Authror Note: Now officially jumping more sharks and completely writing even more horribly.
“So you sure this isn’t going to kill anyone.” Spitfire asked for the tenth time. She wasn’t entirely ready to trust Kazooie that a foal could be hit by a magical exploding turtle shell without injury, especially when they moved that fast.
Kazooie just nodded as she went to take her place in the starting positions, in the center of the field was the launching mechanism for putting new shells in the air; it would fire the shells after a previous one was used up hitting a competitor. It was up to the other flyers to decide whether they’d jockey for the first three rankings and risk getting slammed by the most devastating weapon known to Mario Kart racers. Besides that, Kazooie had to find a use for the bob-omb buddy cannon eventually.
“Are you ready to kiss Fluttershy’s flank?” Kazooie said to rainbow as she prepped to fly, she really needed to talk to someone because she felt kind of naked without her backpack. She had to leave it behind as she couldn’t fly with it on during the competition, the temptation to pull something out of it would have been too great.
“Oh yeah, well… wait… what?” Rainbow turned to Kazooie in confusion and looked back to Mare-Do-Well, Shadow Wing and Surprise. She also swore she saw Raindrops in their twenty nine pegasus cluster prepping to takeoff in this challenge, she wasn’t afraid of no freaky blue shells that grew spikes and wings. Hearing Kazooie laughing raucously at her, Rainbow turned an angry scowl onto the alicorn as her cheeks burned red and her wings grew slightly stiff at the thought of actually kissing Fluttershy’s butt.
“Oh man… er… colt… stallion? Anyhow you should have seen the look on your face. You thought I was going to insult you to play mind games? Not right now, but I will make a daring escape to avoid Pinkamena after the competition just you wait.” Kazooie faced forward and looking at the simple circular track curving to the right ahead of her.
“Yeah, I actually was expecting that. Well just so you know, you will be eating my rainbow at the end of this competition.” Rainbow; when she finally realized what she had just said, promptly enough facehoofed and her face became a bright crimson.
“Sorry, but I’m not your type, that would be Fluttershy. Thanks for asking me to join in a threesome though.” No matter how much she really wanted to, Kazooie really didn’t need to do anything to get at Rainbow when she was already doing it to herself personally.
“Just know that I’m going to win and leave it at that. Do you even realize how aggravating you are to be around; I think we might even be friends just because of that.” Rainbow turned to look back at the Mare-Do-Well pony was being held by Surprise Pie draping her hoof around the costumed pony and exclaiming how much fun they were going to have and all the fun new surprises that she could create with whatever Kazooie had. Rainbow always found Surprise Pie to be a bit awkward, since she was exactly what Pinkie Pie would be like as a pegasus and she really didn’t like spending much time around both pies when they were together. The partyception that happened as a result of the two party ponies meeting was too much to bear sometimes when she came to visit her cousin in Ponyville.
“Eeyup.” It was the last word Kazooie said as Spitfire moved over to the twenty nine flying ponies and changeling with a checkered flag.
“Get ready, on your marks… get set… FLY BACKWARDS!” Spitfire watched as all the ponies stood still waiting for her to say ‘go’. “Darn it, why does that joke never work for me? Everypony always does it when Soarin’ tries it. Anyway, I think I’m going to go somewhere and sulk after I say... GO!”
Ten seconds in and already the Mare-Do-Well was doing decently enough in seventh place, Shadow Wing was at fifth using other ponies draft to boost forward, Rainbow was in third, Surprise was in second and in first was some mare named Turbulence Breaker. Back at the starting line Kazooie stood their counting down to one from nine and took off before the six shells were rapidly launched into the air and it didn’t take her long to catch up to the pack or for the first victim to be nailed by a blue shell from karting hell.
Turbulence went down and almost following her was Rainbow who suddenly jumped into first place as the cannon in the middle of the field fired another shell. Rainbow had problems dodging the first shell to fly at her and the second one in its shadow almost hitting her and the third shell from the cannon was coming up on her tail and fast.
Rainbows adrenaline was pumping and soon she was too busy dodging the shells to maintain any speed at all as they sped up when she did. Surpise was not surprisingly doing well in avoiding two shells as she giggled and acrobatically pirouetted in midair and pulled off a split second somersaults barely avoiding the two fast flying blue shells by the cloth of her short pink tutu. Shadow Wing was having a hard time just dealing with one shell and gracefully angled through its fast flying arc several times without being tagged by the metal spiked menace, rolling slightly out of the way as it made several passes. Mare-Do-Well was finally in fourth having managed to pick up the pace and held behind Shadow Wing watching as the pony roll out of the shells path as it continued its quest to knock the costumed pony from the sky. Many of the other ponies flying in the competition were holding back and watching with awe as the brave ponies that were trying to avoid the ridiculous looking projectiles, many also looked back to see Turbulence shakily get back into the air before picking up speed again to pass the main mass of flying bodies.
Up in the stands in the royal box seats, Celestia watched as Kazooie flew forward to second place and avoided the two shells angling to knock her out of the sky. The princess took notice that her eyes were shifting from left to right, but never looking straight forward. Soon the other ponies and the changeling started to become braver after seeing the pony named Turbulence get back up from taking a hit and was now flying relatively well.
“How did she get past all my guards, much less the changeling and how is she an alicorn? This kind of security breech needs to be fixed.” Celestia was becoming slightly obsessed with wanting to see Kazooie blown out of the sky by her own additions to this competition.
“Actually I think the security issue was your fault to begin with dear sister. First of all you have all the guards on the lookout for a pony or bird with the colors red and yellow with a sketch depicting her and that she is of a strange personality. Second all the guards were probably so busy seeking out this Kazooie if it were not in the rules for the competitors to be checked the changeling could have completely gone unnoticed. Third your day guards are probably as thoroughly annoyed as you are that she has appeared as an alicorn and thus can’t do anything against her because of her previous infractions.” Luna stopped and ate some popcorn whether or not to consider telling Celestia what she thought of the situation, her sister has been out of sorts as of late due to a recent banana cream pie assault. “In fact if you think about it, she only made us fall asleep and had us completely at her mercy and all she did was run away. Still there’s nothing you can do about her at this point.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean she has a plan for us or something going on out of our very sights. The fact that she can become an alicorn is enough warning in my mind that she is not to be trusted so easily.” Celestia turned back to the field to see Rainbow take two shells to the sides after she finished dodging one, wincing at the sight the princess didn’t think she would want to be back in first place for a while.
“That; as many a pony nowadays says, must have stung.” Luna just shoved another piece of food in her mouth, they were already getting into their second lap after Kazooie had finally started making a push and Surprise was the one dealing with the three relentless magical shells now. Shadow Wing was putting on an impressive show managing to hold a good position ahead of the pack and mostly glided behind other ponies before speeding up past them, yet the pony stayed back in third or fourth place. Luna in particular was watching the changeling put his heart into trying to keep up and ahead of the pack and was really doing a good job of it keeping pace with Shadow Wing and Mare-Do-Well.
“Come on Dashie, get up!” Pinkie shouted over the throng into a megaphone, the rainbow pony on the field shook her head clear and was up in the air once again.
“Well it seems like Rainbow recovered pretty fast, I wonder what kind of magic those things run on.” Twilight was studying the shells as they homed in on their targets and circled around trying to hit them. If a shell was about to hit a first place pony and another pony suddenly enters first place then the shell would always miss the pony it was originally aiming at. It was fascinating that the shells were so well designed to hit only the ponies they were supposed to, she almost forgot that it was Kazooie who suggested them and that made her realize that Pinkie might have known what they were. “Say Pinkie, do you know what those things are?”
“Yes.” Then Pinkie just went back to snacking as she watched Kazooie weave her way through the pack towards third place.
“Well are you going to tell me what they are?” Twilight said slightly exasperated, keeping track of the race as the flyers were moving into the third lap, the changeling wasn’t doing half bad and it didn’t look like Turbulence had recovered as well as Rainbow had from being struck by the shells.
“No, do you want a cupcake? They're really good Twilight.” Pinkie’s eyes widened with glee as she saw Kazooie shoot into first place and was about to do something amazing as all three shells suddenly start barreling down upon her. “Twilight you don’t want to miss what Kazooie is about to do!”
Twilight turning away from Pinkie saw Kazooie barrel roll to the right before shooting to the left avoiding the shells that tracked her movements. They altered their flight paths so that the only way to not be hit would be to drop back to second place, the same way Rainbow had taken two shells to her sides. Speaking of which Rainbow was almost back in third place passing close by to the changeling and Mare-Do-Well. Once she was finally in second place Kazooie spun around and started flying backwards.
“Do you want to know why I said avoiding these shells five minutes at a stretch is an accomplishment Rainbow? Well you’re about to find out!” Her rhetorical question notwithstanding, Kazooie flexed her wings and seconds before the three shells smacked into her. With a golden glow of her wonder wing ability the shells bounced harmlessly off her body at high speeds and then she stopped in mid-air and held her right hoof to the sky, coming to a hover halfway into the third lap. “Here’s a little P-Wing Power for ya!”
One might wonder what a goddess of a particular dimension would do if she saw Kazooie pulling this ability out of her bag of tricks. It was from one dimension that already has mystical pegasus wings as a magical treasure and a special flight magic that allowed only five minutes of intensified flying ability. After that the wings on your back literally catch fire, not much of a problem when you have healing potions, magic and a backpack with regenerative sleeping properties nearby and Kazooie wouldn’t be able to access that until after the race was over. She’d be ready for the next event, but this was going to hurt.
Every single pony in the stadium turned to Kazooie; keeping to her promise she hadn’t used alicorn or unicorn magic. What she failed to mention was the application of pegasus magic were anyone made aware of its capabilities to boost flight parameters to atrociously ridiculous levels. It wasn’t a matter if she was coming in first place, it was a matter who else was coming in first place and this ability wasn’t quite unfair because any pegasus could do this if they knew how. White ethereal wings three times the size of her normal flying pony wings exploded out her back in a vibrant glow of blue sparkles and she shot forward immediately breaking the sound barrier.
Rainbow didn’t stop, but her jaw did drop at the sight. Kazooie’s horn didn’t even light up at all to do that, she had to close the distance and fast if she wanted to come in first. While she was considering doing her signature Sonic Rainboom she almost lost track of the shells tailing her in the air. She started pushing herself harder, but it was obvious until she built up enough speed she wasn’t catching up with… wait only one shell was tailing? Looking ahead she could see Shadow Wing following Kazooie as flying at a slightly slower speed in her wake, when had that pony passed her? Just as the third place shell was about to strike, Mare-Do-Well flew past her. The shell immediately veered off as Rainbow glared at it before pushing herself to fly faster than Mare-Do-Well hoping to not let it hit the pony in the costume. It was around this time that a random pony with a fiery mane like Spitfires and green coat shot by and the shell veered to its new target and blew up, then Surprise shot into third place giggling causing Rainbow to snort in anger. She was not losing to Pinkie's cousin in a tutu.
Looking behind herself, Kazooie smiled at the one pony smart enough to start drafting behind her and it was going to be a rough ride should that pony not avoid their own shells while staying in dragging distance. The three shells were putting her under much more pressure as she bounced off the air like a pinball, much less the two shells on the pony behind her. They were almost lapping all the other ponies at this point into the fourth lap, Shadow Wing was doing particularly well staying in her draft and avoiding the two shells angling to take her out of the air, by carefully gliding out of the way with a careful sharp lean to the left or right.
Rainbow not wanting to be lapped or lose to Kazooie shot high in the air trying to maintain her speed before diving down and creating a rainbow wave with a resulting boom. She was going to catch up to Kazooie and she wasn’t going quit aiming for the top. Even if she now had one shell speeding up on her butt and she had a good idea on how to use it.
Many a pony in the stadium was curious why the race wasn’t called to a halt, but it was quickly established amongst the crowd that Kazooie’s horn never lit up and it was just her wings that were lit up. Now they were watching Rainbow quickly close the distance between them. Trying to keep a path as straight as possible she sped up behind Shadow Wing and passed right on by causing the third place shell to nail the pony, sending it tumbling towards the ground via high speed blue shell. After a few moments Shadow Wing shakily got up and started flying again at a slowly pace. Continuing on Rainbow took up second place and started to trade second and first place with Kazooie rapidly, causing the shells to change target every few seconds. This made the shells narrowly miss hitting them multiple times and it jumbled their knowledge of which they were supposed to look out for of the total five whipping about at them.
“I thought you said no magic!” Rainbow yelled hoping to be heard at the speeds they were pulling, as she flew with her back to Kazooie's..
“No, I just said no alicorn or unicorn magic during the competition! I said absolutely Jak all about pegasus magic; I’m all for flubbing things with semantics like my old friend Daxter does at a sidekicks and partners convention. Besides your one to talk as you’re using pegasus magic too, I’m being completely fair here!” Kazooie figured it would take a moment for Rainbow’s brain to actually upload that information and it might take an entire day afterwards for her to process it.
Kazooie’s wings were the result of pure pegasus magic? Rainbow was using pegasus magic herself? Well now Rainbow didn’t feel like complaining as they outstripped all the other racers except her Rainboom acceleration was beginning to wear off and she could see Kazooie’s wings starting to catch fire for some odd reason while there was an incredibly pained look on her face. At the same exact moment a quarter into the fifth lap they both started slowing down, Kazooie because she had to deactivate the P-Wing Power and Rainbow’s maximum acceleration was finally bleeding off rapidly.
Kazooie had managed to air dash backwards fast enough that Rainbow was immediately nailed by three shells in a row and Kazooie only took two to the face; thankfully her mouth was as tough as her beak even if it wasn’t as sharp as it usually was. Both racers flopped to the field and Shadow Wing was half way into the fourth lap, the changeling, Mare-Do-Well and Surprise were just catching up to this pony now.
It would take a while for both Rainbow and Kazooie to recover from being hit by the shells and since they were still in first and second place respectively the shells hovered nearby waiting for them to start flying again. Kazooie slowly rolled onto her feet and started trotting along the ground past rainbow until she had three shells hovering above her head, she paused and waited for her wings to stop being agonizing. Video Game characters despite their inability to appear harmed at times still very much felt great amounts of pain.
“Whoa did you see that, that… was… awesome!” Soarin said to Spitfire who was still grumbling about him actually always getting his fun in and no matter what he does the press loved him for being the cute one.
“She was right; those shells would target her as well. While the shells may not seem to hurt any pony, the fall certainly does, Rainbow took a bad spill there.” Spitfire smiled at the Mare-Do-Well costumed pony, matching pace with the changeling and thought it was cute that Fluttershy was trying so hard to keep up with Rainbow.
At least Spitfire thought it was Fluttershy from what she heard of the Mare-Do-Well incident. The pony in that costume certainly flew awkwardly enough to be her. Now Shadow Wing was a pony that impressed her, smart and critical thinking of how to ride in some pony else’s current and kept an even pace as well as a head for flying. Getting struck with a shell didn’t even stop that pony from getting up and putting up a good effort to stay in the lead even if their flying was slightly hampered after hitting the ground. In fact the pony might be Wonderbolt material, even if Shadow Wing hadn’t been particularly speedy up to this point and was almost passing Kazooie and Rainbow’s downed positions.
“It’s all cool. Though I wonder how she did that magic thing without her horn or that thing when she took on a golden glow for a couple of seconds, I could swear I heard a banjo being played as she deflected those shells.” Walking up next to Soarin, Fleetfoot came to sit down with the two most famous Wonderbolts for varying reasons and sighed as she held a pie out to an eager Soarin who greedily took it.
“Fleetfoot you’re the best friend we've ever had!” While he was happily eating it, Soarin knew he would later be working it off with extra flight training and an angry Spitfire hounding him the entire time.
“I swear Fleetfoot if you keep spoiling Soarin he might never fly again and then we’ll have to have him as a chubby team mascot then who will be our best sixth?” Spitfire said amused by Fleetfoot as her white mane framed her face and those eyes were giving her an affectionate look.
“Oh we got plenty of reserves who could do almost as good a job, but even I’m sure more than forty pies a week won’t even faze our favorite pound per pudding pegasus. He has the metabolism for it after all and only a pie eating contest has ever put him out of commission and that was only for two days.” Fleetfoot suddenly entangled her right wing in Spitfires left and this caused the pony with a flaming mane to perform these actions in order: blush, squeak and then start stammering about the sudden forwardness from Fleetfoot.