//------------------------------//
// Healing (Unedited) 
// Story: A Derpy's Goodbye 
// by Dream Searcher 
//------------------------------//


A Derpy’s Goodbye
Chapter 3:Healing
Timeline: One month and a half after Derpy's awakening.


Silence reigned, just silence and nothing else. No beeping of the machines, no rain hitting the window, not even a word. The chamber was filled with silence and it had been since Derpy’s awakening.

A normal pony would be happy to get out of his or her coma, but Derpy wasn’t happy. She wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t angry either. She was just… empty. She had no life goal, she abandoned that when she took the pills. She didn’t want to talk to ponies. She wasn’t angry at them, no not at all. She just felt like a burden to them, they didn’t need her. 

And then there were her foals: Dinky and Sparkler. Every day they came to the hospital together with Twilight, but she always found it difficult to look at them. She could see it in their eyes, the hurt she had caused them and that only weighed even more on her guilt.

She just wanted to be left alone.

But they didn’t leave her. Rainbow always stayed in her room constantly watching her like a lion watching his prey. Twilight always came over with her two foals and tried to ask questions, but she didn’t answer them. She just didn’t feel like answering them.

Today wasn’t any different than the other days. Rainbow was still sitting on the chair in the corner of the room while staring out of the window. Derpy could see it in Rainbow’s eyes, she wanted to fly. Her wings were also flapping in place, but not hard enough to hover her body. That really didn’t have a good effect on Derpy, now she felt even guiltier. It was because of her that Rainbow couldn’t enjoy the sky; she had grounded Rainbow.

But Rainbow Dash wasn’t the pony she had hurt the most. No, her foals had been hurt so much that it just wasn’t ethical anymore. They had lost their mother for over three months, but luckily Twilight was so kind enough to take care of them. That was also something she hated. She didn’t want to be dependent of another pony, but now she was dependent on practically everypony. 

Now that she had a second chance, which a part of her still didn’t want, she had to try and glue things back together. She wasn’t going to do it for her own good, but to make the lives of others easier. That was Derpy, always trying to help others even if she’s a bit clumsy and even if most of the other ponies don’t appreciate her.

She sighed and stared at Rainbow Dash who was still sitting at the window with an expression that said: ‘I wanna get outta here.’ She figured that it was best to start with helping her. “Rainbow Dash” She silently said. She had to speak rather silent, since her throat hurt from not using it for 4 months and a half. She figured she needed a drink before she could really speak to Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash suddenly flew out of her chair and hit her head on the ceiling. Derpy knew that she had startled Rainbow, but for once she didn’t care, it was rather funny and for the first time in one and a half month she let herself smile. 

Rainbow, however, wasn’t smiling. She hated it when ponies startled her, most of the time she did something embarrassing as a reaction to something and this time wasn’t an exception. But all of that didn’t matter. A wonder had happened, Derpy just said something. She instantly flew over to Derpy’s bed and sat down on a chair beside it while looking at her with hope in her eyes. “Did you just talk?” She asked Derpy. She just wanted to be sure that she didn’t imagine her talking.

Derpy made a ‘come closer’ gesture with her hoof, her throat needed water badly. Rainbow obliged and came a bit closer to her, she was now 20 inches away from Derpy’s head. 

It was still not enough and Derpy made another ‘come closer’ gesture. Rainbow again came a bit closer to her, just 10 inches away from Derpy. 

Now it was enough for Derpy. Rainbow just didn’t get the hint, so she had to make it clear. She grabbed Rainbow’s head between her hooves and pulled Rainbow closer to her so that Rainow’s ear was near her mouth. “Water.” She whispered, her voice a little hoarse.

Rainbow nodded and pulled her head free from Derpy’s grasp. She began to search behind the curtains, in the closet, under her chair and even in the bathroom, but the bottle of water was nowhere to be found. She went back to Derpy to tell her that she couldn’t find the bottle of water, but when she looked up she saw her unamused face and her hoof was pointing at a bottle of water on the bedside table, but the bottle was just out of her reach. Rainbow facehooved herself. “Sorry,” She said. “I think I’m still a bit shaken up from hitting my head against the ceiling.” Rainbow would normally try to play it casual and do as if nothing had happened, but she knew that she didn’t have to do that around Derpy. Derpy was like a sister to her. They would laugh at each other and they had a bond nopony could break, not even an attempted suicide. 

Rainbow gave the bottle to Derpy and she began to drink from it like a pony who had been walking in a desert for three days. After she was done drinking she gave the bottle back to Rainbow. That water was like heaven to her, a colorless liquid touched by the Gods and cooled in their refrigerator until somepony needed it. It was even better than a muffin.

Rainbow placed the bottle again on the bedside table and stared at Derpy. Nothing seemed wrong. She still had the same eyes that were looking at two things at once, a trait only Derpy possessed, but a rather embarrassing one. Same blond mane and tail with a nice gray coat to accompany it. She wasn’t ill on the outside, but on the inside and Rainbow had to make her better. “So,” She started. “Why did you wait so long to make yourself audible?”

Derpy looked at the window, the window Rainbow Dash was watching trough just a few minutes earlier. She sighed and knew that Rainbow wasn’t going to take this well. “Because I want you to leave.” 

Of course Rainbow didn’t take that well, she almost fell off her chair. “What? No way, you need constant supervision. I’m your friend and I’ll always stay with you.” She said and for once no ego was mixed in the sound of her voice, she had spoken directly from her heart.

Derpy knew this and she had to use all her persuasion power to convince Rainbow to enjoy herself. “Rainbow, I care about you and I see that you want to fly, so go outside and fly. I’m not going anywhere, trust me.”

Rainbow looked at Derpy with an uncertain expression, but Derpy just smiled at her and that was something she hadn’t done in one month and a half. “What about suicide? How can I know that you don’t try to take your own life again?” She asked with a bit more power in her voice. Those four months and a half were an emotional rollercoaster for her and that was beginning to weigh on her. 

“A part of me still feels miserable and wants nothing more than to end my life, but I see what kind of pain I caused to other ponies, you included, and if I take my own life then it will get worse. I don’t care about myself, I care about others. My healing process will be a long one, but you and my other friends will help me. There’s one thing I learned in those one month and a half and that is that I still have friends who care about me. When I took my own life I thought that I was alone and that nopony loved me, but I was wrong.” She began to tear up, her emotional barrier had broken down. “I was so wrong, my mind just made assumptions based on what I felt and not on facts and that almost costed me my life. I-I’m so sorry, I was being stupid and I-I…” She couldn’t finish the sentence, it just became too much.

Rainbow was touched by Derpy’s talk from her heart. Now she needed to do what every loyal friend would do, she needed to comfort her. She got off her chair and stood on her hind legs, her forelegs resting on the bed. She grabbed Derpy’s body with her forelegs and pushed Derpy’s head against her chest; it was a warm embrace. “Ssh, I’m here for you. You aren’t alone, I’m here.”

They stayed like this until Derpy stopped crying and that was just a couple of minutes. Derpy looked up and saw Rainbow’s comforting smile; it told her that everything was going to be alright. “So, you’ll go outside?”

Rainbow nodded. “Yes, I trust you enough to leave you alone for a few hours, but don’t forget that Twilight is coming over with your foals in about two hours.”

That was something Derpy actually didn’t look forwards to, but it was going to happen nonetheless. She decided not to worry about it, it was for her own good. 

Rainbow let go of Derpy and walked to the door. Just when she was about to open it she turned back to Derpy. “Oh Derpy?” Derpy opened her eyes, she decided to sleep a bit before her foals came over. “Thank you. My wings were beginning to hurt and my urge to fly became almost unbearable.” She then walked through the doorway and closed the door behind her.

Derpy rested her head on the pillow and a tear escaped her eyes. There was something she hadn’t told Rainbow. Yesterday, when she had her weekly private conversation with the doctor, he had told her that her wings were paralyzed. Three months in a coma had ensured that she couldn’t fly again. She wasn’t that good at flying and she didn’t enjoy flying as much as Rainbow, but it still gave her a sort of freedom and now that also had been taken away from her. Life just became even more miserable.


*****


Two hours later the door opened and two foals stepped through the doorway, Twilight just behind them. She closed the door as silently as she could, Derpy was still sleeping and she didn’t want to wake her. It had been a hectic month for herself, but also for her foals… um, Derpy’s foals. Derpy didn’t want to talk to them and that frustrated Sparkler and saddened Dinky. They just wanted their mother back, but it seemed that she wasn’t coming back. She had been scarred for life and that had an effect on the two foals.

Now they were all sitting around Derpy’s bed, all waiting for her to wake up. It was also then that Twilight noticed something wrong. Rainbow wasn’t in the room. Almost immediately she began to make assumptions. Had Rainbow finally collapsed and did she just leave Derpy? Had the bottle of loyalty been drained? Twilight didn’t know, but to her surprise she couldn’t blame Rainbow. Derpy just didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to go on with her life; she was empty inside. 

Twilight looked at Derpy’s sleeping form. Nothing on the outside seemed wrong, but it was the inside that had been affected. She didn’t know why Derpy wanted to end her life. To her, Derpy was a friendly mare who was always in a happy mood and she always wanted to help her friends, even if she was a bit clumsy. But last year everything went downhill, last year she received unfriendly notes and some ponies avoided her. Twilight didn’t think that Derpy was so sensitive about that, but she was wrong and now they all had to pay the price. 

She shifted her gaze on the two foals who were, once again, looking at the sleeping form of their mother and hoping that today was the day that she would talk. Derpy’s refusal to talk was a slap in their faces, it gave them the feeling that they weren’t loved anymore. Honestly Twilight didn’t know if their mother loved them, but she would try to love them as much as their mother.

It was then that Derpy began to stir and she slowly opened her eyes. Her brain was still in start-up process, so she didn’t register the three ponies sitting next to her bed. After a few seconds her eyes she tensed up and it finally registered that she had company. The only thing she wanted to do right now was getting the heck out of there, but she knew that wasn’t an option. She had spoken already to Rainbow, but talking to her foals was a different story. They would ask why she had left them and if she still loved them. The answer to the last question was yes, she still loved them. She loved them more than anything, even more than muffins.

Dinky jumped onto the bed and nestled herself near her mother’s side, which she then nuzzled. She did this every time they visited her mother and every time she hoped that her mother would talk. Today was no exception. She looked at her mother and saw that there was a small smile visible on her face. This gave Dinky hope, maybe today was the day that her mother talked for the first time after waking up. “Do you want to talk now, mommy?” She asked her mother.

Derpy chewed on her cheek for a moment, a part of her was still doubting, but she knew that she had to go through with it. She needed to give her foals some comfort, she had hurt them enough. She made a ‘come closer’ gesture with one of her hooves and Dinky’s face lit up. She wasn’t like Rainbow Dash and immediately got the hint. She positioned her head next to her mother’s mouth and listened to what her mother had to say. After a few seconds she nodded, jumped off the bed and walked out of the room. 

Sparkler just stared at the door with a half open mouth. She couldn’t believe that her mother had talked, but she didn’t talk to them. Instead, she just whispered something in her sister’s ear and she just walked off. Oh, she was going to give her mother a piece of her mind. She turned back to her mother and readied herself to shout the air out of her lungs. But then she saw her mother or what was left of it. Her eyes told Sparkler that her mother was actually a plant, she had no life purpose and then there were those wings, that looked awfully limp. Sparkler hung her head and sighed. “Why did you do it?” She asked, not really expecting an answer. 

Derpy knew that she was going to get that question, but she didn’t really have an answer to that. “I-I don’t know. It just seemed like a good idea at the moment, my only way out of misery.” She said and watched Sparkler’s reaction. When she saw that Sparkler’s eye twitched, she knew that she had fucked up.

“Misery?! Good idea?! Are you really stupid or what? Suicide is never the answer! What about Carrot Top and Twilight or Rainbow Dash?! What about Dinky?! What about me?! Do you know how I felt those three months?! DO you have any idea how much you hurt me?! You probably scarred Dinky for the rest of her life! You don’t care about others, y-you just c-care about y-yourself!” It was then that Sparkler broke down and she ran out of the room, smashing the door behind her. 

Derpy felt the tears going down her cheek, but she didn’t care about that, she just wanted to be reunited with Sparkler. Her attempted suicide had made a large gap between herself and Sparkler and it was going to take a lot of effort to fix it, if it could even be fixed. She had her eyes closed and wasn’t really paying attention to her surroundings, but she could feel a hoof on her shoulder. She opened one eye and saw that it was Twilight’s hoof. She immediately saw it as lighthouse for a lost ship and she grabbed the hoof, not wanting to let go. 

Twilight saw how much Derpy was hurt and she hugged her, she knew Derpy needed that right now. “Shh, she’ll come around, the shock is just a little bit too much for her.” She said, she needed to comfort Derpy right now.

It took some time, but after a few minutes Derpy stopped crying, she just hadn’t any more tears left. She had done it, she had finally done it. She had talked to her foals and lost one in the process. She and Sparkler would always have a bad relationship, she just knew it. “Twilight?” 

Twilight let go of the hug, sat back down next to the bed and smiled at Derpy. “Yes?”

Derpy smiled back. It was  just a little smile, but it was all she could muster in her current state. “You really know how to handle those two, I’ve heard some stories from Nurse Redheart and I have to thank you for that. I knew you would make a good mother, even if it’s just temporary.” She said. She was really happy that Twilight had cared so well for her foals, she had to repay it back later.

Twilight, however, wasn’t really happy. That word ‘temporary’ had reminded her that she had to give those two back and it was going to be a real hard thing to do. She had grown to love them and soon she had to say goodbye to them. They had to be returned to their real mother, whether she wanted it or not. “Thank you, but it was nothing. They were always nice and they like to help me in the library, so it actually wasn’t a real burden.” She said with an undertone of hurt in it, but she hid it behind her joyful personality. 

“Still, your future foals are going to love a mother like you.” Derpy said, completely oblivious to the fact that she had just hurt another pony. 

Twilight decided it was time for a change of subject or otherwise she too was going to break down. “So, why did you send Dinky away?” That was something really curious and Twilight wanted to know why Derpy did that. 

“Ah, because I had a feeling that Sparkler was going to run away, it’s in her personality. So I asked Dinky to wait outside in the hallway until she saw Sparkler running out of the room. Then she had to follow Sparkler and try to comfort her.” She explained. She had created that plan in her dreams and it worked.

Twilight nodded in understanding. “Clever, really clever.” She had to admit that not even she herself had thought about that.

“Thanks.” She waited for a moment. “Twilight, are you alright? You seem to be in pain.”

Twilight just shook her head. “Yes, I’m alright, I’m just a little sleepy.”

She was not alright…

A/N: There it is, chapter 3. Only one more chapter to go.
E/N: