ParaDox; The story of how I became Derpy
*Ding Ding*
*Ding Ding*
*DING DING*
The green display reads 3:45.
“Gah Stupid alarm clock!” I knocked the alarm clock to the floor, It pisses me off every morning. I got up, and practically dragged myself to the bathroom, my hair a disheveled mess. I grabbed the brush and stared blankly at the mirror. Blonde.
I.
Was.
Blonde.
How could I be blonde? Then I looked down to my outstretched arm, my arm was growing grey fur. Tiny little grey furs all along my skin. Beginning to feel weak, like everything about me was crumbling, I tried to get a grip on what was happening... but before I could even scream, I blacked out.
***
“And that’s all I can remember.” I said nervously to my computer. I would not look directly at the webcam, as I had laid down on my stomach with the laptop in front of me. It felt incredibly awkward, but it was comfortable. “When I woke up, I was Derpy. It wouldn’t surprise me, It didn’t surprise me, I guess.”
I paused, and took a deep breath, looking around the empty house as I did.
“The funny part is, my name is Danielle. Derpy, Danielle.... Nevermind.” I choked on my words. “I bet you're wondering about the voice, It surprised me too.” Strangely, I had a British accent with a hint of scottish in there somewhere. “I know this may seem odd, but I’m looking for a ride. To New York, that is.” That was stupid, why did I say that?
“Wish me the best of luck, I’m off to test these bad boys!” I flicked up my wings. “I can’t just sit here. Goodbye everyone!” I stopped recording. That will have to do. I uploaded the video to youtube and sat up.
Wait, doesn’t Derpy have vision problems? I made my way to my closet, in a small bin was my old halloween costumes. I picked up the old pirate costume with my mouth. “Tis Eth patcth shoth doth!” I mumbled with the fabric in between my teeth. The eye patch was blue and faded, but it worked.
After a lot of awkward maneuvering, the eyepatch was on. This offered a less distorted view of my room, but only served to remind me that, if someone else was around, they could have helped me. Before flight practice, I decide to check for replies on my video. I grabbed a blue scarf and managed to wrap it around my neck, and then walked over to my laptop. As I searched my room for a pencil to use as an impromptu finger, I finally learned that I had sat on it with my “buns of steel”. It was a worthless row of shattered splinters now.
“OH COME ON!”
Now how am I supposed to do this? I looked at my poor computer, then at my hooves. I can always buy a new one, right?
---One Hour Later---
After going through a broken keyboard and an endless flame war about whether I was “best pony” and what-not, I came upon a single comment about someone offering to go along with me followed by a extremely long sob-story about him becoming Octavia.
Sweet Celestia that must be terrible...
“I better reply to him, now where did I put my- oh” I gave a long lasting look at the wreckage of splinters upon my bed.
I fell backwards on my bed, landing on the fluffiness of comfort that was my blanket.
Hold on, I have a pen on my nightstand! Wow, what a derp.
To my left, was the holy grail of writing utensils.
I grabbed the pen with my mouth, and proceeded to slowly typing my response to the poor fellow
Uh, hey, um, I’m kinda in the same predicament that you are.
Anyways, I’ve become a pony too, Octavia, to be exact. I was kind of hoping I could go with you to New York. I feel that going alone would drive me insane. Just let me tell you, being a pony sucks. I bet that you’ve only been one for two, maybe three hours. Though I’ve only been one of ...them... for 8 hours, I can tell you it’s hell. Just, let me come along with you.
Dear ‘Tavi,
Thank you so much for the offer, I truly have nothing better to do and I think this could still be fun.We can meet up at that ice cream place; ColdStone #20392. I heard a girl who apparently got turned to Fluttershy is going to New York. Anyhow, I think we might be able to join her. So, watcha say? Ready for an adventure?
~Derpy
P.S. I have an eyepatch now, eyepatches are cool!
Done!
“Now all I need to do is learn how to-”
crunch
That was the sound of my face ‘hugging’ the floor. I rubbed my snout with my hoof, it was sticky with...blood?
Great, I just gave Derpy a nose-bleed!
A low chuckle rumbled through the air around me as a familiar shape seemed to climb out of the very floor.
“Oh this almost makes this little detour worth it.” Discord said darkly. “Organizing a little get together, are we?” He sneered. “We can’t have that. Oh my, it looks like I don’t even have to do anything.” He points at the laptop on the ground, a crack running across the screen. “You managed to do my work for me. Delicious. Have a wonderful week my dear. You’ve got an awful long one coming up.”
“Wait!” I scream at Discord, my nose still bleeding.
The spirit of Chaos paused. “Yeees, little muffin?” he purred, turning back towards me.
“ Why are you doing this to me?”
He leaned in with a disturbing smile. “Because I can,” he said, booping my nose before turning to a cloud of smoke and blowing away in a sudden breeze that blew through my room.
“I just don’t know what went wrong!” I whimper, looking down at the broken laptop.