//------------------------------//
// Spurs 
// Story: Flutterbreeze and Shetland Hames: Manechester United 
// by Flutterbreeze 
//------------------------------//

	“Hames, why are you still wearing that filthy uniform?”
“If you want to get inside your enemy’s head, sometimes you first need to get inside their trousers.... That came out wrong. Umm, anyways you wanted to know about the weapon. Right, here it is.” He spread it across the floor between them and started to smoke his pipe.
“What in Equestria do you do with this thing? There’s a big blunt end connected to a hollow metal tube... I honestly don’t see what you’d use a thing like for. It certainly didn’t help them in fighting me.”
“That’s because this is not a melee weapon. You were fighting them in close combat, negating the weapon’s ranged strength.”
“What?”
“You are far too simple-minded for this. Luckily you have me here to explain it to you. If you take a closer look at the device’s mechanisms, it is clear to see how it operates.”
“Enlighten me, great and all-knowing one!” he retorted.
“Fireworks, or at least the non-magical ones, are made with a mixture of sulfur, charcoal, and potassium nitrate, otherwise known as saltpeter, with extra metals added for color. This device uses the same explosive powder to send a small metal sphere flying down the barrel and towards the target with great speed and destructive force.” He motioned with his hooves as he spoke.
“And you used it to blow up the factory?”
The detective nodded. “They have been developing this weapon in secret for years, improving upon its design. I first discovered it after the untimely death of an inventor who had first conceived of the idea for these death bringers. Evil genii don’t like their acquaintances talking about their work, you see.”
“So you decided you would just let me find out about it when they started shooting at me? Nice surprise, there.”
“The last time I saw this weapon it was quite different. It was horribly inaccurate and took so long to load, they would have been entirely useless inside a building like that. They still aren’t very precise, thank goodness. In just the last few months they have upgraded their reloading and ignition mechanisms significantly, though. And worse, I found plans for further improvements of the weapon that would make it nearly impossible to fight against in the hooves of a skilled marksman. Assuming one does not have one of his own, of course. I did manage to fill my pockets with the plans, among other things.”
Flutterbreeze took a bite out of a crumpet, mulling over what he had heard. “So, what do you call a thing like this?”
“They call it a gunne, named after the wife of the late inventor, Gunnhilda. One more reason why I will never get married.”
“Never?”
“Never, there’s not a single female soul that appeals to me.” Hames looked off to his left and continued smoking.
“Hmmm.” He smirked at the detective. “You mentioned picking up some other things?”
Shetland Hames reached into a pocket and extracted a small metal object with a spiked circle attached to it.
“What’s that, a mini pizza cutter?” His smile faded as he saw the grave look on the detective’s face. 
“Your premature theory on world domination has gained evidence recently, such as this. It’s called a spur. An ancient and crude device, the spur was used for slavery before Equestria was even founded, and still is used in some far-off uncivilized parts of the world.”
“They want to enslave ponies?”
“No doubt to provide labor for the many factories needed for such an endeavour. Weapons are just one part. There’s also ammunition, medical supplies, non-perishable food, not to mention taking care of large numbers of enemies. Whatever the case, the stakes have been raised in this little game.”
Without warning, Shetland Hames put the spur on his hoof and stuck Fluttebreeze on the flank. “Gahh!” The pegasus jumped forward, spilling his tea all over the fine carpet. 
“Crude, but effective.”
“You have problems, you know that?”
Flutterbreeze started cleaning up the mess, fretting about how the carpet could be permanently damaged. He was thinking about how he would explain it to the duke when an unexpected sight grabbed his attention. The detective and secret agent were no longer alone, for walking across the carpet towards them was a small alligator... one Flutterbreeze had seen before.
“Hello Gummy. Good to see you again. Hames, this is Gummy, I’ve worked with him on missions before. I must say though, I never would have guessed he was the one who would show up for this one.” Gummy stared blankly towards the fireplace.
“You’ve got to be joking me. This is the other agent?”
“Agent Gummy is one of our most trusted operatives.” Shetland Hames simply laughed. “He may not look like much, but he is renowned for reducing impossibly complex and dire situations down to just a few simple moves, solving them with seemingly no action at all.”
“And here I thought I wasn’t going to be the only intelligent one on this mission...”
“Alright, mister omniscience, let’s hear the name of that villain, then.”
“Wait a minute... wait just a minute... THAT’S IT!” Hames darted off towards his room. Flutterbreeze picked up Gummy and followed him. The grey stallion rummaged through some old notebooks, madly crossing off names and marking others. Finally he slammed his quill down into a notebook, snapping it. “AHA! I’ve got it at last! It was so simple, it’s been right underneath my nose the whole time, staring me in the face, mocking me with it’s childlike simplicity.”
“What in Equestria are you talking about?” asked Flutterbreeze.
“I’ve found the identity of our twisted braniac. That evil, scheming madman who’s been mocking me for too long with his subtlety.”
“Well, who is it?”
“Turnip Stew.”
“What?”
“Turnip Stew. THAT is the name.”
“Turnip Stew? That’s such a stupid name! It’s boring and simple. It doesn’t sound threatening in the slightest.”
“Exactly! No stallion with any name recognition would have been able to elude me for so long. Do you know how many Stews there are in Albion?”
“No, but I bet you do.”
“Nopony does. There’s so many of them, at least one in every 30 ponies. Imagine that: You walk down a busy street and pass five ponies with the same last name, all completely unrelated. And Turnip! It’s got the be the most nonthreatening vegetable on the planet. Nopony would suspect a dentist with the name Turnip Stew to be a criminal mastermind.”
“A dentist named Turnip Stew is threatening to upset the peace and launch a campaign to take over all of Equestria...”
“Precisely. He’s connected to every link in this chain of events, and although he doesn’t like to leave hoofprints... there’s always a shadow cast. I’d say it’s time to cast one of our own, don’t you think?”
“No, I think it’s time for you to take a bath. You’re still covered in the blood, sweat, and mouthwash from earlier today, and I’m still sore from this morning.”
Before Hames could offer rebuttal, Duke Mountague entered the room, a little surprised by the scene. “So there you two are! Good grief what are you doing in here? Anyways, I was wondering if you gentlecolts would like to come with me to the football match tonight. I have a private box, being what the duchess likes to call a fanatic. Our boys are hosting Trottingham, and it should be quite a match.”
“I’m afraid we’re far too busy for such things at the moment.” said Hames.
“He might not want to, but I would be glad to come.” Flutterbreeze added. “Unlike him, I find sanity necessary for work.”
“Excellent. Oh, and who is this?” The duke looked down at the alligator who was now eating crumpets.
“That’s Gummy. I’m watching him for a friend of mine.” said Flutterbreeze.
“I see. Well, it’s almost time to leave, so I’ll meet you at the front gate when you are ready, Sir Rufflepuff.” Mountague tipped his hat and left the room.
“I’ll never get used to him calling me that...”
“Watching him for a friend? You are bad at making things up.”
“Well, it’s actually true. I am friends with Gummy’s owner. Hmm, I wonder if... no, she couldn’t be. Anyways, I will leave you to your thoughts, since I know how fond of them you are. Come along, Gummy!”
The toothless alligator climbed onto the back of the pegasus, who left the detective alone, who sat pondering and smoking his pipe for several hours thereafter.

Trixie climbed over a hill and caught sight of Ponyville at last. It brought back unpleasant memories. Of all the towns she had visited in her days as a performer, Ponyville was the worst experience by far.
This was her first time travelling in a long time without her wagon, and she knew this meant either sleeping outside on the ground or having to stay with somepony else. ‘Probably going to go with the first option.’ she thought to herself. She rested for a bit, watching the clouds, before heading into town.
‘Ok, make this as quick and painless as possible. Don’t draw attention to yourself, and whatever you do, stay away from-’ gasp “Twilight Sparkle?”
“Trixie?!? What in Celestia’s name are you doing here?” The outburst from the purple unicorn attracted the attention of other nearby ponies, who started whispering and chatting to one another as they recognised Trixie.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie is not here to waste time with you. I am here on important business, so if you you would be so kind as to tell The Great and Powerful Trixie where she can find...” she looked at the names on the list she now levitated before herself, “somepony named Frosty Scoop, she will be on her way!” She stuck her nose up in the air proudly, awaiting the response.
“Umm... she’s over that way, selling ice cream, but why-”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie does not have the time or the desire for idle chit-chat, so good day!” Trixie walked away quickly. She could feel past emotions surfacing as she saw the stares and gossip of the townsfolk. The fury... the embarrassment... ‘WHY DID I EVER DECIDE TO DO THIS!?!’

“Hames. Hey Shetland! HAMES!” The shout and a hoof waved in front of his face
snapped the detective from his thought, back to reality. Flutterbreeze was standing before him, along with Gummy. “Hey, have you been sitting there this whole time?”
“I’ve been... thinking.”
“Well, it’s close to midnight now. You didn’t forget to eat did you, or sleep, or breath? I suppose you are smoking, which is kind of like breathing. Anyways, Gummy and I are going to sleep, and you are NOT coming in the room in the middle of the night this time. I suggest you actually try to sleep, or at least lay in bed and pretend to be normal. Hey, Hames! Have you been listening?”
“Uh, what? No, no I haven’t.”
*facehoof* “Ugh, goodnight Hames, and please take off that filthy uniform. Oh, I almost forgot, I got Mountague to set up a bath for you by the door, so you can wash up before you come in next time.”
The detective mumbled an incoherent reply. It would be some hours before he finally made his way to his bed. He first had to collect his thoughts about all the information he had gathered that day. The things he found at the weapons factory, the identity of the villain behind it all, the motives and schemes... it was all piecing together. By morning he would have a plan for their next move in this “game”.