Author's Notes:
Hello everynyan!~
Please, read the Okamake "Twilight's brain" that was added to the last chapter before reading this one. Seriously, I swear it is fun. At least, I had an incredible lot of fun writing it xD (I wonder if I'm not even going to write a full one-shot based off the concept - tell me if you are interested in reading/writing it)
Also, this new chapter is still part of the rewrite, things will really begin to change next chapter... There may even be a fight!
~Enjoy! RaptorJesus
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After explaining the whole story to Luna, Celestia decided to wait patiently in her personal library. It was the only one she could enter now without feeling guilty for her constant snickering. Nopony would dare to kick her out of the palace’s great library, of course, but it would be…”uncouth”, as Rarity would say.
Luna was just as curious as her. The description Twilight gave them fitted no nocturnal creature her sister could think of... And because of her duties she would have to wait almost until moonrise to see it.
Needless to say, it sent her right back to the Royal Canterlot Voice.
The Goddess of the Sun would never forget the face of the poor counselor who informed her sister that her next (and last) appointment was Prince “How-dare-you-breathe-my-air” Blueblood. Luna’s cry of exasperation made the whole room shake, breaking a few windows, and the poor pony almost passed out of sheer terror.
A full afternoon with Blueblood...I'd rather face off Discord again!
Celestia decided it was best to leave quickly, fighting to keep her composure until nopony could see or hear her laugh her plot off. She laughed for a few minutes, old memories of similar events pouring oil on the already blazing fire, until her ribs hurt too much to keep going.
She sat there, comfortably installed in an oversized cushion. She levitated a few books from the furthest shelf to her desk, wondering which one she should open first. She finally chose an especially massive encyclopedia, which was about as thick as it was tall. The cover read ’Equestria’s Tax System : The Basics’. Memories of a cute little lavender filly bouncing in joy whenever she saw that book flooded back in her mind.
It was Twilight’s favorite book as a filly, I think! She chuckled a bit before opening it.
The book was hollowed out, concealing a jar of macadamia nuts cookies.
“My favorite!~♫” the alicorn said in a sing-song voice. She proceeded to open the other books, revealing a complete porcelain tea set, a bottle of water, a small bag of sugar and her beloved Darjeeling. Warming the water using her powers, she could quickly enjoy her little snack.
“Now that I have some free time, I should really invite Twilight to share a cup… Well, I’ll be able to see her today, I’ll ask her if we have the time…” she took a sip of tea before biting greedily on a cookie. Although I get to keep those for myself…
Her drink finished and the jar emptied, the Princess of the Sun was positively bored. She wasn’t really used to spending time alone anymore, either being too busy, tired or spending it with Twilight or Luna. What would those two do I my situation…Oh, of course!
She began repeating what she would say to the creature when they’ll meet, like the awkward mares would do. It was more difficult than expected.
“How should I greet him? 'Welcome to Equestria, please don't kill anypony?' ...No, that would be insulting..." She grew serious for a moment.
"In the name of Our ponies, We welcome you to Equestria, stranger - we wish you no harm."
She paused for an instant, owed by the sheer power these words held, before her thoughts process returned.
...That has to be the coolest thing I've said since the end of the Griffon War...
She was still looking for the perfect formulation when a green puff of smoke came in through the window. At the sight, she clapped her forehooves in trepidation, her previous thoughts already forgotten.
“I’ll finally be able to try that!” she grinned a bit, but immediately regained her composure.
Her little ponies would be there, as well as the creature – if it was awake. She had to look 'natural', which meant dead serious yet tender, a warm and soft smile on her lips.
“Let’s greet our new friend!”
With that said, she casted the spell and disappeared in a cloud of green smoke.
---
I was wondering why I never tried that before. Now I remember.
She was trying to get out of her protégé’s fridge, pushing on her hind legs with all her might. Despite her efforts, her royal rump was stuck. Maybe I should use my free time to exercise a bit…
“Ahem…Could somepony lend me a hoof? I'm afraid that I might be... stuck,” said the alicorn, fighting to keep a burst of laughter in control. She didn’t really need more ponies to be alerted by the sound and see her in this position.
...Actually, better cast a sound-proofing spell, just in case.
Her flashy entrance had been a success, in a way – if only because Twilight’s face had been replaced by a pair of eyeballs, with a jaw hanging loose. I should get out of there fast...I think her poor brain is going to go in overdrive if I stay in her fridge any longer...
With her little ponies still stunned and her backside freezing, she finally resolved to teleport herself in the middle of the room – hopefully not carrying the fridge on her way. With any luck…
---
It is a very little-known fact that "Luck" is, actually, a vampire-like entity. Which would explain why virgins tends to survive horror movies longer than any other demographic. Or how Stephanie Meyer managed to make a fortune out of a girl's choice between bestiality and necrophilia.
Luck is a sissy vampire.
And today, Luck was craving for Celestia’s blood.
---
The alicorn reappeared in the middle of the kitchen, still stuck in the now-unstable fridge, menacing to send her to the ground and crush her. Well then, let’s do it the hard way!
The Princess of the Sun charged her magic… and blew up the fridge. If it wasn't for her soundproofing spell, half of Ponyville would be aware of the incident. Thankfully, it was only her, a barely-conscious Spike and the (barely-conscious) girls. And she was finally out of that stupid fridge.
HUZZAH! She was dying of laughter inside, ready to burst at any instant. It was certainly the most awkward situation she had found herself since…Well, the “Royal Baths Living Telegraph” incident. She was blushing like a schoolfilly on her first date.
She squinted at a dandelion which had ended up on her muzzle. Oh, that reminds me…
With a quick spell, she fixed the various stains the poor, harmless vegetables left on her candid coat. She also got rid of the scrambled eggs in her mane. And the tomatoes impaled on her horn. All six of them.
“P-P-P-P-Princess? Did you…Did you just blew up my fridge?” Twilight was in a somewhat complicated state of mind. Somewhere between indignation, amusement[1] and utter terror[2]. Mostly terror. Her friends where pretty much in the same state, except for Rainbow Dash who seemed to be struggling not to roll on the floor laughing. And failing lamentably.
“Oh…Err, about that…”
With a speed that would make Rainbow Dash jealous, Celestia ran to each mare, striking at both sides of their temple with precise pressure hoof strikes, before returning to her previous position next to the smoldering rests of Twilight's fridge.
"Shockwave of Forgetfulness."
The young mares blinked, suddenly coming back to their senses. They looked around, not quite understanding why somepony unleashed a coffee-high Pinkie in Twilight's kitchen. At least, it was the only explanation their brain managed to come up with for the warzone they were standing in.
“Princess!! Are you alright?!” the panicked lavender unicorn asked as she almost jumped at her mentor’s neck. Managing to get a hold of herself, she settled for a worried nuzzle and a torrent of apologies.
“I’m quite alright, my beloved student.” The alicorn mentally sighed at her feigned aloofness. I really wish I could at least have fun with Twilight’s friends… I hope this creature will make this day lighter...
“My apologies for your fridge. It seems this long-distance teleportation spell I wished to try still needs some work. I’ll make sure to have a new one sent to you as soon as I return to Canterlot – twice bigger than the old one.”
“Oh thank you so much Princess!”
“That truly is quite generous of you, Princess.”
“Now’ that’s ma’ Princess!” Rarity shot an angry glare to the farmer mare.
“…Ah mean, our mighty Princess!” This time, the white unicorn rolled her eyes, muttering "Uncouth" under her breath.
“The Princess is here! Time to wake him up!” Rainbow Dash rushed in the main room, everypony following her with a more refrained enthusiasm.
[1] If you are wondering, Joy is represented in Twilight's psyche by her filly self.
[2] ...Three guesses to which character from the Okamake represents Terror?
---
The Princess entered the main room along with the mares and a still unconscious Spike. She quickly spotted the creature, laying on a makeshift mattress, with Fluttershy and a brown-coated stallion she had never met taking off its bandages.
It truly was like nothing Celestia had seen before, but what caught her attention wasn't its appearance: she was taken aback by the incredible number of scars, bite marks and burns covering its body. The worst part was that it all seemed so...fresh, none of these marks could have been made more than three days prior. What happened to you, you poor thing? The last couple of days have been pretty tough on you, it seems...
"How is it faring?" she asked calmly, her gaze not leaving the creature laying before her.
Her question caused a sudden burst of agitation, as the startled ponies hadn't seen her entering the room. After a quick bow, the Doctor went straight to business. He seemed a bit nervous to talk with the Princess, but who wouldn't?
"He should wake up soon... But he withstood quite a lot of internal damage and have been poisoned with at least a dozen unknown toxins. I can't believe how resilient he is..." He gave him a quick glance. "I don't know where he's coming from, your Majesty, but somepony wanted him dead...Although I doubt a pony did that. According to miss Fluttershy here, he spoke to them in a dialect they didn't understand, even if some words were similar to Equestrian. He probably came from far away from our borders."
"You could say that, Mister..."
"Whooves. Doctor Whooves. Everypony calls me the Doctor...or Brownie. Don't ask," he answered faster than even Pinkie could babble.
"I... see... Anyhow, I'm afraid I've never seen anything quite like him in my long life, which would suggest he comes from even further than that."
Pinkie bolted in front of the Princess, who barely resisted the urge to yelp in surprise. If Discord wasn't sitting in my gardens, I would believe he reincarnated... Although she's definitely way too sweet to be related to that monster.
"You mean it's an alien?! I've never had an alien friend! I gotta throw him one super-duper fantastic 'Welcome To Equestria - Please Don't Invade Us' party!"
The Princess smiled at the party pony enthusiasm. True, she was a tad concerned with the party's name, but at least she could count on her to make sure their guest didn't feel too homesick.
"Before throwing him a party, we need to fix him up and find a way to communicate. Twilight?"
At the mention of her name, the lavender unicorn walked to her mentor's side. "Yes, Princess?"
"Could you do me a favor and teach him Equestrian while I heal his ribs and organs?"
Twilight seemed hesitant for a second, until she understood what the Princess wanted her to do. "You want me to cast on him the same spell we use to teach deaf foals how to speak until they grow up enough to be healed?"
Celestia smiled proudly at her student's ingenuity. She simply wanted her to cast a translation spell, but her solution was both easier to apply and more effective on the long-term, as the translation spell would have to be renewed every month.
"Brilliant idea, my faithful student. Now let us begin, should we?"
Beaming and blushing at the praise, which made her look like a toothy strawberry, Twilight followed her mentor to the creature's bedside. Their horns lit up, his body glowing a soft golden hue while his head was encased in a magenta glow, his eyes moving quickly and erratically under his eyelids. It took them both about five minutes to get their part done.
As her magic receded, Princess Celestia frowned. "I managed to repair his bones and stitch his intestines, but there's still some toxins in his system. I'll bring a blood sample back to Canterlot to have an expert look for a cure, but for now he will have to live with them..."
"Don't ya worry yar'self none, Princess. If half the stuff R.D. told us is true, then that big fella' can handle that. Ah'd be more worried 'bout him wakin' up soon," reassured Applejack, warily keeping an eye on their guest.
---
Voices.
Voices around him.
He recognized some voices as his saviors', except that he could now understand clearly what sounded like gibberish before. From what his still half-asleep brain could gather, they were talking about him. There was a definitely male voice in the group, along with a wiser, older sounding woman that another identified as the "princess".
Wait, Princess? I LOVE Princesses! ...Even if I tried to kill one back in Alabasta...
...
Well, sleeping there won't get me anywhere! Time to wake up and enjoy the afterlife!
…Or whatever that place is!
True to his words, Bon Clay woke up – or more exactly jumped awake. He immediately began to spin in his usual painful-to-watch fashion.
“I’m alive! I’m alive! NYAHAHA~♥! I’m a~li~ve!” As usual, he was cackling like a madman, not noticing that his saviors all pretty much stacked in a corner, startled by his sudden outburst.
“Wait. Can I be alive if I’m dead?” He stopped for a second, but went back to spinning just as fast. “Don’t care! Not dying anymore~! NYAHAHA~♥!”
Suddenly, he found himself chin-to-horn with a white unicorn. With wings. And a less-than-amused look on its face. He fell backward and scrawled reflexively all the way to the wall. There, he finally took a close look to his surroundings.
Half a dozen multicolored ponies, some with wings or horns, were hugging each other at the other side of the room. He recognized some of the color patterns as his saviors’ in the middle of the shivering mass. …I’m…not dead? I doubt angels or demons look like ponies…Talking, flashy ponies...
The alicorn was still staring at him, and a pony with - Is that a tie?! - was looking at him with interest, staying as far as possible without crawling on the floor like his friends. A purple unicorn managed to get back on her hooves and stand next to the stallion, but she was still shivering in fear.
---
Discarding the alicorn still staring at him, he walked slowly in the group's direction. When the princess – it was quite obvious, now that he noticed her regalia – took a step in his direction, he froze. Then, slowly, he fell to his knees; put both hands on the floor palm down and finally bowed all the way until his forehead hit the wood beneath him.
“A-Are you okay? You shouldn’t move so much now with these toxins in your body…if you don’t mind, that is…” said the butter colored pegasus, looking at him with concern.
“THANK YOU! I OWE YOU MY LIFE! THANK YOU SO MUCH!"
Tears were falling in cascade when he lifted his head to look at them. They all had backed up from that new eruption, but they seemed somewhat less scared than before. The only thing they knew about that creature was that he could potentially eat them - and was strong enough to do so without too much trouble. They expected him to be some kind of warrior, at best...Or maybe some feral beast with basic communication skills.
What they didn't expect was a sobbing mess kneeling before them in appreciation.
A cyan-coated pegasus with a fiery rainbow-striped mane carefully walked up to him and patted him on the shoulder with a hoof. Even kneeled, she had a hard time reaching it, having to unfold her wings and fly up a few centimeters.
“Hey, don’t worry about that. We couldn’t let you there, could we?”
“Of course we couldn’t!” Every single eye in the room (well, minus one golden eye, which didn't want to leave the Okama's jaw out of its view) turned to the yellow pegasus, her long pink mane hiding one of her own beautiful teal eyes. She immediately shied away, continuing in a much lower voice. “I mean…it would have been so cruel…”
A single thought went through the Okama’s mind.
Must. Resist. Urge. To cuddle.
---
Celestia didn’t know quite what to think of this creature. At first he cackled like a madpony, and now he was bawling his eyes out. Maybe his brain was damaged by the toxins? ...Or I failed to notice a concussion?
Her thoughts were interrupted by his loud laughter. She saw him dancing happily with Pinkie Pie, and sweat-dropped. Or maybe he's just insane.
“I hope you will excuse my boldness, but may I ask your name? I am Princess Celestia, Co-ruler of Equestria and Princess of the Sun.”
“…Princess of the Sun? Equestria?” He stared at her with a puzzled look. “What are you talking- Never mind. Nice to meet you! My name is Bentham, but I'm known as Mister Two Bon Clay," he bowed to her, "my friends call me Bon-chan, and I consider you all my friends!”
He gave them all a wide, warm grin, then turned back to Celestia. “Even if you scared me a bit, Sunshine.”
It was the princess’ turn to be puzzled. He just proved he wasn't from this world, but something else had grabbed her attention.
“…Sunshine?”
“What? Don’t like it? With that sun tattooed on your flank I wanted to call you ‘Sun-chan’ but Sunshine sounds better, don’t you think girls~?” He turned to the others ponies. None of them dared to answer, too busy being outraged or holding back a laugh.
“That’s…cute.” Said a grey pegasus with a dirty blonde mane, a color pattern Bon Clay could acknowledge as "normal".
Another mare looked at her like she had grown a second head. "What? It's true. And it sounds better than Banana Split." (Derpy has an habit... You get the idea)
“See! Erm…”
“Derpy Doo”
“Bubbles-chan likes it too!” he offered a wide grin, trying his best to look adorable.
That was rather creepy.
“I…Hmm…Er…” For the first time in years, maybe centuries, the regal alicorn was at a loss of words. She had no idea what to respond. That’s…really kind of cute…
She blushed ever-so-slightly.
Taking her silence as an agreement, he turned once again to the other ponies.
“So, what are your names? I can’t believe I didn’t ask you on the get-go. How rude of me!”
“I’m Rainbow Dash! Best flier in Equestria and future Wonderbolt! Cool to see you’re ok!” The mare gave him an enthusiastic tap on the back.
“Thank you again, Rainbow-chan.”
Hey! Why doesn’t she get the ridiculously adorable surname too? Hidden from view behind “Bon-chan’s” back, the alicorn pouted childishly.
Meanwhile, the Okama found everypony a surname. Everypony minus a certain farmer… And Whooves. I'll have to think of something later... Brownie-chan will do for now!
“Ah’m not lettin’ ya call me ‘Hat-chan’, sugarcube. Sounds like somepony sneezin’.”
“Oh! Oh! What about Jackie-chan! That sounds great!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie – or rather, “Party-chan”. She felt compelled to strike a martial pose. "Aya!"
“Pass.”
“Then what about Apple-chan?” suggested Rarity – my bad, “Pretty-chan”.
“Ah guess that’ll do.”
The Okama laughed in his over-the-top fashion.
“Nice~ ♥ ! Now tell me, where is this island situated? Never heard of ‘Equestria’ before.” He froze. “It’s not in the New World, is it?!”
The ponies looked at each other, questioningly.
“What island?”
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If you have any surname suggestion that Bon Clay or Derpy could use for another pony, don't be shy. I'd be more than happy to add them if they're better than mine/ if I haven't found one yet for the pony in question!