In hindsight, fainting wasn’t a very manly thing do.
I groggily found myself awake and as I began questioning my surroundings, my current situation comes crashing down on me.
‘You are Rarity.’
Brain, sometimes I hate you.
I steadily got on my feet (hooves) and was about to go back to bed, I thought I might as well considering it to be a dream, there is no way that such a cliché of fan fiction could actually happen to me, right?
As I slowly made my way to the door, I stopped and remembered the reason I had gotten up to begin with.
“I need to go take a whiz.” I chuckle at my own words, hearing that in Rarity’s voice sounded incredibly dirty, but in all honesty it wasn’t making it any easier to accept my new found gender, and unfortunately I would have to accept it now.
I cursed to the ceiling in my bathroom and quickly brought myself to think. ‘How do women go to the bathroom?’
“They sit on the toilet” I reply to myself. ‘Hurray, 10 points for my basic knowledge of women.’ I mockingly congratulated myself.
I stared at the accursed toilet and I was relieved to find that the cover of the seat is up, that’s one awkward moment avoided.
Having figured out how to approach it, I backed up into the toilet and lifted my rump into the air with a little jump from my hind legs, landing with a soft thud on the seat. Seeing as any dignity that I might have had was gone, I decided to “go with the flow” so to speak.
The feeling of release filled my entire body and I found myself sighing in relief as soon as it finished, I lifted my rump once again, of course, I didn’t realize that the combined weight of it and the rest of my body would push me forward making me land on my snout once again.
I layed on the floor rubbing the ouchie from my snout, and found myself on my hooves easily enough, trotting along had become easier with practice, and I found my way back to my room, of course, as soon as I made it inside, a very sensible question came to mind.
“Why am I a pony?” I asked myself in my now familiar bitchy tone.
Growl. Says my belly-that-it’s-not-really-mine obviously angry at its lack of food, apparently it didn’t want me to think till it had been satisfied, I decided to ignore my situation until my borrowed stomach was happy.
I made my way outside the room and found myself face to face with every human-turned-pony’s first real enemy.
“The stairs.” I glare and acknowledge them in an overly dramatic fashion. It isn’t a long fall, but jumping is still out of the question. ‘I could seriously ruin my hair!’
“I’ll pretend I didn’t think that.” I said in deadpan.
Then, my brain had an idea. ‘I don’t hate you anymore brain.’
I layed down on my belly and slowly, slid down the steps, my stairs aren't very steep and the rug stopped me from going too fast, soon, I found myself at the bottom. Of course now I had to figure out a way to go up, but I would deal with the problem when I needed to.
I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge using my mouth, and I don’t know how the ponies do it, but the handle tasted horrible, I will never know how they have managed to live with such shortcomings. Anyway I checked the fridge and looked for what I had saved up and found the Mc. Donalds box containing my ever delicious meaty goodness.
I opened the box and stared at the burger, it was a simple Big Mac but carefully looking at it, one of the fandom’s theories came to mind. ‘Ponies can’t eat meat’
I closed the box and took it to the small coffee table in my living room where I began my intelligent in-depth internal debate about the morals of a pony eating meat.
“Do I eat it? Or not?” okay, maybe not as in depth as I expected.
I opened the box once again and dropped the burger on the table, I approached it slowly and gave it a very small bite, just barely ripping a part of the burger, then I followed to savoring and masticating what could potentially be a delicious burger and a crime against all pony kind, or be a disgusting experiment that would scar my mind and make me never want to eat the stuff again, then again, this option would also be a crime against all pony kind so it was a lose-lose situation anyway.
Against whatever pony morals I had just acquired, my eyes began tearing up dramatically and there was only one thing to say.
“This isn’t bad at all!” I said in my best Rarity impression, which came easily due to the circumstances at hand (hoof, yes, I know), in hindsight, maybe eating meat wasn’t my best idea ever, but decided to make it a one time thing and made my way to the burger on the table, it would be a one time only, and it would stay my secret.
I reluctantly dug into the rest of the burger, and after finishing my incredibly taboo breakfast, I decided to wash it off with water, but I realized that the faucet was too far for me to reach, so I gave up my quest and instead grabbed a soda from the fridge using my mouth.
I quickly realized that very strong pony teeth + can = messy floor.
“This is just great!“ I whined sarcastically and looked up to see a rag hanging from a hook on the wall, forgetting the drink, I tried to find something to get it down but then I remembered that I was a magical unicorn from a little girl‘s show and face hoofed at my lack of attention.
I concentrated on the rag picturing the magic inside me grabbing it, after a few tries I found myself getting a headache instead and the rag staying in place untouched. I huffed angrily at my lack of magical ability, when another fan theory came to mind. ‘The magic comes from the unicorn’s horn.’
I once again closed my eyes and focused on my horn, I felt a tingle and pictured the magic grabbing the rag and bringing it in front of me, I opened my eyes to see the rag floating in front of me causing me to break concentration and making said object fall on the floor.
“I did it!” I exclaimed cheerfully and considered the possibilities of my newfound abilities.
“I could help cure diseases, or I could help those in need as a superhero!” but then my mind raced and other options came to mind.
“Or… I could be a force to be reckoned with! I could start a new world order! Unicorns with human minds, just think of the possibilities! I could be kind of like a God!”
I proceeded to laugh maniacally for a few seconds but I shuddered at the sound of my voice, it wasn’t worth it if I had to stay as a mare for the rest of my life.
“It would have been too much work anyway.” I shrugged and made my way to the stairs and cursed my past self for leaving me to solve my own problems..
“Fu-” I began but was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.
“Nick, I’m ho-” the girl that had begun, but stopped when she noticed me by the stairs.
“…ck?”
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Another chapter for you guys to hate, I honestly have no idea where I am going with this story, at all.