Epic Rap Battles of MLP

by enigmaMystere


Rap Battle #22: Results and Aftermath

Two red stallions and one spotted colt sat in a field, watching the aerial show above them, performed by a multicolored mare and an orange filly. The orange filly wasn't really flying, though. It was more like a trapeze act for her, where her idol kept her from losing control as she attempted to learn to fly.

Oddly enough, one of the stallions was talking to the other, nearing the end of a long explanation as he nervously fiddled with his wings. “...so that’s my problem...” Enigma sighed, looking up at the red stallion next to him. “What do you think I should do?”

The earth pony sat there in silence for a few minutes, staring up at his girlfriend flying in the skies above. For a moment, the smaller stallion contemplated asking the question again, but then the farmer finally spoke. “Ah think ya need ta talk to her.”

The pegasus’s heart leaped to his throat, his eyes wide in surprise. He didn't expect that answer, nor was he certain he could go through with it. “...a-are you sure?”

The red stallion glanced down at his darker friend briefly, almost immediately returning his gaze to the prismatic pony above them. His neutral expression momentarily shifted to a small smile, so brief that Enigma was certain it was a figment of his imagination. “Eeyup.”

Said multicolored mare landed in front of them, smiling beatifically. "What are ya talking about? Is it that Summer Sun Festival in a few weeks?"

The larger stallion shook his head, his expression never changing. "Nnope."

Enigma felt nervous when the mare's gaze moved to him, uncomfortable with the idea of sharing what he said a second time. “Well,” he sheepishly smiled, slowly backing away from the group, “I think that’s enough excitement for me. I’ve got somewhere to be. See ya!” He turned and, after quickly readjusting his saddlebag, flew off, his mind filled with what Big Macintosh had told him.


Vinyl sat down on a park bench, watching the two pairs of friends glare at each other under the shade of a tree. She sighed, taking another bite of her grilled cheese sandwich. “...so...you all want to know who won?”

Without even glancing at her, the four school-age ponies nodded. With a shake of her head, the white unicorn pulled out her phone and began to tally the votes. After reading every single one of the comments, she looked up, her face completely neutral. “The winner is Luna.”

Four pairs of eyes stared at her, wide in shock. Eventually, the magenta filly spoke up, slightly worried. “...are you serious?”

Vinyl put a hoof to her mouth, looking as though she was contemplating the proper answer for that. Eventually, after thirty seconds had passed, she used the hoof to lower her shades, revealing a twinkle of amusement in her eyes and a small smile on her face. “Bazinga.” She giggled as four hooves met four faces, waving a hoof dismissively. “No, Twist and Ruby won.”

The fillies cheered, smiling cheekily at the two colts across from them. “Now will you stop being hard-headed and listen, for once? We didn’t take your silly pyramid puzzle!”

Snails groaned, shaking his head and throwing his hooves in the air in exasperation. “It’s called the Millennium Puzzle!”

The four young ponies walked away, still debating over whether the fillies did or did not take the toy. The disc jockey watched them leave, shaking her head. “That’s kinda sad, dudes.” She turned, deciding that she could probably get a bit more sleep if she went home immediately.

Vinyl stopped in mid-step, feeling a hoof tap her on the shoulder. She looked over her shoulder, seeing her favorite dark red pegasus standing there, staring back at her with a worried expression.

“...Vi, can we...talk?”


In an undisclosed cottage, a yellow mare walked into her bedroom, cautiously closing and locking the door behind her. Satisfied that nopony was watching her, she moved to her closet, pulling a medium-sized box out from the back.

She removed the lid, gazing down at the mass of green and yellow inside. With a soft smile, she pulled the wig out, placing it on her head. With a wistful sigh, she looked into a mirror, staring into the reflection’s teal eyes. “...I wish I hadn’t lost my contacts last year...”

Remorsefully, she put the wig back in the box, stowing it in the back of her closet. She opened the door and left, silently speaking to herself. “...I need to hurry...I have to take Winona on a walk for Applejack...”


An orange pony was riding on a train, taking the time to catch up on his much-needed sleep. A western town took a lot of work to keep safe, after all. He’d been up the past few nights, trying to catch some ne’er-do-wells that were terrorizing the town.

It was rather ironic, really. If he hadn’t been vigilant for the last three days, he wouldn’t have been caught with his hat off, so to speak. As it was, there was a black smoke creeping in the crack of his cabin’s door, a grin on its ethereal face...