What Are These...Hue-mans?
Detroit,Michigan
8 days before Halloween.
Ever been hit in the nuts by a colorful cartoon pony with a western accent and a stetson hat, and has an orange coat with white freckles and big, green eyes? I have. And I’ll tell you what, it hurted like a mothafucka. Every little man in those two family jewels felt immediate pain and displeasure.
Opening my eyes, I could still feel my hands cupping my...area. What I also noticed, was that I was covered with my white hoodie, which still had blood spots around the shoulder area and the sleeves. Craning my neck, I could see Nino was right next to me, sleeping soundly. I smiled at the dog, but immediately winced when I tried moving my arms. It still hurts, not a lot but somewhat.
I took a deep breath and tried again. Now, I was able to move both my arms without too much pain, but next came the hard part. No pun intended.
Slowly, I stretched my left leg to form it as into a knee stance, and used my right leg to push me off the ground. I winced at the pain, which hurts real bad when it comes to stretching. Now that I am on both knees, I looked around the living room. Nino was still there, sleeping on the ground, yet I could not find the ponies. I began to worry, and quickly but carefully, I lifted my left knee into a T-bow stance, and lifted the other half of my body with my right leg.
“Motherfucker that still hurts.” I muttered. Before I was going to look for the ponies, I had to check up on the boys first.
I walked towards the bathroom door and took one last look around the living room. I then spotted Rainbow, sleeping on my fabric couch with her forelegs behind her head and her hind legs crossed above each other. Like, the thing you do when relaxing or listening to music, except she was sleeping and doing most likely the former, rather than the latter.
I was about to opened the door when I suddenly realized that I never closed the door before I left. I look down, and see that the lights were on, glowing through the small hole that is under the door. I look back up at the door, and knocked on it twice.
“Just a minute~!” Said a voice in a sing-song style. I sighed, knowing that it was Rarity who was in my bathroom. Knowing her, my mom, sister, younger sister, and I think all the women in the world, she was going to be in there for a very long time. Especially since I have a pretty big mirror in there and some good lighting. I begin to walk away from the bathroom, and could hear Rarity talk to herself about her hair and and how the lighting portrayed her coat.
Walking back into the living room, I noticed Dash was still there, looking so comfortable and relaxed. Smiling, I walked up a little closer, getting a little bit distracted by her rainbow mane. It looked so pretty and shiny when in the light, and God knows how much I like shiny things. Each color shined brightly, from violet all the way to red, including her cyan blue coat. I just wanted walk up and hug her like a freaking teddy bear.
But ignoring my urges, and not wanting to get bucked in the face, I walked away from the couch and entered the kitchen, which was right behind the living room when you entered the house.
Looking around for anypony, I quickly spotted Pinkie Pie, sitting in the middle of the kitchen with her mane strait and her face plastered with a sad expression. It really hurted my heart seeing Pinkie all sad like that, and trust me, I did wanted to go up and hug her and see that frown turn upside down.
But I did not want to scare her off, even if she was just looking at the ground. Still, I had to say something to the party pony. Walking a little closer, she looked up and her eyes widened at the sight of me.Whether it was horror, surprise, shock, or even excitement, she still looked pretty sad and backed away from me. Again, I raised both my hand up to behind back, but quickly brought them down over my manhood. You just never know when they could attack down there.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you.” I said, trying to calm her down. She seemed a little comfortable, but her mane still remained flat and she only backed away more when I tried walking up to her. “I swear, I wouldn’t want to hurt any of you ponies, I couldn’t live with myself if I ever did.”
She seemed a little bit more calm, but even then, she looked like she did not trust me. I sighed, trying to think of a way for her to trust me.
And then it hit me.
I brought my left hand into the air, and stuck out my pinkie. She looked at it curiously, with those big, blue eyes. It was so cute yet sad at the same time, I couldn’t help myself but to smile at her.
“Listen, I promise that I won’t hurt you, or your friends.”
When I said promise, her eyes slightly narrowed at me, and I grinned. I had it all in the bag.
“I pinkie promise.” I said, wiggling my pinkie. She lifted her eyebrows and slowly walked towards me. I looked down at her, and she, just like Applejack, only reached up to my waist. I smiled down at her, and she looked up with those big eyes of hers. I could see her mouth moving, but it looked like she had trouble saying the words. So, once again, I wiggled my pinkie.
“I pinkie promise.” Her eyes then narrowed again and she raised a hoof up to her chest.
“Cross my heart,” She started off. Just like her, I crossed my heart as well.
“And hope to fly,” She said. She lifted her hoof up to her face, I did the same with my hand.
“Stick a cupcake in my eye.” She finished off, placing her hoof over one eye,closed of course. I did the same, except hoping it would make her laugh, I made a slapping noise when I hit my eye.
“Ow.” I said, pretending to rub my eye. For just a second, I saw that pink mare smile, warming up inside. Then, just as it came, it quickly left Pinkie’s face. I sighed, though smiled at her for smiling.
“So, do you know we’re the others are?” I asked Pinkie. She still looked up at me, tilting her head to the side.
God that’s cute.
She pointed her hoof to the hallway that leads to the stairs. “The others went upstairs to look around. They wanted to know what this place looked like, so they’re exploring right now.” She walked away from me and entered the living room. She turned around and smiled at me. “Thank you for not hurting my friends.”
For a second, I could’ve sworn I just saw her mane grow a little bit. Like, it looked like it got fuzzier or something. Smiling back at her, I waved a hand. “It’s OK. I’ll be right back.” She nodded, and sat on the other couch that Rainbow wasn’t sleeping on. I turned my face to the direction of the hallway that leads to the stairs, and started walking towards it.
At the foot of the stairs, I noticed how the sun shined brightly through the window on the right all the way on the second floor. It’s bright, warm glow illuminated the hallway as I made my way upstairs. The aged wood underneath my feet creaked as I took each step, making my footsteps echo through out the second floor. Finally up the stairs, I looked down my hallway. Nothing special about it, my room was on the left and my ma’s room was all the way at the end.
I entered my room and looked around, everything was exactly the same it was when I first woke up. Sighing, I was about to walk out of the room until I caught something out of the corner of my eyes. Both eyes to be exact.
At the far end in my room, in a little corner, were two boxes of ponies from the show. Realizing how bad the situation could turn out to be if any of the ponies found the two toys, I quickly walked over to the corner and shoved them into the closet, on top of a shelf filled with blankets,my brothers skateboard helmet, and my little sisters old dresses. Why we never got rid of them I will never know, but for now, this was a good thing. I was going to need all the warmth I could get. I turned around, and almost melted with so much DAW.
There, on my bed, on my bed, laid a sleeping, smiling Fluttershy. She had my Virgen De Guadalupe blanket above her small, yellow coated body. Her head rested on my pillow, mane only a little bit messy. She had her forelegs resting beside her face, and she breathed softly.
“GOD...this is the cutest thing I have ever seen.” I said to no one in particular. But that wasn’t all. Yea, she looked cute when she slept, but what happened next. What happened next, made my heart melt, my brain explode, and my smile grew wider, tearing me up a little.
She opened her mouth, yawned, sighed and smiled
SHE OPENED HER MOUTH, YAWNED, SIGHED AND SMILED.
I felt like a new man that day. But I decided to leave her. I did not want her to wake up to see a creature five times her size, scream, and faint. And possibly getting another buck in the nuts from Applejack.
I left the room and closed the door softly.
“Twilight, what in the hay is this?”
“I don’t know AJ, but it looks smaller than the one we saw downstairs, and less wider than the one we saw in this “hue-man’s” room.”
I cringed a bit. Hearing Applejacks voice kinda made me want to wear a cup whenever I’m around her. Looking at the door all the way at the end of the hall, I could see that my ma’s door was opened only a little bit. Silently, I walked over to the door, trying my best not to create any noise so the ponies wouldn't be scared.
Looking through the small opening of the door, I could see Applejack and Twilight Sparkle both looking up at a small old school T.V on top of a white dresser. I smiled a bit; they looked so cute trying to figure out what that small black box was. I could see Applejack rubbing the back of her neck with a hoof, and I could see Twilight rubbing her chin with her right hoof.
“Ya think it might be a box with something in it?” Applejack asked. She looked over at Twilight, who was pondering the question her friend said.
“Hmm, I don’t know AJ, maybe it has magic in it?” Twilight said. I raised a brow at her comment. T.V’s don’t have magic, why would she think that?
I walk away from them, I know they'll come back down stairs sooner or later. But as I made my way downstairs, I heard the T.V's static turn on, and I turn back around, rushing into the room. I turn off the T.V and looked down at the two scared ponies.
"Meh, they'll be fine." I say. I walk away from the room, knowing they'll fallow soon.
_________
As I entered the living room, I noticed how Pinkie’s mane became a bit more fluffier than it was when I last saw her. She was talking to Rainbow Dash, who by now was fully awake. As my first steps echoed through the living room, Rainbow stood on all four hooves on my couch and flared her wings.
“Dashie, it’s OK. He promised not to hurt us.” Said Pinkie. She smiled a little at me, and I smiled back. That pony knows how to cheer someone up real quick, even if they weren’t feeling down at the moment.
But Rainbow Dash did not respond, she just glared at me. “Stay back Pinkie! I’ll protect you!” She then stood on her hind legs and jabbed her forelegs at the air, hovering in place. “Lemme at ‘em, lemme at ‘em!” She said with such enthusiasm.
Pinkie started to walk over to her friend, who was still in her shadow boxing stage. “...He Pinkie Promised.”
Dash stopped shadow boxing for a second and shook her head. She looked at Pinkie, than at me, then at Pinkie, and then at me. She lowered herself back onto the couch, still staring at me. “Did you really promise?”
I nodded slowly. Getting one last look at me, she turned her head towards Pinkie, nodded, and laid back down on the couch. “Fine. But hurt any of my friends and you’ll regret it!”
“I won’t.” I smiled. I looked to my left and found my rolly chair, the one I usually sit on when going on the internet. I sat down on it and rolled my way towards the meat cleaver and the change bucket. Opening the lid, I shoved the cleaver inside of it, hoping that none of the ponies noticed it. I set it under the table quietly, trying not to make the change cling against each other.
I rolled myself in front of the T.V, getting a better view of Pinkie and Dash. I then heard hooves coming down from the stairs, some rushing others walking slowly. The first that came through was Applejack, then Twilight, and lastly, Fluttershy. I waved a hand, letting them know to come closer so I can know their names and how they got here, even though I already know their names.
Just not how they got here.
“All right, where’s the white pony?” I asked, trying my best not to say her name. Even though I already knew where she was, I decided to let one of them speak so the tension could be broken between me and them. Just as Applejack was about to answer, the bathroom door creaked open, and out came the fashionable, mane-styled mare, herself, Rarity.
“My name’s Rarity, darling.” Rarity said in a polite tone. Still, when she found out the source of the voice who called her, she turned to me and gasped. She was about to scream, but luckily Rainbow Dash flew over to her and shoved a hoof in her mouth. Why she didn’t just asked her to be quiet I don’t know, but atleast I wouldn’t have to hear her scream and neither would the...zombies.
“It’s OK Rarity, Pinkie said he promised not to hurt us.” Rainbow said. She looked over at her friends who smiled at her, and gave an approving nod. Dash then looked to me and nodded her head, eyes kind of glaring at me.
I looked over at Rarity and smiled at her. “I Pinkie Promised I wouldn’t hurt you ponies. You can ask the pink one yourself.” I then looked over at Pinkie, who smiled at me. Why is her mane so freakin’ frizzy? I mean, first it was flat, then I see little strands of hair, and now I see her hair slightly puffy. Random-ness at its finest.
Rainbow took out her hoof, wiped it on herself and flew back to the couch. Rarity gasped a little when she realized I said, “Pinkie Promise”, and walked over to the couch, trying to stay away from me.
I’ll tell ya, it hurts me inside knowing that these ponies don’t trust me. At least Pinkie Pie smiled at me.
I sit straight in my chair and rub my hands together. I adjust my glasses so they wouldn’t fall off, and I looked at all of the cute ponies. “So, lets start off with my name and who I am, OK?” All of their heads nod simultaneously, making smile even wider.
“Well, my name is Giovanni. I was actually born in Los Angeles, California, but I’m raised here in Detroit, Michigan. Not the best state, maybe even the worse, but hey, you gotta live somewhere.” I pause for a second to see if any of them had any questions. None of them had their hooves up, so I decided to keep talking.
“I am only fourteen years old, and I’m a-”
*Gasp*
I stopped talking and raised a brow at the six. I looked at them and sure enough, it was Twilight who gasped. She then raised her hoof up into the air like a school gir-er, filly. “Yes...?”
“Twilight Sparkle,” She said. Her face then changed from a small smile to a look of shock. ”And, how can you only be fourteen? You look as if you’re older than that!” Eventually, all of the mares had questions that were too much for me to handle.
Worried that those zombies would hear them, I raised my finger up to my lips to silence them, and sure enough, it worked. Sighing, I pointed a finger at Twilight, who flinched a bit.
“Alright, I’ll answer all of your questions, but right now, Twilight goes first.” I smiled at the mare who smiled nervously. “Go ahead, ask away.”
“Yes, well as I was saying, how can you only be fourteen? Your voice sounds more like a colt of fifteen, but your figure seems to only resemble a sixteen year old. Are hue-mans naturally tall at your age?” Finish with her question, she awaited her answer, along with the other ponies.
“Well,” I began. “You see, I might only be fourteen years old, but my father is six feet and one inch tall, which means I get my height from him.” Twilight nodded. ”And it’s not hue-mans, it’s pronounced “Humans”. Twilight’s eyes glistened with facts and curiosity, and smiles widely at her new found knowledge. I looked at the other mares and smiled. “Who’s next?”
The all looked at each other, wondering who was next. Then, Rarity raised her hoof up. I smiled at her. “Yes Rarity?”
“Do all “humans” where clothes?” Her eyes widened with curiosity. I grinned at her.
‘You ‘bout to loose yo shit Rarity.’ I thought. I took a little breath and looked down at her.
“Yes.”
She smiled widely and her eyes twinkled as well, like Twilights except her glistened a little bit more. Than, her expression changed to one of judger on American Idol. “And also, why do you where such dreadful clothes?”
I heard Twilight gasp and see Applejack glare at Rarity. I kinda felt like shit, but I did say I would answer their questions.
I rub the back of my neck, trying to avoid eye contact. “My family doesn’t make enough money to support four children, Rarity.” The room grew silent but I continued. “Most of the clothes I have are from my uncles, and some were gifts, but mostly from other family members.”
“..Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Rarity said. I smiled at her and waved a hand. “It’s OK, you didn’t know.” Breaking the tension, I smiled at the other four. “Next?”
Rainbow Dash shot her hoof up into the air quicker than I thought she, or any of them, would. I nod at her and she nodded back.”Names Rainbow Dash, fastest Flyer in Equestria!” She boasted.”What are those things on your hooves again? And what are those things on your hind hooves? And can you go fast?”
I was slightly surprised at how fast she asked the questions, but good thing for me I payed attention to all of them. I smiled at her, but her eyes narrowed at me back.
“Humans can go fast, but they can’t run at very high speeds. The max I believe, is five miles per hour.” I heard Rainbow scoff, earning a glare from Applejack and Twilight. She looked back at them and shrugged. “What?”
Continuing, I resumed where I was let off. “But humans have these vehicles that allows us to go at very fast speeds. We even invented a way for us to fly, perfecting these “planes, and jets,” so we can go at even mach 5 speed.” I noticed her eyes widened at as well, but before she could ask another question, I had to cut her off. I’m only fourteen damnit I don’t know a lot about this type of shit!
“And these things,” I brought up my hands to my face, wiggling my fingers. “Are called hands. These pointy things that you thought were claws are actually called “fingers”, and they have these little ridges on them that allow us humans to grip things easily.” I rolled my chair a little closer to them and brought out my left hands close enough to their faces.
Applejack was the closet, and she leaned in a bit closer to touch them with her hoof. Slowly, she ran her orange hoof over my hand. I tried my best not to run my fingers through her hoof, but I resisted it because I did not want to seem like I was going to hurt her.
But god damn, them hooves were buckin’ soft!
I rolled back away from them, causing them to jump a bit. I quickly looked over at Twilight, who seemed disappointed that she didn’t touch my hand. To be honest, I thought Twilight was going to push Applejack out of the way so she can get a good look at my hand herself.
“And our hands are connected to our arms.” I ran both my left hand over my right, and my right hand over my left arm. I stood up from the chair and patted my legs. “And just like all of you, I have legs, but only two, which explains why I stand straight instead of ,my feet and my hands. Humans are just built this way.”
They all seemed to understand a bit more, and with that, I sat back down and remove my shoes. I take off my my socks and wiggle my toes, earning a few looks of surprise from the six. “And these are my feet. They’re like hands, except that they are my long shaped and can’t really grip things.” I put on my socks and shoes again. “And these are called shoes.” I said, tying up the laces. “Humans wear these things so that our toes, and feet won’t freeze off from the cold.”
“Next?”
Pinkie shot up her hoof in the air, smiling warmly. I pointed at her, and her hair grew a little bit lighter. ”So, do you know where we are again?”
“Planet Earth, Detroit, MIchigan in the country of the United States of America. My house.”
Pinkie nodded, her mane bouncing and swaying in place. “Do you like cupcakes?”
“Yup.”
“Cake?”
“Yup.”
“Frosting?”
“Yup.”
“Now for the big question. Do you like parties?”
At this point, I wasn’t sure if it was a good Idea to tell her that I like parties. But at the same time, I didn’t want to sadden her. Besides, her mane was reverting back to its original state, what’s the worse that could happen?
“I love ‘em.”
Well, that certainly was not a good idea, because the next thing that happened filled my vision with big, blue eyes. Surprised, I fell off my chair and landed flat on my back.
She backed away and smiled widely, her mane now fully filled with its vibrant, hot pink color and smelled like cotton candy and other sweets. This mare knows her shampoo.
She stood on all four hooves on my chest, slightly crushing me. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself before,” She began. She then started jumping on my belly, knocking out little breaths of mine with each hop. “But now we can be FRIENDS! My names Pinkie Pie, Gio, and let’s get started on that party of yours! We’ll call it,
“Sorry-For-Calling-You-Mean-Names-And-Thinking-You-Were-A-Monster-But-Actually-Is-A-Nice-Human-Party!”
I was pretty happy that Pinkie called me her friend, even if she was afraid of me.
Gio...My older sister called me that name...
I wanted to actually attend a party, especially a party thrown by Pinkie Pie herself, but in this world? Not a good idea, and I felt like shit breaking it down to her. I stopped her hopping by grabbing her sides, causing her to giggle. I lifted above my face, surprise at the sudden weight change. She smiled at me and I smiled back. “I’d love to have that party Pinkie, but for now, lets focus on the questions the others have to ask, OK?”
She looked a little sad, which made me want to hug her with them big ol’ eyes, but she brightened up sooner than I thought she would. “OK!” She escaped my grasp and sat back down next to her friends.
Again, don’t know how she does it, but I’m not complaining. Random-ness is best laughter.
Chuckling, I got back up and sat on my chair. Last ones were Applejack and Fluttershy, and knowing how shy the yellow mare is, I’ll be going with Applejacks’ question.
Coincidentally, she had her hoof raised up as soon as I sat back down. Nodding, I smiled at the cowpony and allowed her ask away. What she said caught me off guard completely.
“How come when Ah bucked you, you fell to the ground almost on the verge of tears? Ah didn’t even hit that hard.”
My smile changed to an open mouth, eyes widening at the mares question. Applejack, including her friends, all stared at me with curiosity. Even Fluttershy peaked out her mane a bit. Applejack raised a brow and furrowed the other.
“Well?”
My face got a little red. I knew these were ponies, but they were still girls damnit! Plus, they were too innocent for this, even if they are...wait, how old are they?
“Um, well...” I started. I choked a bit, but I did say I would answer them. “What do stallions have that mares don’t?”
They were all confused at the question, until Twilight, knowing the smart one she is, gasped deeply and turned a dark shade of red. She shook her head, not wanting to believe it, but sadly I nodded my head, feeling guilty that I planted that thought in her head.
Applejack raised her brows at me, and turned to Twilight. “Twi, what’s goin’ on?” She asked. Twilight leaned into her friend's ear and whispered quietly. Then, Applejacks eyes widened and her face glowed bright red through all that orange fur, something I thought was impossible to do so until today. I nodded at her, my face feeling hotter passing each second.
“Oh! A-Ah’m so sorry! Ah didn’t know Ah hit a stallion there!” Her face grew even redder, and so did mine. Twilight’s face grew hotter as well, while both Rainbow Dash and Pinkie fell over giggling knowing where I was hit. Even Rarity’s face glowed red, embarrassed that her friend hit me in my manhood. Fluttershy...Well I couldn’t tell because her mane was covering her face, but I did noticed one eye widened slightly, letting me know that she might have been red faced as well.
I waved my hand and chuckled. “It’s OK, you didn’t know, none of you did. Besides, it was self defense, and I did say that you could hit me if you found me as a threat...I just didn’t think you would hit there...”
After about a few more minutes of apologize and giggling, everypony calmed down and waited for the last one to ask a question: Fluttershy.
But I did not want her to be uncomfortable so I decided to break the ice between her and I. I looked over at the other five and asked her what her name was, even though I already knew who she was.
Nodding I kept my distance away from her, and began asking the question that would probably make her talk.
“Fluttershy?” I began. In response, I heard a small “Eeep!” coming from her. Smiling, I brought out the big guns.
“Do you like animals?”
She peeks out of her mane and looks at me with them big, cute eyes. “Yes..” I hear her whisper.
Keeping in mind, she still was not comfortable with me around, knowing I am really big and tall. Asking that question in her world, she would’ve brought you her animals, but here, not likely.
Smiling at her, I looked next to the couch. Nino was right there, sleeping soundly.
‘Sorry Nino,’ I thought. ‘But I have to get Fluttershy smile, or at least leave her shell, I don’t want to scare her.’
I got up from my chair and walked over next to the couch. All the others stared at me, minus Fluttershy.
“Nino, get up for me please?” I say, shaking his body. He starts to growl a bit, but gets up without a second thought. He shakes his tail at me and licks my face. “I love you too, bro.”
Walking back to my chair, Nino followed me and stood right in front of me, staring at the mares. When he notices Fluttershy, his tail starts wagging rapidly, and I took that as a sign that Fluttershy already earned his trust. I poked Nino on his back. He turns around at me and I nod at him.
“Fluttershy,” I began. “This is Nino, my pet-No. My friend.” I smile at Nino, and motioned for him to go to Fluttershy. He agrees completely, and walks over to the couch.
Fluttershy, surprising me and even her friends, poked out of her mane and gasped slightly. She then grabbed Nino in a big hug and nuzzles him. In return, Nino licked her face, causing Fluttershy to giggle. “Who’s a good boy? You are, Nino!” She says.
Noticing how high she hovered with Nino in her hooves, and how loud her voice became, she dropped back down, still holding Nino. She looked over at me and smiled warmly.
“Um..Thank you, Giovanni.”
“Hng! Don’t mention it,Fluttershy.” I said. I chuckled a bit, and soon so did the others.
But then came the big question Pinkie said. And so did her stomach. She looked at me with big eyes, and my heart dropped as soon as I knew what she was going to say.
“Do you have anything to eat, Gio?”