So there I was -- sitting on the floor, on my haunches. I had only waken up as Twilight Sparkle just four or five hours earlier, and my two year old step-granddaughter had broken the horn off my head. I was in tears, contemplating what the loss of my ability to use magic would mean for my future.
"Brenda, grab the broken horn from her, and put it on my head where it should be -- I hope I can mend it," I said through my sobs. I was wondering if I might be lucky enough to make it work.
"Okay, Mike, I'll give it a try," she responded. She placed the horn, rotating it until it fit snugly in the spot where it had been broken off. I concentrated as hard as I could, screwing my eyes shut, a look of grim determination on my face.
"Come on, come on, come on...please...please...please...come on..." I kept saying, over and over again. I couldn't feel anything except the warmth of Brenda's hand on my forehead, holding the broken horn tight against it. I kept on concentrating, trying to force magic through it, trying to mend the broken horn. I must have spent a good ten minutes trying to do this.
"Samantha, you know you shouldn't have done that!" Xaviera admonished her, raising a hand to ...
"Xaviera! Don't you even think of trying to hit her! She's only two years old!" Brenda said, quite sternly. Xaviera gave her mama a dirty look in response.
"Sorry," Samantha said, looking as though she were about to start crying herself.
"Mike, is it working?" asked Brenda.
"I don't know. Release your grip on my horn, I think it might have worked," I said, trying to be as optimistic as possible, given the circumstances. Brenda released her hand, and my broken horn fell off my head onto the kitchen floor. I started openly sobbing, tears streaming from my eyes. Terrible visions filled my mind, and I didn't know what to do.
"Did you say something about Princess Celestia?" Brenda asked me.
"I don't know how to contact her," I said. "Only SHE could help me, and she's in Equestria, not here. Without my horn, I can't use magic, and without that, I don't know what to do."
An awkward silence filled the kitchen where all five of us were sitting or standing around. Xaviera took her daughters downstairs to watch TV. I continued to stare at my broken horn on the floor, wishing to have it healed back. Tears continued to run down my muzzle. Brenda came over to me, and held me for several minutes. I allowed her this, as I was unsure of how to proceed.
"What about the car?" Brenda asked. "You said you fixed it earlier," she offered, trying to give me some hope.
"Key's in my pants pocket, upstairs." I went upstairs to our bedroom, where I had taken off my pants the previous evening, sliding them under our bed. I tried to fish the key out, but my hooves were to big for the pockets, so I grabbed them in my teeth, turning them upside-down, allowing the keys and my pocket change to empty onto the hardwood bedroom floor. They bounced under the bed, and I slid them out using my right fore-leg. I picked them up in my teeth, and started to walk to the stairs back down to the main level. In my haste to get to the car, I fell down the stairs head over tail, landing with a sickening crack as I fell hard on my left rear leg, fracturing it in three places. I screamed out in pain as I tried to get on all fours again, trying to put as little weight as possible on that broken leg. Fresh tears streamed from my eyes once again, and I was seriously wondering just how much worse things were going to get.
"Mike! What happened?" Brenda asked, almost frantic upon hearing my scream.
"My leg! I think I broke it! Aaah! It HURTS!" I shouted through my next round of sobbing. The car keys had slid into the kitchen under the table. "Brenda! Can you get the keys? They're under the kitchen table! Please!"
Brenda hurried down the stairs, grabbed the car keys, and opened the front door for me. She held it open as I gingerly stepped onto the front porch and made my way to the car. I noticed a slight change in paint color, from black to dark blue. I stared at the driver's door wondering how I was going to open it, and worse still, how I was going to get into it with a broken leg, let alone drive the damned thing...
Brenda unlocked the doors with the fob, and opened the driver's door for me. She put the key in the ignition and started the car. I looked at the driver's seat, and decided that using my fore-legs for some balance, I would try to hop into the car using my right rear leg. "This is going to hurt," I thought. I hopped into the driver's seat and ended up putting weight on my left flank, which made me cry out in pain again.
"Acquiring voice data. Voice data acquired. Twilight Sparkle! How are we today?" asked the car's voice module.
"I fell down the stairs and broke my left rear leg," I said. I tried to maintain calmness through the pain.
"Scanning ... scanning ... scan complete. Preparing to heal," came the voice. The car started glowing purple, and enveloped me in a hazy purple aura. I felt the bone tissue in my left rear leg start knitting together, and the pain subsided.
"Brenda, you still have the broken horn piece?" I asked her.
"Hang on, I'll go get it," she said. She returned a moment later with the horn in her hand. Again, she placed it on my head.
"Hey car, you think you can heal my broken horn?" I asked her.
"One moment please. Scanning ... scanning ... scan complete. Preparing to heal..." and again a purple aura. Suddenly, a beeping alarm went off. "Safe mode activated. Safe mode active."
"What does that mean?" I asked, starting to get frightened.
"I am sorry, Twilight, but I cannot heal your broken horn. A fail-safe has been built in to prevent a feedback loop which could destroy me, or rip a hole in the space/time continuum which could destroy Earth AND Equestria," the car said.
"Car, I used to be a human until this morning. Can you transform me back into a human?" I asked.
"Yes. But not when I'm in safe mode," she said flatly.
"Why not? And how do I get you out of safe mode?" I asked, starting to panic.
"Safe mode override must be performed with magic from outside of me. Manual override of safe mode may be possible after driving a distance of 250,000 miles."
"WHAT? I don't have that much time! And I can't use magic with a broken horn!" I cried in frustration. The very real prospect of losing my job, my car, my house, and everything I have worked for seemed to overtake me in a wave of sadness. My eyes started welling up with new tears. "Is there anything you can do for me while in safe mode?"
"I can not perform ANY magic while in safe mode," came the voice from the car's voice module.
"Mike, I guess I'll have to find a different way to work," Brenda said. "Might as well throw away your broken horn, it's not going to do you any good now."
"Brenda! It's still a part of me! Please, don't throw it away! Maybe we could super-glue it back on?"
"I can give that a try, I guess." She turned the car off and put the key in her pocket. I was not going to be able to drive it anymore. We went back into the house. At least my broken leg had been healed.
"Okay, here's the glue, I'll just put a few drops on the broken edge and put it in place," Brenda said. She moved my forelock aside, revealing the break point. She applied a few drops to a few spots on the break and a few more to the bottom of the broken horn piece. She held it in place for several minutes, allowing the glue to bond the horn back. I tried to concentrate magic through the freshly glued horn, but nothing was working. My horn would not glow.
"Why's it not working?" I asked frantically. "Why won't it work? What am I going to do now?"
Brenda was already calling her daughters who had licenses, and her sisters, trying to make arrangements for her daily commute. Until this point, I had been the one to take her to work before driving to my workplace. Now the car was little more than an art object, nice to look at, but no longer practical, at least for me. Brenda's kinfolk would be allowed to drive my car, taking her wherever she needed to go. As for me, with no way of being able to do my job, I was going to end up losing the car as I had no way of being able to pay it off. I still owed $5000 against it, which was going to take another year and a half to finish paying for it. Maybe one of Brenda's kinfolk might be able to pay for it.
"Brenda, get my phone and call my boss and my supervisor so I can explain to them what has happened, please."
Brenda went upstairs and brought my phone to me. I looked at her and showed her my fore-legs, indicating I could not use it. She went through my contact list and called my boss first. She had to hold the phone to my ear so I could talk.
"Hey, Mike," said Dave. "What's going on? Why are you calling me on a Saturday?"
"I have some bad news, Dave," I said, forgetting I was still in Twilight's body and had her voice as well.
"Who is this?" he asked.
"Dave, this is Mike. I know I don't sound like him, but I woke up this morning in a different body," I said. He laughed hard for a few minutes. "Dave! I'm serious here! I'm not going to make it in on Monday!"
"Mike, if that's you, I'm expecting you to show up on Monday. If you don't, you will be fired." My ears dropped at this mention. I started to panic again.
"Dave! I don't know how long this is going to last! If I turn back to normal, I will be there on time. If not, I will call you."
"Well, Mike, if that's you, I sure hope you change back to normal, whatever that is. For my sake, as well as yours." The phone call ended at that point as he hit his off button on his phone.
"Brenda, please call Kevin for me," I pleaded. She dialed his number for me.
"Hey, Mike, what's up?" Kevin asked me.
"Kevin, I know I don't sound like Mike, but this is me. I woke up this morning in a different body, and I'm afraid I might not be able to make it in on Monday."
"Is that really you, Mike? You sound like a woman," he said.
"I am in a female body, but not a human one. If you can, google Twilight Sparkle, and you'll see what I look like," I said.
"You're kidding. You're kidding, right?" he asked, completely oblivious to the reference.
"I wish I were, Kevin, but I am for real. I woke up this morning in her body. To make matters worse, my magic ability is gone, so I am pretty much worthless at this point, except for the knowledge of my route," I tried explaining.
"If you're not in a human body, I can't help you. Have you talked to Dave about this?"
"Yes, but he told me if I don't come in on Monday, I'll be fired," I said, sounding quite dejected.
"Well, I hope your condition reverses itself before then," he said. "Otherwise, I won't have much of a choice but to terminate your employment with us."
"What am I going to do?" I asked him, wondering if he might have an answer of some sort. I felt more tears coming.
"I don't know, Mike, I'm afraid I can't help you." And then silence as he ended the call. I was beginning to lose hope now. Brenda folded up my phone and put it up. I had no one else to call -- not my brother, as I didn't have his number, nor my parents, who likewise had obtained new phones and never bothered to update me. My choice of marrying a woman of color had alienated everyone on my side of my family, and I wasn't really all that close to my wife's family, who only seemed to tolerate me at best. I was wondering how long I was going to stay in Twilight's body. I tried using my magic again. Nothing.
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I spent the next few hours practicing going up and down the stairs to the lower level of the house, as there were only five steps leading down. I got pretty good at that, and started practicing going up and down the stairs leading to the upper level, as there were ten steps on that staircase. The clip-clop sounds my hooves made on the hardwood stairs and upstairs hallway got on everyone's nerves. They told me to please stop. Presently, Brenda finished cooking dinner.
"What do you want to eat, Mike?" she asked. She had cooked fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and green beans. She always put bacon in the green beans, which was customary for African American culture. I couldn't get over that.
"Do we have any lettuce in the fridge?" I asked. "I'll have some mac 'n cheese, but none of the chicken or green beans."
"I'll check," she said. She pulled out the head of lettuce and pulled off about five or six leaves, putting them on a plate for me. She put some of the mac 'n cheese on the same plate.
"How about some tomato slices?"
Brenda cut a couple of slices out of a tomato. "You know that's for tacos, right?" she asked.
"You know I can't eat meat while I'm in this body, don't you?"
"I keep forgetting, Mike, I'm sorry." Brenda came over and patted me on my head. I didn't bother to admonish her, as this was probably the extent of any affection she might ever show me from here on out. I tried to smile, but couldn't. About the only expression that came across my face was a sad grimace. Depression was already starting to take hold. I ate silently and tried to enjoy the taste of my food, but I couldn't. Tears continued to stream from my eyes.
Xaviera and her kids went downstairs to avoid me. They turned on the TV and watched cartoons. After I finished eating, I went upstairs and got into bed. I was hoping that maybe by morning, I might be returned to my human body. Brenda came upstairs, got into her sleeping clothes, and turned on our TV. She watched FOX News, which bugged me.
"You know that's nothing but right-wing propaganda, right?" I asked her. She didn't bother to answer me. "Would you please change the channel, for my sake?" She said nothing, and changed the channel over to watch an older movie.
I laid down to try to sleep, tossing and turning, and eventually drifted off to sleep. I continued to cry in my sleep.
"Mike, will you please stop crying! You're making me sad!" Brenda said in exasperation. The alarm clock read 11:55 PM. "If you can't stop crying, please go into the basement to sleep."
I got out of bed, and took one of my pillows with me. I made my way down the stairs carefully, my hours of practice paying off. I pulled the pads off the Papasan chairs, laying them on the floor, putting one on top of the other. I put my pillow at one edge, and got a blanket to cover myself up. This actually felt more comfortable to me than sleeping in my bed. I think I cried myself to sleep again. My sleep came fitfully as I tossed and turned, still sobbing and crying, until falling asleep again. Eventually, dawn broke and the light coming in through the windows woke me up. I noticed I was still in Twilight's body.
"WHY? WHYYYYY?!?" I cried. Once again, I started sobbing uncontrollably. Brenda came down into the basement and tried to console me. I let her hold me again as she hugged me, trying to give me some comfort which wouldn't come. I tried to use magic, concentrating through my horn, hoping that maybe the glue might have helped it mend. My horn failed to glow at all, not even a pop or a fizzle. Nothing. Tears continued to flow from my eyes as I kept trying to use my magic. I felt so empty, I didn't know what to do. Brenda held me close to her for at least half an hour.
"I need to use the bathroom," I said weakly. My digestive system had made its demands known at this point. I went upstairs into the bathroom, and hopped backwards onto the toilet to relieve myself. I looked at the roll of toilet paper, and tried to use my hoof to pull some off and wad it into a ball. I had no idea of how well I was going to wipe my hindquarters.
"Brenda, can you help me please?" I asked. She came up, and took care of the matter, then washed her hands.
"I don't know how much longer I can put up with you being a helpless pony," she said, her frustration becoming evident. "I could hear you crying all night long, and I was unable to sleep with you braying like that." I hung my head, more tears. "Mike, you're going to have to stop feeling sorry for yourself! You have to do something!"
"What can I do? I have no hands, I have no magic, I am absolutely useless! I don't know how long I'm going to be stuck like this! We're going to lose the house, and I don't know what to do about it! That is why I keep crying! I don't know who to turn to! Do you?"
"No, Mike, I don't." She stood there in silence, trying to find other words to comfort me. Tears continued to stream down my face, and once again I started sobbing. The depression was crushing me already, and I didn't know how to deal with it.