//------------------------------// // Now that's enough! [Independence] // Story: Our Fearless Leader Hits a New Low // by Sparkle Fire //------------------------------// The next day came, and the Great Leader was still frazzled from the Crystal Empire incident. An hour or so after lunchtime, one of the Great Leader's maintenance men entered the front lobby. He had just come down from one of three wind turbines up the hill that provided all of the complex's electricity, when he heard some shouting coming from one of the bedrooms. "Who cleaned out that goddamn bank account?!" He could be heard shouting from behind the door. Concerned for his safety, the maintenance man cracked the door slightly, only enough so that he could peep inside. "This is about that insurance settlement we've been talking about!" Oh boy, the maintenance man thought to himself, this is going to be good! "I put up my end of the deal; now where's the money?" the Leader continued. After a minute or two "Yesterday, you secured the last of the funds, right?" the Leader started off. "Now where has my insurance settlement gone off to?" "I thought we agreed on 90,000 kratt, and now I'm hearing 60,000 - the motherfucker's gone!" He said as he kicked the office chair down the floor. The maintenance man chortled under his breath. "What? It didn't go through? ... THAT'S MY GODDAMN INSURANCE MONEY!!" He paused for a few seconds. "I don't give a shit if it WAS past the maturity date!... You could have used the motherfucker!" Another minute passed with the Leader sitting on the foot of the bed, listening to the indolent blather from the man on the other end of the line. The maintenance man kept peeking inside the door to see if he'd snap again. "You now owe me... 100,000 kratt and fifty cents, bitch! You fuckin' understand me? I want my god- YOU HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO NEGOTIATE THAT SONUVABITCH!!" The peeved-off leader could be seen gritting his teeth in disgust. "DO NOT GET SMART WITH ME! I want my goddamn money from my goddamn insurance!" He kicked the chair once more. "You fuckin' understand me?! I want my goddamn money from my insurance, you understand me?" "LET ME TELL YOU ONE GODDAMN THING - THAT'S MY MONEY AN' MY MOTHERFUCKING INSURANCE!" He then made his way into the master bathroom and threw a dish of hair color onto the floor, where it splattered everywhere. "...MY GODDAMN INSURANCE! YOU FUCKIN' UNDERSTAND ME, BITCH?! I'M GETTING MY MONEY TODAY - YOU HEAR ME?!!" The angry Leader threw his reciever into the closet. He stepped out of the bathroom. At the same time, the maintenance man opened the door the rest of the way and stepped into the bedroom. "GODDAMN THEM!" The maintenance man's turn came to try and console his Leader. "Calm down!" The rant continued, to his own dismay. "Fuckin' son of a goddamn bitch, I'll bust him right in the damn - " He picked up a hammer out of his toolbox and threw it down as well. "Relax..." "LIKE HELL I'M GOING TO RELAX! That was my goddamn insurance money!" At that time, the Leader picked up one of the footstools from the bathroom and threw it. "What in the world have I gotten myself into? ..." "IT WAS MINE!!! "That wasn't his money, it was my money and mine alone! You fuckin' understand me?" The Great Leader made perfectly clear. He then bolted out of the bedroom, making his way towards his car. He was going straight to the insurance company to collect his money, and he wouldn't be taking any tim-tam from anybody. ~~~~~~~~~ Later that day, at dinner A modest meal, a French-dip sandwich paired with a small bowl of chips with a glass of ginger ale to side-kick, was laid down in front of the Great Leader as he read the newspaper. Ever since the news of the Crystal Empire victory reached the Motherland, there was literally nothing in the paper but rumor after rumor about the Crystal Empire - it even got so bad that they even began denying requests for advertisements simply to keep up with the word in the streets and in the shops and office buildings. "Good lord..." he said, reacting to an article about panicking people beginning to stock up on food, gas, and water after the local back-fence talkers heard that the Crystal Empire was already diverting goods bound for Cosarara in Equestria's direction. As a result, shelves at markets and stores were cleared out in a matter of hours, and gas stations were even restricting access to their fuel supplies. Another article detailed the Crystal Empire's supposed effect on job creation and the economy, with concerned workers fearing for their safety calling in sick on days when tension got especially high, the planned Demus Natural Gas Compressing and Biofuel Processing complex in Vega Beach announcing delays, office towers conducting regular evacuation drills, and exclusion zones being drawn out, all in preparation for supposed massive trade shutoffs with Cosarara's regular trading partners. Crystal Empire... nothing but the Crystal Empire. Sports teams were postponing their matches, so that section vanished. No advertisements, not even a single Classified. Advice columns, the daily crosswords, puzzles, even the comics - the COMICS - all gone. The paper said they'd need to stay on top of all the information that was coming in... "This has gotten waaaaaay out of hand." One of the cleaning people immediately butted right in. "Out of hand? You completely demolished the kitchen yesterday! That's 'out of hand', don't you think?" "Who gives a fuck?" The Great Leader shot back, then attempted to finish his dinner in the big room. Once inside, he set down all of his stuff and flipped on his HDTV. After that, he diddled with the tuner that was connected to a giant satellite dish below the road - that way, he could get international channels as well as his own domestic. He considered everything; from the news (of course, NOTHING BUT THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE), the movie channels (nothing that would pique his interest), everything. He eventually managed to tune the TV to Comedy Central, airing Jeff Dunham. The man flopped down in his favorite chair and basked in the hilarity. ~~~~~~~~~ The next day... A friend of the Great Leader, who was visiting for the day, tuned the television in the big room. The Leader himself was returning with some Chicken King for his employees, who gave him the money... However, he didn't care much for chicken, so he got Subway for himself. "Here's lunch," he said, setting the bags down. He continued on into the big room, Subway in hand. After lunch was ate, The Great Leader and his friend were having a conversation when the news flashed. The attention immediately turned to the TV. The picture being broadcast was that of a newsreader, looking very shocked and afraid. On air, she was seen picking up a piece of paper. "My fellow Cosararan people... it is with tear-filled eyes and a heavy heart that I must announce... that on this day..." She sniffled. "...a day that will live in dishonour... the 'Crystal Empire', or so it has been named..." "Has officially severed the Faz-Carrefour district from the rest of the Motherland." The newsreader could be seen breaking down to tears. She was promptly dragged away from the camera's view and another newsreader was put in her place. Continuing from the last statement as the two friends looked on in confusion, the replacement newsreader picked up where it was left off. "A national state of emergency is expected to be declared in lieu of this tragedy. Expect an economic slowdown beginning next week, with the first cutoffs beginning Wednesday - " The visitor flipped the channel; the Great Leader immediately stormed out of the room. What is he doing? He thought in his head. Soon enough, the Great Leader emerged with a pair of pliers in his hand. He set it down before starting with his rant. "They betrayed their own Great General... destroyed everything I ever gave them!" The irascible Leader shoved his stereo to the floor. "I'm sick of all the nonsense! SICK OF IT!" "Well, there went that," his visitor commented about the possibly damaged stereo. "I WANT AN EXPLANATION, AND I WANT IT NOW!" shouted the Leader, looking as though he was about to boil over with rage. With that, he picked up the pair of pliers and sent it speeding towards the TV. He smashed the screen a few more times before tossing the tool. "Calm down!" "FUCKIN' CROCK O' SHIT!" He grabbed the television and pushed it to the floor with a smash. "Hey!" "I want my entire cabinet at the Party headquarters - RIGHT NOW!" The visitor was left speechless. Well, I guess we won't be watching James Bond tonight... The Great Leader hopped in his car, stuck the key in the ignition, and started the engine. After making a right turn coming out of the bottom of his road, he turned on the radio. Expecting to hear his favorite music playing, he waited throughout the silence. As soon as he turned on to the avenue, his worst fears were confirmed. An announcer came on the air, and could be heard saying, "As far as anyone knows, the Faz-Carrefour district is one of the most profitable in the country. And yet, right now, we are in the midst of the biggest political shakeup I've seen in my lifetime." He listened intently. "Today... November 12, 2012, the 'Crystal Empire' declared autonomy from the Independent Republic of Cosarara, essentially cutting off that entire region to domestic support. If anything else happened, all would be well, but instead, this act of pure rebellion had to be carried out." "And that's why I'm going straight to Party headquarters to sort all of this bullshit out," the Great Leader replied, turning onto Elysian Boulevard as he did so. The announcer continued. "Needless to say, the world theater, not to mention the Motherland, didn't count on ANY kind of cutoff period, and since Faz-Carrefour handles several major trade routes into Cosarara and throughout most of the world, this could completely fuck up the economy in the long run." "Therefore, this is a huge deal, especially for corporations who've invested in that region for years. But, in the grand scheme of things, the financial and political effects are expected to be numerous as well as tragic..." "As I've said before, this is the biggest strain on Cosararan relations that we have seen in a long time - this is BIG. This association of 'crystal ponies', or so they're called, clearly overthrew the military consulate and seized power for themselves, and this declaration of autonomy set the fate of Faz-Carrefour in stone; 'the rebels own the region, they claim rule over the area. Shikata-ga-nai - it can't be helped..." The Great Leader promptly rolled his eyes. "There is a widely known rule, however, if two nations claim a disputed region, the one that claims principal ownership gets the control... and we've seen that before in the U.S.'s past dealings with the Virgin Empire - but this rule can be applied to this situation because the Virgins claim eight or nine creek heads that flow into that district from the mountains to the north of there as well as the land that it feeds..." The broadcast was interrupted as the Great Leader's car went under an overpass. "But unfortunately, the United Nations doesn't appear to want to enforce that rule. I don't know what they're seeing, either in the events that unfolded or all the legal mumbo-jumbo, even after over 15 HOURS of reviewing every single piece of evidence from as early as the 1970's explicitly saying that WE controlled that whole region to begin with - at both hearings, they ruled INCONCLUSIVE. And even more striking, DURING [and in the hours immediately following] the whole Crystal Heart and Sombra fiasco, at least TWENTY diplomacy laws and statutes were unquestionably thrown out the window in order to compound the Crystal Empire lie and basically hand the rebels the principal ownership rights... it's like, 'Diplomacy? The Territorial Charters of 1919, 1971, and 1983? Trading importance? FUCK IT! ...'" "But in the end, the crystal pony traitors and the heretics that they call their 'leaders' made it a no-win situation for everyone. The people of Cosarara were the first people to raise the People's Banner in the Faz-Carrefour, and as such, the Cosararans have thrived there for several decades... and I would like to see it remain that way for as long as we're here. And honestly, if you congratulated those crystal freaks for saving that false empire of theirs, you should be ashamed of yourself! If people, ponies even, have to lie and steal to be victorious, it's not even worth the concept of victory anymore." The Great Leader remained in his car to hear the rest of the announcer's words. "And this movement wouldn't have been as disheartening for millions around the world if they didn't know the truth behind it - " Assuming that yet another rumor was circling the country, he shut his radio off, then pulled out the keys and walked towards the Cosararan Socialist Party complex. ~~~~ The radio announcer was still blabbering over the PA. "And this is the Independent Republic Of Cosarara, for heaven's sake! I've simply been throwing up my hands and going, 'What the fuck is wrong with this world that we live in?!' ever since I heard the news. And here I am, in the studio, and I'm witnessing a once-flourishing, bustling trading center for over 70% of the world get shit on by a bunch of ignorant, scum-sucking, ultra-fundamentalists who, apparently, are capable of nothing but bullshit - that is, rob the Cosararan people of territory that they so rightfully own, then go behind our backs and tell the remainder of the world a big, fat LIE that the land was THEIRS in the first place to cover up their demented carrying on, as well as an obvious attempt to keep possession of that illegitimate piece of GARBAGE that they unjustly and unacceptably exterminated all evidence of Cosararan influence in order to add a bit of bogus credibility..." ...et cetera, et cetera. The Great Leader was escorted to the main People's Conference Hall, where the rest of his cabinet, as well as all high-ranking officers of his military. He took a shot of water before taking his seat, and that is when he delivered one of his best speeches in a long time. "Stop with the hysterics. I'm sure that you all recognize the root of all of our recent troubles..." The room then began echoing with the resounding cries of the "Crystal Empire" and all of its ills. Once the mood settled, the Great Leader continued. "Our only task at this moment is to find a solution to the problem without reaching the breaking point, of which there are many. As this committee before me works together to avoid catastrophe, there are several things that you must keep in mind. "ONE: Those trade routes to the east are of the utmost importance, and because of this, they must be open to free trade again. "TWO: The rebels, if you put in into perspective, are opening a security hole for the Virgin Empire's military to invade from the east. We need to, in a sense, patch that hole closed. "and THREE: and I cannot stress this enough - regain control of the Faz-Carrefour. This is beyond contestation. This 'Crystal Empire', as it is known, is nothing more than a BIG FAT FOREIGN LIE, and must be reclaimed for the Cosararan people at once. "I trust in this committee to end this tensile moment in our history in a peaceful manner. Also, one last note - the Party sent the rebels a message urging them to drop their egregiously unruly attitude and re-join our union. If we do not recieve a reply by 10 P.M. on November 17th - that's Saturday evening - I have to assume that they have already declared full independence, ergo, cutting off vital trade routes for Cosarara and de-stabilizing the economy... then the military will have to step in and take over. Like I said, the Faz-Carrefour is a very active trading hub for 70% of the world's economy, so we can't tolerate such a move on their part - the Cosararans must continue to administer the area so as to prevent an economic collapse." "I thank you again for your flexibility and cooperation in this matter, and may our questions be answered." The Great Leader, concluding his speech, left his chair to calm himself down and pull himself together. His cabinet seemed to like the speech, given their resounding approval through their cheers and applause. As he left the room, ideas began to flow, and for the next two hours, over 100 options would be proposed and voted on, with the top five plans being sent to the Central Executive Committee for review and possible implementation. Later that evening, after two ginger ales... in idea comes to mind for our Fearless Leader The Great Leader knew that it would take a while for even the first decisions to be able to leave the conference room, so he decided to go up to the mall and pick up something for home. He turned his radio back on as he got onto Park Avenue. To his surprise, the radio was actually playing music for once, so he listened contently before news of his Party's committee talks started to trickle in. After that, he turned into the access road, parked the car, and ran inside for some Sbarro. The line was short, so he was able to be in and out in less than 10 minutes. Once out, he made his way back onto the Mango Beach avenue and made his way home. Once he made his way back inside the front door, however, he was fielding calls from left and right, all about Cosarara's plans for the Crystal Empire, and it continued this way for the better part of seven hours, managing to get two ginger ales breaks in. This all made a turn for the worse when he received a call from a political organisation back in the United States that kept saying that Shining Armor stole Cadence away from him, citing romantic and intimate relations from as early as the late 90s. This went straight to his emotions. He immediately shut off the phone lines, leaving only his personal cell phone on. He immediately dialed up the first number he could think of that was connected to Cadence. After being put on hold for what seemed like an eternity, he finally heard a reply. A familiar voice promptly declared, "Hey - this is Shining Armor, Prince of the Crystal Empire. How may I assist?" "YES!" The Great Leader began. "I was calling looking for an explanation as to why you stole my marefriend, because I have recently fielded calls on the matter... and what they said broke my heart. And it's making me feel like a piece of SHIT! "What was that, sir?" "This is bullshit!" "Can you hold on? It'll be just one moment." The phone began playing a tune that he seemed to be familiar with. "I hope this is the Blue Groove version of this song... not that B-Ran peice of SHIT!" Before he knew it, the B-Ran version of that song was playing. "FUUUUUUUCK!" The song stopped. He paced around the room a bit, and drunk another ginger ale, in an attempt to let out steam. "Umm, can I help you?" "Yes! You stole my marefriend from me, I want an explanation - NOW! This has all been making me feel like a piece of shit!" "I now know who you are, and Cadence is happily married to me - she's gotten over you!" "I AM PISSED!" "You know what? You're drunk. Stop drinking and start thinking about stewarding your sexuality as a gift from Celestia herself and abstain until marriage, okay? I've heard things about you!" "My wife died in '94, motherfucker - I'm looking for a new one - nobody gives a SHIT -" Shining Armor hung up the phone, cutting him off. "Fuckin' hung up my ass!" The Great Leader shouted, miffed, before throwing the cell phone to the kitchen floor. He drunk yet another ginger ale, pondering what to do. He picked up one of his home phones and called Shining's number again, only this time, it went to voicemail. A beep from the other end signal the Leader's turn to retort. "Uh, yeah, this is J with the Cosararan Socialist Party, and just to let you know, we don't tolerate any deviation from our laws and rules, like, period, and, like, really, get with the program, work with us, people!" The Leader called again in his normal voice. "And you've already proven your thoughts on us being BIG FAT LIARS and rebelling against the Party. This nonsense shouldn't be happening - rejoin the Union - NOW. And if you don't go through with it... let's just say that I know enough people and have enough money to get rid of you, faggot." The Leader pressed the 'end call' button on the receiver. The next few days would be torture.