Seething Mass
Nothing. Just nothing.
I am here, I am most certainly here. Wait, what is here? What is I? I… I… I think therefore I am, thought, thinking, I am thinking here. One mystery solved. I am myself because I think I am, such shaky logic but it is conclusive enough for now.
Thinking, I am thinking here. But what is here? Here is where I am, where I am thinking, here is there because I must have somewhere in which to think, and I am thinking therefore I am.
I was.
I am.
What am I?
Where am I?
A body, I have his body. I am, born once again. Whose body is this? It wasn’t mine, he left it for me. Who left it? The wood of the casket, the smell of the earth, but incomplete. It is dark, there is a scent in here, something cold, something damp, mold, what is mold? I feel, contained, I am in a box, container, chest, contained, I AM CONTAINED!
Calm down, calm down. Think, thinking is good, thinking, I am thinking. I am, I am existing. A box, I am existing in a box, in a casket. I’m breathing, breathing, I am breathing but it’s getting harder. Where is the air? What is air, how do I know how to breathe? Oh I’m so confused. Stand up, stand up and get out!
Ow.
Hurt, pain, I hurt myself on the box. I can’t stand up, what to do oh what to do. Why would I be in a box? Maybe I’m a present, a present. Wait, that smell is familiar, earth, dirt, mold, I’M IN A GRAVE! Buried alive! Why did they make a mistake, buried, buried myself, myself who thinks and therefore is! Help! Help me! HELP ME! I’m hitting at the wood, noise, sound, sensation, I’m hurting now so badly but I have to get OUT!
The box gave up. Pierced the side, no light still, but the box is filling with dirt. Oh my, this is worse! Dirt, earth, mold, dead, buried, BURIED! I have to get out! Digging, shifting out, out, I need to get out! So tired, digging, shuffling, I shouldn’t be able to breathe, I should have to breathe, but for some reason I’m not breathing. Shouldn’t be able to move, dirt is too close, too compact, and yet I’m moving, digging and scraping past all the dead things like me buried in the ground. I need to get OUT! Wait, something new. Light, light is something rather than nothing. Light is here, light is where I am thinking, light is where I am. But light is not constant, like thought is not constant. It is growing, hungrily devouring the nothing and the silence. NOISE! HAHA!! Another mystery solved! I hear noise, pounding, aching, echoing in my head! Oh help, the noise is like a drum beating my head into two pieces!
Wait.
What is a drum?
I see light, and I am going towards the noisy light and I am thinking therefore I am and I am here because I think I am and I am heading towards the light……..The light has stopped growing now. I have broken through, just a gaping hole in the Earth from where I came from. The noise I heard before is still pounding, echoing in my head. A heartbeat? I have a heart, I can hear it, now it is calming down, but now there is a new noise. I think it is called birds, this noise. But it is more than a noise, it makes noise therefore it is, like I am. The birds is an animal! Animal, Animal,
An, I, Mal, Mal, Mal is Latin for “bad.” What is Latin?
More important question, I am here. I think therefore I am, right? So where is here? I know I am, but what am I? Where am I? I can see a green hill, fading to the distance with vibrant color, I see animals, a bunny? Bunny, an animal, like birds but not like birds. There are trees, but not many. Trees are not animals. Anyways, not many trees here. Maybe I can find a river and rest, wash the filth from me. I feel like I have just been born, stumbling, walking, crawling, away from the grave. Oh horrid contained grave! Why was I there, who put me there? Who watched me being put there? There are flowers by me, flowers, someone was sad when they placed them here above me. So sad, I am sad as well, so sad, sad, sad. Oh what a world, and what a strange thing I am in this world!
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I’ve been walking for some time now, and I’ve gotten my mind a bit more settled.
Things were, more hectic in the beginning. It was like being born, but remembering what it is like, I am afraid of new life. How horrid a thing, to have no knowledge save for the knowledge that you do not know anything. I can think of nothing more terrifying. And yet there was joy there, the joy of discovering that which I had not known. I still don’t know much, but I know more than I did.
I tried to walk some. It didn’t work well, I stumbled quite a bit. Stumbled, fell, into the mud, mud, mud is filth, and I came from it. Am I filth too? I still don’t have my feet about me. I try to make some noise, express thought with my voice, but my mouth is full of dirt and mold. The bunnies run from me, the birds fly away in noisy panic, they are absolutely terrified. What exactly AM I? I know so little about myself… but I know about ponies. I know about birds, and their wonderful songs, I know about royalty, about…..some princess, a princess and others, Oh I don’t know! I was close, I knew more than I did a second ago, but as soon as I think hard about something I am thinking about it stops coming! I am so frustrated. This is like some silly horror movie, where the protagonist is mysteriously amnesiac and must find out their past through various challan……. DRAT!!!!!! Train of thought derailed, and so easily. So CLOSE that time! I must be patient, it will all return. I hope.
I’m walking. I have always been walking it seems. So young, he was so young! Who was so young? I don’t know, somepony. Pony, Pony, a city of ponies, this is something important. Why is it important? It’s one word, just one word, I don’t know many words but I know this one is very important! Oh Celestia, what IS IT?
Then it comes upon me in a flash. Ponyville. Such a burst of knowledge that floods my brain! Ponies, six ponies, their stories filling my brain, and others as well! I know them, suddenly I know of their faults and of their passions, their trust and their compassion. And I know of their friendship. I need to find them, perhaps they can help, and Celestia, Oh Celestia, Luna, I know who you are! I’m going now, don’t know when I’ll be this coherent again. I need to hold these thoughts, so many thoughts, so many memories? Am I remembering the past, Discord and Nightmares, betrayal and renewal, So many of these thoughts, are they my memories or somepony else’s?
My mind is rather, fractious, at times. It splits and joins again, sometimes in the oddest ways. I have arrived in Ponyville, and at this moment I feel as sane as I can ever remember feeling. Sane, why am I so incomplete? So incomplete, I need something, something. I need something to make me complete, I am so raw. So unfinished. I need something, several somethings, but I can’t think what. I am plain, and I feel an urge to create. Metal and wire, twisting strands of coiled electricity, oh glorious animation!
The ponies are staring at me. I wonder why? I want to talk to them, but my mouth still has dirt in it. I mumble a few words to try to greet them, but they politely nod and edge away from me. Why do I frighten them? Aren’t they kind, don’t they know I am trapped here, in this body? I NEED HELP!The ponies all ran from me that time. I have, trouble realizing when I am thinking to only myself and when I am Shouting out loud. I must have shouted that time. They must think I’m crazy, or something. Oh I don’t know, I don’t know anything! Wait, that’s it! Twilight! Knowledge! I need to know! A library, I need a library! Need to know anything I can! She will help me, she is kind, she is compassionate, she loves knowledge almost as much as I NEED it! Library, where is the library? I have seen it, I feel like I have seen it but I don’t know for sure where it is.
Can you help me? Can you help, the library, somepony tell me where the library is! She is golden, the pony that helps me. Carrots, she has carrots and she points the way nervously. I thank you, so exhausted, I’m sorry. Just, just don’t be afraid. You have nothing to be afraid of. She says ok, but they are all afraid. Everypony is afraid. Why are we all afraid? I don’t know, I need to find the library. They all let me pass, the townponies move out of my way as quickly as they can. I need knowledge, maybe if I find answers things will be better, calmer, harmonious. Twilight-Sparkle has the best library here, I know this because I do know it. I have seen it before. I need to find it need to find the knowledge of who I am, Oh how I think and therefore am!
I must hurry, the thoughts are getting harder to hold together. Wait, I feel something odd. I’m outside the library now, and someone is watching me. A glance behind me confirms this. I lock eyes with the stranger, another pony, yellow and brown, with some sort of metal object on his face. Metal, it shines in the light, oh my, and the metal is a part of him. Someone has riveted steel into his bones. He peers at me, an unrelenting scowl showing through his eyes. Something isn’t right with this one, I can feel it. He’s
not like the other ponies. I know nothing of him, absolutely nothing. I recognize many of the ponies here, I know where some of them live and I know that they like parties and I know that they like friendship, but I do not know him.
I fear him, and the way his eyes monitor my movements as if expecting that I might try to escape. I fear him, and yet the metal calls to me. At last! I know what it is I need! I need metal, yes, yes, and I need wire, and cord, and electricity. Someone put his metal on him, he didn’t do it himself, he didn’t even want it I’ll bet. I will do it myself, I want that metal, I need that metal. I am powerless now, I am helpless without knowledge or metal, I need knowledge, I need metal!
And a bit of a unicorn horn, just a tiny bit would do fine…
But these things shall wait. All in good time. Now, whilst I am still partly sane, I must research in the library.
Hello Twilight-Sparkle, what? My, my name?
I don’t, no pony has ever,
Seething Mass. I am Seething Mass.