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// Ch. 6 It's A long way to Tipperary! ... I mean New York! 
// Story: The Great and Powerful ... Walter? 
// by Westphalian_Musketeer 
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We were speeding down a highway that led us through Texas and eventually into Alabama. Well, not speeding actually, we were well within the speed limit. We did not want to be pulled over, as, given the configuration of my body and Pablo’s sitting with a seatbelt was highly unorthodox.

Even with the unorthodoxy, I still wished that Pablo, stuck in the body of Snails, also stuck to his side of the back seat. This was not to be the case however as the orange unicorn colt gradually migrated towards me.

“Can I help you? Or did you just want to breath on The Great and Powerful Walter’s withers?”

“Hola Trixie,” Pablo said. “Me llamo Snails, y a mi me mucho gusto tú.”

Hearing Snail’s voice tell me that he liked Trixie very much in Spanish was, for all accounts and purposes, very strange. I had watched of few episodes of My Little Pony in Spanish for practice, but all the same, this was by far the most daunting contradiction to my head canon ever. It was like listening to a cat bark.

“First of all, her... my name is Walter, and secondly, your name is Pablo.” I rolled my eyes as Pablo fawned over me. “Enrique can you get your brother to heel?” I asked of Pablo’s brother.

“Enrique, stop it, remember what I told you about respecting the personal space of women?” he responded.

Pablo looked down sullenly and shifted back to his side of the seat. The dejected unicorn put on the most pitiable face I had seen, if he had been entrapped in the body of Applebloom, I would have d’awwed right there.

I turned to Enrique and said, “Thank you, but technically its mare, although I would prefer person.”

“Pero- ahem, but you’re not a person,” Pablo interrupted, lifting his head and looking at me. “You’re The Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“No I am not! I just have her body. Trixie is a inglourious show-boater who just wants others to stroke her ego.” I looked at Pablo and did my best to give a look that portrayed the gravity of what I was saying. “I, on the other hand, have, until I went and sprouted a tail, attempted to be the most unassuming person I could. I was a closet brony for Celestia’s sake!”

I clapped my hooves to my mouth. It was another confounded ponyism. I was willing to allow the occasional third person into my speech, but I had standards, I was a performer. Wait, where did that come from? This was getting ridiculous, I needed some time to gather my thoughts.

“Enrique,” I began, “could you please pull over? I could use some fresh air.”

“SNNNUURGHK,” Enrique responded.

“Enrique? What was that? I couldn’t quite catch that.” I shifted my position and extended my neck to see if my driver was alright.

What I saw caused my gut to drop. Enrique was sitting there, head tilted to the side, thoroughly asleep.

“Haha, very funny Enrique wake up,” I demanded in a rather uncertain voice.

“CLUGH!” he responded.

Enrique shifted, turning the wheel, and sending the car off the road before Pablo or I could scream. The car was careening through the air towards a large, foul-looking bog. Just then, a large, green gummy bear appeared in the middle of the swampy terrain. We landed on it the vehicle bounced, flipped, and landed once more, but this time on its roof. Both Pablo and I were left to make fine impersonations of a face-planted wrestler as we fell out of our seats and onto the underside of the car roof.

“Ooooowwwww!” we both groaned.

I righted myself slowly, testing my neck to make sure it hadn’t broken in any important places. Come to think of it, all of my neck was important. All of me was important. When I was once again standing on my four hooves looked over to Pablo, he was laying there on his back, his tongue lolling out.

“Pablo, you alright?” I asked, prodding him with my hoof. When he didn’t respond I laid both my hooves on his chest and began shaking him vigorously. “Wake up you idiot!” I yelled.

“I am,” he answered, “awake, and now that you gave me a belly rub, I’m alright too.”

I retracted my hooves away from him immediately. Clever deviant, using me like that. Before I could express my utter disgust and disdain for him however, I heard a loud thump.

I turned around and there was Enrique, slumped on the ground and looking much smaller. I squeezed my way over to the front seat and saw that grey-green fur had sprouted on his face. His fingers had fused and were shortening. Hardened keratin began covering the stumps as his face elongated into a slight muzzle and his hair turned a shade of orange. I stepped back, the sight shook me to the core knowing that I had undergone a similar experience within the last few days. I could hear audible pops as vertebrae elongated his neck along with a creaking noise coming from his arms, now newly formed legs.

Enrique’s eyes fluttered open and he looked at me. “What the heck just happened?”

I gestured with my hoof to Pablo. “You became the Tweedle Dee to his Tweedle Dum,” I answered.

“Beg pardon?” He looked down on himself and groaned. “Ah crud, now how are we supposed to get to New York?”

“Why, you walk of course, just like I intended,” a voice replied.

“Who said that?” I yelped, noting the familiarity of the voice. I backed out of the open window and my rump bumped into something scaly. I turned around and there before me was Discord, God of Chaos, and perpetrator of my dehumanized, emasculated state.

“Oh, hello.” Discord grinned. “This is me, is that you Trixie? I do say, for somepony who claims to be great and powerful you do seem to be lacking in mental acuity. Don’t you realize ponies shouldn’t drive? They should hop or skip, or maybe float, given our present setting.” The draconequus gestured to the swamp around us and tapped his hoofed leg to the gigantic gummy bear we were standing on.

“You transformed Enrique while he was driving!” I yelled. “You ruined my plan to get to New York, and my name is Walter!”

“Ah yes, Vaudeville would love to see you. But I simply had to hold you up for a moment. I have come baring gifts!” With that Discord snapped his talons and beside me popped in Pablo and Enrique, now Snips and Snails. “First, your ever adoring retinue, and second...” Discord snapped his talons again and the car gave out a quacking sound. I turned around and there in its place was a blue cape and hat, adorned with silver and navy stars that glittered in the daylight. “A showpony should never be seen out of her proper attire.”

I shuddered as Discord traced my cheek with a talon. “Well, have to go now, big plans, expanding the basement, painting the study, ooooh, I think I’ll even read that Diskworld book I’ve heard so much about! Ta!” With that the mythical hodge-podge of mythical creatures faded into nothingness.

“Wait!” Enrique yelled, “how are we going to get back on the road! We can’t swim like this!”

In response a great big ceiling fan materialized over his head. It bonked his horn when it fell to the our soft candy island.

“That’s not a paddle!” Enrique shook his hoof at the sky.

“And you’re in a swamp, I think you can improvise a way of getting to back on the highway with it,” came back the disembodied voice of Discord.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Pablo stated.

“God of Chaos, sense isn’t really his thing,” I answered. Staring at the fan I sighed, “Now to figure out how to use this to get back to shore.”