“Now Twilight and Pinkie, you know I respect your opinions as the student of Princess Celestia, and the... local baker... but you honestly can’t expect me to believe all of this.”
“But it’s true! And I have proof! The meteor shower from last night-“
“-Was one which you yourself predicted, wasn’t it?” The elderly mare interrupted over her half-moon spectacles.
“Yes, but that’s why nopony noticed anything! The aliens crashed during the meteor shower!”
“That seems rather convenient.”
“Maybe it is; maybe they’re connected. But that doesn’t matter right now! Their ship is crashed in the meadow, and the aliens are right outside the town!”
Mayor Mare cast a sympathetic smile towards the raving unicorn. “Now, Twilight, I understand that you do spend a... rather large amount of time cooped up in that stuffy library... And as I understand it, you do tend to overwork yourself on a regular basis-“
“I’m not crazy!”
The mayor raised an eyebrow.
“Not this time, at least! Come on Pinkie, back me up!”
Pinkie Pie had, up until now, been standing uncharacteristically silently at the entrance to the Mayor’s office. Upon hearing Twilight’s voice, however, she nodded wildly, pink curls flailing with every movement. “It’s true Mayor! I was there with Twilight the whoooole time! I met the Captain and Wash and Zoe and then Book and Inara and then Simon and River and Kaylee who was really nice and friendly even though she’d only just met us and she told me all about...” Pinkie continued on, as the Mayor turned back to the unicorn.
Look, Twilight, you have to understand,” Mayor Mare sighed, “I am extremely busy right now. Barring some sort of riot or mass hysteria...” The pony paused. Twilight and Pinkie paused too.
"Monsters! Help!"
“Uh, Mayor?”
The mare just stared blankly up towards the window of her office, the shouts growing louder as they spread towards the town hall.
The pause was broken as a beige stallion galloped in, slamming open the door as he entered. “Mayor Mare! Panic in the streets! Monsters! Ancient Aliens!”
Twilight couldn’t help but smirk at the look on the Mayor’s face, as the three ran out to meet the chaos that awaited.
They exited just time to see the last door slam shut, dust clouds fading into the air as the usually bustling square transformed into a ghost town. A handful of braver ponies ventured out behind the trio, heads lowered in fear.
“Now do you believe me, Mayor?”
“Lets just get this over with...” the old mare sighed again, rushing off after the already galloping Twilight. In just over a minute, the three ponies, tailed by maybe four curious followers, had come to a stop just outside one of the outermost buildings in the town.
“Now,” Twilight turned back to the ponies, “please don’t panic. I know they might look scary, but thy really aren’t that bad. Just try and be friendly, okay?”
The ponies nodded hesitantly. Satisfied, Twilight turned the corner.
“The lady returns at last,” Mal quipped.
“What happened?! I thought I told you to stay hidden!”
“We were.”
Book stepped forward. “One pony didn’t seem so interested in the distraction Rainbow attempted.”
“Okay... What did they look like?”
“Oh, the usual,” Wash chimed in. “Mint-green, called herself Heartstrings, mad gleam in her eyes... Seemed insane even by your standards.”
“Hey!” Twilight barked.
“So what now?” Book questioned.
“Hmph... Well, everypony ran inside when they heard about you guys, and they’ll probably stay like that... So for now, I guess we don’t need to worry about them anyway.”
“That’ll make things easier when the Reavers come.”
“How so?” Twilight asked Mal.
“No matter how prepared you think you are, you’re never ready to take on a Reaver. They ain’t just monsters, they’re capable an’ smart to boot. Only idiots try to fight ‘em, and they don’t fare all that well. Plus, should they be in the safety of their abodes, it makes what we have t’do a whole lot less of a mess.”
“What you have to do?”
“Fight ‘em, of course!”
“But you just said... Oh.”
The attention of the group turned to the new arrival, Mayor Mare, who had let herself be known with a small sound: an odd mix between the clearing of one’s throat and a low, muffled squeal.
“Oh, of course!” Twilight exclaimed. “Humans, this is Mayor Mare! Mayor Mare, this is Captain Malcolm Reynolds, Shepard Book, Wash, and Zoe!”
Mayor Mare stared up at the humans, eyes wide and pupils contracted to pin-points. “I... I di- didn’t think... Real aliens?!”
“That we surely are, Miss. So, you’re the authority around here?” Mal asked.
“I- Well, I... Yes, I suppose... I mean, of course, not the whole land, but the town, of course, yes...” the old Mare sputtered.
“Shiny. Now listen good. We ain’t here to hurt you or your kind. As a matter of bein’, we’re about as confused as you seem. We’ll be happy to leave you and this place as it was before we arrived...Only we can’t exactly do it right now. The ship we few in on took a poundin’ and parts we assuredly need have made their way into your Everfree Forest. On top of that, we’ve been hunted by monsters down to this place, and they’ll likely be upon us, and your town, in a week or so. Now, we need you to keep your town and it’s residents safe inside when it goes down. Understand?”
“You... You want me to... keep the town safe?”
“That should come as natural to you, but we need another favour.”
“And, that would be...”
“A way into the Forest, and a way of navigating it.”
Mayor Mare somehow managed to physically turn paler as Mal spoke. “The Everfree? I- I’ll see what I can do. Twilight knows of the forest somewhat...”
“You do?”
The purple unicorn nodded. “Me and my friends have been in there a few times. I could show you the entrance, if you’d like.”
“That’d be much appreciated. We’ll-“ The ponies all jumped slightly as a sharp crackle of static sounded from Mal’s person, followed by a very slightly distorted voice.
“Captain? Mal, are you there?”
Mal pulled the walkie-talkie out from his pocket as the ponies stared at it in confusion. “I’m here, Kaylee. How’re y’all holdin’ up?”
“Oh, y’know, the usual,” Kaylee sighed, somewhat wearily, but the happiness in her tone was still discernible. “Jayne’s delirious, but he’s awake. Simon says he’s got him stabilised, but he’s goin’to need to keep him on antibiotics for now. But we’ve got another problem.”
“Shoot.”
“We’re low on food, and the Purifier’s broken. I’m tryin’ to find the break, but for now, we have no water, and about four day’s worth of protein packets.”
“We’ll make it work. How ‘bout the rest of the crew?”
“Inara’s mad at you for chargin’ out blindly without talkin’ to her about it. Nothing new there, I guess,” she chuckled nervously. “Simon’s dealin’ with this in his own way. He hasn’t left the infirmary for a second. You’d almost think he was Jayne’s mother, or something. River’s... Well, actin’ like River. I haven’t been listening too hard, but some of the stuff she’s spoutin’... It’s creepy, Mal. Simon’s not been able to be with her, and I’m worried for her...”
“We’ll get back soon. In the meantime, keep River nearby. Keep her mind on something, and don’t take your eyes off o’her. First signs y’see of her actin’ up, you tell me, ‘kay?”
“Sure thing, Captain... Kaylee out.”
The moment Mal pocketed the device, Pinkie blurted out a stream of questions. “That was Kaylee?! Were you talking to her in that little box?! Can you all do that? Is she still in there?! Oh, hi Kaylee!”
“Pinkie!” Twilight jammed her hoof in Pinkie’s mouth to silence her. “It’s obviously just how they talk over long distances! Like how I send letters to Celestia with Spike... Right?” She looked expectantly up to Mal.
“Well, if that’s how you want t’say it.”
“Y’know, if you don’t have much to eat, then you’re welcome to anything we can provide. Right, Mayor?” Twilight turned to the older mare, hoping that her reaction would be a positive one. The humans still seemed highly uncomfortable around the ponies, and Twilight hoped she could change that by being friendly, even if they only became slightly less suspicious.
“Well, of course, I suppose... Just so long as you don’t eat ponies.”
“That won’t be an issue. And thanks, but we really don’t eat hay.”
“Flowers?” Twilight tried.
“Sure don’t.”
“What about fruit? Do you eat apples? How about bread?”
“Oh oh! I bet they eat cake! You do eat cake, right?!” Pinkie interjected.
Mal seemed momentarily taken aback, but he quickly recovered. “Y’know what, that sounds fine. We’ll just-“ He never finished his sentence, as a loop of rope was thrown over him, tightening over his ankles and tripping him. Reavers. Even as he fell, Mal and the other three crew members drew their guns, forming against the wall of the building they were under. Zoe had already produced a knife from some secret pocket during the moment of confusion, and was down by Mal’s side, tearing at the rope.
“Now y’all just listen here! You let our friends go, and there won’t be any trouble, understand?!”
Okay, so maybe not Reavers.
The rope had been thrown from around the side of the building, from which emerged yet another pony, this one orange, with bright green eyes and a long blond mane, atop which sat...
“A stetson?!” Wash barked in surprise.
The new pony ignored him, instead addressing her friends’ “captors”.
“Ah don’t know where you came from, but I’m willin’ to send you all back there the hard way-“
“Applejack-“ Twilight attempted to interrupt.
“-if’n any of y’all so much as move a muscle! Yes, Twilight?”
“Applejack, they’re not bad! They’re our friends!”
“Friends? If they’re friends, how come they’re all holdin’ y’all out here behind this building?” Applejack squinted warily.
“They’re just hiding here so that they wouldn’t scare anypony else.”
“Oh.” Applejack said plainly. “Didn’t work out so well, huh? ...What are they, anyway? Where’d they come from” the Earth Pony asked, looking up at the tall creatures.
“They’re called Humans! They’re aliens who crashed here!”
“Ah see... An’ do they have names?”
“We surely do,” Mal spoke up. “I’m Captain Reynolds, or Mal, if you prefer. This here’s Wash, Zoe, and Book.” Mal pointed out each crewmember as he spoke. “And you’re Applejack, I’d guess at. Now, much as I’d love to stay and eat cake with a bunch’a tiny talkin’ horses, we got business on our end which needs some attendin’. Twilight, you and your Mayor know what needs doin’ I hope?”
Twilight nodded decisively. “Keep the town safe, and get you a way through the Everfree forest to find your ship parts. Got it.” Despite her words, Twilight couldn’t help put feel a dreadful pit at the bottom of her stomach. “Hey, uh, Captain Reynolds? You all seem nice and great and everything, but these ‘Reavers’... You can deal with them, right?”
Mal's expression remained blank as her spoke. “We’ll find a way.”
A few words of small talk and a fewer minutes later, and the crew had set back off towards the direction of Serenity, leaving the ponies behind in a trail of dust.
“So,” Applejack adressed Twilight, Dash, and Pinkie, the Mayor having already left. “Any of you mind explainin’ just what’s goin’ on?”
The orange mare turned to Rainbow Dash... “Hey, don’t look at me!” the Pegasus pouted. “I only just met them today!” ...Then to Pinkie...
“Well, it aaall started last night, when I was tucked up all snugly in bed, when my Pinkie-sense just went kaa-blooey! My tail started twitching ree-a-lly badly and it wouldn’t stop so I twitched all the way out of my bed and onto the floor and outta my bedroom and into the hallway and then down the stairs and then to the bottom of the staircase and then out of the door and then outside Sugarcube Corner and then...”
Applejack, sighed, writing off Pinkie’s long-winded explanation as a lost cause. Finally, her eyes settled on Twilight, Pinkie still yammering in the background. “It’s sort of a long story...” Twilight managed an awkward smile.
“We got time: Carousel Boutique is still a fair ways away from here.”
“Huh? Why there?” Rainbow asked.
“Don’t’cha think Rarity an’ Fluttershy’ll want to know about all this?” Applejack asked back. “Come on, Twi. Might as well start sooner than later.”
“Okay...” Twilight sighed. “It all started last night...”
Wash piloted the Mule II at a slow enough speed that talking wasn’t made impossible by the roar of the engines.
“Well,” Mal began, “that went smoothly. How’s everyone holdin’ up?”
“Considering the dire and unforeseen circumstances?” Wash asked. “Just shiny.”
“What about you, Book? You’ve hardly said a word on this whole matter.”
“I just find the whole situation fascinating. These ponies are as much human as you or I, and at a glance, their culture bears remarkable similarity to ours.”
“How so?”
“Well, the presence of a Mayor, for one thing. And I assume you noticed that ‘Applejack’ pony’s accent?”
“Border-accent.” Zoe commented.
The crew remained silent the rest of the journey, the implications of what Zoe and Book said weighing on their minds.
It looked to be just past midday as the crew re-entered Serenity, Kaylee closing the bulkhead behind them. “So, how’d it all go?”
“A few bumps and bruises, mostly mine,” Mal replied, “but all seems to be workin’ out okay. How’s Serenity?”
Kaylee sighed. “The more I look at it, more it seems like fiin’ her’s an impossible job. Let alone havin’ her flyin’ in a week.”
“Well, that’s why you’re our mechanic. You’ll find a way,” Mal smiled at her, before continuing through the hallways to the infirmary, where Simon could be seen sorting through the various pieces of medical equipment. The captain went to speak, but was interrupted by Jayne, lying on the bed in the centre of the room. “Mal...”
Simon turned at the sound, as Mal moved in towards the injured man. “Hey Jayne. Feelin’ any better?”
“Feel like horsesh-“
“-Well your guttermouth’s certainly back to it’s full glory!” Mal interrupted. “Interestin’ choice of words, though.”
“That Doc’s got me hopped up on somethin’, Mal. Messin’ with mah head... Wait, what ‘bout my words?”
Mal shared a brief glance with Simon before answering. “Well, if you must know, that scuffle with the Reavers got us crashed on an uncharted planet inhabited by adorable technicolor alien ponies an’ unicorns, and now they’ve invited us for cake an’ sandwiches.”
Were Simon drinking something at the time Mal had spoken, he would’ve performed an entirely involuntary spit-take. As it was, Jayne just snorted deliriously. “Ponies, huh? Y’know, my granpappy knew a guy what had some ponies... Tell ‘em I said ‘hi’...”
“I’ll do just that, Jayne.” Mal said solemnly, before turning to the Doctor. “Simon, you got a minute?”
He nodded, and followed Mal into the dining room. Mal interrupted him before he could even begin talking. “Kaylee tells me River’s been disturbed since we got crashed here.”
“I’ll go and talk to her. I promise, she won’t be a problem while we’re here.”
“Good. I don’t want to go locking her up in her room, but I will if I have to.”
“That won’t be necessary. She’s been getting better, Mal.”
“She’s been quieter, not better. With her, I don’t know how different the two stand apart.” Mal sighed. “I don’t know what this planet is, but I’ve got my own theories about it, and I don’t want River confirmin’ them. If she ends up hurtin’ one of my crew-“
“River wouldn’t do that! Did you forget the whole thing where she saved your ass from that Jubal Early guy?”
"After she led him to us! And don’t tell me you’ve forgotten that whole episode of hers with the gun! You might’nt want to see it, but she’s volatile and unpredictable. That all spells danger in my mind, and that’s why I want you keepin’ a closer eye on her. Especially while we’re here.” Mal saw Book follow Kaylee in just as he’d finished speaking, joining Zoe and Wash, stood just beside the doorway in the corner of Mal’s eye.
“Are you even listening to yourself? Here you are, telling me to keep my sister under wraps, and you’re talking about just waltzing up to those things and letting them on board without even knowing what they are!”
By now all attention was focused on the tension brewing at the centre of the room, between Mal and Simon.
“I’m not sure I’m all too keen on your tone,” Mal said calmly.
“Yeah, I can see why!” Simon snapped. “Am I honestly the only person here sane enough to see just how ridiculous this whole thing is?!”
“Really? Really Simon? You think you’re the only one here not slightly rustled by al this? Y’know, I’ve been doing all I can to keep my crew safe and alive-“
“Oh, and you’re doing a damn fine job of it, too! Look where we are Mal!”
“Simon-“
“We’re stranded on some random, uncharted planet only you could manage to stumble upon with your idiocy, with no food or water, no way off, nowhere to run, and Reavers hunting us down just a few miles away! How is that ‘safe’? And to top it off, you prioritise the safety and trivialities of some... Creatures, you’ve only just met, over getting us away from this place as quickly as damn possible! That you haven’t got us all killed already baffles me!”
“Simon,” Mal began, his voice dangerously low and level. “You’re a part of my crew, which makes me your Captain. You’ll respect the choices I make with your best interests at mind, and you’ll respect my authority-“
“To hell with your authority!” Simon approached Mal, raising his head to meet his gaze. “Do you even care?” he hissed with quiet rage.
Mal swung out without warning, but his jab connected with just air, where the side of Simon’s head should’ve been. As quickly as Mal had moved, Simon had retaliated, moving under the swing to deliver a harsh jab to the abdomen. It wasn’t meant to injure, just as Mal’s had only meant to knock Simon down, but it did enough to both wind and stagger.
The Captain doubled over as Simon passed by him towards the exit, the rest of the crew watching in stunned silence. “Fool me twice, Mal. You can’t solve all your problems by punching them,” he remarked dryly. The door closed almost completely behind him, but was left open just enough that Simon’s last comment could be heard. “You might want to get that bruise checked by a doctor."