//------------------------------// // Villains Anonymous // Story: The Villains Anonymous Support Group // by SpiralWriter //------------------------------// "Okay everypony, and dragon, and monster, and whatever else you could be, we're all going to stand up and introduce ourselves!" A set of over a dozen eyes just stared at him. "I'll be the first to start." A tall creature of mispositioned animal parts slithered up from his chair, simply hovering in mid-air rather than stand. His wonky eyes madly went to and fro amongst the others, lit up with glee and a tad hint of insanity."Hello!"He chuckled as he held up an eagle's claw."I'm Discord, Spirit of Disharmony, master of all things chaotic. Good to meet you all!" "Shouldn't you be imprisoned in stone or something?"A voice from the back of the room called out. Discord looked for whoever had questioned him, his eyes roving over a room filled with dozens of evils of all kinds sitting in rows of chairs, but he only shrugged in reply."This story isn't canon, my questioning friend...who I'm going to find and speak with after our meeting is over." A large blue minotaur closer up in the front row raised his hand."Iron Will has a question!" "Yes, you with the muscles!"The draconequus pointed at him. "What's canon?" "I'll tell you later. Can we just get on with the introductions people?" A shuffle of chairs as one by one, most of them stood up to introduce themselves. "Queen Chrysalis, Mother of all Changelings." "Nightmare Moon, embodiment of the night and fear." "The Great and Powerful Trixie-" "Diamond Dogs!" "Hggggooooooh!"A timberwolf howled out. "Alright, good to hear, glad you all could make it."The spirit of disharmony clapped his hands, settling down all the gathered evil."I would like to bring to order this week's meeting of Villains Anonymous. Let's see...what's on tonight's schedule?"He held out his awaiting palm, to which a parasprite dropped a scroll into. Producing reading glasses from thin air, Discord unfurled the scroll to read."Okay..."He muttered as he leaned in close towards the scroll. "'Learning to Deal With Defeat'...maybe we should skip that one. '101 Ways to Kill a Pony', we'll get to that one later tonight. 'Keeping Your Doom Castle Clean', ooh, gotta remember to attend that one."He went down the schedule, only to pause at a certain item,his lips muttering as he read."Chrysalis!"He snapped up to look at her. "What is it, spirit?"She asked contemptuously, her green eyes meeting his. "You forgot the snacks this week...again!"He scrunched up the scroll in his paws, the paper immediately incinerated into flecks of cinders. "A queen does not retrieve...snacks." "Oh, she does if she wants to keep coming to this support group!" "I do not need this...'group', as you so claim it to be."She huffed in reply. "Then why do you come every week?"Nightmare Moon asked with a bored tone, leaning back casually in her chair. "Because..."She paused as she raised a hoof spattered with holes to point at the night alicorn, only for her words to fall short."...I'm lonely."She whispered. "What was that?"Nightmare's face held a fanged smirk. "I'm lonely..." "Speak up, darling, none of us can hear you." "I'm very lonely, happy now?!"She screamed out, frantically waving her forelegs."All I have is my changelings,"She grabbed a nearby one and clutched it tightly to her chest."And they're not the smartest things to have an intellectual conversation with! All they can do is screech and chitter!"She raised it up to her face, the changeling's stupid gaze staring into hers."But your momma's little babies, aren't you?"She cooed, to which the creature replied with a shriek. "See everyone, now that's a break-through!"Discord guffawed, to which a series of clapping occurred for Queen Chrysalis. "You still have to bring the snacks next week though."He deadpanned to her."Okay, next on the agenda,"A small sound of a door closing and the shuffling of hooves towards the back row was heard. He cocked up his head, stretching it over the varying crowd of assembled evils. Spotted in the very back row was a grey unicorn, his mane whipping about as tendrils of smoke, armored in steel and a regal coat over his back. What stood out was his angry red horn. "You there!"Discord pointed, to which every creature followed his finger to turn around and gaze at the unicorn, who only huffed in reply."A newcomer!"He giggled almost playfully."Welcome to Villains Anonymous, you're a little late, but could we get your name?" A grumble came from the superfluously dressed unicorn. Having no patience for going through another set of whispering, Discord snapped his fingers, and the large unicorn landed right next to him, looking surprised as his heavy metallic hooves clacked down onto a new spot. "Your name, sir?" The unicorn looked from Discord to the crowd in front of him. He grimaced with gritted fangs as he roared out his introduction with a gutteral voice."I am King Sombra, feared ruler of Crystal Empire in the far north, my kingdom taken from me by-" "Ponies."Discord interrupted him. "How did you know?!"Sombra turned to look warily upon Discord. Discord rubbed a claw into his ear, picking out some ear wax."If you could turn down the volume a bit on your voice, that'd be swell. And to answer your question,"He sucked at his teeth."We've all experienced it. Let me guess, there were about six of them...possibly a baby dragon too...and they were named Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity?" Every villain present hissed or winced at the names of the Mane Six. "...Yes."Sombra glowered in reply. "King...Sombrero was it?"Discord wrapped a friendly arm around the monstrous unicorn's shoulders. "Sombra." "We've all tasted defeat by them...you are amongst friends."He waved out a paw towards the multitude of baddies, each one giving him a sympathetic look. King Sombra allowed a small smile to escape. "I just don't know!"King Sombra cried out, tears openly pouring from his eyes, to which Discord patted him on the back, offering a tissue. "All I wanted to do was take my kingdom back...is that so wrong?!" "Ssh...no it's not, friend. All I wanted to do was plunge Equestria into total chaos...but they denied me that too." "I mean,"Sombra stuttered out, blowing his nose on the tissue."There was nothing wrong with the way I was running the kingdom! All the crystal ponies had to do was subject themselves to me as their utter ruler! I mean, I even gave them all a steady job working the crystal mines! Sure, they were chained up while doing it, but it was still work! If I hadn't been banished, do you know how much our profits would've soared?! It would've helped Equestria's failing economy with our crystal exports!" "Let it all out, Sombrero, let it all out."Discord patted him on the back once more.