//------------------------------// // Have Magic Horn Will Travel // Story: The God Squad // by defender2222 //------------------------------// “Angel, I’m back from the store.” Fluttershy quietly slipped into her house and sidestepping several raccoons and a beaver that were resting on her Welcome mat (from the party hats they wore it was clear they were still sleeping off their hangovers). Her saddle bags were full of groceries and she looked forward to trying out a new crab grass stew recipe she’d learned about from Carrot Top. “Angel?” The pegasus blinked, growing worried that her number 1 assistant (it wasn’t like Twilight had a trademark on that terminology!) hadn’t come to the door to greet her and demand a snack. After her time with Iron Will the bunny rabbit had been a lot more kind and caring for her; he was still moody and grumpy but he was more respectful. In fact, judging from how he had reacted to her tears after the Gabby Gums incident, Angel had decided to focus his energies on protecting her rather than fighting with her (of course, he did tend to drift towards the extreme; she’d taken his battle ax away when he’d sought to hunt the girls down). Fluttershy walked into the dining room, pausing when she noticed a sheet of paper lying on the table. ‘The time has come to eliminate the target. Do what must be done. –The Grand Master’ Fluttershy sighed, walking over to her bookcase and selecting a hardcover ('The Migration Habits of an Unladen Zebrican Swallow’). Pulling on the tome caused the bookcase to swing away, revealing a hidden passage that led under the mare's cottage. Spreading her wings, Fluttershy descended into the depths. She fell for what fell like hours (but was more like fifteen seconds) and the moment her hooves touched the ground she grabbed an already lit candle continued on through the darkness. After about a minute Fluttershy emerged in a great cavern filled with all manner of swords, crossbows, throwing knives and disguises. She could feel the damp air cling to her coat and she shivered slightly before heading over to the far corner, where her bunny stood getting dressed. "I... I saw the message," Fluttershy said, shifting uneasily. Angel's nose twitched as he pulled on a small white hooded assassin's jacket trimmed with green. "I know... I, uh, have something for you." Fluttershy trotted over to a work table and carefully grabbed a small bracer, which was designed to fit the bunny perfectly. "I figured two were better than one. You don't have to take it-" The rabbit reached out and placed a paw on her foreleg before hurrying to put on the new bracer. He held it up, giving her a smirk as the hidden blade extended from the weapon. "Nothing is true... everything is permitted," Fluttershy intoned. "Good luck, Angelo Bunnitorie de Ponyville." The God Squad Episode 7: Have Magic Horn, Will Travel "Well, lookie what we got here, Wild Rider!" one of the reckless stallions cackled, tipping his hat up so he could get a better look at the smirking Tydal. "Seems to us we have a hero!" the gang of rampaging stallions had taken only a few seconds to realize they weren't alone and the moment they did they had begun to circle Tydal. For his part, the capricorn kept his hat low, only exposing his smiling snout. "Sure looks that way, Quick Draw!" the large orange stallion said, his dark eyes squinting in the noonday sun. "And we know what we do to heroes, don't we boys!" “Give’em a welcome basket!” one of the stallions called out. When his comrades just blinked, he added, “Filled with PAIN!” The rest of the gang cheered in delight and began to close the gap between then and the old goat. "Oh, is this really happening?" Tydal asked in delight. "Because I really hope it is." "What's your friend doin'?" Braeburn whispered from his hiding spot in the general store. "He needs to run!" Luna and Celestia shared a look before the younger sister fell on the ground, laughing so hard it was a wonder her merriment didn't bring the general store crashing down on them. "Oh... that is too funny," Celestia said, wiping a tear away. “Tydal… running…” She had managed to contain herself but had still nearly laughed herself hoarse. "Shining, could you make it a bit more sporting for Tydal's opponents?" Shining nodded, his horn flashing as he yanked a few boards away till he could easily stick his face out the window. "Tydal, permission denied!" The sea god shrugged. "Oh Shining... death would be too quick." The lord of the Mareatine began to roll his neck, working the kinks out. "You know what? Let's make this interesting; I bet I can beat... hmmm, let's say half of you... without taking a single step or using any of my magic." "Your funeral, big guy," Wild Rider said with a laugh, readying to buck the capricorn into next week. "By the way, I must say your coltfriend is very handsome. If I were gay I'd be jealous." "Say what?" Rider exclaimed, so startled by the comment that he forgot what he was doing. "Your coltfriend, Quick Draw," Tydal stated calmly. "That son of a wolf? Why in the name of Tartarus would I ever want to be with him?" "What's wrong with me?" Quick Draw complained. "I ain't good enough for ya?" "It ain't like that, I just ain't interested in you." "Why not?" Tydal asked innocently. Wild Rider gesturing at her partner in crime. "Just look at him! He's all soft and flabby!" "I told you I'm going through some stuff right now! No need to be mean about it!" Quick Draw sniffed, growing emotional. "Oh pony feathers, don't be cryin' like a weak-willed mare! We got a hero to kill!" Quick Draw shook his head. "I don't want to anymore! You were mean to me! I just want to go home and eat some ice cream!" "Sounds like you are having relationship problems," Tydal stated. "THEY ARE?!?" a drunk Cadence exclaimed in outrage, popping up next to the sea god. "I'll fix them good!" Tydal chuckled. "Good girl, give them a blast of love." "Oh no," Cadence said darkly, approaching the suddenly terrified stallions. "We are going to have to do this the hard way." "What's the-" Neither of the stallion's got to finish, as Cadence, with strength she should not have possessed, even being an alicorn, grabbed the two by the scruffs of their necks and forced their lips together. "You will kiss and you will like it! LIKE IT DAMN IT!" She dragged them into the barber shop, the two criminals pleading for mercy. “NOW YOU WILL MOUNT AND LIKE IT! LIKE IT! LOVE AND TOLERATE, YOU LITTLE BITCHES!” "Two down," Tydal said with a dark grin, turning his head to the remains of the gang. "Who want to try next? Eenie meanie minie..." he locked eyes with a rough looking pegasus pony who had one wing that had clearly been broken early in life and never set properly. "Tell me, have you ever told a lie about a friend?" The stallion blinked, not expecting that question. "Why... I reckon so." The criminal slowly began to back away from Tydal, making his way closer to an outhouse. The sea god shook his head sadly. "That's a shame... telling a lie about a friend is the surest way to lose a friend's trust. And that could lose you a friend-" "FOREVER!" Pinkie screamed, bursting out of the outhouse... and slamming to door right in the pegasus' face, knocking him out. "Wait... this isn't Detrot!" Pinkie pulled a map out of her HammerSpace Inc Saddle Bag and began to look it over. "I knew I should have taken that left turn at Fillydelphia." Tydal sprang over to the mare, grabbing her tight before leaping towards the tavern. The rest of the gang, finally realizing they should be actually trying to stop the capricorn, began to give chase. "Now then, part two of my cunning plan!" Tydal dropped Pinkie, leaving the pink mare in a daze as he hurried inside the Salt Lick. He emerged a moment later with a barrel of soda pop, which he cracked open and forced Pinkie to drink (of course, it isn't really forcing if the mare in question keeps miming for more. "Fire in the hole!" Tydal cried out, shaking Pinkie several times before throwing her at the charging stallions. Luna, Celestia, Shining Armor and Braeburn shielded their eyes as a great pink mushroom cloud rose up in the street. When the dust settled all but one of the gang members was knocked out cold, while Pinkie lay on the ground, happily rubbing her tummy. "URP! That was a good one!" she giggled. The last of the criminals, a unicorn stallion who looked to be a cross between Rarity and Big Macintosh (now there is a sight that will leave you scratching your head), pawed at the ground before lowering his horn, aiming it right at Tydal. "Oh, this is going to be good!" Tydal said with a smirk, his own horns charging as raced at his opponent. The stallion released a blast of magic but Tydal ran right through it before bursting out of it, raising is hoof towards his rival. "BOOM SHAKALAKA!" Tydal shouted before knocking the stallion out. The warrior king panted slightly, licking his lips as he looked over the buildings. "You cowards can come out now, I beat them all!" The townsfolk slowly emerged from their hiding spots (while Tydal grabbed the giggling Pinkie and shoved her into a water trough, which magically sent her back to Ponyville). They looked upon the gang that had caused them so much trouble before letting out a cheer. "Thank ya kindly, pard'ner!" Braeburn exclaimed. "You done takin' care of those no good, down and out, up ta badness-" "We get it, you have an accent and folksy slang," Luna grumbled. "Can you please move it along?" "I sure as sure can, little miss." Braeburn turned to address Tydal (and missed Luna mouthing 'Little?'). "Sir, we are forever in ya debt and I think I speak for all of us here in APPPPLELOOOSA! when I say that we would like to make you the new sheriff." "You have a sheriff!" a tiny voice called out. "I meant one not stuck in a hole!" "Oh." Tydal stroked his beard. "I don't know... I could be your sheriff... or I could take over as the new scourge of this town and rob you all blind." Celestia frowned. "Please don't joke about that." "Who said anything about joking?" Tydal questioned. "With the money we could make off these rubes... no offense-" "None taken!" Braeburn said happily. "...we could afford to get put up in some nice hotels and you girls could get a full hooficure and mane styling." Luna pondered this. "We... did say we would live like other ponies do..." "Luna!" Celestia snapped. "Could I get a happy ending?" Cadence asked. "Why not?" Tydal said. The solar alicorn pushed her sister and niece aside and glared at her older brother. "If you become a robber baron then we have to stay in this town longer than you will if you are sheriff." Tydal glanced up at the sun, then down at his tail (which was already beginning to steam). "I have decided to wear your silver star." "EEEEEEEEHAW!" the townsfolk cheered, stomping their hooves in joy. "AAAAAAAAA!!!!" Everyone turned to see Wild Rider and Quick Draw emerge from the barber shop, their stomachs hanging almost to the ground. "Cadence... what did you do?" Shining whispered. "I made them get pregnant!" Cadence said with manic glee, never noticing the looks of horror that flashed on her companions faces as the criminals' water broke.