Slenderloo “Scootaloo” Slenderpony looked down at her dinner plate and sighed in melancholy. She toyed with her food with a fork, poking and prodding it idly as it jiggled.
“EaT yOuR SuPpEr, dEAR,” said Slendermare, who was sitting next to Scootaloo. The pale pony was wearing a bloodstained shawl that she scavenged from an old mare that had the misfortune of following her seeing-eye dog into the Everfree. The shawl was mud-brown and had a pattern of cute miniature puppies on it sown on it. Slendermare always said that it looked lovely with her necklace made out of the bones of actual puppies, which she was also currently wearing.
“I’m not hungry,” grumbled Scootaloo. To emphasize her point, she push her plate of food away from herself as far as she could. With forelegs that were only barely one and a half feet long however, this wasn’t much of a distance.
“wHY NOt?” asked Slendermane, tilting his head like he always did when something captivated his interest. He was sitting across the table, wearing the one and only outfit that he had: his business suit. To see him without it was a rarity, even to his own family. As a result, his wife constantly complained about him never dressing casual for anything. This was the topic of many argument they had, and sometimes they debated about it for literally decades on end. It’s a long story from that point forward, so I’ll just skip to the end result of thousand upon thousands of years of negotiating: Whenever Slendermane was in the household, he was forced to undo his necktie and nothing else. “i kNoW tHAT ToRturED soULS aRe yOuR fAVoRiTE~!”
“Yeah,” retorted Scootaloo, “but not when we have it every single night! Why don’t we have spaghetti or something for once?? How about we at least some other form of cooking, like boiled souls, grilled souls, or maybe even tortured souls with a little barbecue sauce, huh?”
“tHAt’S eNoUGh oUt oF YoU, yoUnG miSsY!” said Slendermare sternly. “yOU OughT tO kNoW bEtTeR ThAN tO tAlK BaCK tO yoUR fAtHEr.”
“Sorry Mom and Dad,” apologized Scootaloo. “Forget I said anything.” She looked out one of the windows with unsatisfied angst. She had a scowl on her face, as if she spent all day intensely pondering about a topic that frustrated her to no end, and it put her in a permanent bad mood.
“iS tHeRE sOMeThiNG oN yOuR MiNd, hONeY?” Slendermane prodded.
“It’s nothing,” Scootaloo, still looking grouchy and depressed. “Just something at school.”
“wELL, yOu CaN TeLL daDdY aLL abOUt iT...
Earlier that day...
Diamond Tiara strutted into class with gusto and her usual air of vanity. She had gone with the typical look she went with every day: Purple and white-striped hair that was curled and combed to perfection, a light pink coat that practically shined like it never even heard of the bizarre concept of mud, saddlebags that were enchanted so they weighed as light as feather (she had complained to her dad about them being too heavy a month ago), and much to her constant dismay, a flank that had yet to bear the slightest sign of a cutie mark.
She had tried everything to get a cutie mark of her own: whining, shopping at the mall, whining, evaluating each and every piece of her jewelry collection, whining, hiring a pony with diploma in cutie marks, whining, hanging out with other ponies that earned their cutie marks to seem more cool, whining, begging, pleading, demanding, screaming, crying, whimpering, and every single concept and form of WHINING.
So, to make up for being subjected to being included in the group of foals known as “blank flanks,” Diamond Tiara would convince her father to buy her gifts and presents every week to show off to her other classmates, only to see the jealous looks on their faces. So far, she had brought new dress that wouldn’t be in available stores for at least a month, a pearl necklace from Atlantis, shoes that were made from solid gold, a robe that was once owned by Princess Platinum, the newest model of horseless carriage that was personally custom-built for a filly her size, a suit of robot armor that could fly and shoot lasers, a round shield made of a metal called “vibranium,” a hammer that could blast out thunder and lightning, and the world’s last known living dodo.
Diamond Tiara got bored with each and every one of these gifts by the end of fourth period.
Today, she was wearing a diamond-encrusted tiara. It was a beautiful and elegant design, yet it was simple and plain, like it was nothing more casual than a baseball cap.
“Diamond Tiara, is there something that you’d like to share with the class?” Cheerilee said, knowing it was that time of the week again. She knew that it was unhealthy to allow the filly to indulge into her bad habit of making others feel inferior, but Cheerilee also knew that from too many parent teacher conferences that it was a lost cause, and Diamond Tiara would do it whether she had the teacher’s permission or not.
“Why, yes there is,” Diamond Tiara said, soaking in her time in the spotlight. “This is the Tiara of the Grand Duchess of Detrot, the first ruler to employ fashion as a system of government. Everypony had to dress at a score of at least a 7.5 on the Official Detrot Scale of Fabulosity, or they would be executed on the spot! It was a very exciting time back then.”
“So what?” said Featherweight, unimpressed. “You got a new hat, is that really a big deal?”
“It’s not a hat!” snapped Diamond Tiara. “It’s the Tiara of the Grand Duchess of Detrot, and it’s very expensive!”
“Looks wike a waste of money, then,” Dinky yawned.
“You’re all just jealous!” defended Silver Spoon. She turned to her best friend and smiled sweetly. “It looks lovely on you, DT.”
“Thank you!” said Diamond Tiara, perking up. “I even made Daddy hire a guy to make a song about it. Wanna hear it?”
“Thank you, Diamond Tiara,” interrupted Cheerilee, “but we really should start class now. Our first lesson is-” Before the flower-flanked teacher could even begin the day of education, Diamond Tiara hopped up on Sweetie Belle’s desk and began to sing.
Do you like my crown, crown?
Crown, my diamond crown, crown.
You can not push around, ‘round,
my diamond crown, crown.
Even if you could, could,
I would tell my Dad-dy!
No one else can wear a crown in manner, manner.
Welcome to my manor, manor.
I ca-ca-ca-canna-canna-wear, wear, wear my crown, crown,
whenever I feel down, down,
I can wear my crown, crown!
Once I did some ground-pounds,
all the way through town, town.
Reduced it to a dirt mound,
but my Daddy paid for it!
Money is my business,
And by that, I mean spending it.
Check out what I found:
Do you like my crown?
“Well, Ah think it’s stupid!” yelled Applebloom in defiance to the tyranny of the tiny pink filly.
HA!
That was rhetorical,
you know I am the oracle.
I know you like my crown!
It’s made of freaking diamonds,
if you don’t, you’re lying,
but that would be fine,
BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME!
(AND YOU’RE PROBABLY JEALOUS!)
I can wear my crown, crown,
‘cause I can tell by your frown, frown,
you’re frowning about my crroooooowwwwnnnnnnaahh~!
HA-HA-HA!
“Are you done?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Yes,” said Diamond Tiara with a satisfied smirk.
“Then could you get off my desk now? I want to get my pencil out.”
As Diamond Tiara stepped down, Silver Spoon came running to her, beaming with pride.
“Look everypony!” announced the gray filly. “Diamond Tiara just earned her cutie mark!”
“I did?” said Diamond Tiara. She checked her flanks, seeing a picture of the headgear she was currently wearing. “I mean, of course I did! Do you think I would get a cutie mark for something lame like farming apples?” She tossed her mane and brought her chin up to a level that looked downright ridiculous. “I always knew deep inside that my talent was... uuhh...” She trailed off, drawing a blank.
“...Wearing expensive accessories?” finished Silver Spoon helpfully.
“Uuummm... yeah! Sure! Wearing expensive accessories, and looking damn good in them! No doubt I’ll grow up to be a famous jewelry model someday.”
“That’s the spirit, DT!” said Silver Spoon. “This calls for our BFF hoofshake!”
“Bump-bump-sugar-rump!” the two popular girls said simultaneously.
“...and then Diamond Tiara rubbed her stupid new cutie mark in everypony’s face!” finished Scootaloo. Her eyes were red and puffy, and it was getting difficult not to cry.
“nOW, NoW,” said Slendermare, patting her daughter’s shoulder, “i’M sUrE iT wAsn't tHaT baD.”
“You don’t get it Mom,” Scootaloo deadpanned. “She literally took the time to rub her flank right in our faces at recess, one by one. I can’t believe it, but she somehow got MORE snobby after she earned that thing!”
“i syMpAtHiZe wiTh yoU gReAtLY, sLeNDeRLOo,” Slendermane nodded sagely. “i ToO hAvE goNE tHRoUGh mANy... diFFicULt pOniES wHeN i wAs yoUR aGe.”
“Really?” said his daughter, her eyes widening. “What did you do?”
“i wENt tO mY rOoM aND cRiED liKE a puSsY.”
Scootaloo hung her head in disappointment. “Yeah, not exactly the solution I was hoping for, Dad.”
“...buT tHeN i fOUnD A bEtTeR mEtHod oF dEaLiNg wiTh mY pRoBLeMs bY hiGH scHoOL,” Slendermane continued.
Scootaloo’s face lit up again. “Seriously?”
“i sTaLkED aLL tHE pONiEs tHaT diSAgReEd wiTH mE,” he said, the skin on his face splitting itself to form an ear-to-ear smile and drool black ooze from the wound. “foR iNsTanCE, dO yOU SeE wHaT oUr hoUSe iS miSsiNG?”
Scootaloo looked around. She concentrated with great intensity. Finally, she came up with the answer. “A roof?”
“eXaCTLy,” said her father. “wHEn bUiLDiNg tHis hOUse fRoM a peTRiFieD tReE sTuMp, i wEnT tO a CaRpenTER tO gET a rOoF iNsTaLLeD...”
KA-FLASHBACK!
“Stay back!” yelled Screw Loose, backing away slowly. “I’ve got a power drill!” She was a cyan earth pony with a short-cut, naturally white mane, a single screw for a cutie mark, and a look of pure terror in her eyes.
“bUt i oNLy WaNt tO eMPLoy yOUr sErViCes,” Slendermane protested. It was nighttime, with the full moon glowing balefully upon the closed hardware store. It was after work hours, and Screw Loose about to close up shop when a certain pony in black showed up.
“AAHHH!!! It talks! Speak no more, demon!” She picked up a nail gun and started to fire bolts out in rapid succession. The nails hit Slendermane square in the forehead, but to no effect.
“wHy mUsT eVEryPoNy i mEeT bE sO tERribLY iMpOLitE?” he mumbled to himself. He began to advance, backing the handymare (hoofymare?) further and further into the corner.
“P-p-please, I have a family! I d-don’t want to d-d-die tonight!” pleaded Screw Loose. “Just go away! Leave me alone!”
“wiLL yOu pLEaSe aT LeASt LEt mE BorRoW tWeNTy BiTs sO i aFfoRd tHE LumBeR tO bUiLd mY rOof?” asked the unholy abomination nicely.
“Oh no,” gasped Screw Loose in revelation, “You’re going to rob me blind first!”
“wHaT?!” said Slendermane angrily. “tHaT’s prePosTErouS! i oNLy waNT tWEntY biTs.”
“You can take my life, but you’ll never take my money!” shouted Screw Loose.
“jUsT giVe mE TweNty biTS,” Slendermane said with the most deadpan expression he could show with no face to speak of.
“No!”
“GiMme tWenty biTs!”
“No!”
“gImmE TWentY BIts!”
“No!”
“GiMMe twentY BITs!”
“NEVER!”
“AAAaAaaAaaaaAAARRRrRRrRGggGgGgGgGGGhhhHHHhH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The sound that came out of Slendermane was some weird fusion of a howl, a moan, a scream, and the kind of noise the depths of the underworld would make while awakening to rise up to the surface to wreck havoc on the unworthy. Above all, it was not a happy sound. It was a sound of pure rage, hate and despise toward anything within striking distance.
And then he walked away.
“You WHAT?!” blurted out Scootaloo. “But I thought you were gonna stalk her!”
“tHAt’S noT hoW StalkiNG woRKs dEaR,” Slendermare reminded Scootaloo. “fiRsT, yOu mUsT LUrE yOUr taRgeT inTO a FalsE sEnSe oF sECUrity.”
“tHAt’s riGHt hoNEY,” said Slendermane. “iF i StaRTeD sTaLkinG heR riGHt tHeN, i’D wOULd’vE jUSt sToOD tHeRE AnD sTAred aT hER.”
“Oh,” said Scootaloo, feeling a little stupid. “Well, what did you do to her later?”
“tHe FirST tHiNg tO dO iS tO MakE sUrE thAt yoUR taRGet knOWs thAT hE oR sHE iS beINg staLKeD...”
“But I saw him!” Screw Loose insisted. “I really saw him!”
“I’m sure it was just a nightmare, Screw,” said Socket Wrench, Screw Loose’s husband. “It must have been some bad mustard in that daisyburger or something.”
“It wasn’t a nightmare, Socky!” snapped Screw Loose. “I swear that I saw him with my own eyes, and after he left, I came running home as fast I could!”
“Please honey, it’s late,” said Socket Wrench, rubbing his eyes. “You’ve been talking about this delusion of yours all day, and it got old back during first two hours. Can’t we just drop it? We finally got the kids to bed, and I don’t wanna wake them up.”
Screw Loose gave her husband a cold stare for a full minute. Finally, she gave out an exasperated sigh. “Maybe you’re right,” she said softly. “Maybe I’m just stressed out from all the overtime I’ve been taking at work, and I’m just seeing things. After all, it was only once, and I haven’t seen any sign of him since.” She gave a thin smile. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Good idea,” said Socket Wrench. They tucked themselves in, and their breathing got slower and more relaxed as the they listened to each other’s heartbeats. Screw Loose was facing the window, the moonlight illuminating the streets below the second floor. The street lamps were turned on, their yellow lights glowing through the patches of darkness that otherwise engulfed Ponyville like a blanket of inky black shadow. It was unearthly quiet, as if the crickets and other nocturnal creatures were too afraid of an unseen force to break the silence. Not a single bird, raccoon, or rodent made a sound.
Sleep began to close in on Screw Loose as her eyelids got heavy from a long day of claiming that she saw something that was only heard in ghost stories and leaderboards on the internet. Although her lover embraced her and she could feel his body heat rubbing off on her, she still felt cold as ice. She trembled slightly, her thoughts turning again and again to her encounter with the legendary Slenderpony.
It looks so real... she thought to herself. She blinked a couple times and mentally slapped herself. No, she thought determinately. I’m not going to let this thing get to my head. You’re a calm, sensible pony, Screw Loose, and there’s no way something like the Slenderpony would exist in real life. You live in a society of science and understanding are at its prime! This is the age where the world is flat, Celestia raises the sun every morning, and you’re a magical talking pony! An eldritch monster has no place in this reality!
As if the universe was set to immediately prove her dead wrong, out of the corner of her eye, Screw Loose could see a disturbingly tall, pale figure staring at her outside the window. He was dimly lit from being slightly out of the radius of the street lamp’s revealing light, and the far distance between them made his outline blurry, but Screw Loose could already tell that he had no face at all.
“WAKE UP, SOCKY!” screeched the terrified earth pony at a volume to make your ears bleed. “HE’S REAL! HE’S RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW, AND HE’S COMING FOR ME! OH FAUST, HE REALLY EXISTS!”
Socket jumped to his hooves, panicking and racing to the window so he could get a good look. He peered into the darkness, holding Screw Loose tightly as adrenaline from his wife’s abrupt outburst pumped a mile a minute through his veins.
“See him? He’s right there!” Screw loose said frantically, pointing vigorously with a shaky blue hoof at the direction of her predator.
“Screw, there’s nothing there.” said Socket Wrench bluntly.
“What??!” said Screw Loose, hyperventilating. She gestured at the distant image of Slenderpony. “Can’t you see him? He’s looking right at us! near the bushes, right there!”
“I’m sorry Screw Loose, but I don’t see anything,” Socket Wrench said sadly. His brow was creased with worry lines.
“What do mean, ‘You don’t see anything? He’s standing perfectly still right over-” Screw Loose did a double take with her bloodshot eyes. Nothing met her gaze; the Slenderpony was nowhere be found.
“B-but I saw him this time,” she insisted urgently. “It was dark and blurry, but I really saw him this time!”
“Please, calm down Screw,” said Socket Wrench with a deep breath. “I believe you.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I believe that you believe that you saw Slenderpony. This is obviously more than just some undigested food,” continued Socket Wrench. “Tomorrow morning, we’re going to the doctor to get this whole issue straightened out.”
There was a long pause. The animals of the night were still quiet, so no sounds could be heard except the two ponies’ heavy breathing from the rush of the jolt of fear they both experienced. Screw Loose no longer looked desperate and panicked. Instead, she was serious and greatly concerned at what Socket Wrench just said. The two spouses shared a full two minutes of eye contact, not even blinking.
“I’m not crazy,” Screw Loose finally said. Her tone was stoic and dead. Her heart had slowed from beating like hummingbird to slightly higher than normal rate at this point. Her skin still felt cold.
“Hey, I never said that you were crazy,” Socket Wrench said, his voice loving and caring. “I just don’t want this to be affecting our children. We’ve probably woken them up already with all this yelling, and it’s a school night. You know I love you, but-”
“If you love me, then listen to me,” Screw Loose interrupted harshly. “I. Am. Not. Crazy,” she said slowly and deliberately. “I know what I’m telling you sounds insane, but I know what I saw. It was him, and he’s coming back later.”
“...tHE secONd SteP oF BeiNG ThE perFeCt staLKeR coMEs WitH thE giFt eVErypOnY iN ouR fAmiLY hAsSSss...”
“Which one?” said Scootaloo enthusiastically, enthralled by her father’s amazing storytelling. “Is it our tentacles? Wait, it’s our immortality, isn’t it? Ooo! How about our ability to do that thing you two do with the those criminally insane cultists that visit us at the end of every month?”
“wRoNG oN aLL acCouNTs,” said Slendermane, shaking his head and chuckling to himself. “whAt i’m taLkiNg aBouT iS ouR poWEr tO dRiVe aNY eNemY wE cOmE acRosS iNsANe.”
“Is that why Celestia has never like, tried to start a research team to find out more about you and Mom?” asked Scootaloo curiously. “Because it’s too dangerous or something?”
“yEs iNdeED,” said Slendermare. She hugged Scootaloo with two outstretched tentacles, cooing lovingly to her daughter. “AwwWw, you’Re sO cUTe wHeN yOu’Re leaRNinG! it’S LikE YoU’rE geTtiNg sMaRteR eVeRy dAY.”
“Stop it, Mom!” protested Scootaloo, writhing to escape her mother’s grasp. “You’re embarrassing me!”
“Mom, you’re embarrassing me!” complained Monkey Wrench, her mouth still chewing her breakfast granola bar. “I’m fourteen years old now, you don’t need to kiss me on the forehead every single time I leave for school!”
“As long as you live my house, you’ll obey by my rules,” said Screw Loose. “And my rules say that if I don’t kiss you goodbye in the house before you go to a higher education, I’ll do it in front of your friends before you go to one of your sleepovers.”
Monkey Wrench was a cyan-blue earth pony filly just like mother, and was going through that wonderful stage in life called ‘puberty.’ She wore braces, had an atrocious case of acne, posted something on Whinny (the pony version of Twitter) every five seconds and was obsessed with the Twilight movies. She had earned her cutie mark in repairing things with motors, such as leaf blowers and air filters. She exercised her special talent in shop class and extracurricular activities such as fixing various household appliances around the neighborhood for money. Her dream was to ride her very own motorcycle, a mode of transportation that was invented in Fillydelphia roughly eight years ago. All the while, she still failed to escape Screw Loose’s pet name for her, ‘mommy’s little Monkey.’
“By the way Mom, what’s with the camera taped to your back?” questioned the angsty teenager.
“It’s... umm... for our home movie collection!” Screw Loose lied. “I want to record every precious memory of your and Lefty-Loosey’s childhood.”
“We don’t have a home movie collection,” said Monkey said, rolling her eyes.
“Well, we do now,” said Screw Loose diligently.
“What’s the matter?” teased Lefty-Loosey, Monkey Wrench’s three-year-old brother. “Afraid to have documented evidence of your booger-face?” He laughed mockingly. He was a rowdy little colt, never going two days without getting dirty. This morning, his face was covered in mess of oatmeal.
“Shut the buck up, you pint-sized brat!” Monkey Wrench barked.
“Monkey, don’t you swear in the household!” said Socket Wrench, breaking up the fight. “Lefty, don’t make fun of your sister.”
“But Daaaaad~” said both siblings simultaneously, “he/she started it!”
“I don’t care who started it,” said Screw Loose, “I want each of you to be the ones who put an end to it. Now, I want to hear apologies.”
“Fine,” grunted Monkey Wrench. “Mom, Dad, I’m sorry that I wasn’t an only child.”
“And Monkey, I’m sorry that you’re such a stink-brain,” replied Lefty-Loosey.
“That’s not exactly what I meant,” Screw Loose said, facehoofing. “Can’t you two get along for one day? Mommy’s going through a tough time lately.”
“You mean that crackpot story about you seeing Slenderpony a few days ago?” scoffed Monkey Wrench. “You’re never the one to tell crazy things, but you’ve pretty much lost me on all credibility on that one in my book.”
“i’M NOt CrAzy!” roared Screw Loose, making her foals jump at the sheer volume of her voice. She spoke with a growl, as if she was the biggest, meanest hellhound ever to come out of the depths of Tartarus.
“Whoa Mom, take a chill pill,” said Monkey Wrench, still startled. “You scared us for a second there.” Lefty-Loosey was almost crying. He was still just a blank-flank, and he never heard his mother yell at them so menacingly in his life.
“Mommy, are you okay?”
“Everything’s fine kids,” assured Socket Wrench. “Your mother’s just... a little cranky this morning. Go to the bus-carriage stop, you’re going to be late for school.” The two kids complied without any hesitation.
There was a long pause. Screw Loose looked at Socket Wrench, her voice trembling.
“Did I just... yell at our foals?” Screw Loose said breathlessly, her eyes watering. “My little babies? I never yell at them! No matter how mad I am, I never raise my voice at my kids! Never!”
“I’m sure you didn’t mean it, honey,” said Socket Wrench. “We’ll make up for it later. We’ll buy them ice cream.”
“Socky...” said Screw Loose, thinking out loud. “What if this... thing that’s following me is trying to change me somehow?” She bit her lip. “What if I start getting worse? What if I start... attacking them?”
“Screw, look into my eyes,” said Socket Wrench sternly. Screw Loose complied. Her husband’s face was determined. “I will never let that happen to you. No matter whatever’s going on, you’re still the mare I fell in love with. I don’t care if it’s some kind of magical illusion, that you’re being cursed, or that it’s even the real Slenderpony that’s stalking you. No matter what, remember that you’re still Screw Loose to me.”
“...Thanks honey, I needed that,” smiled Screw Loose. She wiped her eyes dry.
“So, care to tell me the real reason why you’ve got a video camera strapped to you?” said Socket Wrench half-jokingly. They shared a small laugh.
“It’s to catch Slenderpony in the act,” she explained, her nerves finally at peace her. She was confident, ready to take on anything. “I figured that if I’m the only one that can see him without him getting away, I can record what I see, and whatever magic he doing to avoid ponies from seeing him won’t affect the most expensive magical camera I could afford.”
“You really thought this out, didn’t you?” said an impressed Socket Wrench, raising his eyebrows.
“I... haven’t gotten much sleep in the last few nights,” admitted Screw Loose, “so it’s given me time to think.”
“How will get this ‘Slenderpony’ to appear on camera?” said Socket Wrench. He still didn’t believe his wife, but he was getting curious exactly how she would go about her plan. This was by far the most interesting thing that’s ever happened to either of them, after all.
“I’m going to go where anypony goes when they want answers about a mystery,” Screw Loose said with an adventurous smile.
“To the place where it all began.”
“Alright,” said Screw Loose into her magically powered trottie-talkie, slowly patrolling the corridors of the closed hardware store where she worked, “let’s go through the checklist one last time.”
“Roger that, honey,” replied Socket Wrench, who was hiding in a nearby crate. The crate had holes; not just for air, but also to provide him a clear view along with the camera he also had purchased earlier that afternoon.
“Cameras duct-taped to each of us both rolling?”
“Check.”
“Flashlights on full battery?”
“Check.”
“Net?”
“Screw, not that I don’t believe you on this, but why do we have to have a fishing net again?”
“In case this thing isn’t a fast runner. Do you have the net positioned at the cardboard section or not?”
“Check.”
“Babysitter hired to watch the kids for the night?”
“Tender Love & Care was out of town to visit her grandparents for the weekend, so I called the backup babysitter.”
“Good,” said Screw Loose with a smile, “That’s everything, then.” She took a deep, soothing breath. She was more ready for this than anything else she had done in her entire life. The only variable that she couldn't have control over this time was when… he would show up, if at all. That one small detail could ruin her whole operation, but she had a method to lure him out that (she hoped) was foalproof.
“Oh, mercy me!” Screw Loose called out to the darkness in a horrible impression of a damsel in distress. She was an atrocious actress, but she continued. “Here I am, lost in this closed hardware store, and I have no method of defending myself! Oh, and I’ve brought along TWENTY BITS with me, and have no way to spend it!” This went on for a grueling thirty minutes, yielding no results to speak of.
“Screw Loose,” yawned Socket Wrench while adjusting his weight in the cramped box, “don’t you think we should call it a night? We both have work tomorrow.”
“Just fifteen more minutes,” said Screw Loose, “he’s here in the store somewhere. I can feel it.” She stepped cautiously, peering into adjacent isles through the cracks between the merchandise. She was dehydrated, sweat soaking her brow. She breathed through her mouth a little, panting like a dog.
“Where are you?” she whispered into the inky blackness. “Why won’t you show yourself? What am I doing wrong?”
“maYBe yOu sHoULd tuRN aRouNd, sCrEw LoOsE.”
There was a terrible, awful silence.
There was a terrible, awful noise.
There was a terrible, awful silence.
Screw Loose woke up screaming. “AAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“What?!!” said Socket Wrench, jolting awake. “What is it? Is the house in fire?” They were in their bed, neatly tucked in. Celestia’s morning sun shone on a bright new morning for Equestria arcoss the clear blue sky. The birds were chirping, the foals across the street were playing hopscotch, and Screw Loose was flipping out.
“WHERE IS HE??” she frantically shouted. “WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?”
Socket Wrench just looked at his wife with a confused expression. “Well… don’t you remember?” he said, recalling the events that took place. “We got the kids a babysitter, we went out to the hardware store, I got in the crate, you presented the worst acting ever for half an hour, and then…” He blanked out. “Umm… what happened next again? We must’ve fallen asleep.”
“No, we didn’t!” snapped Screw Loose. “If we fell asleep, why are we in bed? I tell you, something went down last night, and I’d bet my last bit that HE is responsible!” She felt herself over. “Where are the cameras? We taped them to ourselves, but now they’re gone!”
“Hey… you’re right!” said Socket Wrench suspiciously. “Something funny’s going on here.” He furrowed his brow.
“No, duh!” said Screw Loose. “Let’s go back to the store, maybe they’re still there!”
“No,” said Socket Wrench suddenly, grabbing her tail with his mouth.
Screw slowly turned back, not sure if she believed what she just heard. “No? What do mean, ‘No?’ I thought you finally believed me, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” said Socket Wrench, closing his eyes for a long minute. “I believe that Slenderpony is real. Too real. He attacked us last night, Screw, and we couldn’t do anything about it. We can’t even remember what he did to us, for Faust’s sake! What’s stopping him from attacking us when we’re with our foals? He’s too dangerous for us to be just… looking for him! That’s like throwing rocks at a sleeping dragon! I know he’s following you, but maybe we can move away to where he can’t find us. Change our names. Start a new life. Wouldn’t that be worth the lives of our foals?”
“bUt i wANt tO kNoW!” said Screw Loose, her voice becoming not her own. “wHO cArES abOUt ThE LiTtLE BRaTs, anYWaY?”
*SMACK!*
The room fell dead silent.
“Socky…” said Screw Loose, her trembling hoof reaching up to her injured check. “You… hit me…”
“I’m… sorry I did that baby,” said Socket Wrench. “You just had this… look in your eye that belonged to this… insane madmare that wasn’t was my wife, and I just began thinking about how life would be like if you stayed that way and-”
“Shhh…” hushed Screw Loose. Tears were rolling out of her eyes. “I know what you mean. Ever since I saw him, I kept going in this… dark place in my mind where I thought that if I didn’t get any proof, everypony that once knew and trusted me would lock me away in the mental ward.” She hugged Socket Wrench, stroking his mane. “I won’t put our foal’s safety before finding him again, I promise.” She pulled away to make eye contact, and let out a sigh. “No, that’s not what I mean.”
“What?”
“What I mean to say is… I want to give up trying to find him. Completely. Let’s start that new life that you were talking about. Today.”
“You really mean it?” said her spouse, his eyes wide. “Today as in like, right now?”
“Yes, right now,” Screw Loose nodded. “Go tell the kids to start packing. I’m going to call a moving carriage.”
“So?” said Scootaloo, “Did they get away?”
“oF coUrSE noT, sLeNDeRLoO,” laughed Slendermane. “nONe oF tHEm GeT aWAY.”
“Then what happened to them?”
“tHeY kePt MoViNG frOm ToWn tO tOwN oVeR thE yeArS,” he said, full of nostalgic memories of scaring Screw Loose’s family over countless places across Equestria, “BuT eVenTuALLy, OnE bY onE, sCrEW LoOse’S fAMiLy aBaNDoneD hEr. nOT becAUsE thEY diDn’T beLiEve heR, bUT bECauSe beTweEn dODgiNg mE aLL tHe tiMe aNd dEaLinG witH hEr wORseNinG conDiTiOn tHaT borDeREd oN tOTaL mADneSs, LiFe wiTh scReW LoOSe beCAme coMPLetELy unBeArabLE.”
“tHaT rEmiNDs mE,” said Slendermare, cutting in on her husband’s story, “wHateVEr hApPeNEd tO tHaT mArE aNYwAy?”
Slendermane gave a smirk, as if he was just told an inside joke that only he knew. “wHY, ShE’s tAkEn a wELL-paYiNg joB aT tHe pONyviLLe hoSPitAL. shE HaS LoTs oF fRiEndS tHeRE, tOo; i mADe sURe oF ThAt.”
“So, what now?” said Scootaloo, her train of thought temporarily derailed. “How does some story about you doing what you do every single day going to help the problem I have with Diamond Tiara?”
Her parents gave each other a wide grin. “hAveN’t yOu bEen LisTeniNG tO yoUR fAtHeR, sLenDERLoO?” said Slendermare. “tHaT’s ThE exAcT soLutiOn tO yOUr buLLyiNG iSsuEs.”
“yOu sHOuLd sTaLK diAMonD tiAra!” said Slendermane excitedly. “tHat kiND oF woRk eXpeRIenCe wiLL LoOK gReAt oN yOuR reSuME oNCe yoU’Re oLd enOUgH tO sTArt JoB-hUnTinG.”
“You really think so, Dad?” said Scootaloo, her eyes shining with hope of a brighter future.
“i kNoW sO, sLeNDerLoO.”
“Alright, then!” said Scootaloo, standing up in determination and pride. “Tonight I, Slenderloo Slenderpony, will start stalking Diamond Tiara!”