CHAPTER TEN
"Foalsom Prison Blues"
Spike lay, despondent, on his bed. Here he was, behind bars in one of the largest cities in all of Equestria, here because of a fluke, a misunderstanding, and the ever random actions of a hyper pink pony. A hyper pink pony with a harmonica.
Strains of some kind of ballad could be heard coming from the pink mare's side of the room, the whiny pitch of the harmonica moving up and down the scale, the sound piercing his eardrums and making the headache that had been forming earlier into a now pounding destructive force. She had been playing that harmonica for more than an hour, and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon.
Spike sighed and pulled the pillow over his head to block out the noise.
"Are you playing hide and seek, Spike?! That sounds like fun! We can play hide and seek!" Pinkie called from the bed, momentarily stopping the incessant, everpresent shrill whining of the harmonica.
"Pinkie Pie, why can't you get it? We're in jail. This isn't fun time, this is serious business! We don't belong here, but we're going to be stuck here for Celestia knows how long, because they're not going to believe we were just looking through the windows of somepony's house!" The irate dragon put his head in his claws.
"Aw, don't have such a frowny upside downey face, Spike. When I get a super frowny face, I play my kazoo, or my harmonica, or my tuba, or my zither, or I play with Gummy, or throw a party! Hey! We should throw a party! There was this one party one time..."
Spike just stared, dumbfounded, at the mare's ability to completely bypass reality and create her own world, all within the confines of that curly pink mane. He would be impressed if it wasn't for the fact that the very ability was what put them behind bars in the first place. If Pinkie Pie would only have paid attention to the neighbors, if only she had stopped and listened to the police ponies, if only she would have explained everything, then they would have been okay, but now, here they were, stuck behind these bars, waiting for the system to throw away the key.
"...and I was the happiest colt on the playground!"
Pinkie stopped bouncing on her bed, and sat down next to Spike. "So what will we do, Spikey? Do ya want to play tic-tac-toe? charades? pin the tail on the pony? Oh, sure, we might have to get a picture of a pony, and a tail, and a blindfold, but I'm sure the guards would be happy to-"
"PINKIE!"
Pinkie stopped her litany and, with wide eyes, stared at the angry dragon. His face was red, and wisps of smoke were streaming from his nostrils as he huffed.
"Um..what is it Spike?" she asked, a slight tremble in her voice.
"Look, Pinkie Pie. I've had just about enough of this. Don't you understand? We're in jail. I've been trying to tell you how serious this is for the past hour, but all you've done is get louder, and crazier, and it's driving me up the wall!"
"I-"
"Don't!" Spike said sternly, before Pinkie Pie could reply, "Don't say anything! Just listen! Pinkie, don't you realize that you got us into this mess? You were the one who dragged me to that celebrity's house, you were the one who caused the ruckus with the police ponies, you're the one who got us arrested! You're the one who is responsible for putting us in jail! Now here we are, behind these bars, waiting for some lawyer pony to come tell us how long we'll have to stay behind these bars. You know what that means?!"
Pinkie said nothing, but shook her head slightly.
"It means that for however long we're in here, there will be no parties, no jokes, no games, no cake, no fun of any kind. It will be quiet, and dull, and sad. We will see nothing but these walls for days, maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe even years. No parties, no cake, no friends, for years, Pinkie. Now do you get it?! You got us into this mess! You caused this! It's your fault we're here! Quit trying to help!"
With that, Spike threw up his claws, turned around on his bed, and put his back to Pinkie.
It was silent for a moment, nopony moved. The air was thick with disappointment, and it seemed like not even the buzzing flies around the head wanted to make any noise. Finally, after a few moments of a fat and heavy silence, Pinkie Pie's tail flattened. Her mane became straight and hung at the sides of her face, and her fur becoming a dull mauve instead of a bright pink. Her lip began to tremble as she began to move a hoof to Spike's shoulder. At the last second, however, she pulled back, and dragged herself over to her bed, crawling up in it, and laying on her side, unable to face Spike's accusations and anger.
For a short while there was nothing, but then, if one listened closely, one could hear sniffles emanating from the far corner of the cell.
-//-
"...and so as she's zipping by, she looks at me, and calls out, 'Don't worry, mom, I've totally got this, you're gonna flip at this awesome new trick', and it was at that moment, before I even had a chance to warn her, well, she went and flew headfirst into the mailbox! Oh, I was horrified at first, but when I found out she was okay, I couldn't stop laughing! It took all night to get the mailbox off of her head. We had to spoon feed her supper through the lid!"
A chorus of laughs and giggles filled the Dash living room, as Sunset Wind, still sitting in her wingback chair, finished regaling yet another tale of Dash's fillyhood.
"Ah don't think she's changed one bit!" came a southern drawl from the direction of the sofa. More giggles followed as a blushing Rainbow picked up a throw pillow and whacked Applejack in the face, who responded by launching herself at Dash, grabbing her in a hug and tickling her sides.
"N-, d-, gah!" Dash called out as she became short of breath, Applejack's well aimed tickles causing her to sputter and snort. They rolled onto the floor, and all that could be seen was a brown stetson, and four wriggling cyan hooves.
Sunset Wind looked upon her daughter, and her daughter's love, and she felt that new sensation of joy begin to grow. For all of her doubts, all of her concerns, she could see that Rainbow Dash was truly happy, and that the two mares belonged together, "common sense" be damned. For a moment, she felt shame arising from deep within her, due to the sting of the words she had inflicted upon them the day before.
She pushed that shame aside. There was no need for it now. All had been forgiven, she had learned from her children, and she hoped that they had learned something from her, that an old pony could be taught new tricks. At the thought of her children, she glanced over at her youngest daughter, Violet, who was perched on an end table, giggling at the playfighting between her older sister and her adopted friend.
Sunset's heart warmed at the knowledge that no matter what happened as she grew up and became a young mare, her youngest daughter had a strong, sensible head on her shoulders. She would be just as ambitious, and just as stubborn as her sister, and even her mother, though she never spoke much of her own ability to dig in her hooves if the situation warranted it. The one thing she got from her father, though, was that irrepressible sense of logic. She funneled everything through that grid of rational thinking, and it would make her a mare to be recognized some day.
Thinking of her husband reminded Sunset that he would still be out of the loop on this one. Still, she wasn't worried. He was a good stallion, and she was certain she could get him to come around easily, once she abated his fears about Dash becoming a shunned mare, doomed to exile. She knew he had been afraid because she was afraid, because for all of his vaunted logic and reason, he lived by his heart, and that was why she loved him.
She let her gaze fall once more onto the playful ponies. Dash had given up, crying out in defeat, and was crawling back up to the couch. Applejack, for her part, had risen to her hooves and was helping Dash onto her own, when off from the side, Violet Tempest took a swan dive onto her adopted friend, and tackled her to the floor. Applejack cried out in surprise as she was tickled by the filly.
Rainbow Dash, seeing her moment for revenge, dove to the floor and started tickling Applejack in retaliation. "Gah! Hey! Ah wasn't ready!" came the fitful voice from underneath the coffee table, now becoming interrupted with fits of laughter. "Quit it! Ah... cain't...yer gonna make me...ah cain't...!"
Squeals of surprise erupted from beneath the table, at which point both Violet and Rainbow Dash fell on the couch laughing so hard that their faces looked the same color, a dark shade of purple and red.
Twilight leaned over from her position on the chair next to the sofa. "What's going on down there? What's wrong with..." her eyes went wide for a moment, and she uttered a soft "oh", and began to blush.
Sunset Wind's curiosity was getting the better of her, when she heard Applejack's muffled voice from under the table.
"Er, Ms. Sunset Wind," she began slowly, "Ah hate to ask you, but, uh, can Ah use yer restroom?"
Everypony was silent for only a moment before the entire room burst into gales of laughter.
-//-
"Pinkamena Diane Pie. Spike the Dragon. You have a visitor!"
Spike had been asleep, but at the sound of the guard's voice, he opened his eyes, sat up, and turned toward the front of the cell. A tall, lanky pony wearing only a black suit was staring back at them.
Spike looked over toward Pinkie Pie, who seemed to be asleep on the bed. He looked back toward their visitor.
"Uh, hi?" He said, uncertain of just who this pony was.
"Hello, there," the stranger replied, his voice had a rough edge to it's deep baritone. "I assume you're the two kids who was trespassin' on my property." He gave Spike an appraising look, his right eyebrow raised as he gave him the once over. He glanced over to Pinkie Pie, who was still inactive.
"She don't seem to talk much. Guess she's usually too busy breakin' inta ponies' homes than strikin' up a conversation."
Spike was a little worried. Usually, even in a deep sleep, Pinkie would awake at the sound of a new, never before seen pony. Concerned, he walked over to her bed and shook her gently.
"Pinkie Pie, wake up, there's somepony here who wants to talk to us."
Spike waited a moment, but she didn't budge. He could tell she was breathing, as her side fell and rose gently. It was then that he noticed her shade of pink seemed a little dull, as if the bright colors had been washed out of her coat. Her hair was limp and...
Oh no.
"Pinkie! It's Spike! You have to wake up."
"Why?"
Spike paused for a moment. He realized that it was his fault she was this way. Yes, she had got them into trouble, and yes, they were certainly in trouble, but she was only being Pinkie, and back home everything always seemed to work out. Except this wasn't home, and aside from himself, she was all alone in a weird city that didn't seem to follow very many common sense rules, at least, not the type of common sense Spike understood.
"Listen Pinkie," he began, "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I was just..." he gulped as emotion clogged his throat for a moment, "I was mad because I was scared. I've never been to jail before."
"Y'all okay over there?"
"It's okay, we'll be ready to talk in a minute, mister."
Spike turned his attention back to Pinkie's hurt feelings. "Look, Pinkie. It was wrong of me to yell at you, and to blame you for all of this."
"I'm nothing but trouble. All I do is make things bad for you, Spike." A mumble from the other side of the pillow.
"No, Pinkie. You don't make things bad. Hey, most of the time, without you, everything would be boring and sad! Remember that time you made me those sapphire cupcakes for my birthday?"
"Yeah."
"No pony had ever done that for me before!"
And remember the time you caught me leaving the town hall and scared me so bad that I got the hiccups? We all laughed! Remember that?"
"...yeah."
"Pinkie, you're my friend. No matter what I said earlier, there's no way I would want you to be anything other than who you are. I care about you, Pinkie, because you're you. You're my friend, and you make my life better, not worse."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Really? Really?"
"Yes, Pinkie. Really, really."
"Really, Really with whipped cream on top? And a cherry? And sprinkles?! And OMIGOSH I LOVE SPRINKLES!"
At that moment, Pinkie's mane poofed, her coat turned a bright pink, and she hopped up. In that same instant, she grabbed Spike in a huge hug, and squeezed him with joy.
"Oh, thank you, Spike! I was afraid you never ever wanted to see me again!"
"-air-"
"And then we would have to go our separate ways, and you would become a pirate-"
"-air-"
"And I would have to become a flying nun who played basketball on the weekends to save all the cool kids from their rich, evil uncles-"
"-ai-what?"
"Yay! It's good to be friends again! I couldn't-Ooh! Who are you!?"
Pinkie Pie dropped Spike on the bed, and bounded over to the cell bars, where the stranger pony was still standing, a look of confusion on his face.
"Uh, hello Ma'am," he began, "my name is Johnneigh Cash, and I'm the owner of that house what you did trespass onto."
Spike, climbing down from the bed, gasped in surprise, and in the process slipped and fell to the stone floor. He didn't notice. "Johnneigh Cash!? The famous singer?!"
Johnneigh Cash nodded his head. "Yep, that's the one."
Pinkie Pie extended her hoof, "Pleasure to meet ya! My name's Pinkie Pie and I'd like to be your friend!"
Surprised, but always the gentlecolt, Johnneigh reached out and shook Pinkie's hoof. The pink mare smiled in response.
"Thanks! So, what are ya gonna do? You gonna press charges? Are we going to the slammer?!" She gasped, "Are you sending us up the creek without a paddle?!"
"-what?-" came two voices, one a baby dragon, the other an older gentlecolt.
Pinkie Pie merely smiled.
Johnneigh shook his head. "Naw, none of that. I wanted to come by and see who you was, to decide whether ya intended to cause harm or not, and from what I'm seein', one of ya is a baby dragon, the other is a... spirited... young mare who seems friendly enough, so nah, I'm a droppin' the charges. Y'all will be free ta go as soon as I talk to the deputy up front. Now, I do expect this ta be a lesson not ta go traipsin' up into ponies' homes, ya understand?"
Spike and Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yes, sir!" Spike replied.
Johnneigh nodded. "That's all I'm askin' then. Nice meetin' ya folks."
He tipped his hat, and disappeared back up the hallway.
"Wow!" Spike said after their visitor had left. "Twilight's never going to believe this!"
Pinkie nodded her head, "Yeah! Neither will Applejack! Johnneigh Cash is her favorite singer ever!"
After that, they settled in on the beds and waited for the bailiff to come and let them go.
You know, Spike thought to himself, for starting off so bad, and for being thrown in jail and all this other stuff, the day wasn't actually so bad.
He looked over at Pinkie who was humming a song to herself.
"Pinkie?"
"Yeah, Spike?"
"You're a good friend."
"You are too, Spike."
-//-
"Oh my dear Celestia! How ever did you survive that dungeon?" Rarity declared, her hoof raised above her head in a dramatic pose as she lay upon her couch, which she had managed to bring with her. Somehow.
"It was pretty cool, actually...er, I mean, we toughed it out, Rarity. We dragons are pretty tough, ya know." Spike said, his efforts to impress Rarity extremely obvious.
"Well, it's not everyday my number one assistant is incarcerated into the Los Pegasus Justice System." Twilight commented from the kitchen, as she floated in a tray of snacks for the group.
They had all returned from the rigors of their day, and were back at the hotel, with Pinkie and Spike sitting around the dining table with the others, sans Applejack, who was in the bedroom cleaning her hat, and regaling them with their individual stories of what had happened.
Spike was the one to break the news about their guest.
"Oh, and to top it all off," he said, jumping onto the table for emphasis, "who was it that we meet? None other than Johnneigh Cash."
The girls gasped in unison, even Pinkie Pie.
"You met Johnneigh Cash?!" Twilight exclaimed. "He's one of the most popular singers in all of Equestria!"
"I thought he retired many years ago!" Rarity said.
"How do you know about Johnneigh Cash, Rarity? I never imagined you would be into that kind of music." Twilight asked the aristocratic mare.
Rarity, for her part, brushed back her mane and raised her muzzle, "Oh, well, if you must know, when I first started the carousel boutique, his entourage passed through Ponyville on the way to Canterlot, and he had me hem his suit, which had fallen into a sudden state of disrepair. I must say, he was rather dashing and mysterious, and you know how such, er, curious mares like myself love a stallion of mystery."
A soft voice broke in. "Oh my, that must have been wonderful to meet such a stallion. I wish I could meet somepony like that." Realizing what she had said, Fluttershy began blushing, and hid her face below the table in an effort to hide it.
"Forget all that! Johnneigh Cash is Applejack's favorite singer!" Rainbow Dash cut in. She was silent for a moment as the other ponies looked at her, curious as to her sudden excitement. Dash looked up at Spike. "Spike, do you think you could take me to see Johnneigh Cash?"
Spike raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Um, I guess I could, as long as he's home and we're not peeking in his windows." Spike finished, looking at Pinkie Pie, who was busy eating everything on the tray Twilight had brought in.
"Why would you want to do that, though? I mean, he probably doesn't want to see anypony."
Rainbow Dash gave Spike her most earnest look. "Because this is important to me. If you do this, I'll owe you big."
Spike scratched his chin for a moment. "Sure, we can go see him tomorrow morning. I'm too tired tonight. Is that okay?"
Rainbow Dash smiled, leaned across the table, and gave Spike a hug. "Awesome, Spike, and thanks!"
Spike began to answer when they heard a squishing sound come from the center of the table.
Pinkie looked up and noticed everypony's eyes were suddenly on her, as she sat in the center of the table, with a half eaten pickle, onion, tomato, and whipped cream sandwich.
"What?! This stuff is good!"
<(/)*(\)>