Hearts Aflutter - Chapter 4
Brightest Light
“Angel, get down here! Time for breakfast!” she called.
The bunny stood at the top of the stairs, glaring down at Rainbow Dash with a look that said, We both know whose fault it is she's not here.
Rainbow grew sombre. “I know. I know, alright? But she isn’t, and that’s why I am – I’ve gotta take care of you guys while she can’t, and you sure as hay can’t do it of yourself. It’s what she’d want.”
When she’d first arrived, Angel Bunny had been as skinny as... a rabbit. There was an enormous mess in Fluttershy’s living room, carrot ends and other detritus littering the whole area. He’d somehow managed to open the door to her pantry, getting into the stocks of animal feed, which had promptly been spread all throughout the house. He and the other animals had swiftly depleted the food, and Angel wasn’t the only one that seemed a little malnourished.
She had a lot of work to do before she could really start taking care of the animals like Fluttershy did.
Not the least of the obstacles in her way was getting the animals used to her presence – at first they’d run away at the sight of her, and she’d had to leave their food out and hide around a corner until they were done. They were slowly becoming accustomed to her presence – imitating Fluttershy seemed to work, a lower volume, slower speaking and smaller, softer actions somehow helping... though any sudden movements would still send them scurrying away. Still, it was an improvement – at least now Dash could properly look out for them.
Angel himself was another obstacle. He never took her presence in his home lightly. Every action he made seemed designed to infuriate her, as if he was trying to kick her out.
It was a test of patience - a challenge, bunny to pegasus.
Luckily, Rainbow Dash never backed down from a challenge.
A short while later, she was chasing him through the house, shouting and yelling the whole time.
“You... Get back here!” she panted, lunging towards Angel once more, finally catching the little white ball of fluff.
This was the last straw – waking her up during the night had been... annoying. Hiding the bags of feed in the chicken coop, an alright prank... but this? This was just....
Rainbow suddenly had a much greater respect for the timid yellow pegasus, who’d somehow managed to deal with the bratty little rabbit almost every day of her life. It was crazy.
Angel glared at her, writhing in her grip.
“I know how much you miss her! I know it’s my fault! But what the hay do you think you’re going to get by drawing her on the walls, tearing up the couches and smashing all her stuff?”
Angel didn’t meet her eyes, wriggling in an attempt to get away.
“Nuh-uh! No way!” she said.
A thought struck her as to how she could coerce the bunny into... at least an uneasy truce. “Tell me, Angel. What does Fluttershy do when you draw on the walls?”
He paused, then tried to tell her that Fluttershy gave him a hug and told him how good he was. Rainbow couldn’t actually decide whether or not he was telling the truth – that seemed just as likely as a small punishment from the mare. She decided to ask about something else.
“What about all the things you’ve broken? What would she do? What would she think if she woke up right now and came home to this?”
That got him. A brief spark of remorse hit him, and he stopped writhing for a moment. He was, after all, just being rebellious towards Rainbow Dash. He liked his home as much as Fluttershy did. All he wanted was Rainbow out, by any means necessary. But just because he stopped wriggling didn't mean she stopped talking.
“I know what she’d think,” Rainbow said, bluffing her way into peace with the bunny. “Fluttershy has been my best friend for years, and I know this stuff. She wouldn’t be angry, or sad, or even annoyed at what you’ve done.”
She leaned in close to the bunny, large magenta eyes to beady little black ones. “She’d be disappointed.” The bunny cringed, and Rainbow saw she’d hit the mark.
“She’d be disappointed that you aren’t being a good bunny, especially while she’d not around. You’ve let her down, Angel, just because you don’t like rainbow pegasi.” Rainbow sighed. “And after all that work she does, taking care of you and trying to teach you how to be better than this...”
Angel was crying now, just a little, and she wondered if she’d overstepped herself. She knew that he missed Fluttershy as well, probably as much as she did. She’d always been closer to him than many of her other creatures.
“Now do you see? We’ve gotta be a team, you and me.”
Angel gave her a confused look, wiping his eyes of tears.
“Yeah, that’s right. You and me. We have to work together, keep it up, stay strong together until she comes back. So what do you think? Do we have a deal?” Didn’t Twilight say exactly the same thing?
He considered her offer for a while, eventually giving in and nodding his head.
Then he shot her a look - it clearly said, I still hate you.
---
She raised her hoof to knock, then lowered it. Raised it again, paused, and lowered it once more.
Could she do it? Could she face what she’d done to one of her closest friends, not out of sadness or anger, but of a complete lack of care?
The accident with Fluttershy was her fault – she’d failed to protect her, and now she was paying the price.
What happened with Pinkie Pie was no accident. It was like Applejack had said – she should have been there for all of them during this, and not have exploded like she had. Somepony could have helped with her own feelings, she was sure. But this wasn’t an accident – this was a cold-blooded attack on Pinkie, one which had put her in hospital for four days while she recovered enough to stand again.
Could she ever face such a breach of friendship? She didn’t want to – it would be so easy to just run away, like she had the first time. But running away is what caused this in the first place.
She had to face what she’d done.
Knock, knock, knock.
“Come in, Rainbow Dash.” she opened the door, entering Pinkie Pie’s room.
“How did you...?”
“My Pinkie Sense told me,” she replied.
Rainbow stood in place, looking around. The room hadn’t changed much since the last time she’d been here – streamers and ribbons still webbed the walls, confetti lay all over everything, and pink was the only colour scheme, besides Gummy sitting on a chair in the corner.
Then she focused on Pinkie Pie, and her world started to crash around her again. The mare was in bad shape – large bags hung under her large, bloodshot eyes - she’d clearly been crying herself to... well, not sleep, that was for sure. Her hair was dead straight - Rainbow counted herself lucky she hadn’t been replaced by Mr Turnip again. Oh, and she had a cast on her foreleg, running all the way up to her shoulder, and an enormous bruise darkening her coat, which spread from that same shoulder all the way to her Cutie Mark.
Courtesy of Rainbow Dash.
I did this - and this time it wasn’t an accident. The first time, it had all happened so quickly, there wasn’t anything she could do to stop it. It was still her fault, but it was starting to hurt less.
This time she could have stopped at any time. But she didn’t. She’d been slow, methodical, and vicious in her attacks on herself – and consequentially, in her attacks on Pinkie Pie. Seeing the mare, she realised that what she’d done to Pinkie had been far worse than what she’d done to Fluttershy.
“Why are you here?” Pinkie asked.
“Pinkie, I...”
“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” Pinkie said in mock sweetness, cutting her off. “Lies are the fastest way to lose a friend.”
Rainbow hesitated. Pinkie’s words cut deep, but they weren’t unwarranted. After seeing this, if Pinkie had bucked her in the face she would have taken it – though her jaw still smarted from Applejack’s thrashing the few nights before. She looked at her hooves, unable to meet Pinkie’s eyes.
“I just want to-”
“Want to what?” she interrupted again, still in that not-quite-nice voice. “Want to finish the job? Here,” she said, offering her uninjured foreleg. “Go ahead. ‘It’s just something you have to do,’ right?”
Okay, that hurt.
“Pinkie-”
“‘Oh, don’t mind little Pinkie Pie. She’ll just laugh it off, like she does for everything – she probably just thought it was a game!’ Well, come on then. Do it! Or don’t you wanna play anymore?” she seethed, the semi-sweet voice wearing very, very thin.
Rainbow tried not to cry – Pinkie was tearing her heart out.
“Let’s play, Dashie! I’ll go first” Pinkie laughed – extremely shallowly. “Thud! Thud! Thud!”
Suddenly it wasn’t just Pinkie saying it. There was a thudding sound in the room, and Rainbow looked up from her feet to see Pinkie smashing herself into a wall, just as she’d done before.
Thud. Was this seriously happening?
Thud. Rainbow cried, unable to hold back.
Thud.This is what she’d done?
... No more.
She rushed over to the pink pony, wrapping her legs around her. “Pinkie, stop.”
“Get off me, Dashie,” Pinkie said, her voice cold, mimicking Rainbow’s words from that night.
“I won’t. I won’t let what I did hurt you anymore,” she cried. “So just stop.”
“No.” Thud.
Rainbow wrapped her legs tighter, but it was no use. She was more athletic than Pinkie, but she still wasn’t strong enough to stop her from slamming into the wall. “Pinkie, you have to stop right now!”
“No.” Thud.
Okay, that’s it, Rainbow thought. This time, she would protect her friend. This time, she’d do it right.
She timed it perfectly, getting in between Pinkie and the wall, shielding her friend from the wall with her own body.
Thump. She was still going - she didn’t even seem to notice Dash was there. She just kept going, just as Rainbow had that night. Rainbow timed it again, tackling her friend as she pulled back, slamming her to the ground and embracing her writhing, screaming form in a tight hug.
“I meant all of it – everything I said, everything I did. But I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to see you turn it around like this.” Rainbow said, her voice barely carrying over Pinkie’s wrenching sobs.
“I’m sorry, Pinkie,” she whispered, crying into the cotton candy mane. “I’m so sorry.”
She repeated it until Pinkie stopped struggling.
Eventually, Rainbow looked up, to see a pair of big blue eyes and a small smile that, while pained, was pure, genuine.
“I forgive you, Dashie.” Pinkie hugged her back at last.
Oh, how those words made her ache.
She wanted to hear them so badly... but from a different mare, in a different voice, from a different set of beautiful blue eyes...
But that she’d heard them from anypony was good enough right now. She didn’t deserve it yet.
Rainbow lowered her head again, crying into Pinkie’s mane.
They cried together.
---
“Heya Spike. Is Twilight here?”
“Nope,” he replied quickly. Too quickly.
“You sure?”
“Uh... yes?” he said, beginning to roll on his feet. “Uh... Anyway I have some uh... stuff to do, and...”
“Alright, well, can I come in?”
“No! I mean, Twilight isn’t here, so...”
Rainbow looked to her right, seeing a small piece of paper. It was definitely within the Library’s business hours, and if she wanted to be technical, Spike counted as a librarian too.
“I want to borrow a book.” Yeah, that got him.
“Oh... uh, okay... wait a sec.” He shut the door. She could hear muffled whispers, catching a few words.
“...wants to borrow a book... go upstairs... won’t let her past...”
Of course... The door opened, and Spike beckoned her inside before rushing to his place at the bottom of the stairs. She began to peruse the shelves, pretending to look for a book – Hey, that one actually looks interesting – and eyeing Spike out of the corner of her eye. He was edgy.
“So... Why doesn’t Twilight want to see me?”
Spike shot her a double-take. “W-why do you say that?” he fake-laughed.
“I’m not an idiot. Tell me or I’ll ask her myself. I know she’s here.”
His eyes grew wide, and he looked like he was trying not to ask Twilight for help – which would, of course, defeat the purpose of his subterfuge.
Rainbow huffed. “Fine. Move over or I’ll push you.”
To his credit, Spike didn’t move, lowering his stance and preparing to fight Rainbow’s entry to Twilight’s room – he even seemed to be holding his breath, in case it came to a serious fight.
Luckily for the both of them, Twilight broke it up. The mare and baby dragon both sighed, relieved.
“There you are, Twi’! Where you been?”
She didn’t answer, turning away to hide her face, hoping the pegasus didn’t notice how exhausted she was. She pretended to read the book she’d brought down the stairs with her.
“Come on! Don’t leave me hangin’,” she tried again.
Twilight sighed – she could guess why Rainbow Dash was here, and though she’d already forgiven her, she had to make sure Rainbow learned her lesson. Survivor guilt was no excuse for what she’d done to Pinkie. Or herself, Twilight added.
“Rainbow Dash... I just don’t know what to think of you. It’s just that... after the accident...” She felt terrible for lying to her friend, but it was necessary. “I don’t know what to think of you. Should I be scared? You destroyed your house. You hurt Pinkie Pie. Should I be afraid that you might hurt me too?”
She winced, hoping that Dash couldn’t see. That must have hurt terribly.
“Trust me, Twilight. That’s not going to happen.”
Well, that’s a start. She may not have been Applejack, but Twilight could tell when somepony was lying. Rainbow was not.
“I know what I did was wrong – all of it. It was my fault this time – I hurt Pinkie because I just didn’t care. I can’t blame this on anything but me – not like the Sonic Rainboom. That was an accident, and I couldn’t have changed what happened. It’s all my fault, and I could have been better. I wasn’t... but the past is the past, and I just have to be next time.”
There was a pause. “I’m sorry, Twilight, for everything. Will you forgive me?”
Finally!
Twilight turned away from the book, which had never really been open in the first place. “Of course I do,” she said, smiling.
---
As she expected, and hoped, Rainbow Dash quickly left, leaving Twilight to ponder her list of ingredients in peace. She wished there was more she could do to help Rainbow, but therapy for survivor guilt might take as long anyway, and this would have a far more beneficial effect.
But there was no way Rainbow could find out. If it didn’t work...
No. It would, she was sure. She looked at the recipe again, wondering at the strange materials needed.
Scale of dragon, she could find easily enough, but... Eye of cockatrice? Sea-serpent’s moustache? And where in Equestria would she find a newt? She barely even knew what half of these ingredients were!
She really hoped Zecora would know most of these... And why were they all written in rhymes?
‘Supernaturals’ was such a weird book...
---
“Well howdy, RD!” Applejack called, trotting up the path to Fluttershy’s house. Her loud voice instantly startled the birds Rainbow had been trying to feed, and she laughed as she heard the pegasus curse loudly at her as they flew away.
“Been feelin’ any better since Ah beat your flank?”
“You bet,” Rainbow replied. This was one instance where she was proud to say that, if she’d had to repeat it all, she’d take every hit again, and more.
“So uh... What’cha doin’?” Applejack asked.
“Well, after your little pep-talk, you asked me if I had a place to stay,” Rainbow said, rubbing her mane, “And I didn’t, but then I was thinking about Fluttershy, and I realised that nopony was taking care of all her little critters. So I came here to try and make it up to her that way – keep everything the way she’d want it for when she wakes up.”
“Well alrighty – I just saw Pinkie. Would ya believe she’s almost poofy again?”
Rainbow sighed with relief, whispering, “Oh, thank Celestia.”
“I dunno what went on when you tried to apologise, but Ah’m sure Ah saw a bruise that weren’t there last time Ah saw her,” Applejack said sternly. “She didn’t tell me anything about it, but I want to hear you say it – that you apologised right, and that you didn’t hurt her again.”
“No.”
“What?”
“I can’t say that – it was my fault she ended up that way. I went to apologise, and she started to do exactly the same thing that I did to her.” Applejack’s eyes widened. “Yeah, that’s what she does when she’s like that, remember? She twists everything around just to hurt people.”
“Horseapples...”
“I can’t say I didn’t hurt her again, because it was my fault. I can’t say that I apologised right, because I don’t know. You saw her just then, so you tell me. How is she?”
“She’s fine, RD. An’ Ah’m sorry. But you realise that it’s hard to earn back lost trust, right?”
“Yeah, yeah. You don’t have to tell me twice. Anyways, I was gonna come see you next to say sorry, so... I’m sorry. I'm sorry for lashing out at you like I did. I’m sorry it took you doing that to get me back on track, and that I couldn’t stop myself before I hurt all of you so much. Will you forgive me?”
“Y’all think nothin’ of it now, y’hear? As far as Ah’m concerned, as soon as I planted my hoof in your be-hind, you already were.” she said. "Besides, Ah kinda deserved it on my end too."
“Thanks, AJ. It means a lot.”
---
“Coming!” sounded the sing-song voice, the door of Carousel Boutique opening.“Oh, Rainbow!” Rarity exclaimed. “Could it be? You want me to make you a dress, don’t you!”
“Uh... no. Not really.”
The unicorn deflated visibly in an almost Pinkieish fashion. “Oh. Then why are you here?”
“I’m here to apologise,” she said, scuffing the ground in a Fluttershy-esque way.
“Darling, whatever for?” Rarity asked, though it was obvious from her voice that she already knew.
“I’m sorry I was such a jerk. This whole time, I’ve been horrible to all of you, and none of you deserved any of it. Oh, and for hitting you in the hospital.”
“Well, if you really need me to say it, then I will. I forgive you.”
Rainbow blinked. That was quick.
“But... there’s something I myself should apologise for, Rainbow Dash.” She took a small breath, composing herself. “I know better than most how much pain you must be in, Rainbow. You blame yourself for what happened. You’re trying to make everything right, trying to atone for your sins. I know that feeling. I went through something much the same, a long time ago. I’m sorry for not helping you when I realised you were going through the same thing.”
“Uh... Well, I forgive you.” Rainbow was surprised at Rarity’s insight, but found it hard to believe that she’d been through the same. Her expression must have said as much, because Rarity continued.
“Have I ever told you that Sweetie Belle and I have an older brother?”
Rainbow shook her head.
“Well that’s because we don’t... not anymore. It was all an accident, you see – my family owned a small home in the south of Fillydelphia – just before we moved to Ponyville.” She looked away, memories of a far-off time glazing her eyes. She snapped suddenly back to reality.
“I’ve never looked at a flame the same way, but that’s a story for another time. I know now that it wasn’t my fault, but for the longest time, I thought that his death was my fault. I know exactly how you’re feeling, Rainbow Dash. I know why you’re doing all of this, but you must realise something – you don’t have to.”
Dash blinked.
“Understand that your situation is... different, my dear. Fluttershy is still with us, just not at the moment. You have hope, something I never did. And hope is something most precious, especially in such situations as these, and for such... close friends as you and Fluttershy...”
Dash blinked again, confused. Why the emphasis on close?
Rarity picked up on Dash’s confusion, nearly gasping. “Darling, what...? She didn’t tell... Oh dear, I think I might have... Oh no, this simply won’t do... Ah!” she tapped a hoof on her head to stop herself from rambling.
“What’s the big deal?”
“Nothing! Nothing at all!” Rarity said suspiciously.
“Right... Whatever.”
“I want you to know, Rainbow, that you can talk to me about anything. If it helps at all, I too found peace telling somepony about how I was feeling.”
“Who did you talk to?” Rainbow asked.
Rarity sidelong at the pegasus. “Our dear friend, Fluttershy.”
---
Rainbow sat by Fluttershy’s bed, gazing at her friend, supporting her head on her hooves as she watched Fluttershy just... lie there. Her chest rose slowly, fell so slowly. Her hooves rested by her body, her mane covered most of her face – but from what she could see of her expression, she seemed happy. At peace. Rainbow took solace in that.
She was just so beautiful... Dash sighed regretfully, remembering a time when she’d stopped thoughts like those right in their tracks, but it no longer mattered to her. She’d been too content with the way things were - too happy with what they had, too afraid of change to act.
Now that chance was gone, and, despite all of their hopes, there may not be another. She cried softly, both for times past and the pain in her wing.
At least one pony was happy. Rainbow reached over and lightly brushed the errant hair away, exposing her best friend’s beauty - so pure, so innocent... so fragile. Like she could be taken away at any time by the slightest impact.
Dash’s impact hadn’t just been slight.
It was now a whole month since the accident.
The most severe of Fluttershy’s injuries had still not healed – a rib was still broken, taking longer to heal than normal, but the doctors were confident in its recovery.
Several more were still cracked. Her wings lay in splints, splayed out at her sides.
The wounds from where her broken bones had protruded left terrible scars that were only now beginning to grow a fuzzy yellow coat – they’d heal eventually, but for now they were blemishes, ever-present reminders of what Dash had done.
And yet for all the hurt she suffered from, the pain she hid from in her deeper-than-deep sleep, Fluttershy still looked the very image of serenity, her small smile ever-forgiving.
It had taken her so long to finally confront it, to face what she’d done to Fluttershy, but she’d barely left her best friend’s side since. Besides a daily outing to the cottage to keep the place clean and take care of the animals, she practically lived in the hospital room with her. The visitor’s chair was decked out with cushions and blankets, a place for Dash to sleep – even past visiting hours, she was there. Despite all of Nurse Redheart’s attempts to get her to leave, she’d always found a way back in.
Whether it was leaving the window open just a tiny bit so she could climb through from outside, or sneaking past the Nurse’s desk while she finished up the paperwork - any scheme Rainbow could come up with to get back into Fluttershy’s room, she did.
She did it all, because she would be there when Fluttershy woke up. She would be the first face Fluttershy saw, the first pony Fluttershy would speak to.
Because Fluttershy would wake up - of that, Rainbow had no doubt. And she would be right there, when those beautiful blue eyes saw the world again.
Who’d have thought Rarity might have the one to be able to empathise with her? The prissy white drama queen of the Carousel Boutique had actually had a troubled past?
But Dash wouldn’t complain. Somepony actually understood! She wasn’t just sympathising – she actually knew! That was something to cherish.
And Rarity had even given her an idea. Ever since the accident, Rainbow had been trying to find some way to make it up to Fluttershy, whether it was necessary or not. When Rarity said that Fluttershy had helped her overcome her own grief, Dash decided to try it too.
And so here she was, telling Fluttershy everything, whether she could hear her or not.
She’d just finished telling her about the apologies. She wondered what else she could talk about – she was practically up to date with the stories, not much else happening past the apologies besides Pinkie getting poofy again and Rarity being peculiarly interested in her activities.
Rainbow stopped talking for a while. It was getting late – Nurse Redheart would probably try to kick her out soon. She stashed her cushions and blankets under Fluttershy’s bed, making sure they couldn’t be seen, and then waited.
Just as she thought, Nurse Redheart came in moments later.
“Hello again, Rainbow Dash. I guess you know what time it is?”
“Yeah yeah, visiting hours are over.” She placed her hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Bye, ‘Shy.”
They’d played this game before, her and the Nurse. It was one she tended to win.
She left the hospital, turning in the direction of Fluttershy’s house, and then doubled back after she was sure the Nurse couldn’t see her. She’d never been sneaky enough to not be found inside in the mornings, but despite the hospital staff’s many attempts to keep her from sneaking in, namely, locking windows, locking doors, and blocking the other ways in they found, she always managed to get back in. Yesterday, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had showed her a way into the vent system from outside, which conveniently led to an exit in Fluttershy’s room.
She had to hand it to those fillies – they knew their stuff.
She climbed through the vents and landed softly in the room, quietly re-decorating her chair with the cushions and blankets.
As night fell, so too did Rainbow Dash, falling into sleep’s warm embrace.
She hoped that, just like in her dreams, Fluttershy would wake up.
And then I’ll tell you...
A/N - Thanks for reading! Don't forget to comment and rate - also, don't be afraid to point out any issues you have with my work. I welcome criticism with open arms, both positive and negative.
- Midnight Specter