoulders.  "C'mon, guys - this is my new pal, Rittery."
"That is Rarity."
"Rittery; this here's Iron Loop and Drake."  
Iron Loop nodded, at least acknowledging the newcomer's presence.  Drake nudged a dark mug of coffee towards Rarity, who stared at it.  
"You drink it."
"Right."  As if I didn't know, Rarity thought.  I can't believe I must stoop down from my afternoon tea to this concoction, but it is all I have.  But Rarity couldn't lift the cup to her lips.  Try as she might, her horn simply would not work.  Rarity panicked, afraid something was wrong with her magical abilities.  
As if reading her thoughts, Spider told her, "You can't use unicorn magic in here."
Rarity was aghast.  "Well, whyever not?"
"Magical barrier surrounds the place - if unicorn magic was available, ponies would be busting outta here all the time," said Drake.
Rarity felt about to blow a fuse.  "How do they expect me to drink my coffee?!  Or eat my food - or dress?!  I'm not some simple Earth pony!  I have standards!  I have class!" she next-to-screamed, pounding upon the table several times.  She sat there, panting and convulsing, cheeks red, eye twitching.
There was a long, silent moment, as all four mares were still.  Finally, Rarity gave in, bending her neck and taking a sip out of the blue porcelean cup.
"...So, how did you all become friends?"
"We were all in the same heist at this grocery store in Fillydelphia, and after that we became a gang," Spider told her.
"Fillydelphia?  Why, that's miles from here!  Why did you end up in Ponyville?" Rarity asked.
The three mares exchanged amused looks.  Drake leaned forward, "We're not in Ponyville."
"We aren't?  Whatever do you mean?"
There suddenly was a loud crash as a table tipped over.  A colt and a stallion, equally as menacing, were stomping their hooves, about ready to run into battle.  
"You wanna take that back right about now?" growled the older one.
"Not if you do first, Fatso!" taunted the younger.
They charged, fighting tooth-and-nail.  Before either Rarity or the prison guards could realize what was happening, Spider Sage had let out a jolly battle cry and rushed into the fray, followed by her two compadres.  
Thud!  Whinny!  Smack!  Bang!
Rarity shut her eyes tight, not willing to witness this atrocity.  When the guards finally were able to break up the fight, they found the two male ponies nearly broken to pieces, bruised, bleeding, and close to tears.  The three mares, however, were only slightly bruised, heaving, bloodied, and smiling wickedly.  It was almost too obvious that this was quite an enjoyable sport.
"And that's how you do it in Fillydelphia!"