I used to be just your average Joe walking the streets of Chicago looking for whatever it was that people paid me to investigate. The greenbacks were always lacking so I had to pick up odd jobs here and there. Escort service for some politician, driver for a wealthy widower and even bare knuckle boxing for enough scratch to make it to the next meal and clean a couple shirts. Nothing I had been through had prepared me for anything like this.
One moment I was standing in the Tardis with the Doctor and Derpy then the next I was lying face down in a rose bush. There had been an explosion and a yelp then suddenly I was flying out of the Tardis and landed in a patch of thorns. The sharp hooks tore at my suit and skin ripping open several fresh wounds. I wanted to cry out in pain but I held my tongue and did the only thing one can do in a situation like this. I gripped the bush and pushed myself up feeling the bite of the torns into my palms and wincing. I was slowly able to retreat to the ground only being snagged a few dozen times. My coat was completely ruined and I considered tossing it aside but you couldn’t get quality clothing like this for a Human in Equestria. I’d have to have someone mend it for me.
I heard raised voices and turned my head seeing that I was in a rather large garden outside of the main chamber of what I could only assume was a palace. Inside several ponies were arguing and one in particular was yelling at the others. I knew her well from the streaks in her mane to the cutie mark on her flank. Twilight Sparkle was running around then suddenly looked defeated and hunkered down as every pony inside the chamber exited. She lay down on the steps tears in her eyes.
Leaning up against the glass I peered in about to tap on the pane to have Twilight Sparkle unlatch it from the inside when somepony else came trotting back in. Something unknown was said between them then Twilight was enveloped in a circle of green fire then melted through the floor. The taller pony stepped to the throne and I took half a step away suddenly freezing when her gaze locked onto me. She stared for a few seconds and I could feel them ticking away with each beat of my heart. Her eyes narrowed and my feet took flight propelling me away from the glass window and into the garden as fast as I could go. I stumbled over a stone wall and rounded a hedge skidding to a halt only inches in front of her. She spread her wings wide and raised up on her hind legs to make herself appear larger and more threatening.
“Who is this that spies on the princess?” Her voice sounded like a knife edge coated in venom.
“I don’t know. Who did you see?” I moved my hand to adjust my fedora then realized it was absent.
“Enough with the questions. What manner of creature are you?” She leaned in and sniffed at my torn coat.
“I thought you said enough questions.” I rocked back on my heels ready to run again.
“Enough with your questions. Now answer me truthfully what are you? I’ve never seen any pony or beast such as you before.” She licked the back of my hand seemingly enjoying the taste of my skin.
“I’m one of those two legged ponies.” I almost laughed remembering that in Mongolia Human meat was sometimes referred to as two legged horse. Almost… until I came to the realization that here was a pink winged unicorn… alicorn I thought Twilight Sparkle had said the term was. Here was an alicorn ready to kill me for watching her throw the purple book worm through a floor with some mystical power I couldn’t even begin to comprehend. My apprehension was building as she bared her mouth and I saw fangs that had not been there before. In a quick burst of the same green fire her appearance shifted from somewhat beautiful to considerably more insect like. Her legs had holes and her skin was black with a green hue. Insect like wings and a horn weren’t my biggest concern at the moment. Her mouth opened and then she lunged at me with speed I’d had never of guessed possible.
I jumped back and hit the hedge, it served as a barrier preventing me from going anywhere. Her fangs ripped into my right arm and she lapped at the blood as it flowed down. I did not struggle at first afraid that she would rip my arm away from my body and devour it. Her shimmering emerald eyes were locked on mine and after half a minute of drinking my blood she unlatched her mouth from my arm and licked her lips with a satisfied smile.
“I have never tasted any one such as you before. The love that courses through your body is unlike any pony I have encountered. I need more. I need all of you. Your queen needs love.” She advanced and opened her jaws wide bringing them to my cheek. I expected her to tear into my face much as a bear or mountain lion would yet instead she licked from my cheek to my nose. Her fangs brushed against my skin but did not sink in. Her tongue darted out again to make contact with my skin and I braced myself to be treated again as a salt lick. Instead of feeling her on me I heard a high pitched whine that only increased in volume and she shrieked jumping back and covering her ears with her hooves. I pushed away from the hedge feeling lucky to still be alive.
The Doctor rushed around the bend with a glowing metal light pen in his mouth and Derpy was fast on his heels with my fedora in her teeth. She tossed it to me and I make an awkward attempt to catch it as I ran towards them. Placing it on my head I turned when I was standing beside the two and raised my fists knowing it would do me no good against this queen insect pony.
“Doctor.” She hissed and fluttered her wings.
“I…” He dropped the pen from his mouth and it ceased the noise. “…see you’ve met Chrysalis.”
“You are with him?” The queen turned her attention to me.
“Sorry about this, I meant for the meeting to be covert and that did not exactly happen as planned. Derpy…”
“I just don’t know what went wrong.” She shrugged her shoulders and wings at the Doctor.
“…Derpy pressed the wrong button and sent us all in different directions…”
He was about to finish talking when Chrysalis raised up on her legs and hurled something green and dripping towards us. Derpy knocked me out of the way and the Doctor caught the ball of slime full on. He was suspended inside of it unable to move. Using her green magic Chrysalis raised him to the under arch of a buttress and suspended the Doctor inside the liquid which was solidifying into the shape of a cocoon. The grey Pegasus and I jumped to our feet while Chrysalis was distracted and I grabbed the light pen. She shouted something about turning it on and I felt around for a button or a switch.
There was no way that this was ever designed for hooves and I had no idea how the Doctor had used it. He must have had a talented tongue for there was no other way for a pony to manipulate the buttons. I pressed one and it did nothing. I drew my finger across a second with the same result. The third switch I held down and the annoying whining started up again rapidly growing in intensity. Chrysalis turned on her hoof and charged towards me with the speed I’d seen her use before against my arm. I raised the light pen and pushed the switch fully forward. The tip glowed bright blue and the screeching whine grew so intense my ear drums felt as if they were likely to pop. She jumped straight into the air and flew off leaving the three of us alone for the moment. Removing my finger from the switch on the pen it became dormant and I tucked it into my coat pocket.
There was a moment of stillness as Derpy walked over to the cocoon and looked up at the Doctor inside. He was motionless but his eyes were trying to communicate something. Pulling the switchblade out of my coat I flicked it open and held the blade offering the handle to Derpy. The cocoon was just out of my reach and it took her a moment to realize what I wanted her to do. She closed her mouth around the handle then flew upward slicing the outer skin of the cocoon open. It dumped the Doctor to the dirt with a splash of slime. She dropped the switchblade near my feet and landed next to him licking his face clean of the goo. I leaned over and picked up the blade wiping it then closing and returning it to my coat.
“I had not intended it to go that way.” The Doctor said trying to nudge her away from his face.
“This tastes pretty bad.” She winced and shook her head.
“Why do you keep licking it then? Honestly some ponies.” He turned from her towards me. “That was the Changeling Queen. What happens here in about a couple hours is vital and important to what is happening in the future. We weren’t supposed to meet her but it seems the timeline allows for two Doctors.”
“Two Doctors?” I picked up a small chunk of slime that had solidified on the dirt.
“Well I am here now and then I am there now also. Or I will be there but I know that I am here. About now I should be down there in the city with Carrot Top and a couple others. The wedding will be taking place in just over an hour and I’ll be inside the main chamber.”
“Carrot Top is here?” Derpy looked up from the patch of clean dirt she was licking.
“She’s somewhere around here at the moment. That’s not important though we can’t cross her timeline since we are already in it. Or rather our past selves will be in it.”
“Does it ever get confusing?” I asked tossing the slime chunk away.
“Oh yes.” He smiled and nodded his head. “I’ll have my sonic screwdriver back now thank you.
“The what?” I was beyond puzzled.
“The sonic… that thing in your pocket that makes noise.”
I drew it from my pocket looking over the pen with the light and tossed it towards him. He caught it in his mouth and then it… disappeared. I’m not entirely sure to this day where it ended up but I know for a fact that he had no pockets on him and it was suddenly not there. My attention was distracted enough by Derpy spitting out the dirt she had licked to get rid of the taste of the slime. The Doctor shifted his gaze from her back to me and noticed the bite marks on my arm. He looked at them closely then shook his mane vigorously.
“No this is not good. Not good at all. Chrysalis has never tasted a Human before and now that she has your blood on her tongue she won’t soon be forgetting you. In fact I dare say this makes you a rather large target in her eyes. She will actively pursue you. The best thing I can do is to help throw her off your…” He was never able to finish that sentence. Green fire erupted between us and I turned quickly on my heel seeing Chrysalis standing on four legs with her eyes narrowed to small green slits. She said nothing as the fire consumed me and pulled me down into the darkness. I heard the Doctor yell something and I thought I heard the sonic… whatever it was turn on yet there was nothing I could do. It felt like drowning as I was sucked through the stone into something underneath.