Princess Celestia, after receiving word about the Crystal Empire's victory, traveled to Cosarara to tell his new boyfriend the wonderful news!
That is, until she reached his front porch...
One of his guards was already at the door. "We're not accepting any new visitors at the moment. He's..."
"Well, what is it?"
"Very disappointed about something. You're his friend, am I right?"
"Mm-hmm. May I come in?"
"You may." The guard stepped aside to allow Celestia to enter. Upon her setting foot in the house, she could already tell someone - or something - made the poor boy snap.
"Man, this is a load of baloney!" He could be heard shouting from the kitchen. Taking caution, Celestia and the guard quietly made their way in, where he already began to throw various meats out of the freezer.
"Fuckin' retards!" he shouted before throwing a package of frozen veggies across the kitchen floor. One could tell that the Great Leader was extremely pissed.
The guard intervened. "Calm down. What's going on?"
"Fuck you!" He shot back, continuing to empty the freezer. His voice reduced to a low grumble.
Celestia commented. "I don't get what you're saying - "
"THAT WAS COSARARA'S EASTERN TRADE ROUTES!" the Leader shouted. "That was the way that we traded with the rest of the world for YEARS!...
FOR FUCKIN' YEARS!...
"A-And it's gone!!"
"Please calm down and maybe we can figure out what's going on -" Celestia said, before being interrupted by more meat flying out of the freezer.
"What?"
"What's wrong?"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER - IT WAS MINE!!!!!"
The heated young man attempted to slam the freezer door shut. At the same time, he could be heard grumbling a bit as he retrieved his crowbar. "I'm tired of listening to all this fuckin' nonsense - "
He then proceeded to peel off the backing to the freezer door, beating the outside of the fridge as she did so. "Goddamn idiots..."
"Relax! Please..." The guard attempted to intervene once more. The Great Leader was now trying to detach the doors to to the fridge. "You're going too far - "
"Honey, I'll show you too far!"
He then threw his crowbar to the floor. "GODDAMN..."
The carnage continued, as he ripped the burners out of the stove and tipping it over followed by the microwave being slammed down onto it. "Goddamn fuckin'..." He also threw the toaster oven in Celestia's general direction; she got out of the way in time, thankfully. The guard screamed, in shock... This was getting dangerous.
"FUCK YOU LOT! ... That was a part of COSA- FUCKIN'- RARA!!! ... I fuckin' hate y'all, every goddamn one of ya!!"
The Great Leader recovered the oven. "That's it, you've gone too far!" The guard said, still in awe at all of the damage that had been done. "Oh, my word...
"You need to calm down, or you'll get a heart attack!"
By that time, he already took out the oven's racks and kicked the door off. "Damned sons of - "
Celestia spoke again. "Wow... you haven't been taking your medication, have you?" She was referring to a bipolar disorder that he had, the root of today's blowout.
The guard ushered Celestia out of the room, fearing another strike. "Come on. We need to get out of here..."
"Fuck you... that was MY land... MY LAND!"
Still very irate, the Leader finished ripping the door of the oven before chucking it at Celestia and the guard. Seeing the door, the two went running. He launched into yet another rant.
He then began to shout at the guard.
"Stupid bitch..." He slammed one of the cupboard doors while he was at it.
"Calm down!" The guard yelled back.
"Kill't MY FUCKIN' ECONOMY..." He directed his rage at the guard once again. "She HAS to be working for the Virgins... I just KNOW IT!"
"Why would she be working for the Insurrectionists -"
"ASK HER IF SHE'S WORKING WITH THE VIRGINS!
"And of course, that don't matter 'cos it's MYYY goddamn land, an' I can do anythin' ......." he ended in a fake upper crust accent, grumbling towards the end.
Celestia shouted from the other end of the closed doorway. "Just tell us what's wrong and we can - "
"MY LAND!" He wasn't going to have a word of it. As the guard re-entered the kitchen, the outraged Great Leader threw down the remaining contents of the fridge. He went over to the chairs and threw them onto the pile before upending the table.
"Go fuck yourself! I HATE you!"
"Don't - "
Before she knew it, he'd already thrown his radio.
"Stupid bastards... clean it up!"
After a couple of minutes, John picked up his crowbar (which he threw earlier). The guard re-opened the negotiations once again.
"We can work this out! Calm down! ... Chill!"
"...Chinese prostitutes!!" the displeased Leader started up again, taking the crowbar to the glass inside the fridge.
"Oh, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no!" The guard tried to stop him. She already knew that the police had to have been called if one of the workers, either at his estate on up the hill or the windmills, noticed any of the commotion. He kicked the rest of the glass before sending the crowbar hurling towards the door behind which Celestia was trying to forget everything that happened.
Then, the crowbar. Celestia shrieked in terror. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! She was fearing for her life now.
Back in the kitchen, the Great Leader's rant-and-rave was coming to an end. "I've had it wit' yooooouuu... ain't nothin' left now! THE KITCHEN IS FINALLY CLOSED!" He retreated to his bedroom.
"Oh my... you've done it."
"I don't want to hear another word." A brief bout of sweet, sweet silence... "I've never been so disappointed in my entire life."
Once he reached his bedroom, he plopped himself down on the bedspread, with the guard following him inside.
"Sir, I know you're sad, but you need to cheer up. The triumph in the Crystal Empire was also a victory for Equestria - "
"Shut up, bitch.
"You know that land was all mine to begin with. You knew I needed to protect the trade routes to the east, so I built a multi-million kratt military base after the Insurrection to reassure me that we'd be safe. I also feared that the Virgin Empire would invade from the east, so the lot of that territory was set aside as a federally-governed military district, Faz-Carrefour, since that's the trade center; limited Virgin Empire from the north, Cosarara from the west, Equestria from the south, and the rest of the world from the east... And now that the whole thing's gone, those damned northerners will be more than happy to exploit the convenient little breach of the Motherland's defense that Equestria and its government foolishly allowed to be created!...
"I'm sick of this shit. Everything..." The still-frazzled Great Leader then stood up and issued a final warning.
"The Equestrian government has until the end of the Thanksgiving holiday to screw their heads on and get their priorities straight. And if that 'Crystal Empire' piece of shit ain't gone by the end of that weekend, the 25th...
"Well, let's just say that no one will recognize those parts at all. The Cosararan People's Armed Forces will step in. With this ultimatum in place, Faz-Carrefour will live up to its name once again."
The guard gave a slight nod of approval. "I like it."
"Thank you much, my dear. This really isn't for Cosarara's own benefit, it's for the world's benefit, the global economy's survival.
"Go on... have a nice evening. The guards will all be paid Monday." With that, the guard was dismissed.
~~~
End of the first part. Thanks for reading! [Edited 11-14-2012]
And trust me, my romantic date story will be up here eventually, I just haven't gotten any inspiration as of late.